The next day, Ron forgot all about what had happened the night before. Their first Quidditch match was today and his nervousness was all that he had on his mind. Harry and Hermione are sitting at the Gryffindor table for breakfast before the match. Ron sits down next to them and for the first time in years, he only stares at his food, refusing to touch it.
"Good luck, today, Ron," Neville says as he passes by.
Seamus sits down next to him, "I'm counting on you, Ron. I have two Galleons on Gryffindor, yeah?" He pats him on the back before getting up and returning to his own friends.
He tries to get his mind off of things so he asks them, "So how was it, then?"
"How was what?" Hermione asks anxiously.
"Your dinner party?"
"Oh, pretty boring actually," Hermione responds as she looks back down.
"So, did you talk to her last night?" Harry asks Hermione.
"Um-" Hermione knows she's always been a terrible liar, "No."
Ron looks at her, "Oh, come on, Hermione. You couldn't lie to save our lives."
She shifts anxiously, "Alright, fine, but she can't know I'm telling you this. Just- sneak into our room later and take her journal. It'll be in her top drawer of her nightstand. Start reading from the beginning of term."
Harry and Ron look at each other in confusion, but nod nonetheless.
Hermione changes the subject, "Slughorn's having Christmas do, you know. We're meant to bring someone."
"I expect you'll be bringing McLaggan. He's in the Slug Club, isn't he?" Ron asks.
"Actually, I was going to ask you," she says and Harry gives a small smirk.
"Really?" Ron questions, but Lavender comes up to them.
"Good luck today, Ron. I know you'll be brilliant."
She quickly walks away and Ron leans across the table, "I'm resigning. After today's match, McLaggen can have my spot."
"Have it your way," Harry states before passing him a cup, "Juice?"
"Sure," Ron responds.
Luna looks over at them, wearing a full lion costume, "Hello, everyone. You look dreadful, Ron. Is that why you put something in his cup?" She asks Harry.
He begins to put his Liquid Luck back into his pocket and Hermione notices, "Liquid Luck. Don't drink it, Ron."
But he downs the whole cup quickly and begins to grin, feeling better.
Hermione sternly turns to Harry, "You could be expelled for that."
Harry turns to her, "I don't know what you're talking about."
Ron stands up, "Come on, Harry. We've got a game to win."
Harry smiles and pats him on the back as they exit the hall and head for the pitch. Hermione stands and goes to find Sam. She steps into their dorm.
"Are you coming to watch the match today?"
Sam hesitates for a moment, "I'm not sure that I should."
"They'd want you to be there, regardless," Hermione insists.
Sam nods and stands up, following Hermione out. They find their seats in the Gryffindor section as the match begins. They watch as Ron deflect each and every Quaffle, making sure Slytherin doesn't make any goals. Sam and Hermione cheer him on and Harry can hear them from high above. He looks down and his eyes meet Sam's and the pain comes flooding in once again. She quickly looks away as her heart races. She wishes she could turn back the clock to when everything was so much easier.
Her heart feels so heavy. She does love Harry, she knows that, but her brain feels numb because she's just so terrified. It's not fair to Harry, he doesn't deserve to be trapped with that. Things between them were so much better, but she feels so broken because she can't even remember how it felt to not be so scared. She tries to distract herself with the match, but her mind keeps switching back to Harry and then to Blaise.
When Gryffindor wins, they decide to celebrate with a party in their common room. As soon as the team walks in, everyone cheers loudly, especially for Ron. Upon seeing Harry, Sam immediately heads up to her dorm. He sighs and stands over in the corner, but smiles as everyone cheers for Ron. Hermione stands next to him.
"You really shouldn't have done it."
"I know," he smirks, "I suppose I could've just used a Confundus Charm."
He looks to her expectantly and she stutters, "That was different. That was tryouts. This was an actual game."
He pulls the vial out of his front pocket and holds it up to her. She notices that it's still completely full.
"You didn't put it in," he shakes his head, "Ron only thought you did," he smiles and nods as they both turn back to watch everyone cheer for him.
