Nandini's pov:
I could feel my senses going numb as he spoke, I sat gaping at his blank face and just for a mild second I imagined myself in his place and rishab in avya's as the horror of such ghastly turn of events even though completely hypothetical made a sharp shiver run down my spine. The thought in itself was devastating that i failed to hold on to that image for more than a second...
I know me saying anything at this moment would be futile, hell..i wasn't in a frame to console him even as my conscience kept telling me to do the needful, i was just into grasping this mere detail....Death has always been something i dreaded..no..not for me, i wasn't afraid of it coming my way rather to someone dear to me...life hasn't been much flattering to me as well in this arena!
I kept looking vacantly at him trying to form something comforting of a statement instead i found all my words chocked, i wanted to say that....I understand...I can feel how destructive it must have been...yet was not able to voice out a thing because frankly i hardly could comprehend the dilemma he went through, I sure had lost my loved ones but the two scenarios was soo distinct although the path it lead too was the same!
Getting a grip on my haywire emotions, I did possibly the only thing i could think off...I gripped his palms in mine squeezing them gently assuring him my presence..that he wasn't alone, i didn't want him feel the way he did when he saw his sister laying there cold.
" manik...that's enough for today...you don't....." i said seeing his unresponsive self after a few minutes of silence, this has been an emotionally frustrating and tideous day for him and not wanting to drain him further i suggested this but he cut me off.
" No..please nandini let me..i won't be able to otherwise" he whispered in a weak wobble voice still staring right at the sky that turned darker the clouds hiding the stars beneath the them, I couldn't help but think about the striking similarities between the scenario in our minds now and the sky...reliving for him and recollecting for me, the deep buried chapters of our lives. I nodded giving in to his plea.
" Di had one last wish...which was, she wanted to be buried..this was another thing that she last wrote apart from the letter, kaka and everyone else occupied themselves with the last rites toil and i was alone still stuck at my position, with heavy steps i went near the bed and in every step all i wished was for her to get up..I known it might sound foolish but i still desperately desired to believe that all of this was a mere lie..a horrifying one!
But when i went near her and sat beside her, placing my unsure shivery finger tips on her now pale...cold face, holding back the sob that yearned to escape, those traitor tears shedding and slipping right through my cheeks and onto her hands....and yet she didn't respond...she didn't wake up to wipe those and hug me...that was when it came to me...she's...she was...dead suddenly all i could feel was void..a deep void.
I held her palms in mine and entwined them, placing it on my cheeks trying to pass my warmth to her not liking the coldness that overtook her...In a while kaka came to me hinting that she was to be taken, i stared at him as if he was speaking a language alien to me..he then reluctantly tried to recalsp her hands from mine..as much as he tried to separate our hands..i held on to her with more strength..he had to shake me and push me off to make me release her hand.
Nooo! Don't...don't please don't....mat lejao....please..please...kaka!!!! Roko unhe please!
I kept murmuring this to kaka, not having the strength to even yell..i just couldn't.
Kaka somehow made me get a grip on myself and we completed di's last rites the way she wanted..It was just me and kaka...neither nyonika was informed nor anyone else..voh aati bhi na toh bhi main uski shadow tak di pe badne nhi deta.
Usdin se mujhe voh nightmares aane lage like the one in lodge goa jaate samaye..like someone's taking her away from me and i was trying to hold on but she kept pushing me away.
Days passed and i had to go back to hostel, but the only difference was it was just my body this time, the part of my soul has left my side the day i buried di..kaka was worried..I hadn't spoken for days together and not was i looking forward to, i hadn't expressed my sorrows to anyone, i hadn't cried my heart out..nothing!
Just liveless! Jab nyonika ko pata chala main hostel main tha, she came and made a mockery out of everything in front of the whole campus!”
I recalled the incident yuvraj narrated me back in goa, the little respect i had for her in my eyes even as a women was lost...she striked at the weakest point of his at the most crucial time knowing the consequences, what devil of a mother is she!!
