Heather P.O.V
I drove my Eldorado to my parking spot in the indoor parking area of my building. The bouquet of Golden dandelions accompanied my driving from the studio to here.
When the Interscope receptionist knocked on the door of the studio where I was working and showed up with the huge bouquet I had to snatch the flower from her arms before Jason could reach for the note.
"Who's sending you flowers?" - he had asked arching his eyebrow at me while I throw the note in my back pocket.
"Probably just fans." - I had shrugged putting the flowers down on the couch.
"I'll tell the reception to send them back then." - Had Jason suggested giving me a sideways glare.
"Flowers won't kill me, Jason. It's okay!"
As I finally pushed the button of my floor and the elevator door slid closed I bring back the note from my pocket and read it.
"I want to remind you, that you are the gold in my life."
A smile danced on my lips as I read the words again and again just like I have been doing with the other notes he sends with the flowers.
As I push open the front door of my apartment I throw my bag on the sofa and go to the kitchen to find a container to place the bouquet somewhere near the other 3 bouquets.
Since the rumors of him being married hit the news Marshall has been sending me flowers and notes to somehow brighten my day. And it works for a brief moment but then his name all over the news reminds me of the reason why it doesn't feel right
His supposed marriage is not being talked about as much as the fact that he might be abusive towards his wife. And they were picking his lyrics apart to prove a point. More than once I've found myself shouting to the TV about all the nonsense things they were making up about him.
I had already settled down on my couch with a bowl of strawberry salad with the groceries Marshall had stuffed my fridge with when the lock of my front door went off. I check the watch and raise my eyebrow when I see how early it is. He had just texted me that we couldn't meet me after the studio session to go at Dre's because Jimmy was up to his behind for that single.
He looks exhausting when he finally comes face to face with me but a smile shows up on his face.
"Hey baby!" - he slowly walks towards me and leans down. His lips slightly touch my forehead in a kiss while his hand grabs on my jaw I miss his mouth.
"Hey, I thought you'd be in the studio longer." - I look up at him, he seems tense like he needs to sleep and I want to hold him tight.
"I need to take a shower, someone is throwing a party and I have to go," - he pauses while searching his pockets "apparently."
Oh, a party more important than being in the studio and working on his single.
"Who is throwing a party?" - I ask following his hands bringing out his wallet, keys, and his phone. I am usually invited to whoever party it is. But I am not aware of a party going on tonight.
"I have no idea. Dre wanted me to show up, so I guess it's someone important." - I narrow my eyes at him. Someone important and I'm not aware?
His phone starts ringing just before he is about to leave it on the table next to his wallet. I try to read his facial expression when he catches a glimpse of who was calling, but Marshall is a master at keeping straight faces.
He grabbed the phone and didn't answer until he was locked in the bathroom. He has been doing that a lot lately. Not answering his phone in my presence. Or maybe he has been doing that since before but I just started to notice. Anyway, I wish I wasn't aware of it because it's making me go crazy lately.
I have never been the type to check my partner's phones, and never in my life, I thought I would be thinking to do something like that. But lately, the urge to go through Marshall's stuff has been growing and growing like a snowball.
I sit the bowl with my salad next to me and lean forward to catch his wallet. As I open it and check inside I am faced with a picture of his daughters and him. Inside the pockets, there is nothing more than money, bank cards, and two condoms. Wait! Two condoms?
What does he need condoms for? It's been a while since we don't use them anymore. I push them inside his wallet again and sit the last one where he left it. I should confront him, shouldn't I? I should ask him why is he using condoms for, when he is not using them with me. Is he actually being sexual with the groupies that come in and out of their studio? Is he sexual with the woman they are calling his wife?
I turn to eat my salad again and as the minutes go by my heart rate starts increasing and my hands get sweaty. I even practice a little about how to bring those up as I pick on my salad. I hear the bathroom door unlock and he makes it back to the living room.
The towel hangs low on his hips showing a very faded v line. The tombstone tattoo proudly showing itself. Some waterdrops slide over his chest and while I run my eyes over his body my mind starts picturing him all sweaty in between another woman's legs, him breathing heavy and his muscles contracting because of another woman. Shivers run over my own body.
"Baby!" - he calls for me again snapping me out of my disturbing thoughts.
"Hm?" - I answer letting the now-empty bowl on the table.
"Whatchu thinkin'?"
"Nothing," -I pause for a moment while he arches an eyebrow at me. "I was just thinking why am I not aware of any party being thrown tonight." - he keeps his eyebrow arched. I am almost always invited by him or his friends when there is a party involved but not tonight.
"Even I, don't know whose party it is baby. I had already planned to spend my night at the studio." - He throws himself on the sofa next to me and before his arm wraps around my waist his hand brushes the long braids down my back.
I narrow my eyes at him as I place my hand on his bare chest trying to keep my distance. His skin is soft under my touch and I automatically slide my fingers over his bare chest. His eyes drop on my lips and suddenly his hand takes a good grip on my ass. He looks so good, and I miss him. Oh God, get a grip!
I jump on my feet, take the empty bowl, and walk to the kitchen area before I lose all my strength. His eyes burn in my back as he follows my moves. Thinking about bringing up what I found on his wallet as I put the dirty dish on the sink.
"You tryin' real hard to avoid me, ain't ya?" - I notice a tiny note of humor showing on his voice.
