A/n: Lmao, you guys crack me up 😂
Merci du fond du cœur Normani. Tu m'as fait le cadeau le plus précieux. ~ Thank you from the bottom of my heart Normani. You have given me a precious gift.
Ta gueule ~ shut up.
Va te fair foutre ~ fuck you.
For the most part, I won't use deep ass French, and I will mix it with English so you can still figure out what they're saying.
Also the paragraph at the beginning of this Chapter is twinkle, twinkle little star. And to the people who pm'd me asking why Normani is suddenly speaking French, when Normani and Louis first met, she told him that she speaks French fluently. Also the name of the magazine is French.
-
Brille, brille, petite étoile,
Je me demande qui es-tu?
Au-dessus du monde si haut,
Comme un diamant au ciel.
Brille, brille, petite étoile,
Je me demande qui es-tu?
I smiled when Noah's eyes began to flutter as he desperately tried to fight sleep. He started squirming, and his grip on my t-shirt tightened as I adjusted so that I was holding him upright. After putting on some music, I sat down in the rocking chair that was positioned next to the window that we could watch the sun rise and set over the city.
"Coucher de soleil," I murmured, "that's sunset in French and à couper le souffle means breathtaking. So put them all together and ce coucher de soleil est à couper le souffle. This sunset is breathtaking. Just like you my love."
I continued rocking him for a little while after he fell asleep before putting him in his bassinet. "Sleep well."
I took the baby monitor downstairs and decided that I was going to bake. After getting all the ingredients that I needed for everything that I wanted to make out, I started off by mixing sugar and butter.
–Flashback–
"Why are you here Normani?"
"I just wanted to get away from everyone and everything, and find some peace."
"And you came all the way to India to do that?" she quirked an eyebrow and leaned forward, an uncharacteristic curiosity taking over her.
I nodded, "Yeah well a yoga retreat seemed like a really good idea. But so far I've failed to 'empty my mind', and I've gotten Delhi Belly."
She stood and held her hand. "Come with me."
"Okay," I stood, accepting her outstretched hand. She led me through a few hallways until we were finally out of the center. We didn't stop until we got to an empty house. "Why are we here?"
"We're going to bake," Indigo answered simply. "Wash your hands, grab that apron and meet me in the kitchen."
We started off working in silence and after an hour, there was nothing left to do but let the dough rise, so we sat in the small kitchen and Indigo made us both some tea.
"I love baking bread from scratch, because it's all about the dough. It sets the pace and demands only patience. And you can't cheat it either."
"I've never actually baked bread, but my mother used to do it when I was a kid."
She nodded, "What are you running from?"
I started to say something when I suddenly thought better of it. "Who says I'm running."
"It's written all over your face Normani. It's also why you're struggling to find peace. Because you're running from something and trying to
"I'm pregnant," I began. "I want the baby, choosing to have a child with my friend is the next best thing to choosing to have a child with someone I'm in a relationship with for me. But choosing to have this baby after what happened before, brought all these complications and feelings, and everyone wants to help me with something and it's just overwhelming."
"First of all, congratulations. Secondly, why did you choose to have a baby with your friend?"
I don't know why, but there was something about this inquisitive and well meaning stranger that made me want to tell her everything. So I did, while we waited for the dough to rise, I told her about my past, Dinah, my job and therapy.
"The only person that I could possibly love more than her is my child. And Louis wants to be a father. So we went to a fertility clinic and two weeks later I was pregnant, on the first try."
"Did you fight for her?"
I nodded, "I did but it was too late by then. So here I am, trying to get over her, to find a quiet moment, some peace and some clarity."
"Well that's your problem," Indigo replied. "You're trying too hard."
