Everyone looked at me after we gathered in the kitchen, so I told them my story first. I explained how there weren't any complications, which was very lucky. Infiltration missions almost always had something go wrong. None of them seemed particularly surprised I got out without a scratch, but Jimin did make a snarky comment about me being covered in sewer water. The same kind of thing, "You smelled just like you look". Usually, I would've bit back; after what he did last night, I bit my tongue. I couldn't seem to make the same remarks I had the urge to. That made everyone look confused, so I changed the topic.
I look to Yoongi. "Why were you and Jungkook covered in blood?"
The emotions slipped from his face. His face turned as blank as a canvas, and just as white. His eyes were the only color on his face, but they held no light. They looked deep and regretful. How did that happen in one moment?
"We lost someone." He looked like he was going to continue, but it looked like his words were dying in his throat.
Jungkook places a hand on Yoongi's shoulder. "I got it."
Yoongi sits down, putting his face into his hands. His mint hair hid his face the rest of the way.
"Mr. Wong pushed Yoongi-hyung out of the way of an oncoming bullet. We'd let our guard down because things were going well, but..." Jungkook scowls. "They were waiting for it. We barely protected his wife and child after that too. It just went so far downhill from there that we panicked. Hyung ran after the men who were shooting while I took the family away. We barely even made it to the train."
It never would've occurred to me, not in a million years, that we'd lose a battle. We're invincible, aren't we? We'd survived so much, from taking down buildings to hacking into systems. We hadn't been shot by the hundreds of men we'd gone up against.
We were supposed to be bulletproof.
But hearing Jungkook sum up their experience... It made my heart sink. It reminded me that we weren't invincible. We're not bulletproof. We're just human. We're fragile containers of dreams, and we could fade just as fast.
"Did the family get out safely?" Namjoon asks, but his words were slow. It seemed similar thoughts to mine were going through his head. "The mother and child."
Jungkook nods. "But Yoongi-hyung is..." He looks at the mint-hair. "He's upset because he feels it's his fault."
"If I hadn't been standing there..." he mutters.
"You couldn't have done anything, hyung," Hoseok cuts in. "Hearing it from Jungkook tells me that."
Taehyung nods. "I agree with Hoseok-hyung. We had similar issues and almost died. We just got lucky. They barely missed Jimin. I did notice something weird though..." He wrings his hands together. "They didn't really aim for me. Jimin agreed to draw their fire, but it's not like him and I were the primary targets. The family wasn't even shot that much."
Yoongi's head pulls up, even though his eyes still look tired. "You're right. They didn't even run after the family after Jungkook and then ran, they stayed while I hunted them."
My heart started pounding upon hearing Taehyung's and Yoongi's words.
They knew.
"Fuck," I mutter.
Namjoon looks over. "What is it?"
"The families weren't the targets once they were taken. They'd be too scared to go to the authorities anyway, so they're not threats." I ruffle my hair. "We were. They wanted to kill at least one of us because we're serious threats."
It feels like everyone's already low moods dropped lower.
"If we want to continue this, we'll have to be more careful and consider..." My lips remained parted even though no sound came out.
Consider who's expendable.
"Consider what?" Jin asks.
Not one of these people is expendable. I can't think like that any more. It's not BTS without the seven standing in front of me.
"Our next plan," I hum. "How we can execute it while keeping everyone safe."
"It won't be easy," Namjoon pipes in, lifting a finger. "No one can be lost. That's nonnegotiable. All eight of us must survive this, or we're not BTS."
I could feel myself smile a little. I kept forgetting. Eight of us. All eight of us made up BTS. No more, no less.
"No more double teaming." Jimin seems a little too happy to say that. "Only in groups of four or more."
Namjoon nods. "And we need everyone to learn how to fight and shoot. This isn't optional any longer."
Out of the three who don't have that experience, only Hoseok seems hesitant. His mouth is pulled in a tight line.
"You'll be okay, hyung," Jimin says, resting a hand on the redhead's shoulder. "It's only for safety. You won't have to do anything."
Hoseok nods, but his bright demeanor is still hidden. He's clearly unhappy about this, for greater reasons than not wanting to hurt anyone. I don't want to pry, though.
