There was no way Ahsoka was taking the elevators down after that, so she walked to the shaft and hitched a ride down on a transport ship. She couldn't string together a single coherent thought for the life of her, so instead she made her way down to the Lower Levels in a haze, barely remembering which level she lived on. If someone had tried to mug her, they probably would have succeeded.
The rest of the night went this way. She could eat, shower, do chores, or anything else just fine, but she couldn't think. When she tried to meditate, all that happened was she sat down and closed her eyes...and then fell asleep. It had happened multiple times to her when she was a Youngling, but needless to say, she was quite startled when she woke up at 3:30 in the morning, still sitting upright in the front room. After that, she retired to her bed. Nothing else was getting done that night.
It was only after she woke up that her brain started working again. When she sat down to eat breakfast, she finally got a chance to think over what had happened the day before. Barriss is back.
Thankfully, she didn't feel like puking, but the thought still made her stomach drop. She had barely thought about her for over a year, far too distracted by Sideous to even remember her old mentor. Ahsoka flashed back to how she had looked yesterday, repulsed by what she remembered. That's malnutrition if ever I've seen it, she realized. She was so weak. I've never been able to overpower her that easily, or at all.
It stung, to see Barriss so frail and probably starving. Despite her fear and distrust of her, she did have sympathy, because she too had gone for far too long without food before. Not enough to back her up against the Republic, but she hoped Barriss got a decent meal at least once before her execution.
Ahsoka twirled her spoon in her cereal. That couldn't really be avoided at this point. She had already been convicted before she escaped, and her sentence was death, as it would have been Ahsoka's if Anakin hadn't found her out. Ahsoka didn't know exactly how she felt about Barriss dying, but she knew how she would feel if an anonymous person had done the same thing. If that were the case, she wouldn't blink at an execution sentence. All logical voices in her head were telling her that justice was blind, and she should be likewise.
The emotional voices were in agreement with the logical, for once. There was a slight pang when she remembered who Barriss had been to her, the friend, the mentor, the ally. It was largely drowned out, however, by the angry, furious voices reminding her of everything else she had done, and what she had caused Ahsoka to have to go through. The murders, the lies, the betrayal especially, were all Ahsoka could see in her anymore. Part of her yesterday wanted to kill Barriss on the spot, just to ensure that she wouldn't do any more damage.
What really boiled her blood? Barriss had come to her, for help. Help? Now? And an apology? Over a year too late, in Ahsoka's book. The time to apologize would have been during the trial, or immediately afterward. Not now, after Ahsoka had been expelled, convicted, walked away, and went through twelve months of hell on Dromund Kaas. She would never have ended up there if Barriss had left her out of her bloody rebellion.
She glanced down at her hand and noticed her veins were darker than normal. Ahsoka looked up at her reflection at the window and saw that her eyes were gold again. Her skin wasn't red, because she hadn't consciously thought about it, but she was definitely in the Darkness at the moment.
To the Sister's surprise, Ahsoka wasn't all that mad about it. Honestly, after yesterday? I feel a little entitled to some emotion.
How come this never happened before? The Sister's voice asked. Ever since Ahsoka had started trying to balance the Light and the Darkness, these little internal conversations had become regular.
What Barriss did was wrong, and clearly, the Light Side of the Force is not making a difference in her situation. Maybe you can actually do something about this.
...you're right, the Light isn't making a difference.
You think the Dark is? Are you sure? Barriss doesn't have any history with the Dark side.
Neither did you.
...touche.
Besides, it's been a year since anyone's seen her. No one knows what went down while she was MIA.
I didn't feel any Darkness in her yesterday.
Were you looking for it?
....If you're going to keep making these good points, I'm going to need you to be a little more respectful about it.
Shut up.
A knock came at the door, and Ahsoka quickly reverted to her normal self. The conversation would have to wait, and she needed to get to work anyways.
To her surprise, Tawnya was at the door. She was a human a part of a gang that Ahsoka had become allies with, and had a large reservoir of common sense. Perfect, she thought. I need a third opinion.