"I love her, I can't just turn it off. I mean—"
"–You fell in love, well done. You're heartbroken and it's your fault, join the club. You're pregnant and even though you wanted this, you're scared. You could throw a stone and hit at least ten different women who feel the exact same way that you do. You're a scared mother to be which is perfectly okay because this is one of the scariest things that you'll ever do in your life. Having a broken heart may be painful, but it's a good thing. It's never quite the same when you put it back together because every one you love and lose teaches you something about yourself. And every time you rebuild those broken pieces, you rebuild them in a way that feels right for you, a way that's better than before because you're a wiser person than you were. You fell in love Normani. You miss her and that's perfectly okay. Miss her, cry when you feel you need to and send good vibes her way whenever you're thinking about her because something amazing happened when you fell in love with her and although you may not consciously realize it, deep down you do."
I frowned, "I don't understand?"
"You spent so long refusing to let yourself love until Dinah Jane came into your life, tore down every wall you had built up and touched a place deep in your soul that you've never allowed anyone to reach and you got a taste of what real and unselfish love is supposed to feel like. And now you get to give that love to your child and to those closest to you. For so long you've been so used to controlling everything around you, and you coming here is just the latest ploy in a series of attempts to regain that control that you feel you lost. But imagine if you took the energy that you're devoting to being in control and used it to allow yourself to just be?"
"I guess I never looked at it that way."
"How afar along are you? 15 weeks?"
I looked up at her, "16, how did you know?"
"It's not because you're showing or anything. If I could look half as good as you do when I get pregnant I'll be happy. It was just a guess."
"Oh well 16 weeks. He's due in June."
"So 5 to 6 months to go?"
I nodded, "Exactly. Thank you Indigo, for listening."
After the tea, we went into the small living room and sat crosslegged on the rug.
"Close your eyes and allow yourself to just breathe without controlling the pace or intensity of your breaths. Observe how the different parts of your body work together in harmony to help you inhale and exhale. Know you are not alone, know that in the vastness of this universe, you are seen, you are cherished and you are worth living for."
I opened my eyes as they began to glimmer with watery tears; visceral feelings of sadness and loneliness settled over me and the more I felt them, the more the tears flowed down my face like water rushing down from a waterfall. The only thing I could do was focus on breathing and allow my body to release emotions that I had kept repressed for so long.
Crying is the best catharsis for pain; although I was a long way from being better, I had taken a step closer by allowing myself to feel.
"Is it always this way?" I asked when we finally stopped. "The crying?"
Indigo smiled, "I cry at least once a fortnite. It's your body's way of purifying itself. Other times it has nothing to do with repressed emotion and it just happens, but it's normal."
"So wait, why are we baking bread? And whose house is this?"
"My father's well one of them at least. And we're baking because if the body never moved it would eventually wither. So while it is good to seek solace in stillness, there is peace to be found in the simple movements of our hands."
She put it into the oven and gestured for me to follow her out back. "So what other places have you visited in search of this elusive peace?"
"I travelled around the US, I've been to China, Italy, Malaysia, Tonga, New Zealand, Zambia, South Africa and now India. I wasn't really chasing peace when I visited those countries. I just wanted to be somewhere different."
"Where are you headed next?"
"Thailand, then I'm going home."
–
By the time I was tired, the pile of cupcakes and cookies had grown significantly. I packed everything away neatly and cleaned up, my mind feeling exhausted by the time I was done. I heard Noah wake up as I finished, and after making him a bottle, I went upstairs to my room and took him to the rocking chair.
As far as kids went, I somehow managed to luck out with one who woke up every few hours to feed and could sleep roughly 6 hours through the entire night without waking up. He fell asleep almost as soon as he was done with his bottle, and just like earlier, I let him stay in my arms for a little while before putting him back in his bassinet and getting ready for bed.
As soon as I got into bed, I put on some music and put the volume on it's lowest before drifting off into oblivion.
-
"Qu'il est mignon!"
"Say merci, tu ma's manqué mamie," I am answered, kissing his cheek as I walked past them in the kitchen.
"I missed you too baby!" Mom smiled. "I missed your crazy ass mommy too."
I rolled my eyes, "It was so worth it though Mom. I would have done it while I was still pregnant if you all hadn't refused to let me go."
"Either way, I'm glad you're back."
