Theo's "ugly cry" Playlist
posted on the comments
and conversation on my profile
so u could copy the spotify link
yay!
will add more while the
story is still ongoing!!
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I hadn't felt the need to vomit the whole four hours of sitting beside Luke.
Maybe it's because I was too nervous to disturb him? Maybe I just couldn't stomach the thought of showing it to him the reason why I managed to stay still for the first time. It felt calming at most, yet my nerve was still pulsating every chance it gets when my eyes betrayed me too much to have a look at him as he lay there sleeping.
I wanted to hold his hands that laid over at the only division between us. I've wanted to do all sorts of things I couldn't because that would meant pushing things too far that I'm supposed to. And that would actually be fucking ridiculous.
But it's one thing sitting beside him and keeping everything in. It's another finding out that they're going upfront to the fans waiting for them just outside the airport.
And one more when we're supposed to be there, too. Documenting the whole enchilada up until the very concert. "Tell me I'm not cursed for the rest of my life. Cause, you know—maybe surviving years ago and cheating death probably brought me bad jujus because I just can't stop ruining my life. Now I have to face the fans?! They're gonna know me. They're gonna ask what happened. Where I went. What I did. Why I'm here—"
"Okay! Okay! Stop!" Kyle shook me quite literally when he held on to my shoulders and wiggled me a bit before steadying me to my feet. He wore a button down which, I wouldn't lie, actually looked good on him. He looked like some American model that stumbled on Venice for a photoshoot. "You make me wanna smoke ten sticks at the same time—stop. Alright? You're overthinking. There are ways you could not be seen." We were at the side of the airport awaiting the boys when Kyle fumbled over his bag and handed me a bucket hat, his very expensive looking shades, and a piece of cheap face mask.
"Why do you have a face mask—"
"Airport. Now. Wear everything on before they come and chill out. So long as no one's crazy enough to memorize your voice or the way you walk and move, then you're safe for the rest of your life."
"What would I do without you, Kyle?"
"Combust." I laughed it off and wore my disguise. Untying down my hair and laying it all out. Once I was finally done, I turned to Kyle and he gave me a two thumbs up at the very same time we heard the boys coming right around the corner with their bodyguards just behind. I followed Kyle when he took the initiative to film at the sidelines. We were supposed to divide ourselves into two of them yet unfortunately, when the fans came around, I was pushed aside far towards where Luke was and he seemed to notice that with the way he kept looking at me.
Maybe I looked ridiculous wearing a very silly disguise but it's worth every risk. "Hi, Luke! I've been a fan since you guys started and we really miss Theo." Excuse me?!
"Oh." Luke turned to me and I backed away slowly, well, if not for being pushed closer by people at the back that wanted to get a picture with him. "Oh. Yeah. She's doing fine on her own. We m-miss her, too." His eyes darted at me once more before a question dawned on me: how many times have the fans been asking about me even after I left? How many times did he have to lie to everyone else that we're not even remotely in contact anymore?
I feel bad even more when the girls discussed about me right in front of him. His smile slowly disappearing when posting for a picture and I wanted to pull him away from there. I really, really wanted to. "I hope she comes back. She always gives us the content we need!"
"Hey, girls!" I called, gathering their attention away from Luke the more I noticed he was getting moodier by the second. "I'm making a video content for their tour so I want you to look right here at the camera and sing their newest single! It'll be on youtube!" It seemed effective at the moment that I gave a space for Luke to pass behind me when the fans started singing the song from the one we made a music video to. It took a while, perhaps even more to let them finish and I actually made a small public disturbance issue when they all sang out loud.
But in the end, it all worked out and we left immediately for their concert at noon.
I tried keeping out of his way as much as I can to give him the space he need. Being bombarded by my name must've taken a toll on him but Kyle reached out to me before soundcheck to tell that Luke seemed okay when he went there to get some content. And I was very glad to hear that.
But he didn't tell me that I was going to be the one filming soundcheck when he left for his break—leaving me alone on the platform with the boys right up at the stage fixing their equipment.
I actually even tried to stay hidden on the shadows but the lights were tested too and I was illuminated with the blue light. Signifying my presence when the boys paused for a minute—before going back to what they were doing in my relief.
They played a few bit of songs I didn't know that must've been from their newest album. I tried keeping myself away from it because I'll fear that if I was in love right now? That after I listened to the whole album, I'd be doomed forever. But it's great standing there while watching them perform. It feels like I'm in one of their secret concerts and I was the only person who knew about it. Kinda made me feel a bit giddy. "Hey you, fangirl!" They paused for a minute after playing three songs when Ashton called her from where he sat. He even deliberately pointed a drumstick right at her. "Any song request? Making it challenging." Are they seriously asking me?
"No... no." I tried straying my eyes away from Luke. It was my plan to give him the day without seeing me but that was just impossible with Ashton and Michael around. Just impossible.
"Yeah, come on! You gotta help us practice or I'll tell Kat you're not being a very good audience." Mikey added and I sighed heavily. Rolling my eyes and shrugging as I thought of a song—when I remembered.
"I'm sure you know my favorite."
"Oh, not that!" Mike whined as I see the others nodding. Even Cal looked like he was considering it. But I still kept my eyes away from Luke. At least I'm gonna give him that. I owe it to him. It's the least thing I could do.
"You asked!" I pointed out, "It's fine if you don't want it. I'll tell Kat you're not being a very good band." I winked, throwing back what he said to me when the smirk on my lip didn't last long when someone started playing the intro of my favorite song.
