I must've passed out at some point, because the last thing I remembered was being in Jimin's hold. Now, I was on the couch in the living room with my leg propped up. It was wrapped in ice and seriously cold. There were also ice packs wrapped onto my stomach and head. I groan as I push myself onto my elbows. My head pounded.
"Jin-hyung, (Y/N)'s awake," Jimin calls. He crouches in front of me. "You done being stupid now?"
"Fuck off," I reply, taking the water from him and drinking it.
"Jin-hyung told me to watch over you." He puts a pillow behind my back to prop me up. "Since you're not allowed to walk."
I roll my eyes then continue drinking the water. I finish it before letting the cup settle in my lap.
"How's… How's Jungkook?"
"Jungkook's okay, he even woke up a while ago. He's just a little low on blood and has a headache from being hit so hard." His fist clenches. "I've never been so pissed off. They just toyed with him. We killed them much too fast."
My lips pull into a tight line. Everyone was angry. It could be felt in the air. Every corner and wall held our steaming anger. We were all wishing those men had been tortured to death. It wasn't even enough for the one who'd fainted from getting his dick shot.
I adjust my leg and wince. It was mostly numb because of the ice, but I could still feel it.
"Hey, stop it." He puts a hand on my thigh to keep me from moving it. "Here, watch some TV or whatever."
He turns it on, the news on from the last time we'd watched it.
"This mysterious BTS has struck again, hitting the same wolf mafia. This building was yet another drug dispensary. It seemed to be even bigger than the last one."
"Seriously, who are these guys? They've dropped countless buildings into the police's lap."
"But at what cost? There's so many people who die in the buildings they invade. They all have families too. It isn't right."
"I don't know. They're all mafia, so they've surely killed people themselves. Isn't it like swift karma?"
He changes the channel. "They're seriously annoying."
I chuckle lightly. "Yeah, whatever. No more annoying than you."
His eyes narrow, but they soften in the next moment. The TV plays in the background, but neither of us are listening to it.
"I want to change," I say, keeping the air from getting quiet.
His hand slides off my thigh as he stands back up. I shift, pulling my leg under me. I bit my lip to keep from making noise. My knee hurt more than it should for nothing to be broken. Jimin offers his hand down to pull me up. I use his hand to pull myself onto one leg, but it still feels weak. I also felt disgusting, considering my clothes were crusty with Jungkook's and those men's blood. I half wondered why no one just went ahead and changed me, then the other part was glad they didn't. They probably didn't want to see my various scars. I rest myself against Jimin's body and limp over to our room. His hold is strong as we walk, telling me that he'd catch me if I fell. He sets me on the bed once we get in, then he goes to get clothes. I remove the ice wrapped around me and set it onto the covers. He gives me a loose sweater and pants.
"I'll go get you wipes since Jin-hyung doesn't want you to shower yet."
He leaves without another word. I scoff with a slight smile. He was begrudgingly helping me, and it was easy to see. The other members probably told him to since we have the worst bond out of all eight of us. I shake my head to focus on cleaning myself up instead of something like that. I take my shirt off and toss it to the side. I went ahead and took my pants off so I could look at my knee. It was a dark purple, and there was red from icing it. I click my tongue in annoyance. It could be worse, but it was less than ideal. I wouldn't be able to do anything for a couple weeks at least.
Jimin comes back in with the wipes, but he stops once he sees I'm in my underwear.
"Oh."
I roll my eyes. "Just give me the wipes. It's not like you haven't seen this before."
He comes in and hands the wipes over. I start wiping down my legs first since they're already pulled up onto the bed. He didn't say anything, no comment about how I looked, nothing about how ugly I probably was. He just kind of… stared.
"What?" I growl, looking up at him.
He clears his throat before sitting on the bed. He looks at the wall opposite the bed, away from me.
"I've never seen so many scars on one person's body before."
I stop wiping. It felt like something was squeezing my chest. That same sensation of when I want to say something, but it feels wrong. It is wrong. Don't say anything.
My hand shakes as I start wiping again. "And?"
"I'm… Well, I figured that I would have more than you. All things considered."
That is not the response I expected.
"Couldn't be more wrong, hmm?"
He hums. "I suppose not." He pauses. "This will be the only time you hear me admit I'm wrong."
"I'm sure I'll get more instances." I get a new wipe before switching legs. "Do you… Do you want to…"
Just get the fucking words out.
I close my eyes and grit my teeth. I can do this. Just don't look at him. Don't anticipate his reaction, see it after. Just say it.
"Are you curious about how I got them?"
His head whips around. I hold my breath as I look up. His eyes meet mine, and something in his demeanor changes. It's almost like he can see it's taking all of the effort in my conscious mind to say something so… vulnerable. I need him to take the lead or I won't be able to say anything. I need to know he actually cares to hear it.
"If you don't mind sharing."
That squeezing feeling started to go away.
"Which ones… do you want…" Fucking hell. "Which ones?"
His eyes slide down before he gestures. "The ones on your arms."
I stop wiping and sit back. I look at my arms, the different scars decorating them like paint lines.
"Some are knife wounds from back when I started training. Most are from my childhood." Why is this so difficult? "From living… on the streets."
His lips part in light surprise. He hesitated, then his eyes began tracing them. The longer scars were clearly from knife wounds, but the others were more irregularly shapes. Different pock marks and lines decorated my arms.