"I'll draw up a plan for training," I say, "but I can recommend one general rule that no one is going to like."
Everyone looks at once.
"Aim between the legs."
The collective grimace raised the atmosphere of the room, which brought a tiny smile to my face.
~~~~~
When everyone gathered together to have dinner, we all seemed to feel a little better. Yoongi's eyes had more light than before. Hoseok was conversing quietly with Jungkook about the type of fighting he'd have to do. Namjoon still looked visibly stressed, but the smell of good food relaxed his shoulders.
I pick at my food. "I've been meaning to ask you guys something." I gesture to the three ex-mafia members. "You guys were acting funny when Chae's tattoo showed up on the TV. Why?"
Yoongi's tattoo peeked out from his sleeve as he reached for something on the table. He noticed and immediately pulled his hand back. Jungkook and Taehyung look at each other.
"What do you mean?" Taehyung asks.
"I mostly noted Yoongi, but you guys too." I point to Taehyung. "You were rubbing over your tattoo."
He rubs the back of his neck. He opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out.
Yoongi sighs. "I've already committed every mafia taboo, what's another?" He lifts his hand up, the black snakes appearing once more. "The stereotype that every mafia has a certain tattoo is true. TV shows like to use that and show mafia members displaying them proudly." He lets his hand drop back down. "The thing is, the mafia doesn't function like that out in the open. No family would willingly show their tattoo to others."
Taehyung lifts his loose t-shirt sleeve, albeit hesitantly. The leopard appears full force, the colors even richer than I'd thought. It had incredible detail and shading, meaning it had to have taken a long time.
"Mine's on my shoulder..." Jungkook says quietly.
Yoongi continues: "It's a symbol of who you trust and who you don't. If they know your tattoo, they're an ally. If they don't, they're an enemy. If they know your personal location, it means they're precious to you. It's so secretive that... Well, even if we hate him, Chae's family tattoo being on screen is weird."
Taehyung shudders. "It's so ingrained into my body that seeing even Chae's on TV feels wrong."
"So, we'll know who's part of Chae's family if we find their tattoos?" Jimin asks.
Yoongi nods. "And who belongs to him if they're branded with the word for the animal."
Jimin goes still as a statue. The color seemed to drain from his face. His eyes sharpened and turned black too.
"Jimin?" Taehyung asks, reaching a hand out.
The ravenhead leaves the table before being touched. We all watched him leave, but no one stood up just yet.
"Yoongi, bad topic," Namjoon says under his breath.
I was a little taken aback at the lack of honorific, but Yoongi didn't look fazed by it. He looked more disappointed in himself.
"Right, I know..." He stands up and goes after Jimin.
I look at everyone, confused, but no one meets my gaze.
"Jimin will tell you in due time," Jin says. "It's not our story to tell."
After a few minutes, the two return. Jimin's face had turned into a scowl, but a sour expression was better than no expression. Yoongi started eating again.
"Do we have one?" I wonder aloud. "A tattoo?"
Namjoon shakes his head. "I didn't want to tie anyone down."
It was a solid reason, but I had the strong feeling that I shouldn't let it end there. Tattoos aren't dead weight. They may be permanent, but they hold value to those points in our lives. They could add something to our bodies beyond the scars we have.
"I think we should have one."
"And what makes you the master?" Jimin snarls.
"Nothing, just hear me out." My fingers settled on my sleeve, but I hesitated.
Showing a part of myself to one person was already difficult enough, but to all seven? It felt wrong, it was too many people, too much at once. Maybe one at a time. Jin and Jimin had seen, but no one else. No one else knew the permanent paintings upon my skin that reminded me of what life I have. The two didn't even know what had happened. They didn't know the pain I'd endured.
Even for the freeing idea of art on my body rather than pain, I couldn't do it.
My fingers shake as they drop. "Just, ah..." I could feel a cold sweat on my neck. "I think we should have a way to connect that goes beyond knowing each other. It's deeper. Even when we've accomplished our goals and separate... I don't want to lose these experiences."
I watch as pairs of eyes slide from person to person. There are some who will stay together, but nothing holds us together. Nothing concrete or in writing. Once I leave, I need something to tell me this love I feel wasn't a dream.
