The Story of a mad Man with a box series 6 (Doctor Who)

The Doctor, the Widow, and the Wardrobe Pt 2

[Entrance hall]

(Marble floor, lovely staircase up, some dustsheets.)
DOCTOR: Mind your step. Now, don't worry. The back door is still, broadly speaking, operational.
(The Doctor puts the door back in its hole.)
DOCTOR: Right then, may I take your cases?
MADGE: Thank you.
LILY: Thank you.
CYRIL: Thank you.
DOCTOR: Lovely. Would you mind carrying them for me? I need to show you round.
MADGE Oh no, wait!
(The Doctor runs up the stairs.)
MADGE: Who are you?
DOCTOR: I'm the caretaker.
MADGE: But you're not Mister Cardew.
DOCTOR: I agree.
MADGE: I don't understand. Are you the new caretaker?
DOCTOR: Usually called the Doctor. Or the Caretaker or Get Off This Planet. Though, strictly speaking, that probably isn't a name. Hello, Madge Arwell.
MADGE: Hello.
DOCTOR: And Cyril Arwell. And Lily Arwell. Now, come on, come on. Lots to see. Whistle stop tour. Take notes, there will be questions.

[Small sitting room]

DOCTOR: Smaller sitting room. Just chairs. Bit pointless without a television, so I made some repairs.
(He presses a button by the door and the easy chairs move around on their own.)
DOCTOR: I know.

[Kitchen]

DOCTOR: Kitchen! That's a cooker, probably. And these are taps. Hot, cold, lemonade.
CYRIL: Lemonade?
DOCTOR: I know!

[Staircase]

DOCTOR: Staircase. It seems to have broken down. We'll have to walk up.

[Landing]

DOCTOR: I sleep up there. Stay away. Beware of panthers.
LILY: Panthers?
DOCTOR: They're terrifying. Have you never seen panthers? Cyril!

[Madge's bedroom]

(With a huge canopy over the bed.)
DOCTOR: Mum's bedroom. Grown up. Your basic boring.

[Children's room]

(More toys than you can play with in a month.)
DOCTOR: Lily and Cyril's room. I'm going to be honest, masterpiece. The ultimate bedroom. A sciencey wiencey workbench. A jungle. A maze. A window disguised as a mirror. A mirror disguised as a window. Selection of torches for midnight feasts and secret reading. Zen garden, mysterious cupboard, zone of tranquillity, rubber wall, dream tank, exact model of the rest of the house, not quite to scale. Apologies. Dolls with comical expressions, the Magna Carta, a foot spa, Cluedo, a yellow fort.
CYRIL: Where are the beds?
DOCTOR: Well, I couldn't fit everything in. There had to be sacrifices. Anyway, who needs beds when you've got
(He pulls a lever and down from the ceiling come - )
DOCTOR: Hammocks! I know.
CYRIL: But how do you get on?
DOCTOR: Watch and learn, kid.
(The Doctor takes a run, jumps, and falls right between the two hammocks.)
MADGE: For God's sake!
DOCTOR: This hammock has developed a fault.
MADGE: Can you please stop talking? Can you please just stop!
DOCTOR: Sorry.
MADGE: Children, go downstairs.
LILY: Why?
CYRIL: Are we leaving?
MADGE: Yes. No. I don't know. Just please go downstairs!
LILY: You don't need to shout.
(Lily and Cyril leave.)
MADGE: Why are you doing all this?
DOCTOR: I'm just trying to take care of things. I'm the caretaker.
MADGE: That's not what caretakers do.
DOCTOR: Then why are they called caretakers?
MADGE: Their father's dead.
DOCTOR: I'm sorry.
MADGE: Lily and Cyril's father, my husband, is dead and they don't know yet, because if I tell them now, then Christmas will always be what took their father away from them, and no one should have to live like that. Of course, when the Christmas period is over, I shall. I don't know why I keep shouting at them.
DOCTOR: Because very time you see them happy, you remember how sad they're going to be, and it breaks your heart.
LILY [OC]: Mother, come and see!
CYRIL: Mother! You've got to see this!
DOCTOR: Because what's the point in them being happy now if they're going to be sad later.
CYRIL [OC]: Mother.
LILY [OC]: Mother, are you coming?
DOCTOR: The answer is, of course, because they are going to be sad later. Now, we'd better get downstairs. I think they may have found the main sitting room.
CYRIL [OC]: Mother!
DOCTOR: I repaired it.