"At the almost end of our academic year and about a year to di's death..I was called by our principal and he asked me to pack up and head back home overnight....Dad had passed away! He had a cardiac arrest!
Would you judge me if i tell you i hadn't felt a thing...a slight pinch maybe but that's about it...Yes i didn't mourn my father's death!! I didn't had anything to mourn about, no memories, no sweet moments spent together..plain nothing! I was told that now i had no need to get back and can continue my studies there, apparently this was something my mom told him!
Like a puppet i followed everything i was said..went there did whatever a son had to do when his father died but felt nothing, nyonika sat there crying hysterically mourning her husband's death..i was too into myself to criticize anything said and done....over the year i had lost the ability to feel..anything!"
I held back my sob rubbing the side of his arm comforting him. I didn't see no reason for him not being the way he was..cold..withdrawn...with lot of trust issues..most of all broken! Life has been soo harsh, unflattering and destructively disturbing for him, all he needed was a confidant, a friend and the worst being he lost the only person who was his both.
" It was 15 days to dad's death aur dadu ke ek baahot aache dost the harshwardhan malhotra he showed up...we used to call him dadu too, he was a businessman as well and dadaji's man for all the critical advices in his life..much like me and cabir now! he was mine and di's favorite after dadaji..and his wife too yamini malhotra whom we fondly called dadi..they had no children so they bestowed their abundant love on me and di..jab dadaji the they used to visit us on a regular basis and after his demise even they had to move to Sydney due to some crisis in their branch there and so unknown to everything that happened here!
He could immediate recognize the missing warmth in the house, voh ghar abb katne ko daudhta tha..jab voh aaye toh kaka narrated him the everything, when he came to see me i was perplexed but couldn't hold back in giving into his warm embrace, he wept and apologized for his disappearance at a point when we needed him the most...sabse gile sikhve rakhna chod diya tha maine toh unse kya sikayat rakhta..i shrugged his apology and told kaka to get him comfortable in one of the guest room as he said he was in india for a day or so and will Leave tomorrow.
I went to our terrace to get some fresh breath, it used to be suffocating for me in that house and so i used to spend most of my time on the terrace mostly looking back at the past months and the drastic changes that flipped my life upside down..everyday kaka used to keep my dinner on the table at a side on the terrace..he tried to get me to have my meals on time but gave in after innumerable attempts when i told him to leave me on my own..i would eat when i absolutely couldn't move a limb because of drained energy and that too just the amount required for my survival..
That day too he came and kept my food on the table but like always didn't find his way back after informing me about the same rather this time he walked towards me, i felt his presence beside me as i stood by the railing.
baba...ek cheez hai jo aap nhi jante..avya beti ke baare main.
he said and there...he had all my attention, after ages i could feel something...though it was a rush of anxiety, restlessness but i did.
voh.....aapke hostel jaane ke baad avya beti aur dhruv ke bich ek bahot bada jhagda hua jab ek din dhruv ghar aaya tha..voh aavya beti ke kamre main gaya aur thodi der main avya beti ke chekne ke aavaj aane lagi hum sab jaane hi vaale the ki dhruv bahar aaya gusse main til milata hua..
Jab main kamare main gaya bitiya ko dekhne toh voh kone main dubake roo rahi thi..maine jaake usse pucha ki kya hua..unhone kya kiya..par voh sirf roti rahi kuch nhi boli..mujhe bahot chinta hone lagi, main ghanto vahi baitha raha aur voh roti rahi..
Jab unhone rona band kiya toh maine unse vajah puchi..tab..unhone kaha ki dhruv ne...unke saath zabardasti karne ki koshish ki.....
hesitancy was clear in his voice, I fisted my plams and closed my eyes shut tightly to hold back the urge to go and fight dhruv.
