The One After [SHAWN MENDES]

Chapter 41

My eyes fluttered open and I saw Shawn squatting next to my side of the bed. He'd stayed over for five of the last six nights, so his presence wasn't surprising, but the fact that he was holding a mug of coffee and a plate of doughnuts was.

"Happy birthday, honey," he said sweetly.

Here's the thing...I hate my birthday. I've hated it ever since I lost my mom a few days before I turned fourteen. My dad and the rest of my family tried to make my day special that year, but we were all so grief-stricken that it was impossible. The most difficult part was opening the presents my mom had picked out for me, knowing that as she selected each thoughtful gift, she was aware that she might not have the chance to watch me unwrap them. I'd shoved all of them under my bed later that night in a fit of tears.

After Shawn's greeting, my initial instinct was to pull the blanket over my head, but I didn't. "Thanks. How did you know?"

"You gave me your birthdate when I asked you to come to my party in August and I added it to my calendar."

Sitting up in bed, I gave him a weak smile. "This is so sweet, but I don't do birthdays."

"What do you mean?" His brow furrowed in confusion.

"I don't like them. Didn't my dad tell you that this morning? I know these maple doughnuts came from his bakery."

"Your dad told me these were your favorite, but he didn't say anything about your strange dislike of your birthday. He invited me to a family dinner tonight, though," he said.

I groaned loudly and dove under the covers.

"Lucy? You okay?"

"Every damn year I tell my family I don't want a birthday dinner and every damn year they arrange one. I tell myself I just won't show up to teach them a lesson, but my guilt kicks in and I go. It's going to be even worse if you're there," I whined from my hiding place.

"Ouch."

I popped my head out. "It's nothing personal, but now I have the stress of my birthday coupled with you meeting the entire family."

Shawn set the coffee and doughnuts on the bedside table and sat down next to me. "Wanna talk about this? I know there's got to be a reason for you feeling this way about your big day."

"There's not much to say. My mom died right before I turned fourteen and now I fucking hate it."

"Sounds like something a therapist could help you with," he suggested.

"I was in therapy for many years and while I made inroads with a lot of my issues, this is one that I had zero progress with. It's not a big deal, though. It's one day a year and I suck it up and push through it."

"Can I do anything to make it better?"

"Yes, but you might not like what I'm going to say."

He kissed my forehead. "If it's something that will help you, I'll be happy to do it."

"This," I gestured to the breakfast he'd put together, "this is all I want. No presents. If you got me something, save it for Christmas, though if I'm being completely honest, I'm not a huge fan of that holiday either."

"Are there any holidays you do like?"

"Easter is okay, I guess."

"I love every holiday and I'm really big on birthdays, but I understand how you feel and I'll respect your wishes." He stood up. "Go ahead and eat your doughnuts while I go take care of some things."

"What do you need to do?"

"Don't worry about it, but stay in here until I give you the all clear."

Guilt flooded my body and I felt like I might cry. "If you did something nice, I don't want you to undo it just because I'm such a mess. That makes it even worse."