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Four boys stood right in front of us while we practically shrink under their gaze.
We were all waiting for the tour bus that'll be used until we reached London — and it was going so well up until we boarded and found ourselves in a private room to avoid being noticed by fans, and while we wait patiently for the ride. Luke and I were, well, we're not holding hands anymore. We were afraid to move or the boys in front of us will lose their shit. They still didn't know about the whole — whole thing and I was not out of the loop just yet. Not when Ashton and Mikey are still unaware of what happened to me, to us, after the night we consecutively disappeared.
"So..." I say lowly, laying my hands down that Calum and Kyle stood back soon when Ashton raised his hands and opened his mouth.
"We'll talk about this on the bus." Mikey nodded at the suggestion that Luke and I shared a knowing gaze before nodding. "And you," Ashton followed, pointing back to the two men who thought they were already on the safe zone. "Have a lot of explaining to do, too." We all nodded like children being reprimanded. Finding it a little funny albeit the growing tension still thick in the air.
Kat called us out right after, leaving Luke and I where he pulled me close and kissed my forehead again. As if it wasn't already filled with enough of Luke Hemmings. "It'll be fine." Sadly, we had to pull away in the public to avoid raising the blood pressure of their PR Manager, and as to avoid any more questions and issues and tabloids about us. I've already seen enough and some are not really — just not good all in all.
Not when I'm called a groupie, again, after almost three years of silence.
I couldn't remember how much that word annoyed me until now. And it annoyed me a bunch, apparently.
We reached the bus just then, the usual look of it that it felt like home by now I didn't need adjusting anymore. Situating my bunk in the middle, just below Kyle and right across Luke who specifically wanted to make sure I was within his line of vision. I guess I'm not the only one still making sure this is — real. He might not admit it at all, but the way he held my hand says a lot about what's on his mind.
"Band meeting! And Kyle." Ashton blared from the lounge area at the very back of the bus. One with windows at the either side with a clear view of the road, and a leather sofa circled around the area. It fitted all six of us perfectly as we sat there rather awkwardly, and as Ashton and Mikey continued to eye Luke's hands around my waist while we were at the center of all the attention.
"I'll start." There has to be someone to initiate the conversation and I was the only person who could do it — so I did it and told everything. Right from the very start leaving no stones unturned.
Starting from when I admitted the reason for leaving, to not knowing I was gonna meet them again. To when I shared everything to Kyle, and up until Calum knew it the minute I messed up. I hadn't even had the chance to gauge their reactions when I kept my eyes trained on Luke's hand already in mine, when while telling all of them about the survivor badge that he saw, that it was all from the support group Eric wanted me to join to adjust in the society. Which I never really did — because I was fully adjusted from the thought of meeting Luke again, and wanting to be the best version of myself soon when he sees me.
Though, things really had its way of coming altogether.
"And I was gonna lie to all of you. I admit that. Kyle knows it all too well that I'm too weak to tell everything — too enveloped at the thought of what it's going to do to Luke — to all of you. And to me. The truth was a heavy burden to carry and I thought you didn't deserve to hold it, not when we've all got our own lives together. Not when Mike's about to get married, not when Ash is happily going through his gym phase, and not when Calum is living the best of his bachelor life with all you guys. I couldn't justify telling the truth when I thought Luke was going to be happy without me. When I thought he forgot about me, completely... But I guess the circumstances hardened my courage so much from three agonizing months of waiting, of hoping things will get better, and three months of trying and failing to stay away from the only man I've managed to love more than my life."
I stopped, finally catching my breath and looking up, finding every single one of them nearly bawling their eyes out I didn't notice I was, too.
Luke nuzzled his forehead down on my shoulders and feeling enough warmth on it to know he's crying — all of us were. "Boo..." Mikey was the first to call out to me when he leaned past Luke's lap and held on to my waist. Crying all the same I feel so awful for doing to the boys I've never seen cry like this since forever.