Suddenly, Lavender pulls him towards her and kisses him passionately. Hermione's mouth falls open and Harry cheers him on as he wraps his arm around her waist. Hermione turns around and walks out of the common room. When Harry turns around, he doesn't see her beside him anymore. He follows her out of the common room and finds her in a secluded room, crying. Birds fly all around the room, chirping.
He steps into the room and stands beside her. He points to the birds and she states, "Charms spell. I'm just practicing."
"Well, they're really good," he points out as he sits down next to her.
"How does it feel, Harry? To not be with Sam?"
He looks at her, not knowing what to say, but Ron and Lavender run into the room. They stop when their eyes fall on Harry and Hermione.
"Whoops," Lavender giggles, "Looks like this room's taken."
She pulls on his arm, but he stands still as she walks out to look for another one.
"What's with the birds?" He asks.
Hermione stands and glares at him, "Oppugno."
The birds form into a line and fly straight towards Ron's head. He ducks and they disappear into the wall. He looks stunned and quickly runs out of the room. Hermione sniffles and sits back down next to Harry. She lays her head on his shoulder and cries. He wraps his arm around her shoulders.
"It feels like this," he states.
After awhile, they walk back up to the common room and Hermione stops him, "Wait a few minutes outside my door, I'll slide her journal underneath. You deserve to know, but Harry, it will hurt."
He nods slowly and does as she orders. He waits until he sees the journal slide underneath the door. He bends down and picks it up. He stares at the door for a moment before turning and walking into his own dormitory. He sits down on his bed and looks at the journal hesitantly. It feels wrong to go through her private things, but he needs to know what's going on, so he might be able to fix it. He slowly opens it and flips to the middle of the journal where the first journal entry of the term is.
'September 15th, 1996
I can't breathe. I don't even want to breathe anymore. I don't deserve to breathe. All of this power and I can't save anyone. I couldn't even save myself against a sixteen year old boy. I feel weak and I feel dirty. I showered for two hours today as I rubbed my skin raw until it was red. I was walking through the halls, after Harry and I went to Hogsmeade. The day was so perfect, I was so happy, until I ran into Aaron. He looked me up and down... I had already felt violated by the way he was staring me down. He shoved me against the wall...'
Harry notices the tear stains that smeared the ink. Rage begins to fill his body and he fights to get through the entry.
'He ran his hands down my body and I tried to scream, but he wrapped his hands around my throat. I was so scared, I was so scared and I just couldn't do anything. He lifted my skirt and... I can't write this. I just can't.'
Harry feels his body grow hotter and all he can see is red. It was his job to protect her. How could he leave her alone. He had gone to visit Dumbledore that night, he remembers vividly. He tries to read through the several other entries, but his vision becomes blurred and he slams it shut. He throws the journal across the room and kicks his dresser. Ron walks in that moment, and sees the mess.
"Bloody hell, what's going on?"
Harry points to the journal, "Read the entry of September 15th."
Ron picks it up and sits on his bed as he reads. His heart drops and he lets the journal fall to the floor. Harry sits on his own bed once more and lets his head fall into his hands. He lets his tears fall silently.
"We were supposed to protect her..." Ron says as his eyes water, "Fred and George they told me- I would've anyway, but they were so adamant. I failed them... Godric, I failed HER."
"I promised Sirius, I promised her. I was supposed to keep her safe. I was supposed to keep her safe!" Harry yells and his face turns into pure rage.
They sit there as their bodies heat up in anger, "Aaron McLattery? The Slytherin Keeper?" He pauses, "I want him dead," Ron states firmly, "I want him out of here."
Harry nods, but Ron continues, "I want him to suffer as much as she is right now."
"He will," Harry assures, "I won't let him walk away from this."
"Should we tell the twins?" Ron asks as his eyes become downcast.
Harry inhales deeply, "Sam doesn't even want us knowing, I- they would be torn up."
"They'll find out quickly over break anyway, though. If she can't even be touched. Harry, you should've seen her last night. I just approached her and she began to shake and she pushed herself so far away from me. God, it hurts," he rubs his hands down his face.
Harry looks up at the ceiling, "What are we going to do?"
"I don't know."