As I walked to the door to answer it, Gen came in with a bottle of wine and dinner. "Mes bébés!" She hugged me tightly before going to the kitchen where Mom was already kicking her legs out to stop her from getting any closer. "You're so childish Drea. I brought your favorite wine. Give me the baby and I'll let you have it."
"It's fine, I spent the whole day with him."
"Où est son père?" Gen asked as she rocked him and made funny faces.
"We went out for breakfast earlier and I got him a date with this girl for tonight. It's been a while since he got some."
They both burst out laughing. "Where were you during my college days?"
"Oh I was still swimming in—"
"–Don't finish that sentence please. Only I can talk about your father's balls."
"You brought me hot wings? I actually love you so much Aunt G."
She made a face, "It really doesn't take much to please you does it?"
I shook my head, "Nope, not at all."
"Have you asked her yet?" I heard Gen whisper to Mom, turning around to look at them both just as Mom shook her head.
"Ask me what?"
Gen nudged Mom, "It was your idea."
"I know damnit," Mom made a face. "Okay so first of all, you know we love you and our grandson right? And we love spending time with him, in fact we'd love to do it more, which is why we're spending more time here."
"Okay..."
"So the board kind of maybe wants you back as digital editor."
The noise I let out was a cross between a snort and a drunken laugh. I tilted my head slightly as I looked at them both, then from somewhere deep inside me, came this laughter that resembled a burst water main. I couldn't stop until the laughter was gone even if I tried. So I was eventually reduced to sitting on the floor and genuinely laughing in a way that I hadn't in a really long time.
I wiped away the tears that had formed and stood, stifling another laugh at the look of confusion on Mom and Gen's faces. Even Noah, who usually squirmed when he was awake was completely quiet.
"No," I finally said after what felt like an eternity. I could see them both forming their arguments as to why I should consider it, so I quickly continued. "Even if I didn't have your very generous offer to spend time with Noah during the day at work, I'm not coming back."
"Normani—"
"–Just out of curiosity, why exactly does the board want me back?"
Mom made a face, "Well we've had three digital editors and digital is still underperforming."
"Let's pretend for a moment that this isn't your magazine and so you don't have a vested interest in me coming back. Can we do that?"
"Yes," Mom and Gen answered at the same time.
"I expressly told you that this would happen. For starters, the first person you brought in changed everything for no good reason. The second person you brought in actually fixed things a little, but I suspect the board had something to do with his decision to leave so quickly. We're not even going to talk about the last editor. Of course digital is underperforming because you erroneously chose not to trust my ability to make business decisions."
"The board doesn't trust you, we would give you the magazine without hesitation," Mom corrected me.
"Mom I'm not coming back to work for the same board that tried to sue me and failed only because they had no case. And as if that wasn't bad enough, they attempted to blackball me and tried to initiate a hostile takeover of your magazine. The only reason they think they can even ask is because you're chair of the board and you're the editor in chief."
Gen sighed, "I told you she would say no."
"What would it take to bring you back?"
"Get rid of half the board members," I deadpanned.
Mom laughed, "Please be serious and pick something a little more realistic. Like a raise or something."
"I don't need a raise. I'm living a stress free life travelling the world with my son. Plus I'm happy at iGen. I get to work from home and take Noah to the office with me when I need to go in. They listen and don't fight me on every single thing that I try to do and my contract isn't done till November."
"Mani..."
"No Mama. I'm not coming back. Use the list of names that I gave you."
Dinah
"Come in Dinah, how are you?"
I smiled, "I'm good, where is everyone?"
"Eli took them out for the day," she answered as she poured us both glasses of wine. "You are just in time for the cucumber face mask."
"Exciting," I grinned. After making sure our faces were cleansed, we put on our masks and lounged in the living room. "So how does it feel? Three weeks to go before the big day."
"Surreal, I don't want a big wedding for the record. But our parents are insisting which is weird but whatever."
I smiled, "The wedding's always about the family anyway, it'll be over soon enough."
"Oh by the way, Normani RSVP'd, no plus one."
I was quiet for a long time before finally answering. "How is she?"
