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"You drank the whole bottle?"
My hazy vision darted over to my left when Kyle entered the pool area with a towel over his shoulders. I sat there, feet on the water while drinking expensive wine my wallet would never recover from for two months. He sat next to me and read the bottle, smiling a little before he gave it back and I took another long swig. One where the bittersweet taste of pain and numbness coursed over my throat. "He said he wished we never met." I cried a while ago before I went out of my room after that little museum visit. I didn't know what else is there left to do and I couldn't close my eyes or else I'll see Luke—and feel my chest compressing together so painfully like it wanted nothing else but to break again and again.
So, here I was. Sitting at the edge of the pool while drinking my heart out. I have low tolerance for alcohol, maybe that's why I couldn't feel anything right now. "I'm sure he wouldn't say that if—" His voice trailed that I chuckled in disbelief.
"I know. If only I told him the truth, right?"
"Hey, Theo—"
"It's my fault. It's all my fault." There it goes again. I'm crying again and I hate it. I hate crying over things that I should've moved past by now. I hate crying about what I did because it always reminded me of that night. It always goes back to what happened that night. I could remember how he was close to crying. How he called for me so many times but I never looked back.
I never did.
"Come here." Kyle pushed aside the bottle while my head came crashing at his shoulders. Crying, again. Sobbing. Hurting. Breaking.
"I love him so much that it hurts, Kyle. It hurts so much."
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▷ BESIDE YOU - ACOUSTIC
2017.
"The bathroom's done. The garden needs more flowers. And our bedroom is the definition of perfect I don't think I'd let you go for tours anymore. Nope." I squealed when Luke grabbed me by the waist and dragged me down the bed beside him. His face so close to me I'd give everything I have to make this moment last for a lifetime.
"That's selfish, bub. You gotta share me with our fans, you know?" I raised my brow in a mocking manner as he showered me with kisses it's unbelievable how lucky I am to wake up to this everyday.
I mean, we've only been living together for a week. And everything seemed to fit right all in. Like this was the only thing left to do to make us complete.
"Well, they could take the Saturday. You're mine six days straight!" I rolled over at the top of him as he held on my legs. Dropping down to his lips that tasted of strawberries and everything nice. Savoring the feeling of it. Engulfing my whole to it as the kiss deepens.
Luke laid me down to my back as he looked at me like that with his baby blues. You know that look, that loving look. One where there's so much feelings. So much intensity and sincerity in it that I could physically feel my heart reaching for his. Luke Hemmings was my one and only love and nothing will ever change that.
Nothing.
"Theo?" He called with his gravelly voice. Making my stomach turn upside down while he still kept his eyes on me.
"Y-Yeah?"
"I am in love with you. So much more that I could never truly put to words just how much I want you in my life. We've known each other for so long and every minute of that every day, I look forward to seeing the smile on your face. That it's me that's going to be the reason of it. That every time I was away, my heart wants to go home. That I wish I was always beside you. Keeping you safe in my arms, loving you for the rest of our lives. It's always you, bub. You never left my mind. Your smile. Your eyes. Your laugh. Everything about you."
He stood up. Waking me up from the daze as his hands fumbled around on the side table. I wiped my tears away wondering what it was that had him stuck with his back on me but he turned. And it's the first time since forever I saw him smiling with tears on his eyes like that. Like he was filled with so much happiness.
"I—I love you so much, Theodora Auclair." His hands at his back that I stood when he came close. I rounded my arms around his shoulders and cried awfully like a baby while he looked at me chuckling. "I... I want you for the rest of my life. I wanna keep waking up next to you. So, will—"
That's when I felt it.
One minute I was crying, the next thing I know, my vision slowly started blurring... My hands were clammy, my head sweating bullets, and all I felt was cold. So cold.
Until all I could hear were the echoes of my name.
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I left Kyle to his swim when I ran out of booze and I needed more.
I was walking to the steps of the bar. My hands fumbling at my back to look for my wallet when Kat sat beside me on the counter and darted her eyes over the empty bottle next to me. She just smiled a little before pursing her lips. "Four shots of your strongest vodka, please." She laid her card and I was left there wondering why she did that.
Was she firing me or was I just drunk? "You're probably drunk." Wait, she heard me? "You're talking out loud."
"Oh." She chuckled, "Um, what are you doing out? Work?" Kat shook her head.