"I was just thinking that I want something more to reflect the strength of everyone's bonds..."
To my surprise, the youngest speaks first. "I agree. The only things on my body are scars and a single tattoo of something I'm never going back to." He steels his gaze as he looks around. "I want something with more meaning."
Taehyung nods. "I like the idea too. I don't want to forget these years either."
Hoseok smiles a little. "I don't have tattoos or scars like you guys, but I share the feeling. We need something distinctly us."
Namjoon looks around, a little surprised. "Are you guys all sure?"
"I'm sure," I reply with a nod.
"I don't see why not," Yoongi pipes in, smirking.
"Sounds okay," Jimin mumbles, not looking my direction.
Jin taps his chin. "If all eight of us can agree on the design, I'm down to do it."
Namjoon chuckles. "Alright. We'll decide what will bind together our memories and emotions." His eyes meet mine. "All eight of us."
I could feel my chest clench. All eight. I kept forgetting that I'm really a part of this. This family had really taken me in and accepted me. Despite the rough beginning, we stand together now.
And if it comes to it, we die together.
~~~~~
After a few days, all of us came back with our separate ideas. Namjoon's face as he looked at the different tattoo ideas was incredulous. His eyes slid from one to another before he shook his head with a smile.
He lifts a drawing of a unicorn. "Whoever drew this was clearly showing off."
Jungkook sticks his tongue out, earning a chuckle from all of us.
Namjoon lifts up a picture of a gun. "Isn't this a bit... too mafia? Thinking for the future, it's a bit much for when we're civilians."
Taehyung pouts.
Jimin picks up the raven design he wanted. "Seriously, we should do this. It looks cool, and they're dangerous and intelligent. It fits."
I shake my head. "But it doesn't feel right. It's not who we are. We're bulletproof, not an ominous sign of death."
He crosses his arms. "What's your idea then? Since you're so smart."
"W-Well..." I look at all the designs in front of me.
None of them are quite right. I understand Yoongi's, a pair of angel wings with swords crossed in the middle, because we're fighting for our freedom to fly. Hoseok's was a stream of red with the words Thicker Than Blood underneath. His was also incredible, because we were stronger than mafia families, and our bond is stronger than just biological family. Jin's were stitches, with a similar meaning to Hoseok's: we started apart but were stitched together and are stronger than before. Namjoon decided that bullets falling would suit us since none touch us, plus it's our name.
"I just... They don't fit." I look at all of them. "There's more to us than just these things. We're not the attackers, we're more defending. None of us would be doing what we're doing if we weren't hurt first."
"Like a... shield?" Jungkook suggests.
My eyes widen. "Yes! Exactly like that!"
He didn't seem to expect the enthusiastic response, but he smiled nonetheless. I gestured for paper then drew two trapezoids mirroring each other. I left some space between them, the short sides next to each other while the long sides were on the outside. There were points on both the top and the bottom. I made sure there were eight sides after counting them. It looked like a shield, but it was unique. It wasn't like the defense shields used by the military, or round like old fashioned ones, it was new. It was unique, like all of us.
"There. A shield." I smile, satisfied.
"I like it," Hoseok comments, looking at it.
Yoongi grinned. "And it's not hostile."
Taehyung's eyes were shining. "I love it."
Jungkook seemed proud of the fact that he'd come up with the general idea.
Jimin didn't look at any of us, but we could all see that satisfied smile on his face.
"But why a shield?" Namjoon asks. "I like it, and I think we'll go with it, but what prompted that thought?"
"We're bulletproof," I say automatically. I look directly at Yoongi. "We make mistakes. We're human, after all." I look back at the design. I trace the sides. "But we're all here. All eight of us. Put us together, and we're impenetrable. Nothing can break us apart. Plus..." I straighten up. "We're defending the future. The future that everyone wants, with no mafia and no pain. We're defending our freedom to be who we are, unapologetically. We're defending those who'd be prey in the future. We're defending future members who don't know this darkness yet. We're defending the light from being taken by the darkness."
That's right. I'm not letting my light flicker ever again. I'm going to survive. We're all going to survive. All eight of us will see that future we're fighting so hard for. That light at the end of the tunnel is coming.
I stand straighter, smiling.
"Because that's who we are."