"How did you get them?"
I set the wipe down next to my legs. "A lot are from falling. Gravel in the alleyways would dig in and cause small cuts. The others are from fights. Even before I… before this… this life, I had to defend myself. Being a young and vulnerable child was enticing to the dirty old men."
I couldn't stop the shaking as I grabbed a new wipe to start doing my arms. The wipes smelled nice and comforting, but faintly. They were soft too.
"I know what you mean."
I don't want to look up at him.
"Are the ones on your legs from training?"
I nod lightly. "From fighting, but also… also from…" I put my face into my hands. "The legs are sensitive. They hurt a lot when damaged. And… And walking…" I shake my head, hoping he understood.
I had to endure walking with serious pain in my legs.
The covers shifted as he scooted closer. He seemed to be so delicate, sitting here with me. It wasn't even like when I'd wrapped his hands. He was fully here this time. He was listening and absorbing everything I said. Supporting me.
"I can wipe off your back if you can't."
I don't reply, but I shift a little to have my back face him. I felt so unbearably naked, even worse than any of the psychological torture Chae had done. I could feel my body shake, how every bit of air felt biting. My lungs weren't inflating, they stopped about halfway. My heart pounded so loud in my ears that it felt like a bomb was going off each second. I flinch as he starts, so he pauses. He kept his hand where it was for a few moments, his eyes boring into the back of my head. I let my head drop a little, and he starts again. I tried to stop the trembling of my body, but I could only make certain parts stop. His hands felt so gentle as the wipe went over each and every scar. My back wasn't smooth, but he took great care to glide over it as if it was. It felt like the shaking had lessened. His hands paused at the bottom of my back, and I felt his breath on my back. A shiver ran down my spine in the best way possible. His breath was warm compared to the air in the room.
"Flogging… right?"
I nod slowly.
His fingers trace down my back, long drags oh-so-softly. I let out a shuddering breath. I felt as his breath came closer, as his palms worked down the scars. I could feel him so close to my neck. My breath was as sharp as crystal when his lips brushed my neck.
"And this one…?" he says, his words quiet as a hummingbird's flight. His fingers traced over a bullet wound near my hip.
"A-A mission gone wrong," I reply, my voice shaking like a candle flame.
His fingers trailed up my back, going as slow as rain drifting down a window. His hand rests upon my shoulder, and his thumb makes circles around a spot.
"I know where this one is from."
I glance to the side, seeing where he's meaning. The bullet wound that I got when we first met. The one scar that I didn't hate.
My eyes slide up and meet the warmth of his. The chocolate color was as boundless as the sky, with underlying potential. Darkness hid there behind stars of hope. They were so enticing, so beautiful to look at, I wanted to know more. They drew me in, begged me to ask questions. They put a blanket over my shoulders and made me a hearth.
Thump thump.
I could feel it in my chest, that soft thudding of life. I could hear it, that music of joy. I could see bright fire reflected in Jimin's eyes.
"Jimin, is (Y/N) cleaned up yet?"
Jin's voice made the surroundings come back by the next heartbeat. We both flinched before drawing away from each other. I was suddenly very aware that I was only in my underwear, and it wasn't because of the scars. No, those weren't my concern. That look in his eyes as they took me in are what made me aware. I pull the sweater in front of me to cover up. There was a burning on my cheeks that wouldn't cool off.
Jin knocks on the door. "Jimin?"
"Almost, hyung." He stands up, eyes still trailing along my body. "He/She just has to change."
He came closer, and my hands tightened on the sweater. He picks up the vanilla vial before looking at me again.
"This suits you."
He places it in my hands then turns. He goes to the door, pausing for a moment. I can see the color on the back of his neck. Despite the pause, he leaves the room without looking at me. I couldn't even bring myself to relax. My heart was pounding harder than when I did a hit. I'd never felt so much adrenaline thrumming through my veins. A breath fell between my lips after I realized I'd been holding it. I didn't even know why. There wasn't anything distressing. There was no reason for there to be haze in my head. The color on my cheeks was unwarranted. I felt no humiliation.
I could still feel his movements on my back.
And his lips. His lips.
I reached up to feel my neck. When I touched where he'd grazed, electricity shot down my spine. My whole body trembled.
Even as I pulled the sweater over my head, my fingers were shaking. It became almost painfully obvious that this was his sweater I was putting on. The pants were also his. These were his clothes with his smell. Sliding the pants on only became that much more difficult. He'd worn these pants.
Another knock on the door.
Jin's voice comes through, "(Y/N)? Are you okay getting the pants on?"
I looked at them and how they were halfway up. "I-I'm okay."
I shake my head and pull them up the rest of the way. I had a little difficulty with getting them over my knee, but they finally slid all the way up.
Jin opens the door, peeking his head in. He was holding something in his hand that looked like his medical kit. His eyebrows furrow after seeing my face.
"Are you okay?"
I comb the vanilla through my hair, even as Jimin's words rang through my head. "Yeah, why?"
He glances outside of the door. "I don't believe you, but whatever." He sits down and slowly starts working at my knee. "What did you and Jimin discuss?"
Everywhere that Jimin touched became strangely sensitive. I could feel where the sweater lay on my back, where the collar brushed my neck. I could feel his hand on my shoulder.
"Nothing, really." I rub my neck to try and get rid of his imprint. "Just some scars."