"I'm so sorry." I darted my eyes to Ash and he pursed his lips, smiling at me as a tear fell out of his eye. His hands reaching out to me on the table that I deliberately pulled him to me and hugged him. "I know it's too much. I know. But I'm gonna make it up to all of you if it takes the rest of our lives." Calum and Kyle joined in on our group hug and we spent a few minutes holding on to each other tight, lifting a torn out of my chest. Like — the only one left buried was unearthed and it was all completely blissful now.
"I think—" Mikey started, pulling away just then, all except Luke who stayed glued on to my shoulders. "It's fair to say we all had to make up for each other. We know we've not been the best for — you know, being mad at you when we didn't even know what happened."
"Mikey, you don't have to."
"No, Mike's right." Ashton muttered, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "We just... accepted the truth that our best friend is gone without knowing what really happened and we owe you that much. We all owe each other an apology." My heart warmed from such great friends I've managed to make in this life. I wouldn't want it either way.
"I feel like a vacation after tour is in order?" Calum chimed in and everyone chirped about the idea. Thinking it was good and I was all for it, just before I realized Luke was still leaning on my shoulders.
"Hey, Luke. Are you okay?" The talk about going to Fiji slowly died down from the background that the rest of the boys gave me an encouraging smile before leaving us alone at the lounge.
"You really love me that much, Theo?" My heart skipped a beat at his question that I held on his cheeks and urged his head up, drowning at his ocean eyes with a smile etched on my lips.
"You don't even know, Luke Hemmings." He smiled, reaching in to give me a kiss that made my head swim.
"How have I been so goddamn lucky!" Luke yelled the last word, making me laugh at the ridiculousness soon when Ashton's voice blared from outside the door.
"We get it! You're in love! Now if you don't 'mind' let's talk about Fiji again!"
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About two hours of arguing whether we'll go to Fiji or Switzerland (as per the request of Mikey himself), we've managed to get over it as soon as we put our heads in the game. All because we forgot to put aside our personal lives — and focus less on the work we should actually be doing.
And that earned a thirty minute conversation from Kat who's not really mad — just a little miffed about the last video delay, but still encouraging at the last minute. She managed to make us haul our ass out from doing extra work, which Kyle and I are willing to make up for, and had given us a slightly strict timeframe without questions asked. "Oh, and Theo?" Kat called just as I started fixing up my equipment for the day, my vision darting at her all-knowing smirk, "Congratulations." I rolled my eyes at the insinuation, laughing to myself at that as Kyle nudged me over.
"Kat's really cool like that." He said, in which I agree with all my heart. "And as your supposed boss, I'm gonna need you to set up faster, I have so much in store for you today—"
"I'll kick your ass, Kyle Jimenez."
"No, you won't!" He retorted, backing up the backstage that I managed to flip him off before going back to what I was doing.
It didn't take me long to have all my effects with me soon as I went ahead and rounded about on the arena. As Kat's major rule, Kyle will take over the boys as a way to get us all productive all because she thought Luke would have to get used to 'no-smooching-while-at-work' rule we've set up to get our jobs done at the right time, and that she thought I was great with the audiences because of my connections with the band. It was a great idea — I mean, up until Luke and I saw each other on soundcheck, and while he kept winking at me at the same damn time.
I tried to ignore it, honestly. But it was no use whenever he smile like that. Like he knew what it'll do to me, he knew how powerful that damn charming smile is and it could almost always make me do anything.
"Hey, sweetheart." For the love of — "Give me a smile, will you?" The boys groaned the same as me when I rolled my eyes and looked away, trying my best to get my head on the job when he called again, "Please, my love?" I squirmed — literally, and I'm currently all out of breath when I couldn't help but smile at his antics.
"Behave, Luke Hemmings." I said as Mike threw his cap at the vocalist who stood there, stuck looking at me, and effectively pulling him away when he backed up laughing his ass off.
"It's 2017 all over again!" Ashton said loud on his microphone, making me grin.
"Tell me about it!" Calum added while fixing his guitar and I stood there, raising up my camera because I couldn't do anything while waiting and I wasn't about to deny I'm enjoying the stares Luke was giving me.
"I thought we're over that era?" Mike quipped next, looking at me playfully that I merely rolled my eyes.