" phir!"
i asked him to continue though i was wreaking inside, di was going through so much all alone and me..i called myself her brother and yet had no clue of this, main toh unse gussa hue baitha tha ki voh kyu mujhse baat nhi kar rahi..It was me who was all about himself and bluntly ignored my sisters plight!"
he continued blaming himself for something he hasn't done...it was clearly not his fault..I wanted to make sure he knows this but i held back for him to continue, as he spoke his past got deeper and darker and by now i didn't knew how far should i see on the scale for things going wayy beyond moral or ethical virtues.
phir maine bitiya ko samjha bujha ke sula diya..main toh ussi raat aapke hostel main phone karne vala tha par bitiya ne mana kar diya ki aapko kuch nhi pata chalna chahiye..mere pass na chahte hue bhi unki baat manne ke alava koi chara nhi tha!
kaka told me di denied him to tell me anything about the same, that she didn't want me to be troubled so far off from home.
Dusre din nyonika mam aur sahab dono ghar pe the..tab shekhawat sahab unse milne aaye the..memsahab ne mujhe chai lane ko kaha...main vaha chai rakh ke jaa hi raha tha tab maine dhruv ka naam suna aur main vahi rukh gaya yeh jaane ki kahi yeh sab avya bitiya se toh juda nahi aur mera shaq bilkul sahi nikla...voh baat kar rahe the koi deal...ke baare main...ki unhone ne avya bitiya ko shekawat ke havale karne ki..uske badle mehra industries ke haath koi badi deal hogi...main aur sun nhi saka aur vaha se chala gaya..
Maine avya bitiya se baat ki par unhe kuch bataya nhi..jab aap ghar aate the hostel se..voh isiliye itni udas rehti thi..pyaar jo karti thi dhruv se..mujhe laga dhruv bhi karta tha..apke hostel jaane ke baad unhone sambhala tha kuch mahino tak bitiya ko yeh sab hone se pehle...par aachanak voh ajeeb bartav karne lage..jhagadne lage..aur phir yeh ek aakhiri had par kar di unhone..
Dil tuta tha bitiya ka...itne saalo baad usse ek saathi ki umeed dikhi aur jab tuti toh dher saare tukde kar gayi..unki udasi din pe din badhti gayi 2 saal aaise hi chala..nyonika memsahab aur sahab ki taraf se usdin ke baad kuch nhi sunna maine..socha baat par miti dal gayi hogi..isliye kabhi bitiya ko bhi nhi bataya..voh pehle hi bahot kuch seh rahi thi aur boj nhi dalna chahte the uss nanhi jaan par..un doo saalo main bahot kuch badal gaya tha..avya beti kayi dino ke liye ek choti si awaz agar achanak aaye toh bhi sehem jaati thi..dhruv shekhawat ya unse judi ek bhi baat aane par voh apna apa kho baithti..aadhi raat dar se uth jana jaise roz hi hone laga...jab aap apni akhari chuttiyo ke liye ghar aane vaale the uske ek din pehle..
Jab memsahab aur sahab apni tour se vapas aaye tab unhone ne shekhawat sahab aur dhruv ko khane pe bulaya..unke naam sunkar hi mujhe pata lag gaya tha ki kuch bahot bura hone vaala hai...par main kuch kar pata tab tak bahot der ho chuki thi..voh dono ghar aa gaye the..aur bitiya ko bhi memsahab ne bula liya niche.
Do saal baad jab unhone dhruv ko dekha toh voh sehem si gayi...kho chuki thi voh apne aap ko us andhere main aur ab uski vajah phir samne dekh kar katra gayi thi...
Jaise taise Himat juta ke voh sab ke saath jaakar dining table par baithi..tab memsahab ne unse kaha ki abb se voh shekawat ke havale hai, ki unhone usse shekhawat's ko de diya..ek tarike se bech diya....unhone yeh aaise bol diya jaise koi bahot aam baat ho...meri rooh kaap gayi yeh sunke hi..avya beti pe kya guzri hogi main soch bhi nhi sakta...
I shuddered as he kept telling me, not in my wildest nightmares i could think of anything that she infact was going through....depression, panic attacks, suicidal tendencies...how did she even bare any of this alone..all alone....
You know whenever i had any nightmare she used to cradle and coax me until i feel into deep slumber...and..and she went through all of this without me having a slightest of the hints...i was thinking of it to be some little tiff..but..How did i..how did i fail soo bad to not know what my di was going through each day alive...that she fought a struggle everyday...I failed as a brother nandini....I...failed her.."
