I got up before the whistle blew, and I sighed. I couldn't sleep all through the night, the guilt ate at me. Jer's face haunted me, and I hated the fact that I was gonna break his heart. I pulled my hair, and yelled. I loved Jeremy, that much couldn't be denied. But I was not in love with him, no, I was in love with another guy. I was in love with Gabriel, I tried so so hard to ignore it, to push it away, to deny it, but I just couldn't keep lying to myself, more so to Jer. He deserved to know the truth no matter how painful it was gonna be.
I reached for my phone, and as I stared at his name, I couldn't bring myself to dial his number. I had no right to. I feared even facing him, he was gonna hate me. I frowned when I realized the whistle still hadn't blown, and I wondered if the girls were successful in their mission. I grabbed my stuff, and got out of the room. Students were up and about, grabbing their heads in pain, hungover. Shouldn't I be doing that too, I mean I did get slightly drunk, and though my head hurt, it wasn't from a hungover. "Jola", a voice called, and I looked up.
I turned away immediately, and walked fast towards the door. Who was I kidding? Gabriel caught up to me in three strides and held my arms to stop me. "Can we talk, please?", he pleaded. I avoided his stare and looked at my feet. "There's nothing to talk about", I said. "Well, I have loads of things I wanna say", he said, and I held up a hand to stop him. "Gabriel please. I can't do this right now, okay?", I stared over his shoulder. "Besides, your girlfriend is waiting for you, so go attend to her and leave me alone, please", I said, and opened the door. I took the stairs down to my room, and with each step I took, my heart thundered in my chest.
I feared I was gonna lose him, I feared I was gonna lose my best friend. I opened my door, and stared in surprise when I saw Jer hovering over my bag. I looked at Starr who shrugged at me. "Hey", I said. He didn't reply, and continued hovering. I frowned as I stared at him. "What are you doing here?", I asked. He turned, holding something in his hand, and I gasped. "Why do you have this with you?", he asked. I smiled awkwardly. "Jer", I called. "Why do you have Gabriel's sweatshirt with you?", he asked. "Nothing, he just gave it to me", I said. "Why? Why would you accept this?", he asked.
"Jer, its not-, its not what you think", I said. He folded his arms and stared at me. "So, help me think, cause I sure as hell don't know what to think. Why do you have your ex's cloth?", he asked. "Gabriel's not my ex", I said. "When I didn't see your call or text this morning, I got a little worried. But then I realized you stayed at the Winner's Crib yesterday, right?", he turned to Starr, who just plain stared at us. "So I thought to myself, 'huh, she must have been drunk, and partied hard last night. Let me go wait for her in her room, and bring some Advil for her cause I know she'll be hungover', right?", he paused and smiled.
"So, there I was chatting with Starr, when something caught my attention. I mean, you must have been in a hurry or something cause your clothes were all over the floor. I smiled, and said let me help you put it back where it belonged when I saw this", he brought the cloth up. "I thought to myself ' huh, this sweatshirt looks so familiar, where might I have seen it?', then it clicked. It's Gabriel's. Hence, the question, Jolayemi. Why do you have Gabriel's sweatshirt?", he asked. "He gave it to me before we came here, and asked me to keep it", I said softly. Jer smiled. "I get that, you've said it before. The question you still haven't answered is, why did you keep it?", he asked, and I avoided his gaze.
Jer threw the cloth on the bed, and sighed. "Do you love him?", he asked. "Of course I love him, he's my friend", I said, as I stared at him. "Are you in love with him?", he asked, and I looked away. He took a step closer to me. "Are you in love with Gabriel, Jola?", he asked. "Cause I get that you love him, and I'm all for you being friends", he stepped closer to me. "Are you in love with him?", he asked softly, I refused to look at him as I continued staring at my shoes. "Are you in love with him, Jolayemi?!", he yelled, and I jumped.
"I kissed him", I said, and looked up. Starr gasped and Jer looked so heartbroken. "What?", he asked. "When?", he asked, and stared at me. "Last night", I replied. He put his face in his hands, and cried. My heart broke, seeing him cry and I hated myself for being the cause. Starr stared at us, saying nothing. After some minutes, Jer turned to me and nodded. "Okay, you kissed him. We make mistakes, and I'm ready to forgive you for it", he touched my face, and stared at me deep in my soul. "I'm ready to forgive you for keeping his clothes, for kissing him, for everything", he paused, and caressed my face. "I'm ready to start over again with you, you just have to answer one question truthfully. Just one, and everything will be fine with us", he said, and I nodded.
