I spent the night on the inflatable mattress, listening to Jimin's breathing. I would occasionally sit up and check to see if he was stirring from a nightmare, but he barely moved at all. He stayed lying on his side, his nose slightly buried into the pillow. He didn't know that I'd added some more vanilla onto it in hopes it'd help him sleep. It seemed to do the trick well enough. He had a heat pad wrapped around his arm to help blood flow and healing. It was tucked close to his body as if he wanted it for extra warmth. I wasn't cold, but I did want to be on the bed with him. It had become such a strong part of my nightly routine that I couldn't sleep without him near.
Jin has to be right. As much as I hate it, he has to be right. Nervousness doesn't come easily for me, and it's never been so intense. A silver tongue has become a core part of me, but it's become so twisted. Every time I get close to him, it's never close enough. Seeing him in pain is worse than being tortured. Him being in danger is more terrifying than losing my own life.
I get up and sit on the edge of the bed. Part of me wants to reach over and touch him, to remind myself that he is still alive. The other part wants to let him sleep without interruptions. I sigh softly before scratching the base of my head. My body already felt more tired just from moving closer. I let my eyes slide to the wall in front of me, the darkness making it blank as a canvas.
Jimin rustles the blanket as he lies on his other side.
My fingers tingle as I resist the urge to move and run them through his hair.
Fingertips pull on the back of my shirt. "(Y/N)...?"
I turn to look at him. His arm is outstretched and still lightly gripping my shirt. His hair is sticking up on the side he'd been on. The blanket had fallen down a little, his upper torso in the open air.
"Did I wake you?" I ask, my voice soft. I remove his grip from my shirt, letting him hold my hand instead.
He shakes his head. "It's hard to sleep when you're so far away."
He sounded so silky saying those words, and surprisingly clear. He didn't sound very tired despite having fallen asleep.
I scoot closer to him, still holding his hand. "I didn't want to accidentally make your injuries worse."
He looks at his supporting arm, the heat pad still warm. "You won't." He tugs a little. "Come closer."
My heart started to pound.
"How close?"
He tugs again. "Closer."
I move closer, the distance getting narrower. He keeps a solid hold on my hand as the space closes. He lets go to guide my shoulder down, so I lie in front of him. Our bodies are mere inches from touching. I can feel his breath warming my face, and I have no doubt that he can feel mine doing the same.
"You get some sleep too," he says quietly. "I'll sleep better if you do."
I could feel the flush across my face. My heart was pounding so hard that I could hear it. I was able to make out details on his face because of the closeness, and I traced everything. I memorized each line, each mark, where his eyelashes lay, the curve of his lips, the shape of his eyes, everything. I wanted to feel it, to touch his beautiful features and really know them.
That's why, when his breathing evened out, I leaned in and kissed his forehead.
~~~~~
When I woke up, I was facing away from Jimin. It didn't matter, though, I'd fallen into a deep sleep after getting onto the bed.
The only issue is that he's now completely pressed against me.
His arm was draped over my stomach, some strength in it despite him being unconscious. His nose was tickling the back of my neck. His breaths would glide across my skin, sending warmth deep into my body. He had a leg between mine. His bare chest was pushed against my back, and I could feel how solid it was. I realized with crazy embarrassment that my shirt had pulled up a little and his abs were now pressed against my bare back. The warmth of his skin sent waves of flame across my skin as he breathed.
I was completely frozen. No commands to move made it to the muscles. I felt weighed down by something, but in the best way. I wanted to stay in his arms forever, to pretend this morning would never end, just be here, happy and safe.
He made a humming sound, and he tightened his grip a little.
My body felt like a volcano exploding. Heat was rising too fast, steam was coming out of my head, and lava billowed over the land. There was smoke obscuring my thoughts from making any sense beyond that I was being held.
I lay a hand over his arm. A plate inside my soul slid into place next to another.
My voice is barely audible as I whisper, "Jimin?"
He makes a quiet groaning sound, his head shifting up. His lips were brushing the back of my neck, and my body erupted once again.
"J-Jimin."
He whines quietly, tucking his head onto my shoulder.
A moment later, his entire body tensed.
Then he flew off the bed, a small yell escaping his lips.
I whip around, trying to make the blush on my face disappear. His face mirrored mine.
"Was I? Why did I? W-Why did you let me?"
And now the steam screamed from my head.
"I didn't," I reply quickly, but my voice was high. "I woke up withㅡ" I pause, remembering the amazing feeling of his arms around my stomach, "with you doing that. That's it."
He reaches up, running his hands over his face and groaning. "That didn't happen."
I felt something ping in my chest.
"What didn't happen?" I say anyway.
