The Assistant | Scavi

Grounding

TW for talking about suicide. Nothing major for me, but please DM me if you're unsure!

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"Are you feeling better?" Scott asked once he noticed that Avi had calmed down.

Avi nodded. "Yes..." he whispered. "I just don't know how I deserve you, Scott. I broke your heart and still you're here."

"You broke my heart, I won't lie, you really did. But I know that you didn't do it because you wanted to..." Scott said. He wanted to say more, but this wasn't something he wanted to talk about in the kitchen. "Shall we sit down with the tea?"

Avi nodded. "Sounds like a wonderful idea. Come on, the sofa is more comfortable."

"It looks so cosy," Scott said.

"I just got it delivered before we went on tour. I had a worn-out leather sofa, but I wanted something else" Avi explained as he put down the teapot and two mugs on the table.

"Mmmh, it is comfortable," Scott said as he sat down on the sofa. He looked around. "No TV?"

Avi shook his head. "No. No TV. I decided against it. I wanted this cabin to be without much media. I just wanted to be in nature... and to be honest, I don't even miss the TV. There's so much else to do. During the day, I spend a lot of time outside, hiking, writing songs. And at night I read a lot, I do crossword puzzles. Go to bed early." Avi shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not bored at all."

"There's a lot to do, hmm? I like your concept, I feel like we all rely too much on the media sometimes and forget about the simple things" Scott said. "And I think that especially for someone who is in public a lot, like you are, it is important to unplug."

Avi nodded. "Especially right now. I... panicked, Scott. When I saw the pictures of us I was so shocked. Like I don't really remember the night. I just know that you were there, but I couldn't accept you being there. Then, when I woke up the next morning I just had to leave and I did it" he explained while he was pouring two cups of tea.

"What happened over the past days? What changed your mind?" Scott asked.

Avi sat down next to him and shrugged his shoulders. "I had time to think. Like... when I arrived here I was so distraught, I didn't know what to do. I, too, was heartbroken knowing that I had certainly lost you. Even when you texted me, I just couldn't do it. I wanted to text you back, but I couldn't" he said. "I can't even explain why it's the way it is. So I wrote the song I sent you."

"The song is beautiful, Avi. So sad, but also very beautiful" Scott spoke up.

Avi smiled slightly. "Thank you," he said. "Oh, and I went to therapy. I almost forgot about it, but Esther reminded me. I went there twice and my next appointment is in two days. Doctor Alex is helping me so much. We've started to work on coping mechanisms for my anxiety and while I think that I will need a long time to really get through it, it is already helping."

Scott furrowed his brows. "It is? I was actually scared for you to suffer from a severe attack out here."

Avi sighed. I had one bad one when I realised what I had done. I..." he shook his head. "It was bad, but I was so surprised that it was about leaving you and not about c-coming out to the public. I really didn't understand it."

Scott smiled slightly. "But it's a good sign, hmm? You're more afraid of being without me than what the public thinks about you."

"In a way you're right" Avi replied. "I mean I might need some time to really come out, but I already talked about it with the doctor and she advised me to work on it because it might be worse to be scared of people finding out. And I want to be out, Scott. I want to hold your hand in public, I want to take you out on dates, have you with me on red carpets if you want to. But I just need more time."

"And that's completely fine with me, Avi. We're doing this at your speed, not mine. I wouldn't be opposed to the things you mentioned, but for now, I don't mind spending time with you in private" Scott said and took a sip of his tea.

Avi took a sip of his tea as well and then cleared his throat. "But enough about me. How... how have you been, Scott?"

"Well it all was just a whirlwind of emotions," Scott said. "I was scared when I read your first note. I... thought you'd-" He shook his head, not wanting to say it out loud.

"Scott?" Avi asked, alarmed. "What did you think?"

"I thought you'd... when you said you needed to get out I thought you would end your life," Scott said and blinked the tears away. I was so scared for your life, Avi."

"Oh shit. I never thought that my note would do this to you. I... Scott, I never wanted to hurt you, I..." Avi shook his head and got up. He walked over to the window. "Okay. A woodpecker, the stump of the old tree, leaves falling, rays of the sun, my fireplace." He ran his hand over the wall. "The warm wood. The bumps where the branches came out. The curtains, the metal of the window handle."

Scott watched in awe as Avi did this. He knew this technique. Mitch had tried it as well but for him, it hadn't worked out. Since Avi seemed to have himself under control he stayed silent and waited.

"The rustling of the wind in the trees, the woodpecker, birds" Avi continued. Then he took a deep breath. "Wood and Scott. And the tea I just had." He turned back around. "Sorry, Scott, I-"

"I know," Scott said. I'm impressed that you're getting on with this technique so well."

"I already needed it a few times," Avi said. "And it's easy for me to do. Shifts my focus away from the panic." He sat back down next to Scott.

"Very good," Scott said. "You're really working on yourself."

Avi smiled slightly. "I want to work on myself, Scott. I want to be a better boyfriend to you. I relied so heavily on you during the tour."

Scott shook his head. "Don't do it for me, Avi, do it for you" he said. "You know that I didn't mind helping you."

"I know. And I didn't mean it like that. Let me rephrase it. I want to be able to be comfortable with who I am and I want to enjoy being your boyfriend" the bearded man said.

Scott smiled brightly. "That's good," he said and put his arm around his boyfriend, pulling him close. "Because this is all I want for you as well."

Avi relaxed immediately in Scott's embrace. "Why did you come back, Scott?"

Scott shrugged his shoulders. "Mainly because I wanted to talk to you. I wanted either a second chance for us or closure. And I am glad that we got the second chance."

Avi looked up at him. "I'm glad that you're giving me the second chance. I promise that I won't do anything like this again. I-"

But Scott silenced his boyfriend by putting his finger onto his lips. "No more apologising, Avi. I am here because I want to be here. I accept your apology and I want us to be together, okay?"

Avi nodded.

Scott smiled. "Good. Can I finally kiss you now?"

Avi couldn't help but smile widely. "Please."