"Hey there," Tawnya greeted her, nodding to her bag. "Where are you headed?"
"Unlike you," Ahsoka retorted, "some of us have to work for a living. The real question is, what are you doing all the way out here?"
The two started walking down the stairs at the end of the hall. "A little birdie told me you ran into trouble yesterday," she explained, crossing her arms. "Two little birdies, actually."
Ahsoka groaned. Wheeler and Thylla must have reached out to Tawnya after she ditched them yesterday. They knew she was friends with her, even if they didn't approve of the gang lifestyle. "What did they tell you?"
"Not much," she admitted. "Just that you fell over sick yesterday, and then told them to run. They just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"'Okay' is pushing it, but yeah, I'm fine," Ahsoka replied, walking out of her housing complex.
"Let me guess, something happened with the Force?" Tawnya assumed, following Ahsoka to work.
Ahsoka thought about how much she was comfortable with telling her. Tawnya didn't think highly of the Jedi, but she never berated her for it, and only ever tried to help her. "Does the name Barriss Offee ring a bell with you?" she asked.
It took a second, but Tawnya's eyes widened, and her eyebrow shot up. "The traitor Jedi from last year?"
"That's the one."
Quite taken aback, she elaborated. "I mean, I saw her face on the news more than once, but that's about it. She was the one who got you kicked out, right?"
Nodding, Ahsoka explained, vaguely. "She tracked me down yesterday when I wasn't expecting it. I led her to the surface, and she's now in custody again."
"What does that have to do with the Force?" Tawnya asked, curious. She didn't have a great understanding of it, but Ahsoka had told her the basics.
"Different people...feel different to me. I can recognize someone familiar when they're close by. Barriss felt...well, the girls told you I fell sick, right?"
Tawnya nodded. "PTSD."
That was not the reply Ahsoka was expecting. "I'm sorry, what?"
"PTSD. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder," she explained. "Our members have it all the time. You go through something that hurts you physically, mentally, or emotionally, or all three. Your body remembers it, and when certain things happen that remind you of what happened, it triggers an involuntary reaction."
Ahsoka walked in silence for a moment, processing her words. "Huh. And that's a real thing?"
"You said you felt the Offee girl, right?"
"Yeah."
"That must have been your trigger. You felt her, via the Force, I guess, and your mind said 'nuh-uh, not doing this again', so it shut down and you felt sick. It's trying to prevent you from getting into that similar situation."
"You're saying my body tried to...protect me..from Barriss? By throwing up?"
Tawnya nodded and followed her into the Chasm. "Messed up, I know, but I've seen it before. Judging from the fact that you've been fighting a war since you were fourteen, I'm guessing that you have a couple of other triggers too. Blaster shots, maybe?"
Ahsoka thought for a second, trying to think of other things that might be 'triggers'. Nothing else had made her puke, but she remembered a few things. Every time she accidentally shocked herself, she spasmed for a second. The first time she had done it in front of her coworkers, she had freaked them out a little bit.
Then she came to a realization. "The whole Jedi Order probably has this, don't they?" She whispered hauntingly, and Tawnya shrugged.
"I mean, I'm gonna be honest, but y'all probably have it worse than anyone else here."
"What's it called again?"
"Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, for short."
They got back to the street, and Ahsoka walked in silence for a good minute. This whole time, she had thought of it as weakness or fear. She hadn't even considered that there might be a name, a legitimate diagnosis for what she had gone through. Did Kix know about this? He was a medic, so he would probably have heard of it, right?
Beside her, Tawnya sighed. "Look, I just wanted to make sure you were in one piece. I'm sorry you had to face down Offee and go through all that crap, but hopefully, now you can rest and recov-"
Ahsoka stopped walking, and Tawnya turned to look at her. "What?"
"I don't think I can rest just yet."
"Why not?"
She pointed to the parking area for Gauges and Gears, where a Jedi speeder was hovering in one of the spots. Tawnya got the message. "You just can't catch a break, can you?"
Ahsoka sighed. "Apparently not. You should probably go."
