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Remus hated himself.
He had sworn to not drag the pure, innocent, youthful and vibrant girl even further into the mess he called his life. It wasn't fair to her. Y/N was so young and had her entire life to look forward to and he felt that being associated with him diminished those endless possibilities for the bright Professor.
But he gave in. He needed her. It was almost impossible to put into words the need and want to be near her at all times. The best way to put it was that it wasn't just lust he felt towards her, it was a love that engulfed his entire being- the need to protect her, hold her and love her has always been there from the start.
As stupid as it sounded, he needed to her in order to literally function on a daily basis. The first thing he thought about when he woke up was her and the last thing he thought of before going to sleep? You guessed it: Y/N.
If Remus Lupin wasn't worried about how she was doing, he was thinking about her every feature that had been carved into his memory since the first time he saw her or their interactions.
Her beautiful eyes that sparkled when she was talking about something she adored; like him. Her hair that was silky smooth and he touched every opportunity he got, the lips that were soft against his own, her body that he felt was made especially for him.
'Last night.'
It was pure love that came out of every kiss, thrust, moan and groan that came out of them last night. It wasn't their first times by any means, but it just felt so different.
It felt so right and their bodies were sent into a blazing blissful paradise the entire night and they had yet to come down from from the hazy experience.
Quite literally, it felt like they were high. Their minds became more conscious of their surroundings which only enhanced their actions. Y/N had never known what it had meant to be on cloud nine until then and she never wanted to leave to come down from there.
They were high on each other. Maybe that's what happened when you fell in love.
Surrounded by messy sheets and their naked bodies entwined, Remus looked at her sleeping figure with pure love and adoration.
'I was only going to mess her up more.'
He battled with himself. He needed to leave her. Again. The longer he stayed with her, she'd become more aware of just how bad he was for her so he decided to do her the favor ahead of time.
'Hurt them before they hurt you.'
Flinching, he began to thing of the endless scenarios that could happen if he lost control suddenly. He had always been tame when he transitioned, but that didn't stop him from over thinking.
