CHAPTER 68 - CONFESSIONS
The wind blew against my hair as I looked up at the sky. A clear blue that reminded me of the times when the weather was less clouded. If I had to link this clear blue to something, I'd link it to the amount of things I have learnt and rediscovered in the timespan of waking up. Sighing, Adams eyes met mine again and I smiled before looking away.
"Let's split up." He said as he walked to the back of the petrol station.
I nodded before walking around the petrol pumps in circles, looking behind them to see if there were any gasoline cans behind them. Sighing, I looked around as the birds started chirping again. I noticed Adam coming back from the pump, looking rather deflated until he saw me. My heart pounded in my chest as our eyes locked as he walked towards me with a smile straight after.
I tore my eyes from him as he rubbed his neck before sitting next to the pump that was in front of me. For a moment, I saw Adam's hand shake as he sat on the concrete, making my stomach churn. I didn't even want to think about what happened to him when he was kidnapped for such a long time. The image of him when we saw each other again made me feel sick to the stomach as my throat dried up until I shook my head. It's all the past. Yet, if the past never let's go of the person, then there really is no way out.
Wait, Adam and I might be in the situation, right? Our pasts are haunting us daily. Yet, this was a trauma that will stay with him for life. There's no way that would impact my choice to stay with him or not.
"Adam- I've wanted to ask this for a while." I muttered as he looked up at me.
I held his shaking hand before sitting down with him.
"Are you okay?" I said quietly as Adam looked away with his eyebrows furrowed.
"What do you mean?" He said with a fake smile, "I'm fine."
I looked away before rubbing his knuckles with my fingers softly, in circles as I felt as if the world had stopped turning. It was just us. Adam looked away as he licked his lips.
"You can talk to me." I said as I continued to rub his knuckles in circular motions before his eyes met mine.
Adam nodded as I leaned against the petrol pump, looking at the sky with his hand in mine. We sat there for a while, embracing the silence as I waited for him to say something.He sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"Everything is replaying in my mind. It won't go away- it's the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to sleep. I feel trapped in it all." He muttered as he let out a shaky breath.
I listened carefully as I let go of his hand. What if he gets triggered by physical contact? Should I keep my distance?
"Does anything remind you of what happened?" I said as I rubbed my knuckles.
Adam nodded slowly as he turned his head to face me, we were a few inches away from each other.
"Darkness, sometimes being touched where they've hit me." Adam said as he looked at my lips and turned away.
My heart pounded in my chest as I looked away too, I grabbed a fistful of my jacket. Adam looked at me for a moment.
"You don't think it's pathetic?" He said as he looked at me.
"No, not at all. I understand." I said as he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and hesitated to let go.
Adam smiled as he rested his head on my shoulder, I ran my fingers through his hair and noticed how it had grown a lot more than before. His hands traced my waist as I felt the air being caught in my throat. Our eyes locked again until I got up and brushed the dirt from my jeans. Adam raised his eyebrows at me before coughing and then grinning at me as he got up too.
"Let's find that petrol." He said with a small smile as I looked away.
I watched him as he rubbed his neck until I turned around and noticed the one place we didn't check. The shed next to the petrol pump shop.
The petrol can was in the corner of the wooden shed, the white case was engraved in my mind as the image of my father's house burning was engraved in my mind playing like a broken record.
We ran towards the shed and we stood next to each other as we accidentally grazed our hands against each other as we grabbed the can handle. I smiled at him as our eyes met, we didn't look away as I tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. He was the first one to look away as he took the can off me and opened the door for me.
"Adam, wait." I muttered as I looked away, feeling a sudden urge to hide away from him. as I walked into one of the shelves.
Foolish, I know. Our eyes met as he ran back into the shed, I watched the door shut as I felt Adam pull me towards the as the boxes fell to the floor with a thud. His eyes met mine, it was as if he was searching for something within them or that he had noticed something. but what was it?
The door shut on its own but we didn't care.
"Be careful." He muttered as he pulled me away as he grabbed me by the shoulders, "your eyes look beautiful. Especially the yellow bits."
I looked away as I muttered a thank you, my heart raced. Adam's words replayed in my head. He called me beautiful for a second time now.
"Adam," I said softly as I hugged him, inhaling his scent.
"Hm?" He said.
"Try to stay in one piece before we get home." I said quietly before kissing his cheek and walking out of the door.
Adam smiled as he touched his cheek in front of me, his cheeks weren't pink but his eyes glimmered in a way I never expected them to when we are together.
I could sense him staring at me as he followed me with the can in his hand.
"I'll try to." He shouted as I leaned against the gas pump, watching him pour the petrol into the motorbike after unscrewing the lid.
I smiled as I ran my fingers through my hair and before we knew it, the motorbike was full of fuel again. Adam threw the can towards the shop when it was completely empty. It landed with a thud as his eyes locked on mine again while he walked to the motorbike.
"How long will that petrol last?" I said as I ran my fingers through my hair.
Adam screwed the lid to his motorbike before sitting on it as he looked at me.
"There's more than enough until we get there. Just tell me- what will we do about us?" He asked as he smiled.
Walking up to him, I sighed as I looked away.
"No idea-" I muttered as I met his eyes and felt my heart pounding in my chest when he leaned towards me.
Adam ran his fingers through his hair before grabbing my hand.
"We'll think of something eventually." He said softly as he rubbed my knuckles the same way that I did for him.
My mind was racing as I could feel my hands becoming sweaty. Why on earth did I feel this way? I can't keep it bottled up anymore- my feelings were blatantly obvious. So why was I hesitating for so long?
I grabbed Adam by the collar and pulled him closer to me. We were a few inches away from each other, I could feel his breath against my lips as he ran his fingers through my hair and placed his hand on the back of my neck. What on earth was I doing? I couldn't control myself anymore.
"What is it?" He said as he glanced at my lips, his cheeks stained red.
I pressed his lips against mine.
"I'm in love with you." I said as I pulled away.
Before I could respond, Adam grabbed me by the waist and tugged me towards him. I could feel his chest against mine as he slammed his lips against mine.
"I love you too." He muttered after we parted from the kiss to hand me his helmet.
"Let's go." I said as I sat behind him.
For once in my life, I couldn't help but smile.