His silent tears now shaped into the lightest sobs, I sat on my knees sideways and hugged him to my dear life..
" No..you didn't...you didn't fail her maink...voh jaha bhi hai na..she's proud..proud of you! Yes! Proud of how her brother went through all of it and still..still survived turning out to be a gem of a person...exactly like she named you!" even though i was consoling him, all of this was a hard blow for me...my heart twitched imagining the pain the poor soul had to go through.....dignity is something not any girl can bear being harmed and her's was scratched by her own..own parents...Aiyappa why was life so unfair to her.
" As enraged as i was, my mind went numb i couldn't process everything that he just revealed..afraid inside i still asked him to continue..preparing myself for the worst
bitiya ne kuch bhi nhi kaha unse, na koi sikayat na koi aasu...bus ussi vakt voh jung haar chuki thi..apne aapki zindagi se....voh vaha unki baate sunti gayi aur bina kuch khaye hi kamre main chali gayi...
jaate samaye ussne mujhse sirf itna kaha ki kaka manu aane vala hai kal..uska room saaf kar dena. Main chauk gaya, par vakif tha ki voh aap se kitna pyaar karti hai aur aapke aane ki khabar se mujhe umeed thi ki sab thek ho jayega aap sab thek kardoge....main aapko aate hi sab batana chahta tha...par nhi bata sakka avya bitiya ne mujhse vachan manga tha ki aapko yeh baat pata nhi lagini chahiye...voh nhi chahti thi ki aap koi musibat main padh jao sirf unke karan...
memsahab ke rag rag se vakif thi toh..agar usdin voh khane par unhne mana kar deti toh kahi memsahab aapko kuch na kar de iss dar se voh kuch nhi boli...unhe sab pata tha ki kaise kuch mahino pehle aapko unhone hostel ke ek kamre main band karva ke rakha tha...voh sunte hi bahot dar gayi thii bitiya..memsahab ne sirf isliye usse bataya ki voh dar jaye aur thek vaise hi hua...voh pehle hi kho chuki thi jisse voh pyaar karti thi..apko khone ki takat nhi thi usmain.
I was devastated, meri vajah se di ne kissise kuch nhi kaha....because of me..."
His sobs turned frantic recollecting those horrible moments, I could now come to terms with the excessive self loath he had. He blamed himself for his sisters misery and so he was making himself go through the same hell that she went through.
" How can a mother be so cruel to her kids, how can a women be so shrewd to another women!" I let my inner disgust out, the entire occurence was still out of my depth.
" She was always this vixen of a women nandini her being the worst version to di could be maybe because...di wasn't blood related to her, toh shayaad isliye the hesitancy went down to nill" he spoke with a stoned look on, his sobs were now down.
" Matab!?" I said expressing my confusion.
" Maine bataya tha na dadaji bahot charity karte the..toh voh ek aaise event pe orphanage gaye the aur vaha unhone di ko dekha..voh bahot choti thi tab hardly two years..pure function main di dadaji ke paas hi baithi rahi..aur phir dadu ka unhone vahi chodne ka maan nhi hua..unki innocence ne dadu ka dil jeet liya..orphanage vaalo ne bataya tha ki di ke parents unhe orphanage ko de diya kyuki voh unki responsibility lene ke liye privileged nhi the, yeh sunte hi dadaji ne unhe adopt kar liya aur ussi din apne saath ghar le aaye!
Humara rishta khoon ka mohtaj nhi tha nandini, jinse rishte the unhone ne toh mere paida hote hi apne haath jhatak liye meri responsibility se, di nhi hoti toh pata nhi main apni life kaise jeena sikhta..
Shayaad meri koi apni behen bhi hoti tab bhi voh itna pyaar nhi kar paati mujh se jitna di karti thi...aasan hota hai kya apni puri zindagi main bina kisi expectations ke kisika khayal rakhna....par meri di ne voh sab kiya
Mujhe nhi faraq padta ki unka mera khoon ka rishta hai ya nhi..voh meri behen hai thi aur humesha rahengi.."
