"Morning Mom, you're up really early."
"Morning Baby," she answered without looking up from her phone. "I should be saying that to you."
"I'm going to talk to Tia."
She quirked an eyebrow. "Does this mean—"
"–I don't want to talk to Eli, not right now, maybe not ever. I have to go, I'll see you later."
"Have fun? Can I say that?"
"Yes you can Mom. Enjoy your day."
Jackson was already downstairs waiting for me. He grinned as he opened my door to let me in before walking round to the driver's seat. "Good morning Miss Normani."
"Morning Jax, you're in a good mood."
"It's better now that you're here Miss Normani."
I rolled my eyes. "Did you miss me Jax?"
"Dreadfully," he put a hand on his forehead and sighed dramatically. "I enjoy Miss Dinah's company very much but I was very worried about you. You seem fine though."
"I am, I have a great job and an even better girlfriend, I'm honestly living the dream."
"So you're going to Tia's. Last time you were there didn't end so well."
I sighed, "Yeah but I need to talk to her."
I took a deep breath to calm myself before knocking on the door to Tia's house. Instead of Tia, Zoe opened the door; my heart broke when she didn't jump into my arms like she always did. "Hi Normani." This was going to be hard.
"Hey Zoe," I said as I crouched down. "Is your Mom here?"
"She is, I thought you were the pizza man. Mommy's letting us have pizza for breakfast."
"Sorry to disappoint kid." I sighed.
Her eyes flicked to my neck. "You're not wearing it." Zoe's voice radiated disappointment, and for a moment I wished the ground could swallow me whole.
"It's right here," I said, pulling it out of my pocket. "I'm really sorry about the other night."
"We didn't get to cut the cake, or finish our game."
"I'm know, I'm really sorry about leaving like that."
Zoe shrugged. "It's okay."
"Maybe we can cut cake another time?"
"I guess," she shrugged again.
"Can I come inside?"
"Okay," she walked away from the door and left it open for me to follow. If I hadn't been living this situation, I'd laugh. But as it was, I wanted her to scream at me and be angry. Anger wouldn't be tearing at my heart the way that her disappointment did.
Still, I didn't give up, or give in to the urge to run again. Zoe sat in the living room playing with her toys. I noticed that Tia was standing in the middle of the living room, at a loss for words.
"Hey T, can I talk to Zoe for a moment?"
"Sure," she answered before going back to the kitchen.
I sat down beside Zoe and prayed for strength. "Hey Zoe, are you mad at me for leaving on Sunday?"
"Uncle Sam said seeing him made you really sad. That's why you left."
"Are you sad that I left?"
She continued staring down at her toys. "It was a stupid party."
I shut my eyes and for the first time, I realized that although I needed to be alone, and there wasn't anything inherently wrong with that, I'd hurt Zoe in the process. "It wasn't stupid party, I was looking forward to it all weekend. Do you ever feel really sad?"
"Sometimes, Mommy always reads me a story and sings to me."
"That night, I felt so sad that I eventually had to call my mommy because I wanted to cry. And when I'm that sad, I don't like to be around anyone, because I don't want to make anyone sad."
"But friends are supposed to be there to give you hugs and fist bumps."
"I know kid. What sucks most is that I ended up making you feel sad anyway didn't I?"
"I tried to wait for you to come back, but you didn't."
I blinked back tears. I prided myself on my ability to keep my emotions in check, but here I was, being brought to my knees by a six year old.
"I'm so sorry Zoe, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I promise you it won't happen again."
"You won't leave again?"
"I won't leave without telling you where I'm going if that's okay with you? Sometimes I have to go to other places for work, but I'll remember to tell you and I'll make sure Mommy let's us FaceTime. How does that sound?"
"Pinkie swear?"
"Pinkie swear."
I looked up at the sound of the back door opening slightly. "Do you mind if I go and talk to JJ for a moment?"
"But you'll come back right?"
My heart broke when I saw the look on her face. "I'll be back, I promise. I won't leave you again without saying anything."
"Okay."
