Scott held his boyfriend until he had calmed down enough to talk. "Avi?"
"I... the soundcheck," Avi said and tried to get out of Scott's arms, but the blonde just held on.
"I'm not letting you go, Avi. You've been on the brink of a panic attack and I feel that you're still there" Scott said softly.
"No, I need..."
"What you need right now is some peace of mind" Scott tried again. "I'm here for you." He pressed a soft kiss onto his boyfriend's temple.
"I know that you are," Avi replied. "And I appreciate it so much. But you have to understand that this is my work. I need to push aside the feelings for thirty minutes until we're finished with soundcheck. I feel like crap, but it happens and..." he stopped and drew in a shaky breath. "Life has to go on."
"Avi..." Scott said softly, he still wasn't happy about everything. But he knew that Avi was right. He needed to go back to work, at least for thirty minutes. "Promise me that we'll talk after soundcheck?"
Avi nodded. "Please." He looked down on the floor. "I..."
Scott kissed his temple softly. "I know. I'll be there for you."
"Thank you," the bearded man said and then got up. "Can you let everyone know? I'll go to the bathroom and then I'll be ready."
"Of course, Dear" Scott replied and then left the room feeling a little unwell. Still, Avi had been right, they had work to do before they could focus on Avi's issues.
The blonde walked over to the other dressing room where he left Kaleb with the journalists. But they weren't there. He walked towards the stage and found Kaleb and Noah there. They were checking the guitars and everything, while the journalists were nowhere to be seen.
"Hi," Scott said. "Avi will be ready in five, where are the journalists?"
"They're over in the bar, having something to eat. I had hoped that you'd be... finished by the time they got back" Kaleb said softly. "How is he?"
Scott shrugged his shoulders. "Coping," he said.
"Is it his anxiety?" Noah wanted to know.
Scott nodded. "I feel like he is standing on the edge of a panic attack, but he's trying so hard to not give in. Once we're finished here, I'll try my very best to get him into a different state of mind before the concert."
"Okay... if you need help, just ask us," Noah said. "We've seen him go through it before."
Kaleb smiled slightly and looked around before he spoke up. "I don't doubt that Scott will be able to take care of Avi." He looked at the blonde and chuckled. "Don't look that surprised. Do you really think that we don't know about you?"
"Kaleb, I..."
"We know that you're dating, Noah and I" Kaleb spoke up again. We didn't want to tell Avi, because we don't know how he would react with his anxiety issues and everything."
Scott took a deep breath. "I... don't know what to say. I mean you do think it's fine, though?"
Kaleb chuckled. "That Avi likes men and that you're a couple? I'm all for it. As long as you're happy."
Scott smiled. "Thank you," he said. "We should tell him soon, maybe it'll help him see that coming out doesn't need to go bad."
"Good," Kaleb said and cleared his throat when he saw Avi walk on the stage.
Scott turned around to him and smiled, even though he noticed the red-rimmed eyes on him, but also the determination in them. "Kaleb, do I need to get the journalists?"
Kaleb just shook his head. "No, they said they would hear us. Oh and I told them that Avi had something bad for dinner last night. Avi?"
"Hmm?" The musician turned around. "Yeah, got it. Stomach bug. Definitely feels like it right now..."
Noah smiled at him. "Come on, we'll make it a quick one."
Scott left the stage to walk through the whole location to check the sound while the journalists came back after a while. They took their pictures and made a few notes before leaving again.
Once they were gone, Avi, Kaleb and Noah finished their soundcheck quickly. "That's it, isn't it?" The bearded man asked once they finished another song. He sounded drained, so bad that Kaleb was quick to agree.
"Yes, Avi. You go and rest, okay?"
Avi nodded and hurried to get back to his dressing room.
Scott wanted to follow him, but he stopped to talk to Noah and Kaleb. "I'll take care of him now. Can anyone of you organise dinner? And maybe let us know 30 minutes before showtime?"
Noah nodded. "Of course. You take care of Avi, we'll do the rest."
"Thank you," Scott said before he hurried backstage to join Avi. He knocked at the door of the dressing room and was surprised to find Avi pouring two cups of tea. "Hey," the blonde said softly.
"Hey" Avi whispered. "Thought we'd need some tea?"
Scott nodded. "Always." He sat down on the sofa and patted the space beside him.
Avi sat down next to him and put the teacups on the table.
Scott looked at his boyfriend for a long moment and then asked him. "How are you?"
"Drained," Avi said. "And on edge. I keep breathing, try to stay calm, because I cannot panic right now, I need to function."