"There's a place off Ocean Avenue where I used to sit and talk with you. We were both sixteen and it felt so right. Sleepin' all day, stayin' up all night."
It was Luke. And he initiated singing the song, followed closely by his band and, holy shit I can't breathe.
"If I could find you now things would get better. We could leave this town and run forever..."
As far as I could remember, they never performed this song because I played it on repeat for a whole month they got soooo pissed off they had to ban me from playing on the stereo. But here today, standing in the middle of the freaking hall, they were playing one of my favorite songs—and made it so much better than the original. And I recorded every bit of it.
"There's a piece of you that's here with me. It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see."
I tried begging my eyes not to look at him but as always, they betray me. And they betrayed me at the exact same time he was looking at me, too. And I wanted to melt under his gaze. I had to hold on to something or I was gonna fall.
"I remember the look in your eyes when I told you that this was goodbye. You were beggin' me, not tonight. Not here, not now. We're looking up at the same night sky and keep pretendin' the sun will not rise. We'll be together for one more night. Somewhere, somehow..."
I can't wonder now why it became my favorite song.
"Let your waves crash down on me and take me away..."
The finished the whole song and I freaking clapped. I clapped so hard my palms were red but I didn't mind. "Thank you." It felt like everything was normal for a second there. Like I was Theo before she went away. Like I was Theo when the one she loves smiled right at her for a little.
Before reality struck—and before their fans outside squealed, shaking us off of our daze.
And everything was back to zero again.
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I was tasked to be at the front while Kyle took backstage. We exchanged roles when he remembered again that he was supposed to be my boss and I followed the order immediately when I also realized I couldn't face Luke like that. I couldn't ruin his day again like I almost did. So, I stayed just in between the stage and the barracade, standing there waiting. Of course, I didn't forget about my disguise. I still wore the bucket hat, and the face mask, without the shades for the fear of looking like an idiot wearing it indoors.
The intro took longer than I expected that I only found Kat speed-walking beside me after a while, "You've got to help me, Theo." She pulled me away from the audience and by the corner where she looked agitated more than ever.
"Kat? What? What's wrong?"
"The boys are gonna be running late for a few minutes. There's been a problem in wardrobe and since you're doing the content here, I need you to hype up the fans for a little. Stall them. Make them do something and just put it in the video! Please?" What?! Again?
"Kyle—"
"Believe it or not, that man has stage fright, so, I'm counting on you, Theo! It'll just be a few minutes. I promise."
"Kat—no! I already did that at the airport!"
"Few minutes!" But she already left. Leaving me at the corner thinking just what the hell I was gonna do. I mean—was I even supposed to do this? Of all the people she had to ask a favor to! It's gotta be me? I can't let the fans be disappointed at the boys but even then—what was I gonna do?!
What could I do?!
Kat appeared at the other side of the backstage and pulled her hands together, pleading, before she disappeared again that I groaned. Gathering the attention of the guards and hurrying my way back to the stage where Kyle was missing—and I had no one to rely to.
If I didn't have any stage fright, now's the time I'm actually gonna get one.
There was already a mic at the middle of the stage and the intro kept playing over and over again—and the looks of the crowd doesn't seem pleased that I heaved heavily and laid the camera down at a table. The hat away from my head and the mask with it. Fixing my hair and straightening my shirt for a minute before—emerging fully in the middle.
A bright light shining right onto me—and I feel close to passing out soon when surprisingly... they cheered on. "Theo!" They still remember me. They still do.
"What's going on, everybody!" I was gonna cry soon. "Holy crap! You guys still know me?! After all these years?!" They screamed just the same and I was getting into it slowly. "Well, it's good to be back! So much has happened. Our boys released new music! A music video! Even an acoustic, can you believe that?!" The crowd warmed up to me and I was very glad my trembling knees were hidden from the light. "If you don't know me, I'm—" Wait! Is this a great idea? Am I gonna do this to myself? Am I supposed to be back? Shit. Shit. What am I gonna do?!
"Theodora Auclair! Our fifth half!" Ashton emerged from the side and the squeals became more prominent it hurt my ears. But—But Ashton did that... He just did that. "We're actually keeping this as a surprise but heyyyy! She's here now! Let's welcome her, everybody! Welcome back, Theo!" Ash went close and rounded his arms around me as everyone, completely in-sync, shouted the words he said. And I—can't believe this was happening to me right now.
"Thank you! Now! Are you guys ready?!" Ashton left me the other mic after giving me a kiss on the cheek and this—this was absolutely the next best thing in my life right now.
A flickering light distracted me for a bit and saw that Luke, Mikey, and Calum are all set and ready. Finally. "I guess there's no need for more introduction. I give you, our favorite boys in the whole world!" They emerged from the side one by one the same time I disappeared backstage. Watching them there all with smiles that reached their eyes. And I was happy for them.
"For our first song! Wildflower!" Luke yelled, "This is for Theo."
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u guys!
we're so close to 7k and i can't
believe u all made that happen!
thank you so much!
leave a vote and comment!
i love reading every single one of them.
🥺
oh, i have a little disclaimer
before we continue.
i didn't mention the exact disease
theo had because i didnt wanna
offend anyone who went through
it and/or who knew someone that
went through the same thing.
we're all for spreading love, positivity.
and respect over here!
once again, thank you!
more interesting chapters soon
after this ;)
stay tuned!