JJ was out back, shooting hoops or at least attempting to; he missed every single shot that he made. "I suck at basketball too kid, don't worry. There's a whole bunch of us out there."
"My dad keeps trying to teach me but I don't get it."
"That's 'cause your dad's a bad teacher. Trust me I know. Come sit beside me."
He sat down and continued bouncing the ball between his legs. "My dad said he broke your heart and that's why you left on Sunday."
"What else did he say?"
"When I asked him if you weren't going to be friends with us anymore he said that you're not like that. When you make promises, you don't break them. Not like he did with you. He also said that we have to give you time. Is it true?"
I sighed, the last thing I wanted to do was come to Eli's defense. But that's what JJ needed, so that's what I did. "When your dad and I knew each other, he was going through a lot, and he was always sad. And sometimes when people are sad, they do things, but about sad too. I'm not saying it's okay, the people you're close to shouldn't hurt you or let you down like that, but it does happen. And it doesn't always mean that you aren't important to them or that they're doing things on purpose. Your dad did hurt me and I haven't seen him in eight years, that's why I was so sad when I saw him on Sunday and that's why I needed time. But no matter what happened between him and I a long time ago, he's still your dad and he loves you so much okay? I'm sorry for disappearing on you the way that I did."
"I forgive you," JJ said with a smile that disappeared a moment later. "What about my dad? Will you forgive him and be his friend again, he's really sorry."
"Your dad and I have to have a really long conversation that I'm not ready to have yet before we even think about being friends again. But you and I are good, we'll always be good."
"Thanks Mani," JJ threw his arms around my neck before running back inside the house. A moment later I heard the sound of the play station turning on and I smiled. Crisis averted.
"You handled that like a pro," Tia said as she came outside. "I think he needed to hear it from you, but I'm sorry that you had to do that."
I shrugged, "it's okay. I'm sorry I put you in this position."
"It's not your fault Mani, if anything it's mine. I should have asked more questions."
"I don't know how this will work going forward, but I don't want this friendship to end. Neither does Dinah."
"Yeah we've been talking and I don't want it to end either. We'll figure things out with Sam and Ana in a way that doesn't mean you have to speak to him at all."
"Does he expect me to speak to him?"
Tia shook her head. "No he doesn't. He wants to, but he has no expectations."
"Do you think I should speak to him?"
"I think that you painted him a certain way in your mind and that helped you get over him. But he's not that guy anymore and you need to be prepared for him to be more like the person that you fell in love with than the monster that broke your heart before you talk. Because there are things he might tell you that will leave you confused and asking more questions than answering them."
"My mom said something along those lines. Choie and Miche straight up don't want me to speak to him, which I understand. And Dinah wants me to do what's best for me. She also understands if I choose to speak to him."
Tia sighed, "oh you also need to balance your need for closure with your desire to move on in your new relationship."
"So yes or no?"
"Not right now I think."
"Okay, not right now then."
Tia laughed after a moment. "You know I half expected this to be the difficult conversation, but of course my daughter decided to upstage me."
"Yeah she gave me a hard time, and rightly so. The conversation with JJ was hard, but more bearable."
"I'm really glad you're here, I would have hated to lose you as a friend. I would have hated having to explain why to Zoe and JJ."
I shook my head, "even if you did know and didn't say anything, I would have forced the issue and made peace with you somehow. You didn't actually participate in any of what happened. Makes no sense to hold that grudge."
"You know we have to get you a cake and do the whole happy birthday thing right? Zoe will shove some of that cake in your face as payback."
"Do we have to?"
"Unfortunately yes. Are you free?"
I nodded, "I have to go and meet Miss Connie for coffee later but yeah I'm free for now."
"Amazing, I will ask Louis to pick one up."
"How's that going by the way. Have you guys done the nasty? Is he good in bed? If he isn't I'll be disappointed because the way that man moves his waist is criminal."
Tia's eyes widened. "Okay relax. It's going well and no. I have kids so being alone isn't that easy. And I'd rather not have one of them come into my room in the middle of the night after a nightmare and find a naked man on top of me."
"Dinah and I will babysit. Tell me when and we've got you. I suggest his place the first time. It might be a little weird getting it on here, given that there'll be kids toys dotted about and what not."