He spoke with the little softness yet sternness in his voice..I smiled at their duo, their love for each other was way pure to be bonded by the worldly definitions.
" That night it wasn't just me who heard all of this but harshwardhan dadu too as terrified and dumbfounded as he was of nyonika's atrociously heinous acts he decided to not let me be in this hell anymore and so the very next day he contacted nyonika to come over at the mehra mansion who was missing since the day after her husband's death, reluctantly she agreed to see him the next day..that night was the toughest on me, i had lost my peace the day i lost my di but that night stole the little hope to live in me as well....
Nyonika showed up the next day, it was the first time i saw her after my father's death it's been just fifteen days and she had already moved on..forget grief there wasn't a single frown on her forehead...At that moment i felt sad for my father, he had spent all his life abiding by everything she stood for even if that meant tormenting his kids...he deserved atleast a little genuine mourning form her...it was pretty clear to me then, that nyonika wasn't anyone's own!
Harsh dadu told her that he knew all of her doings, she was petrified for a mini second but masked it graciously smirkingly she mocked him of having no proof that spoke against her and for words they can be manipulated! Harsh dadu was stunned at the women's guts..but he had something else in mind. He put forward the proposal of taking my custody, i turned to look at him in utter disbelief, he blinked at me in assurance. In the back of my mind when he said he wouldn't let me be here, i assumed he'll take me with him but this custody thing came out of nowhere, since i trusted him i stayed mute.
Trust me that was the happiest moment for nyonika, she would do anything to shrug of my responsibility and this came sereved to her on a platter but how can she let go of an opportunity like this so she did what she's best at make a deal out of this too. She argued where her profit lays in this..well, i wasn't shocked she already had crossed all lines of decency way back for me but tears..those traitor tears welled up at her words..it hurts..it did then..it does now!
Shaking his head at her greed, dadu agreed to transfer all the shares that mehra's owned and some of those which malhotra's owned to her only mehra mansion would still be on my name, with that wicked smile of hers she agreed!
In hardly 2 days span the legal procedure were completed and...that's how manik malhotra came into existence!"
I sighed audibly at the aweful of a journey it has been from mehra to a malhotra! Even listening to this have been a hell of an experience in terms of feelings, i would be lying if i said i know or even have a vague idea of how he must have felt, because i don't..the intensity and the speed at which things took a turn for him flipping his life is way to much to grasp especially if i see it with then manik's perspective..
A hardly 17 year old boy had to go through such emotionally and mentally draining turmoil, i can never comprehend in true sense everything that he felt, i now knew what it ment when people say being pulled into an undying darkness.
" harsh dadu took me to his place the same day and even kaka accompanied us not wanting to stay there, i asked him the reason why he didn't give away the mansion to her as well, i didn't want nothing to do with anything that even her shadow touched..tab unhone kaha tha ki..
Jitni teri buri yaade hai na uss ghar se usse kai zyada aachi yaade hai, chahe abb tujhe sab bura hi kyu na lag raha ho par jisdin tu aachi yaado ke baare main sochega tab tujhe pata chalega ki voh ghar kyu itna mayne rakhta hai. Uss ghar main tere dadaji aur behen ka ahsaas hai aur humesha rahega!
Nyonika was told to find a new abode for herself according to the deal, so tab se voh mansion jo kabhi ghar hua karta tha abb sirf makan ban ke reh gaya hai." He said softly towards the end, but something bugged me..i couldn't keep the curiosity to myself so i voiced it out.
" tum phir kabhi vaha gaye nhi!" I spoke hesitantly nkt wanting to press the wrong buttons even unintentionally. A dry sad chuckle left his throat.
" huh....main aaj tak apni behen ki kabar par dubara nhi gaya vaha kaise jata!"
Kuch aadhure se lag rahe ho aaj lagta hai kuch kami si hai,
Chehre lar muskurahat hai par aakho main nami si hai.
~ unknown
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