A few days passed with little progress. Yoongi and Hoseok were working really hard to pin down one of the guys, but they couldn't seem to find the right time. I'd see Yoongi come back every day with his shoulders sagging and his face looking drawn. Hoseok would clearly be down himself, but he still acted like Yoongi's recharge. I always said what I could and offered help on how to get someone alone, which they took into account and continued along the next day. It was heartbreaking to hear Yoongi's exhausted footsteps come down the stairs heavy. Even Hoseok's got heavier as more days passed. I felt utterly useless, and I was. All the skills that had gotten me to this point did nothing.
Everyone else was just as frustrated. Jungkook offered switching with Yoongi, but the older shook his head. He said he was better at blending in and left the youngest with that. Jimin spent a lot of time in the room, sitting against the wall with his eyes closed. Namjoon pretty much drowned himself in work to figure out more about Chae's operations and underground businesses. Taehyung would give subtle but clear support by hugging both Hoseok and Yoongi, but it was clear that he felt useless beyond that. Jin had become backed up with suit orders and spent most of his time in the shop, but he'd have more bandaids on his hands every day from distracted stitching.
I didn't know what to do with myself. My advice soon ran out as to what to do. I was sitting in the suit shop one night, just looking at the black expanse of the sky. I was trying to pick out stars, but there was just too much light pollution. It was getting colder outside, steam rising from various heaters. I took in the little street, lights lining it from end to end and the occasional person walking by. I sighed deeply before standing up. I pull a small mask over my mouth before heading out for no reason. The cool breeze made my skin just barely cold. I could feel it gliding through my hair. I started walking down the street, becoming one of those people I'd been watching. I pass a small alleyway and stop, simply staring down it. I wondered if I'd ever committed a crime there. I watched beady little eyes look at me before disappearing. I wondered if people ever saw that from me. A small child, cold in the winter, staring at them from the dark. I let out a light chuckle. I must've scared the shit out of some people.
I continue walking, letting my feet simply take me somewhere. There was no particular plan or place, I just wanted to remember the feeling of oncoming winter. I heard quiet but familiar footsteps behind me at some point, delicate like a cat's. I smiled lightly to myself as I continued going. I ended up across the street from my old apartment building and just kept walking. I passed by the construction project from the whorehouse that was demolished. I stopped at a stoplight a few blocks from the restaurant before finally looking back. His eyes had a soft glow to them as he looked up at me.
"You gonna walk next to me or just be a creep behind me?"
"Depends," Jimin replies from where he stood. "Should I beware for my balls?"
I shake my head dismissively. I look up ahead where the still black pile of our once livelihood had been. Then I start walking again, his steps falling in line with mine.
"Following me to make sure I'm not a spy?"
"Nah. I think I got the memo when you didn't kill me with that knife."
"Which one?"
"Whorehouse."
I nod. My breath lightly fogged as it came out from the mask. His did the same.
"Why're you out here, then?"
He shrugs. "No particular reason. I've just had nothing to do while the hyungs tail those guys. Since we don't have a sparring room or a gun range, I've just been thinking. Haven't been outside much." He looks at me. "What about you?"
I shrug too. "Just felt like stepping outside. I do wonder when I stopped being worried about winter, though."
"What do you mean?"
I stop walking as I see a certain street I knew a little too well. I sigh in remembrance. "When did I stop wondering if I'd survive the winter?"
He stopped next to me. "I never worried much for the seasons changing. It was more if I'd have to fight the next day."
"Oh?"
"Defend my mom and all." He scoffs and kicks at the ground, his shoe making a light scuffing sound. "Seems like a different life, remembering that."
"Ten years ago, would you think this would be you?"
He laughs. "Hell no. Ten years ago, if someone told me I'd have a family, people standing by me, and money, I'd call them crazy."
I smile lightly. "Ten years ago… I wonder what I'd think. I would've been in this life for a couple years at that point." I start walking again, the cool air propelling me. "I doubt I would've even imagined life ten years from then."
"How so?"
"Figured I would've died somehow. I was a young teenager with no skills except surviving the streets. I didn't even know basic math." I laugh like he had. "What a crazy turn my life has taken."
"If you could have a life that isn't this, what would you want?"
Though my feet keep going, my thoughts stopped to think. "Well, I guess I'd want a family. I'd want someone who'd take care of me when I couldn't take care of myself." I shake my head. "Actually, no. I want to travel the world. I want to see what it's like somewhere else. I want to experience the life of a tourist, seeing magnificent landmarks and the odd customs of other countries."