"Are you in love with him?", he asked. I blinked, and a tear fell. I couldn't lie to him, not anymore. And though he meant the world to me, my heart was with someone else. He looked at me, still waiting for an answer. I sobbed, I knew I was gonna lose him forever if I told him the truth, and it hurt me so fucking much. "Are you in love with him?", he asked, in voice so low I had to strain to hear it. "Yes", I admitted, he gasped softly, and released my face. "I'm so sorry, Jer. I tried, I tried so hard to ignore it, I tried so hard to not feel what I feel for him, but I couldn't. I'm sorry, Jer. I never meant to hurt you", I said, and moved closer to him. He held a hand up, motioning me not to take another step, and I nodded. He turned to me and I gasped at what I saw in his eyes. Jer hated me, I could see it so very clearly in his eyes.
He reached me in two strides, and stared down at me. "You are no different from Lyncyth", he said, and stormed out of the room. I clutched my chest, and collapsed on the floor, as I wailed. Starr reached me, and hugged me tight. "I'm so sorry, Jola", she said, and soothed me. I clutched onto her as I wet her nightie with my tears. "Shh", she said into my hair, and rubbed my hair. "Everything's gonna be okay, I promise", she said. The door opened, and Skyy rushed in with Leandre. "Gabriel and Jer are fighting in the lobby", Skyy said. "What?", I asked, and wiped my tears as I stood up. "Jer and Gabriel are beating each other up in the lobby", she repeated. "Are you crying?", Leandre asked.
I ignored her question and ran down to the lobby. People were gathered as they watched the fight. I fought my way through till I got to where the fight was. Gabby was yelling at them, but they paid no attention to her. They were both grunting as they hit each other. Jer hit Gabriel hard on his nose, where blood was coming from, and Gabriel retaliated with a blow on Jer's lips which looked bursted. Gabby turned to me. "Jola, stop them", she said. It was the push I needed to break out of my thoughts, and I rushed towards them as they raised their hands up. I closed my eyes, and feared they were gonna hit me instead but opened them slowly when I saw no hits coming. Gabriel's eyes were wide open as if asking why I would be so stupid as to come in between a fight. Jer put his hand down when he saw me, and I pleaded with him with my eyes.
"Jer", I called. "I loved you!", he yelled, and I winced. "I gave you everything. I gave you my heart, I gave you my trust, I gave you my love, I fucking gave you everything!", he said, and I let the tears dropped. "And what? You went behind my back and kissed him?", he asked, and glared at Gabriel. Gabby gasped, her eyes lighting up in understanding, as she figured out what caused the fight in the first place. "Jer, I'm so sorry", I sobbed. "Don't ever talk to me again", he said, and left pushing Gabriel out of the way. I covered my face as I sobbed, while everyone stared at me. "Okay, guys nothing to see here. Go get ready, and pack your bags", Mr Ben said. Nobody moved as they stared at Gabriel and I. Gabby turned in them, eyes blazing in anger. "Are you deaf? Scram!", she yelled, and they slowly dispersed.
"Jola", Gabriel called, and I turned to him. "I-", he started, but I shook my head. "No", I said, and went to my room. I collapsed on the bed, as I cried and cried and cried. "Jola", I heard the girls call. I stood up, and punched my clothes in my bag. "Jola, talk to us", Leandre said. I turned to them, and stared at their faces that held concern for me. I grabbed my bag. "I'm sorry, not right now", I said, and closed the door behind me. I ignored the stares, the pointed fingers and murmurings and entered the bus. I sat at the far back, alone, not wanting anyone to bother me.
What would they think of me? That I was a slut that loved two cousins? I was ashamed of myself, and sobbed in my hands. The students slowly entered the bus, chattering. I brought out my phone and called Jer. I didn't know what to do, and like I expected, it went straight to voicemail.