"Nah. Just needed to unwind is all. First week of tour were the most stressful. And you're right to be drinking now. Release the tension, you know?" The bartender laid four shots in front of us and Kat urged for me to pick up one. "And besides, I think you needed some of this when you're working for your ex."
"Won't deny that." Our glasses clinked and together we took the shot in one go. The vomit inducing taste of vodka lingering on my tongue that I almost didn't wanna take the second one when it looked more promising than the harsh reality.
"Come on, Theo. Take it. Then we'll talk." I shrugged and downed the last shot. Washing the taste away with water when it did next to nothing. "So, how the hell are you holding up?"
"Awful."
"I mean, if I was working with my ex, it'll be a warzone. But yours didn't feel nothing like it, you know? You two felt like one puzzle that'll always fit together." I snorted and laugh, feeling the haziness in my head when I threw my head back in disbelief.
"Kat, who are we kidding here? I hurt the guy for my own benefit. I hurt him so he wouldn't have to suffer for what happened to me—"
"But it doesn't sound like it'll be for your benefit. It sounded like it was always him."
"I can't let him know. Hell, I can't even let anyone know. I wanted to rid them of that responsibility. That maybe if I did it. That maybe if I broke up with him early enough, he won't see what'll happen to me. He won't let go of the things he love. He'll be okay soon and not be bothered about what happened. He wouldn't know. Luke wouldn't have a single clue why I broke his heart and I intend to keep it that way. Thank you very much."
"Well, isn't that a tad bit selfish?"
"S-Selfish? I did this for him! That's not—"
"No, Theo. You didn't trust him enough to tell him the truth!" Shit. Why did that struck my chest? "You were selfish when you thought that he didn't deserve the truth. It's right to fear for everything. You had the right to fear for what will happen next. But you didn't gave him a chance to think of that himself. You never gave him a choice. You just broke his heart because you thought—"
"I was sick, Kat. I was goddamn sick. How do you tell the love of your life that your dying?" Another round of shots presented itself on the counter and I downed it. Ignoring the taste. The way it ran on my throat harshly like poison.
"You—You tell him the truth. Because he deserves at least that."
"Kat—"
"If I was dying? No matter how hard—how fucking painful it is to submit to the truth poking you in the eye? I'll tell him. I'll tell him because I wanted him to make the decision and to be free of regret. If he left? Then shit, that'll be painful. But if he decided to stay? I have my rock, Theo. And I'll have something to hold on to when I feel like the world wanted me to disappear. And I know we're two different people. But I offer you the truth of it. It's yours to leave or take."
Another shot. Another struck to the heart.
"I felt weak. I felt unlovable. Like I was just passing the world to feel anything—and then nothing."
"The guy loves you. Can't miss it on the eyes." Kat pointed on hers and shrugged. Handing me another shot that I didn't even think twice about drinking. "He doesn't seem like the asshole type."
"Oh, god, no! He isn't. He's—He's the guy you wanted to go home to at night. The guy that'll sweep you off of your feet no matter how long you've known him. The—man of your freaking dreams. Can you believe that? Someone. Someone that loves you so much the only thing left was to marry him."
The bartender laid down two glasses but before I could even grab one, Kat swatted my hands away with a grin on her face. "Room 1709."
"W—What?"
"You didn't hear it from me. Luke's in Room 1709. Go to him with what's left of your sober feet and tell him. Tell him that you love him with all your fuckin' heart. Give yourself a break, Theo. Do what you want. Go for what you love."
I opened my mouth to contradict. To say that it's foolish—or that it's ridiculous. But my chest felt a sudden surge of courage. I didn't know where it came from but my feet led where my heart wanted it to be.
I blinked and saw myself inside the elevator. The next time I blinked, I was pushing the button of the 17th floor. And one more blink led me to the halls of the cold hotel with intentions of pouring all my heart to the man I've always wanted to be with for all my life.
I stopped dead at the door.
1709.
Luke was just at the other side of it. My Luke.
My fist raised, my heart ready, that I knocked agressively four times.
I was ready.
My heart is finally ready.
I blinked and the door was opening.
I could smell Luke's perfume.
And I blinked to hear only my name before it was all back to black.
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please don't be mad at me for
taking so long to update huhu
writer's block is very real.
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