"When are we ever over that era?" Luke asked innocently while standing over the mic, looking at me next that I know every single time he looks at me like that, he's gonna say something my heart will whore over for. Again and again. "I'm never gonna be over you, sweetheart."
"Kat will bust my ass for this, you know that, right?" I finally say, my — wait — is he my — boyfriend again?
Huh, I guess we never established that.
"You okay, Theo?" My eyes flickered back to Luke who I know is already worrying by the tone of his voice that I shook my head and smiled.
"Play something for the content." I didn't know why that bothered me, though. I guess we're too old for labelling things we already know, but still, there's something in me that wanted whatever we have to be official. I wanted it to be said, for the sake of my sanity, but that's gonna have to wait.
For now, work.
Work.
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It didn't take long for the gig to start and I found Kyle in the middle of the barricade. I spent a lot of time from interviewing some girls just to add something unique and with a little personal touch we've never done before on the diaries. That, and it's quite cool hanging out with some of their fans. I guess it took me a very long time judging now that the band's already at their third song.
"Prince Charming kept looking here I'm beginning to be creeped out." Kyle said incredulously, making me laugh as I met the eyes of the man in topic. "I mean — literally every five minutes he kept staring at me, do you think that dude has a crush on me or something?" I nudged him and leaned forward all while still watching, hearing a laugh from Kyle as he followed suit.
"What's bothering you, princess?" He asked instantly amidst the noise, my brows furrowing from the sudden question. "I think I've learned alot about you in a span of three months — and it's a long time to know that if my jokes doesn't make you threaten me, then something has to be bothering you."
"Oh, come on, Kyle. I'm okay." He looked at me even more, as if his look could make me say what it is just like that. "Kyle, I'm okay." I repeated, and he kept looking at me inquisitively like a goddamn FBI agent that I shoved him on the shoulders and chuckled. "Fine. I'm gonna tell. Only if you promise to keep it to yourself."
"When have I ever snitched on you?"
"A lot of times!" I say, wanting to remind him of the times he made me sit next to Luke, made me talk to him, go near him among other things that he raised his hands and nodded before I could start.
"Alright, true. Now, what is it?"
I bit my lip, looking at the boys playing in front of me just as their fans squealed right behind. All of which couldn't faze me from the thought bugging my head. "It's stupid, really..." Kyle only raised his brow, as if he's been used to it by now that I sighed and just went with it. "It came to me a while ago while we're on soundcheck. And, I mean, you know what Luke and I have right now, right?"
"If you mean the constant pet names, cuddling, and holding hands — and annoying smooching, then yes. We are all aware."
"Shut up!" I say, half laughing and half embarrassed they all get to witness everything. "Yes, that, and then I wonder — what are we? Like, fine. We just fixed things, we just got over this one big problem and it's gonna take some time. But I feel like I deserve to hear it from him."
"Theo, come on."
"Kyle, I'm Luke-deprived for three years, I want to hear him call me his girlfriend just once, again, just because." It was a stupid point to make for someone like me that I could understand why Kyle is laughing his ass off right now. But I let him finish his three-minute belly aching laugh before he wiped his teary eyes from all that fit he just had. "Are you done?"
"Yes, I'm done." He held on to my shoulders, patting my arms encouragingly that I rolled my eyes and darted my eyes somewhere. Anywhere but at the stage. "Theodora, you're twenty-four years old. I'm pretty sure the moment you two kissed again, you're practically in a relationship now!"
"I know that — still, it won't hurt to hear it again."
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, Luke's staring at you right now with those heart eyes you had on your first week—" I elbowed his stomach as he laughs again, finally gazing back to the love of my life surely looking right at me as he sang a song from their previous album.
"No matter where I go, I'm always gonna want you back!"
Yeah, I guess it doesn't matter whether or not we gave our relationship a title. Because I know deep in my gut that he's the man I'm gonna love for a very, very long time. So, I guess that makes him a boyfriend in my book.
Either he says it — or not.
Kinda hope he does.
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there's still a few more
exciting chapters!
don't leave yet!
it'll be worth it, i promise