"Why are you working so hard to get me laid?"
"I'm always in wing woman mode, plus you deserve to have a little adult fun and I am more than happy to have JJ and Zoe over for a sleep over anytime."
"Okay then how about tonight?"
"Done!" I said immediately, which earned me a laugh. "I'm serious and you're laughing at me."
Tia shook her head, "okay we haven't gone that far, but we've gone far enough for me to know that it'll be worth the wait when it happens."
I stood and lifted my hands to the sky. "I would like to take full credit for bringing you two together. Wouldn't have happened without me."
"Sit down please," Tia laughed. "I haven't told the kids yet."
"I want full details about your all night study session."
Tia rolled her eyes. "Why are you like this?"
"Studying anatomy."
"The anatomy of his dick," we both said at the same time and burst into laughter.
"Okay he's way too innocent for us to be talking about him like this."
I frowned, "where's the pizza man at? Zoe said you're letting them have pizza for breakfast."
"They already had breakfast," Tia answered with a laugh. "Louis's coming over with pizza for lunch but Zoe's insisting it's opposite day. Which makes no sense because lunch doesn't have an opposite."
"Yes it does Mommy!"
"Yes it does Mommy," I mouthed. "Come on, let's go and play games while we wait for the pizza man."
Dinah
I smiled when I saw the gift bag. At first I thought 28 gifts was a little overboard and Normani was overcompensating a little for the whole Eli thing, but other than the tickets to see Ariana, she hadn't given me anything huge. It was all stuff I wanted to get or do, but hadn't had the time to yet.
When I finally decided to get out of bed, I realized I was alone. Normani went to talk to Tia, and although she had asked if I wanted to be there, I knew I wasn't the one who needed to hash things out with Tia. Andrea and Derrick had plans too, so I had the apartment to myself. But I felt weird about taking a bath when they might just come home anytime, so after a quick shower, I decided to head to my apartment.
As I was opening the door to leave, I saw Choie and Miche coming out of the elevator towards the door. "Oh Mani's not here, she went to Tia's."
Choie's face went from relieved to concerned. "Is that a good idea?"
"Oh no she's talking to Tia but she wants nothing to do with Eli for now. She should be back later if she hasn't been roped into doing something with Zoe."
"We're not here to see Mani, we're here to see you."
"Oh?" I quirked an eyebrow, curiosity momentarily winning out over the disappointment that I couldn't go and be alone. I walked back into into the apartment, leaving the door open behind me so they could follow. "What's up?"
Neither of them answered first and when I turned around, Miche was looking down while Choie paced around the living room.
"Okay now I'm mildly concerned. What's going on?"
"Mani can't talk to Eli ever."
"Why? And why are you telling me this and not her?"
"Because there's a very real possibility that you'll lose her if she does."
I wasn't prepared for what I heard next, and I wished I had the ability to unhear things when they were done speaking. A heavy silence settled over the room when they were done speaking, every time I opened my mouth to speak, my brain couldn't come up with the right words. So we all sat knee deep in awkward silence.
I flinched when the front door opened and Normani walked into the room looking very cheerful. The churning in my stomach got worse when she came over and kissed me. Finally she stopped moving around and she looked between the three of us with looks equally filled with suspicion and confusion.
"Did I interrupt something?" Normani asked slowly. "I just came by to get something before going out. Then you guys can continue planning a surprise?"
The way she wiggled her eyebrows made me laugh, and for a moment, the earlier tension was forgotten. "Yes babe, you caught us. Thank you by the way, this is perfect."
"As if it wouldn't be. Are you sure everything's good, this looked kind of serious."
I nodded, "I'm sure baby. I should actually go and make the most of my empty apartment. Mila's been spending a lot of time at Vaea's the last few days."
Normani shrugged and kissed me again before running upstairs. My eyes flicked back to Choie and Miche.
"He was never good for her, even before his issues but she suffered so much emotional abuse that she doesn't see that the good times weren't that good. If she asks for your advise tell her to do whatever she feels is best, but she can't talk to him."
