The One After [SHAWN MENDES]

Chapter 49

I'd just finished making some blueberry buckwheat pancakes for an early dinner since we'd skipped lunch. Shawn had ordered the ingredients to cook them for me, but now that he was sick, I wanted to surprise him with a nice meal in bed. He'd been sleeping off and on for hours all day, so when I heard his footsteps as he entered the kitchen, I was bummed that he'd foiled my plans.

"Lucy? We need to talk," he said from behind me in a tone I wasn't able to interpret.

I turned around and saw that he had something of mine in his hand. "Did you read my journal?!" I gasped.

"I was making the bed and it was open under your pillow and I saw my name. You gave it to me to read before, so I didn't think it was a big deal."

I snatched it away from him and stormed off to my room, though he followed, stopping in the doorway. As I sat on my bed, I thumbed through the last few things I'd written and cringed at the fact that he'd seen them. Tears filled my eyes, and I looked over at him. "You shouldn't have looked at any entries without my permission."

"I'm sorry. I guess my curiosity got the best of me. You wrote a lot of things that I think we need to talk about."

"No!" I said angrily. "These are my private thoughts and they aren't open for discussion unless I want them to be!"

He let out a sigh. "The cat is out of the bag now. I can't pretend that I didn't read it, and I can't ignore that I've got concerns."

"Your dinner is in the kitchen. Go ahead and eat, but I need some time alone to process this."

"Come eat with me," he pleaded.

"I'm not hungry anymore."

"You're being stubborn."

I stood up and walked over to him. "Am I? Because what I'm trying to be is rational. I am really upset with you, but we're stuck in the apartment together for the next five days, so completely losing my shit right now wouldn't be the best course of action!"

He was pale from COVID which made the angry red spots that formed on his cheeks even more pronounced. "Maybe I should just go then."

"You need to be isolated and I'm not sure if you should be driving with a fever."

"I took the fucking Advil because you insisted, so my fever is gone!"

I reached up and touched his cheek. "No, it's not."

"Can we just behave like adults and eat dinner? I'm starving and I don't want to eat alone."

"Why can't you respect that I need a little space right now?"

He seemed to give that question some thought. "That's fair. Just let me know when you're ready to talk." Then he left.

I got back into bed and tried to organize my feelings. I was mad at Shawn for violating my privacy, which I felt was justified. On top of that, I was mortified that he'd read the recent entries which exposed my innermost thoughts and included a lot of very deep insecurities. Did he think I was crazy? Probably. Maybe it was a good sign that he wanted to talk and hadn't just packed his bag and left.

After a bit I heard the sound of dishes being washed in the kitchen through my paper thin walls. Hopefully he liked the pancakes. A minute later there was a soft knock on my door.

"I'm not ready to talk yet," I told him.

"That's fine, but I need a clean shirt."

"Come on in." He opened the door and I saw a purple stain on his t-shirt. I got out of bed and went in my closet for the bottle of pre-treatment spray. "You need to put some of this on that spot."