"Yeah, it's not that easy, but Scott is always there with me, taking care of me when it gets too much. And today is the first day where I feel like I don't need to take a third pill in the afternoon..."
Scott came into their dressing room. It was four days after they had the emergency therapy with the doctor and Avi was so determined to get better.
After two rather rough days where Avi not only needed the extra dose of pills after the soundcheck, but also needed the sleeping pills and a lot of meditation and cuddles to distract himself from longing. The third day, thankfully a day off, was easier. Avi still took the third pill, because he was feeling on edge after running quite a few errands in the busy city.
Now they were in their dressing room after their soundcheck in Montana. Avi had decided against taking another pill, without telling Scott, who was running errands for them.
Upon coming back into the room, he heard that Avi was talking to someone. So he sat down on the other end of the sofa and waited.
"Yeah, Esther, I am fine right now. Looking forward to being back at home, but I am still excited to go on stage and sing..." Avi said.
Scott smiled when he heard that it was Esther Avi was talking to. He had wanted to tell her about his issues at some point and Scott was ready to sit down with him once he was ready to do so. The fact that he was now just talking to her, made him happy.
"Mmhm, he just came in. We'll have some tea now, some fruits and then it's showtime... yeah, I'll tell him. I love you too and I can't wait to see you in Visalia. Bye dear!" He put the phone away and smiled at his boyfriend. "Hi..."
Scott smiled. "Hi Love. I organised our dinner and talked to Miles, he's trying to get some sleep so he can drive a chunk through the night, maybe we can check in to the hotel before the show, I already called them and asked for an early check in" he explained.
"You're a star, really" Avi returned.
Scott smiled. "Well Esther taught me a lot about managing the tour and it's getting easier each day."
Avi smiled. "Yeah... I... called Esther and told her."
"Mmhm, I figured as much. How did she react?" Scott wanted to know.
"She was quite calm. Remember that I already went through a bad phase with other stuff. Short but extreme. I never was really dependent on anything, but I had numerous bad nights..." Avi said. "Of course she was shocked, but she trusts me, and you, of course, to deal with it wisely."
Scott smiled. "Good. And we're doing it, hmm?"
Avi nodded. "We are. I didn't take a pill this afternoon" he said softly.
"You didn't? I thought I heard you say this on the phone, but I wasn't sure" Scott said. "That's awesome! How are you feeling about it?"
"Good. I am very calm right now. Soundcheck was quick and easy, now I will spend some time in here with you, maybe meditate a little bit, have a cup of tea" Avi explained.
Scott raised an eyebrow. "When you say mediate you mean nap."
Avi grinned. "Maybe. But mediating sounds so much better, also I start the meditation and just fall asleep because I am so relaxed" he said.
"Mmhm..." Scott just hummed, he was amused as well. "But I am glad that you're feeling better and surprised that you got over it that quickly."
"I wouldn't say that I am over it, Scott. The anxiety is still there and I am fighting it a lot. And I am still taking Xanax, something which I actually want to quit once I'm back home. For now I would say that I am stable. It's hard to explain, I sometimes don't understand myself either" Avi explained and leaned his head against his boyfriend's shoulder.
"I get that, especially the part in which you don't understand yourself." Scott chuckled. "But what is important to me is that you're comfortable. With yourself, with the anxiety and with the medicine you're taking. It won't ever be perfect, I know."
"Yeah, but all I want is comfortable. I'll be okay, Scott. I know this now. I know that the therapist can help me if I want her too. And I am learning that I don't need pills to get through the day. I'm glad that you confronted me about the pills" Avi said and sighed softly. "If you hadn't..."
"I know. And I had to. It was not easy for me either, I was literally texting Mitch when you went into the bathroom and he told me that I had to do it if I wanted you to be better" Scott explained. "Anyway, enough about this, we want to look forward, hmm?" The blonde looked down and smiled when he saw that Avi had closed his eyes. "I think we're skipping meditation today, hmm?"
"Hmm? What?" Avi looked up at Scott.
"You're falling asleep. Want to get comfortable? Grab a blanket?" Scott asked.
"Mmhm.." Avi said softly and leaned up.
Scott grabbed a pillow and the blanket which were on the other side of the sofa. He handed Avi the pillow and waited until he had gotten comfortable against his chest and then spread the blanket over him.
"Why is it that we're having blankets in our dressing rooms now?" Avi asked after a moment of getting comfortable.
"Maybe your assistant sent out a note to the venues asking for one, if it was doable" Scott replied. "I hated seeing you covering yourself up with your leather jacket when you were trying to sleep."
"You're wonderful" Avi replied. "Oh by the way, before I forget it, Mia will come and see us in Seattle."
"Mia?" Scott needed a moment before he made the connection. "Oh Mia, yes. That's nice! Will she come and hang out backstage?"
Avi nodded. "Mmhm, she will. She's excited to meet you. Told her about you earlier today, so things won't get too awkward" he explained.
"I'm looking forward to meeting her, too" Scott said.
Avi smiled. "Mmhm, I'm also looking forward to you meeting my family. I can't believe that we'll arrive on the west coast tomorrow and all we have to do is go south until we are in LA."
Scott chuckled. "Well all that going south will take us about two weeks and a detour to Vegas."
"Mmhm, but still. It's all on the way back home" Avi said and yawned.
Scott smiled fondly down at his boyfriend. "Sleep, Love" he said softly and watched him for a while before he grabbed his book and started to read. Moving was not possible, he didn't want to disturb Avi and he also didn't mind. He was glad for those little breaks with Avi.
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