"Did I just interrupt again?" Normani asked as she came back downstairs.
"Yes Mani, we're planning another surprise for you."
"How'd your conversation with Tia go?"
She shrugged, "okay, I believe her. I'm going to meet Connie for coffee, we can talk about it later?"
"Sure."
"Alright well I guess I'll leave you to it."
"What if I can't stop her," I said once Normani was gone. "If I'm suddenly negative, she'll think something's up. She'll think I'm insecure and she hasn't even given me a reason to feel that way."
"Then don't seem to eager to dissuade her. But don't encourage her either. If she does talk to him then we'll deal with the fallout then."
"She deserves to know what really happened, all of it."
"Aren't you scared that it'll change things."
I shrugged, "I don't know."
Except I did know, and I wasn't wrong either.
I didn't go home, at least not immediately, although I did still want a day out on my own. Instead, I found myself walking into a cafe to meet Ana who'd called not long after I left Normani's place and asked if we could meet.
I decided to take a train to Brooklyn for a change, something I decided I'd start doing more often. I had grown to accustomed to being chauffeured around.
Ana was already at a table, fumbling with something on her phone. I sat down opposite her and crossed one leg over the other.
"You wanted to meet?"
"We both have a vested interest in keeping Normani and Sam apart."
I scoffed, "you think one conversation is going to rekindle a flame that died years ago."
"I think you don't know what they were like together. And Sam is an even better version of the man that Normani fell in love with. Do you really want to risk it?"
"I shouldn't have even come here. This was only every going to be a waste of my time."
I decided to walk to my apartment. It was more than a few blocks, but I needed time to clear my head. I knew I couldn't be the one to break the news to Normani that there was so much more to her breakup than she realized, it had to come from Choie and Miche, and all I could do was try to convince them that telling her the truth was for the best.
With each stride, my mind became more clear, more resolute; I had spent most of the relationship going with the flow while occasionally helping Normani steer our relationship in the direction that we both wanted it to go, but I had to fight. Because no matter how much I lied and told everyone that I had the utmost confidence and belief in Normani when she told me that I was the love of her life, Eli had a connection with her that we didn't have yet.
As the last warm rays of the soon to set sun caressed my skin, the end of the day promising a new one tomorrow, I felt more in charge, more in command of my mind, my body and soul.
The fairy lights from dinner with Normani the other night were still up in the apartment. They were on, and I could hear soft music coming from the bathroom. I walked in and found the scented candles already lit, the bathtub caddy set up with my kindle, a glass of wine and the bottle by the side as well as the scented candles and crystals set up around the bathtub.
Normani walked into the bathroom a moment later and smiled when she saw me. "Hey babe, I was supposed to be gone before you get back."
"Is this for me?"
"Oh yeah, so I wasn't sure about the crystals, but Lauren swears by them and I thought why not. Anyway, I got your self care music playlist set up, your kindle's ready. I ordered dinner for you and it's in the kitchen whenever you want it. Oh and there's birthday cake in the fridge if you want some a little later."
I tried to blink back my tears, but they started falling faster than I could get rid of them. I covered my face and felt Normani wrap her arms around me.
"Talk to me babe, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, you're just, this is so sweet. No one's ever done anything like this for me."
"Well you should get used to it because it'll be happening a lot more often."
"Thank you babe," I murmured. "I'm sorry."
Normani frowned, "I don't want to leave you but this is supposed to be a solitary thing."
"Then don't go, but like be not here?"
She laughed, "I have my laptop, and I need to get a lot of work done. So how about I do that while you relax. Don't feel any pressure to come out until you're ready. And if you need anything just shout."
"You'd do that?"
"Yes babe I would. Oh I got you one of those bathtub heaters so the water stays warm." I covered my face again. "No no no no no, don't cry, please don't cry. I'll get rid of the heater."
I looked up at her and quirked an eyebrow. "Why would you do that?"
"I don't know, everything I'm doing is making you cry."
"Okay no more crying, but don't be overly sweet. I'm feeling extremely emotional today."
"I can tell, alright I'll be outside but not here."