"Not right now, Avi. You're with me now. I am here for you" Scott said. He took a deep breath. "What are you sorry for, Avi?"
"Lying... about us, about Mia" Avi said. "It's so unfair. And it makes me uncomfortable."
Scott nodded. "I get that. I won't lie, it made me uncomfortable as well. But not because of me, because of you, because I know that this is a soft spot for you" he said softly.
Avi nodded. "It is," he said and shook his head. He started to play with his fingers, started to pick at a piece of skin and only stopped when Scott took his hands.
"Avi, what do you need right now? How can I help you?" He asked.
Avi shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I don't even know why I am starting to panic, Scott."
"Maybe... I don't want to put something into your head, but maybe it is because you were stressed at this moment? Stressed about what I would think and about the journalists finding out about your lie?" Scott mused.
Avi took a moment to think about what Scott had said and then nodded slowly. "Yeah..." he then said and took a deep breath. "Thank you. I'm just so overwhelmed. I didn't expect to be thrown into such a situation..."
Scott shook his head. "It's fine. Just tell me what you need, I'm here with you."
"Just... hold me?"
Scott nodded. "I can do that," he said and leaned back. "Come here?"
Avi hummed and climbed on top of his boyfriend. He sat down in his lap, with his legs on Scott's right side. "Okay?"
The blonde put his arms around the bearded man. "Of course," he said. "As long as you're comfortable.
Avi leaned his head against his boyfriend's chest and listened closely to the beating of his heart. It was regular, calming. So was the smell of Scott and the warmth that came from being held. He closed his eyes and sighed softly, as he tried to relax.
"How are you feeling, Avi?" Scott asked him when he saw him shifting after a while.
Avi opened his eyes again and looked into Scott's eyes. "Better. Calm. Your presence is helping so much right now. I focused on your heartbeat for a while and now I feel ready to tackle the rest of the day."
Scott smiled. "But we still have time. No need to hurry."
Avi hummed. "I never said that I had any plans to get away from here. Can I use you to nap?"
Scott rocked him slightly, back and forth. "Of course you can. I'll make sure to wake you up."
"Thank you," Avi said softly. He laid his head back down against Scott's chest and held onto his shirt with one of his hands as he drifted off.
He only woke up when he heard voices. And he felt Scott's voice vibrating in his chest.
"Mmhm, Scott?" Avi hummed and opened his eyes slowly.
"Shh, dear" Scott whispered. "Everything is alright."
But when Avi looked around and saw Kaleb standing in the room, he gasped. "No... no, Scott. Kaleb, I can explain." He tried to get away from his boyfriend, but Scott held on to him tightly.
Kaleb approached them and sat down on the other side of the sofa. "There's no need to explain, Avi. We know, Noah and I. We know that you and Scott are dating and we are very happy for you."
Avi looked at Scott with his eyes wide open. He felt that he was slipping into a panic, but tried his very best to hold on to something. "You... you told them? Scott, I trusted you!"
Scott shook his head. "I didn't tell them."
"That's true, Avi," Kaleb said. "We've been spending so much time with you and we just noticed the looks, the smiles, the kind words. And it is good. We accept it."
Scott saw that Avi was listening to the other man, but he just knew that the words didn't reach him. The musician was already way too deep in his panic.
His hands were sweaty, he was fidgeting and his breathing became irregular.
"Avi... Avi, it's fine, I am here. Try to calm down, okay? Breathe a little slower" Scott said. He raised his hand and felt for Avi's pulse. It was racing.
"Scott? Is everything alright?" Kaleb asked. "Can I help you?"
"I might need a little bag for him to breathe in, just in case he starts hyperventilating. Apart from this I just need quiet" Scott said. He was surprised that he was so calm and controlled, but he knew that he needed to be in order to help his boyfriend.
He looked down at Avi, who still was shaking and breathing heavily. "Avi," he said with a firm voice. "Avi you have to listen to me now." He started talking, hoping that Avi would hear him, hoping that he would be able to focus on his voice the way he had when he had the panic attack before the tour. Scott didn't know what else to do and he was scared for Avi.
The fact that the musician had to be ready to go on stage in about 45 minutes was unimportant, he just hoped that he would be able to get out of his panic for his own good.
So he just kept talking, hoping to get any kind of reaction of his boyfriend.
Suddenly, Avi opened his eyes and Scott was able to see the pure fear in them "Scott... help me, I can't breathe..."
Scott only took a split second to decide. "Kaleb?" He called over. "Call 911, please. Be quick please!"
~~~~~~~~~~