She nodded, turning on her heel. "Hey, chin up, Tano," Tawnya called out to her. "You got this!"
While she wished that she did, Ahsoka had the overwhelming feeling that she most certainly did not. She propped her chin up anyways, though, and walked through the back door. She passed the workbenches and went straight to the lobby and sure enough, her boss, Fuller, was talking to none other than Master Plo Koon.
Plo pointed at Ahsoka, and Fuller turned around to get a look at her. "Tano! You're leaving!" he told her, quite unnecessarily. As she walked up, Fuller explained. "This man here says that they need you for an interrogation. Not yours, some criminal named Barriss Offee."
"I'm aware," Ahsoka assured him. "I had a feeling this would happen."
"Mind if I talk to her for a second?" He asked Plo Koon, and he pulled her off to the side. When they were out of earshot, he asked, "Is this another one of those Changeling freaks?"
Ahsoka shook her head. "Not this time, I'm afraid."
Fuller sighed, crossing his arms. "This is not the best time to be running up to the surface, Tano. I'm already down Granger and Journey's sick, I don't need a third mechanic missing right now."
"You think I want to go?" Ahsoka challenged. "This woman is a murderer, she tore my life apart, and she attacked me yesterday after work. The last thing I want to do right now is go and pay her a visit."
Her boss cursed under his breath, then looked at the Jedi Master waiting in the lobby. Jedi or not, Tano had a sense of duty and was going to do what was necessary whether she liked it or not. Apparently, this was necessary. "Just hurry back, please."
She nodded, walking over to the door. "I'll try," she told him, before addressing Plo Koon. "I'm ready when you are."
"This way," he guided her, and they walked out the doors to the speeder still parked in the lot. Ahsoka climbed in the passenger seat, setting her back next to her feet. Plo Koon started the speeder, and a minute later, they were flying up the shaft, ascending to the surface.
Ahsoka didn't bother making conversation at first. She didn't have anything to say. She had expected that she would be pulled in, but she had no inclination to go. In fact, she had half a mind to jump out and go back to work right now.
Plo Koon picked up on this. "I apologize for pulling you away from work, I understand this isn't convenient for you."
She sighed, shaking her head. "None of this is convenient, none of it. I don't even want to talk to her, why do you need me, of all people?"
"Miss Offee refuses to cooperate with any interrogation or investigation. The only thing she had said since she was arrested was that you are the only person she'll speak with."
Looking over at him, she asked, "Not even Master Luminara?"
"Especially her. She attempted to speak with her, and Miss Offee had to be electrocuted in order to restrain her." Plo Koon reported sadly.
Ahsoka contemplated it. Should she go in? She wasn't interested in anything she had to say, but if it was for the good of the Republic...
Since when are we on the Republic's side? The Sister asked her.
Hang on, she told the Sister. Give me a minute.
What would she want as a Jedi? Her goal was to keep peace, and Barriss was definitely not peaceful. Ahsoka knew Barriss could escape jail, since she had done it before, and she was able to fight her down, if needed. Talking would definitely stall her, at least, and give her a reason to be in the Detention center.
What would she want as the Inquisitor? The Dark side was fueled by emotion, and her superior emotion at the moment was anger. Barriss needed to pay for her crimes, and if the death sentence was how, then so be it. She couldn't be allowed to escape her sentence, nor to hurt other people in the same way as before. No one else ought to be manipulated the way Ahsoka was.
The common ground was that Ahsoka had to go to Barriss. For one reason or another, the most advantageous position was as close as she could get to her.
But why me? the Sister asked. I'm not responsible for Barriss. I never have been, and I'm certainly not now.
This time, however, Ahsoka stood her ground. If I can try to protect people, then I have to.
That's not your job anymore. Your job is to fix machines and engines, not Barriss!
If I don't go and Barriss escapes again and hurts someone else, then it's my fault. I can stop her, and if I don't, no one else might. I'm going to the surface.
Other people can do it, the Jedi are there-
Do you trust the Jedi to keep her in check?
....no.
Neither do I. I'm going to keep an eye on her. End of discussion.