Jer: Hey, its Jer. You've reached my voicemail, and I'm guessing you know what to do. I'm either busy, or don't wanna pick your call, so leave a message. Also, if this is Jola, I want you to know that I love you. I sobbed louder when I heard it. I lost a gem, I knew that. I sighed, and inhaled a deep breath. "Hey, Jer. Its me, and I-, I'm very sorry. I know I broke your heart, it wasn't my intention, please forgive me. I can't take it, knowing you hate me, so please call me", I said, and hung up.
Me: I know you don't wanna see me right now, but I really am sorry, Jer. The thought of you hating me, want me to hit something.
Me: Please text me, or call me.
Me: I'm sorry, Jer.
Me: Jer.
I sighed, and put the phone down. The gang entered the bus, and were whispering. Gabby glanced at me, and moved to come over, but I stiffened and shook my head. "Let's give her some privacy", I heard Starr say. Gabby paused, and gave a small nod. She took a seat, with Skyy flanking her. I cranked my head to see if Jer was in the same bus as me, but I sighed in defeat when I didn't see him, Gabriel wasn't in sight too, and I was thankful.
The bus moved, and every once in a while, Gabby would turn back to look at me. I felt everyone's stare on me even though they were trying to be discreet, and I sighed and brought out my earpiece. I plugged it in, and played music. It blocked out the voices but couldn't do so much in blocking out my thoughts. Jer still hasn't replied me, and I sighed deeply. He must really hate me, and I didn't blame him cause I would hate me. I gently closed my eyes, as the ride home continued. The word part was I still have to stay in the same house as Gabriel, and I hated it. I couldn't wait for Mum and Dad to come home. I missed J, I could really use her hug right now.
The four hours ride back home felt like forever and I sighed when it finally came to a stop. They got out of the bus, and I waited till I was the last one before I grabbed my bag and got out. I spotted Marissa holding a banner that read 'Welcome home'. She had a huge smile on as she waved at us. I paused when I saw Jer come out of the bus. Juliet and Care were smiling at him, and he walked towards them. He failed to walk into his mum's embrace, and got into the car instead, closing the door a little bit harder than normal and Care winced. I watched Juliet frown, confused on her son's behavior. Care saw me staring and waved at me. I nodded, and headed towards Marissa, who hugged me. "Welcome home", she said, and I gave her a small smile.
She frowned at my lack of enthusiasm, and was about calling me out on it when Gabby arrived. "Mum", she smiled, and embraced her. "How was the trip?", Marissa asked. "It was good", she replied. Gabriel reached us just then and I stiffened. "Oh, my boy", Marissa cooed, and hugged him. "What the hell happened to your face?", she asked. Gabriel groaned but didn't say anything. "Did you get into a fight or something?", she asked. "Mum, let's get out of here. I'm beat", Gabby said. "Okay, let's go", she said. "Actually", I started, and they turned towards me. "I think I'll take the bus back home", I said, and Marissa frowned. "What, the bus? What do you mean?", she asked. What I mean Marissa, is I do not want to be in the same car as Gabriel. I gave her a small smile. "I just need to clear my head a little. I'll see you at home", I said, and moved to go. "Wait", Gabriel called and I paused.
"I'll take the bus", he said, and Marissa frowned as she stared at us. "What the hell is going on here?", she asked. "I'll see you guys at home", he said, and left. I entered the car, and ignored Marissa's confused look. "Am I missing something here?", she asked Gabby, who sighed. "Let's just go home", she said. Gabby got into shot gun, and Marissa turned on the ignition. "Seatbelt, please", she said, and Gabby obliged her. "How was it, did you guys have fun?", she asked, and I plugged in my earpiece and sighed in content when music filled my ears.
Marissa turned off the ignition, "We're home", she announced. I sighed, and alighted the car. I moved to take my stuff when she stooped me. "Alfred will get those, just come in", she said. Jared rushed to me, and hugged me. I gave him a little smile, and crouched to his level. "Jola, I missed you", he said. "I missed you too", I said, and ruffled his hair. "You wanna play with me for a while?", he asked. "Not now, Jared. I'm not in the mood", I said, and stood up. "I cooked us brunch", Marissa announced, and I gave her a small smile. "I'm not hungry, but thank you", I said, and she nodded. I entered my room, and locked the door behind me. I sat on the bed, and let the tears fall. Jer hated me, and it was all my fault.
So, I cried and cried, till I succumbed to the darkness.