"She's well, busy too," Tia answered, but I sensed she was being very vague. "She just got back from Peru."
"Oh I know, I saw her Instagram post. First one since the India one," I said.
Tia nodded, "yeah she wasn't able to travel for a while. Anyway, I just wanted to give you a heads up so you're ready."
"Thank you."
Three weeks later...
Normani
"Are you there yet?"
"Yeah I just pulled up," I briefly checked myself in my rearview mirror and slipped my ring onto my finger before getting out of my car. "How's Noah?"
"We're on our way to hang out with Alex and Caleb. Tu es belle Normani. I'm not just saying that either. You really do look incredible."
He couldn't see me, but I smiled anyway. "Merci Louis. Alright I'm going to head inside. Please give our son lots of kisses and tell him I love him."
Louis FaceTimed me briefly so I could actually see him do it before I finally went into the church. Someone handed me a program as I walked into church and I quickly slipped into a seat beside a guy and his son just in time for the bridal party to start coming in.
First it was the bridesmaids and groomsmen. Each bridesmaid was dressed in a simple, sage green dress, though uniquely designed and suited to it's wearer. They also wore a crown of baby's breath on their heads, the tiny white flowers giving them a sort of ethereal glow in the church's light.
Dinah was the last to walk in, just before the maid of honor. I hadn't seen her since I left New York, I hadn't looked at her social media and everyone was always careful not to let anything to do with her life slip around me. The only thing that I knew with absolute certainty was that she still worked at La Sienne and I suddenly regretted not having stalked her at any point to prepare myself.
The smile that she wore when she walked in looked more like the remnants of one of her uncontrollable giggles. I found myself wondering who or what the source of her mirth was.
JJ walked in with the rings, even stopping to high five a few people much to everyone's amusement before he finally made it to the altar, then Zoe followed in the prettiest white dress. She sprinkled flowers and beamed at the people around her, waving excitedly when she somehow managed to notice me sitting at the end of my row. I waved back and gave her a thumbs up.
When the pianist began playing Canon in D, we all stood, turning to the door to get a glimpse of the bride. From where I stood, I could barely just make out the details of the floor length, A-line dress that she wore. It hung delicately from her frame, with an embroidered, nude mesh covering her shoulders and cap sleeves. Once she had passed, I turned to look at Eli, smiling when I saw the look of genuine happiness in his eyes.
I wonder what her dad is thinking, the thought suddenly popped up in my head. Imagine giving both your daughters away to the same guy.
I didn't expect my laugh to come out audibly, but the cough i let out a moment later was clearly convincing enough that everyone around believed me.
You're going to hell for that.
As soon as we all sat down, the baby that I was next to decided that she was upset. I did my absolute best to ignore them and the urge to help, but just before she started to take her first breath to let out what I was sure would be a blood curling scream, I tapped his shoulder and gestured for him to follow me, not waiting to see if he actually was.
We were barely outside when she started crying. I stood there, deliberating between going back inside and enjoying my friend's wedding or staying out here to help the clearly flustered dad.
You need to atone for your earlier thoughts.
I sighed, "Let me have her?"
He looked at me warily, as though trying to judge whether I was a threat or not. Finally, when it was clear that nothing he was doing or could think of would stop her from crying, he handed her to me.
"Bonjour Chérie," I murmured, automatically slipping into French like I always did with Noah. A couple walking past us shot us opinionated looks and I looked up, daring them to say something as they walked past. I rolled my eyes as soon as they were gone. "I hate people that act like they don't know that babies cry."
"Me too, oh I'm Aiden. This is my girlfriend's niece Teuila."
"Nicole," I answered, holding out my hand to shake his. "Let's walk."
After wrapping a blanket around her, I placed her on my shoulder and we began walking around the church. I rubbed her back and hummed and her cries eventually turned to quiet whimpers, then she fell asleep and Aiden and I went back into the church to our seats, only just catching the end of Tia's vows.
When the ceremony ended, we walked out of the church together, a sleeping Teuila still in my arms because she'd started fussing as soon as I tried to put her down. I put her in her car seat, holding her tiny hand when she stirred for a few seconds before settling down again.