"I'm not trynna avoid you!" - I look up at him. A smirk plays on his lips as Marshall pushes his tongue against his cheek to avoid laughing.
"You are manually cleaning the dish babe."
"Don't you have to rest before attending the party?" - I ask putting more attention to the last word. He stands up and the towel around his waist threatens to get loose.
"I could rest insida ya!" - my spin shivers when he stands behind me and puts his hands on each side of my body caging me in between them. His breath hits the side of my neck. I force my mind to focus on rinsing the bowl and ignore him being this close after four days of avoiding him sexually.
He still has condoms in his wallet!
"Well rest insida ya condoms, then!" - I blurt out immediately mocking his accent. The energy behind me changes and his arms are not caging me anymore.
"What!" - he is surprised and confused.
"What?"
"What condoms are you talkin' 'bout?"
"Yours!" - I turn around to look at him and he either is a really good actor or... The confusion on his face is confusing me.
"I haven't seen one since we stopped using them." - I pull my eyebrows together at his answer.
"Oh you haven't?" - I move away from the island and walk towards the table his wallet was.
"No, Heather! I haven't!" - He sounds irritated and so sure of himself it starts to rub me the wrong way.
"You must not be opening your wallet too often then!" - I, unprovoked, throw the wallet to him. It first hits his naked chest and then the ground. He looks at me surprised and reaches down for his wallet without breaking the stare. I cross my arms on my chest, to show attitude. Or just hold me from chickening out.
Some dollar bills drop on the floor with the two foiled protections. And it's then when something changes on his face. Realization! About what? Is he realizing just now what I was talking about or is he realizing he's caught red-handed? My heart beats fast, faster than usual and a sinking feeling is added to it. He is taking forever to talk.
"These have been there since back then." - He answers.
"Sure, they have!" - I nod.
"Why would I need these, if I'm fucking you raw, out of all people?!"
"I don't know why, I guess people have weird kind of desires." - I try to keep my voice calm.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means I don't believe you, that's what it means."
"Of course you won't fucking believe me, otherwise you wouldn't be going through my stuff!" - he throws his wallet on the kitchen island after throwing the reason for this conversation in the trash.
"I wasn't going through your stuff!" -I quickly deny. He looks at me for what seems a very long time.
"I never expected this from you!" - he sounds disappointed and my heart sinks deeper "Like I know you have issues and want to believe whatever your brain starts making up, but to actually be nosy enough to go through my things just to feed your imagination is beyond what I expected from you."
I stare at him for a moment trying to swallow the effect of his words on me. My teeth chew on the inner part of my bottom lip as Marshall sits in one of the stoles.
"I was looking for change bc I ordered pizza!" - a little lie wouldn't hurt nobody as soon as he would have to leave for the party and not find out there was no pizza involved. "Why would I even go through your stuff?"
My heart pounds and my voice shakes as he keeps looking directly into my face. What if he sees that I'm lying?
"BECAUSE YOU DON'T FUCKING TRUST ME!" -he shouts the words something he does when he feels like I'm not understanding his point. "I thought we had something solid here."
"We do have something solid!" - I interrupt him because I don't want him to go any further with his thoughts.
"I thought we could trust each other! We could take each other's words. But YOU don't trust me." - he shakes his head and get's up from the stools. There is one emotion I truly despise to create and to receive is disappointment and I am getting exactly that from him.
"And how am I supposed to trust you when you are lying while looking me in the eyes?" - Marshall says as he leaves for the bedroom keeping the towel in place with his hand. My palms start sweating.
"And how am I supposed to trust you when you are still keeping protection around when you don't use them with me." - I follow him to my room. He turns abruptly and I slam against him.
"Don't you dare turn this on me! Don't you fucking dare."- his words are harsh and take me off guard "If you want to break up, just say so. There's no need..."
My heart drops at the pit of my stomach. I don't want to break up. Why is he bringing up the break up now? He is still speaking but I wasn't paying attention because my heart was being too loud.
"... Or avoid me like I have some STD when I try to be intimate with you. I don't know what your fucking problem is." - he takes a step back from me and starts putting his clothes on.
"I- "- I close my lips and take a deep breath. "What am I supposed to think about what I found Marshall? After all of what's being said?"
"That's on you, Heather! I've been trying to show you how much you mean to me, trynna show you there is no other woman than you... And you wanna throw everything out the window because of some fucking stupid insecurities you have?"
I don't notice when I got myself to sit down on the edge of my bed as he talks to me because his words kind of have me zoned out. He looks at me and snorts when I look up. Tears threaten my throat but I gulp them and pull my eyebrows together.
"Saying you are trying while we are both looking at the objects on your wallet is pushing you away from me Marshall." - my voice is a whisper and he frowns at my words.
"The only thing pushing me away is YOU!" - He points at me with his index finger, the veins on the back of his hand forming a network. "You with your paranoia!"
I open my lips to say something back but he is already slamming the front door after him. I throw a pillow to the wall and huff some frustration out of my chest. I want to scream and pull out the weakness and madness that is overtaking my body. The thoughts that rush my head are not sane and a strand of fear runs down my body.
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I'm sorry I've been taking so long with this chapter but I've been very busy with work and wanted the chapter to show better what's going on between the two of them and who is in fault. But this was the best I could do with everything going on in my life. I hope you like it. Your opinion always matters to me. Stay safe!