He hums. "That's fair. Both are fair."
"And what about you, oh mighty fighter?"
He chuckles. "I honestly don't know. I haven't thought about this very much. I guess… maybe a dancer." He looks up for a moment as a strong wind ruffles his hair. "A singer too, I guess. I know, it's childish to want something like that, but I couldn't dream of much more."
We pass an advertisement for job applications. I stop in front of it. "Is this what normal people do? Worry about things like this?"
He looks at the sign. "Yeah. It's what I used to do. I used to spend a few hours after school tracking down places that would hire me, but no one ever did."
I smile at the imagined thought of past me doing it, if I'd grown up in a proper environment. "Did you ever wonder if you'd die the next day?"
"Not even once."
"Must've been nice."
"It was."
I drag my hand down the sign before we continue walking again. "Did you know your father?"
He shakes his head. "My mom was a prostitute for her living. She didn't have the slightest clue, but she loved me all the same. She was really a beautiful person, inside and out."
"She must've been."
"Complimenting me?"
"Quite the contrary, actually. She took all your beauty for herself."
He laughs, the golden sound ringing through the empty streets. "Sure. What about you? You've never mentioned parents and didn't seem to have any keepsakes of your past."
I look at the street, watching for where my feet connected to the concrete. "I never knew my parents. My first memory was a late night, like this one, but summer. I remember my small hands on the wall of a building as I looked for somewhere safe to sleep."
"Did anyone help you?"
"I never let them. I didn't trust anyone."
"Why not?"
"I watched other kids disappear or have horrible things happen because adults are greedy. It instilled a pretty simple but concrete lesson."
We fell into silence, continuing our walk. I knew where we were in the city, but we'd gotten pretty far from the suit shop at this point. I stop and turn around. He follows my action, turning around as well. We start walking back.
"Do you still hate me?" he asks.
"I never did. Can't say I particularly like you, though."
"Is that why you took the bed so mercilessly?"
"My back is more precious than yours."
"Sure, whatever." He runs a hand through his hair. "You tortured me when we first met. How can you say you didn't hate me?"
"It was never personal," I reply simply. "I just needed information that you had. I didn't want to go after you guys, actually. Just figured it'd be my last job before escaping."
"I sure hated you for that."
"I did almost castrate you."
"Which was effective," he hums. "Cutting hurts, and cutting a scar hurts more, but threatening my reproduction was ballsy."
"Pun intended?"
"Shut up."
I laugh lightly. "I can say I respect your skills, though. You know how to hold your own. I only beat you when sparring because I have more practice."
"Still got that bruise from last time? From when I kneed you in the stomach?"
"It's faded but there. You still got that one on your forearm from when I socked it?"
"Yep." He lifts his sleeve and shows the faint mark. "It's a good reminder to deflect rather than block."
"Winter air is very strange, isn't it?" I ask, changing the subject. "Gives me this sense of calm when I used to panic."
"Trust me. If someone understands that, it's me."
~~~~~
I don't know when we actually slept that night, but waking up to hear whoops outside wasn't the most horrible wakeup. It was annoying until I went outside and saw the shining smile on Hoseok's face. Then I couldn't resist smiling lightly.
"Got one?" I asked.
"Got one!" he replied.
Yoongi wasn't there, I noticed, to which Taehyung put a finger to his lips as if to signal quiet. Yoongi deserved the nap, so we went quiet soon after. I went back into the room after that, a yawn falling from my lips. Jimin had moved to the bed in the few minutes I was outside. I was going to say something about it at first, but I stopped at the edge of the bed. His breathing was so even that he had to be asleep. I watched his chest rise and fall a few times before going outside. Jungkook was lying on Taehyung's lap, an arm over his eyes. His breathing wasn't perfectly even, but he was clearly trying to sleep. Taehyung was running his fingers through the younger's hair. I sit on the couch across from them.
"Time really is moving, huh?"
Taehyung looks up to meet my eyes. "Slowly but surely."
"I need to do something soon."
"Namjoon-hyung said we can start disturbing more side businesses once Hoseok-hyung and Yoongi-hyung get the two guys agreed. Soon."
I look at the clock on the wall, the seconds going by slowly. If I focused enough, I could hear the soft tick tock, tick tock.
"How long did it take you to adjust?"
"A few weeks, maybe," he hums, knowing exactly what I meant. "It quickly felt natural to call them hyung, and it was definitely nice to lean on someone else for once."
I hum, watching the time tick by.
It was nice.