He nods before standing up. He madly runs his hands in his hair, which fluffed the hair greatly and made it stick up. My eyes moved before I could think about it, and they glued to that deep v-line that pointed to something huge. My lips pulled into a straight line as I tried to remove the image, but it was stuck now and wasn't disappearing. He really hadn't been lying.
His fingers snap in front of my eyes. "Earth to (Y/N)."
My body moves faster than my brain as my hand slams his wrist to the side. The other hand automatically shoves forward, catching him square in the stomach. He tensed, and it felt like I'd smacked a wall instead. I wince and pull my hand back as he stumbles a little.
"I thought you said you'd wait until I'm fully recovered to start beating me," he groans, holding his stomach. "Did the plan change?"
"It's your fault for startling me," I mutter, massaging my wrist. "Don't do that or I'll hit you again."
He waves his hand in dismissal. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Don't zone out when you see my naked torso, then."
I throw his pillow at him, which he smoothly dodges. "Then sleep with a shirt on!"
He chuckles as he ducks into the bathroom and closes the door. I hear it click as he locks it, which I guessed was a way of learning from the past. I resist the urge to yell in frustration at all the stupid things I was doing because of the fluttering in my chest. I bury my face into my hands and force myself to breathe.
I am a hitman. I am terrifying. I kill people without so much as a thought. I torture people without a blink of an eye.
Yet, here I am. On a bed. My heart slamming on my ribcage. Because of… a man.
I force myself to stand up and leave the room. That bathroom door was not going to be the only thing between us. There had to be multiple walls and doors.
Jungkook looks up from his place on the couch. Taehyung was right next to him, his head on the younger's shoulder.
"Want to watch a movie with us?" Jungkook hums.
I sit on the other couch. "Let's watch a horror movie."
I needed my heart to slam because of something besides Jimin's face. I wanted to feel fear and adrenaline shake my body instead of the thoughts rushing to my brain. I am a terrifying hitman, and I can't forget that.
Taehyung gets up with a soft groan to put in the DVD. "Does it matter which one?"
"Just make it as scary as possible."
~~~~~
That was a mistake. A big mistake.
All three of us were glued to our spots on the couches, hiding behind blankets or pillows. Tremors shook my entire body as the scenes kept playing. Music only made the suspense worse, but I couldn't pull my eyes away. I had to know what was going to happen next so I could defend myself. I needed to know if I had to launch myself behind the couch. I couldn't even look to see how Jungkook and Taehyung were handling it, but they didn't make any sounds. They were completely silent, just as I was. A door creaks open in the film, and I feel my body brace for impact. The main character should not be going into the basement, but of course they had to. They just had to so I can scream.
"Boo."
I shriek when the sound breathes into my ear, slamming my body down and my head under the blanket. My entire body shook as I kept it hidden underneath the soft blanket. The next sound I hear is a thud as someone else falls onto the floor.
Jimin's laugh breaks into the air, a sweet cackle. He lifts the blanket off my head before laughing again.
I was just trying to make sure my heart didn't explode from terror.
His hand makes its way onto my head. "Come on, what happened to the terrifying hitman?"
He/She died, just now.
He starts stroking my hair softly. His voice is amused as he asks, "Jungkook, are you okay?"
"I'm going to kill you," Jungkook mutters, his voice low and projecting from the floor.
Jimin chuckles as he keeps moving his hand through my hair. It was more soothing than I wanted to admit.
"And how about you, (Y/N)?" he asks softly, his face near mine.
"Fuck you," I mumble.
He hums in reply, and his hand falls away. I bring my head up in protest, meeting his eyes. There was amusement dancing in them, no sign of shame or regret. There was also something more, something… warm. The color looked like fudge, the perfect temperature and smooth. The light in them shined like fire in the dark of night.
My heart tells me to move closer.
Taehyung clears his throat, and my brain screams to jump off a cliff instead.
"We should make dinner for the hyungs and never watch this movie again," he says, getting up. He also pulled Jungkook from the floor.
Jungkook nods. "Agreed."
I smack Jimin's shoulder before sitting up. I still felt terrified from his little game, my hands still shaking, but I could at least force my body to move. "We could burn it."
Jimin stands up, a hand on the couch. "Or you could watch it again, and I scare you again."
I throw my hand onto his bruised spot. His face contorts as he pulls his arm away and tucks it to his chest. He glares at me. I glare right back.
"If you try to scare me again tonight, I'm going to stab you."
His eyebrows go up. "How cruel."
"All's fair in love and war."
And this was war. For sure.
I head to the kitchen and start pulling food out of the fridge. I may not be a good cook, but I can at least determine what can be cooked with the stuff we have. Helping Jungkook would also help me focus on something that wasn't Jimin. Something that wasn't the delicate way his fingers had drifted through my hair. Something that wasn't the chocolate stream of his eyes. Something that wasn't the ethereal sound of him laughing.
The hole I've fallen into is too damn deep.