"Okay you're good to go."
"Thank you so much Nicole, you're honestly a life saver."
I grimaced, suddenly feeling bad for giving this well meaning guy the wrong name, but it was too late so I just went with it. "No worries. If she's crying and nothing else works, just take her out on a walk and sing or hum, or go for a drive. It always calms my son down."
"Ah of course, you already have the magic touch," Aiden smiled. "How old is he?"
"4 months and three weeks. How old is Teuila?"
"2 months and two weeks I think."
My phone started ringing. "Sorry I have to take this, but see you at the reception?"
He nodded, "definitely. Thanks again Nicole."
I slipped the ring off my finger and rubbed my hands together as soon as I was in the car before answering my phone. "Hey I'm at a wedding, can this wait?"
"I just wanted to confirm that you got the finalized articles?"
"One second, let me just check," I answered as I scrolled through my emails. "Okay, I'll look through them tonight and they'll be up tomorrow if I'm happy with them."
"Sounds good. I'll let you get back, sorry for disturbing you."
"No worries, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
Dinah
As my eyes scanned the crowd, I suddenly realized that I couldn't see any sign of him. I started to move through the dancefloor, eyes darting wildly, noticing any baby in the room and hoping it was Teuila. Then I saw them standing by the door. But instead of Aiden's arms, my niece as resting contentedly in Normani's arms.
I stopped dead in my tracks. It was clear that the interaction wasn't about them in so muhc as it was about Teuila. Plus there was the matter of the shiny diamond rind on her left ring finger. I had no clue that she was engaged, then again, Normani was insanely private and the little that I did know about her life was only because I had asked Tia.
She looked... different. Her physical features themselves hadn't actually changed much; she was still as gorgeous as ever, and the one shoulder, floor length dress that she wore accentuated her curves. But then, Normani had never had any problems looking effortlessly beautiful. It was her demeanor. She seemed happy. Not just because Teuila wasn't squirming or trying to get out of her arms; I could feel the happiness radiating from her like the warm rays of an early summer sun. She wore a radiant smile, the kind that always seemed to be reserved for moment of true joy and for a moment, I found myself smiling along with her.
Still, I wasn't quite ready to see her yet, especially since the last time we saw each other face to face was a few days before she quit her job. There was a lot I had wanted to say then, and a lot of it came rushing back that moment. I may have moved on and fallen for an amazing guy, but I was still pissed at her.
I suddenly felt a hand on the small of my back and Beck turned me around to face him. His eyes flicked to the scene that was now behind me, and his surprise turned into something unfathomable as he took my hand in his and led me towards another entrance.
"You okay?"
"Of all the people to be standing with my boyfriend and niece... I'm okay though, I think it's just a shock seeing her after all this time.
The quiet foyer was suddenly filled with music as the door opened. "I think I saw her come this way, oh there you are. Dinah this is Nicole, the woman I was telling you about earlier."
"Nicole?" Beck and I asked at the same time as we turned to look at Normani, whose expression was one of complete embarrassment.
"Uh... so I kind of gave you a fake name," Normani began. "I really didn't think I was going to see you again."
"Oh... well what's your name then?"
If Aiden didn't look so hurt, and I didn't know that it would bug him for a while that she had given him a fake name because she thought he might be a creep, I probably would have found the fact that she was now reintroducing herself completely hilarious.
"Oh you're Normani..." I could see him panicking. "It's uh, it's really, really nice to meet you."
I nudged Beck and he quickly stood. "Mani come on, let's go find this cutie's mother and get ourselves a drink. You owe me a dance and the end of that story."
"Sure," Normani looked at me one last time, expression unfathomable before following Beck back into the banquet hall.
Aiden grimaced as soon as we were alone, "That's your ex... the one who—"
"–Yes," I cut him off.
"What are you thinking?"
"Can we talk about it later? Right now I just want to dance, get drunk and celebrate my friend getting married."
He took my hand in his and pulled me up. "Your wish is my command."