Long story short, I finished writing this at the same time as the last one but the editing on this one didn't go so well so it took a bit longer to make good enough to publish. There's a few things that still sound a bit awkward, but I'm so tired of staring at this that I decided to just go with what I have right now xD
Warning: Mpreg, mentioned abuse and killing
Enjoy!
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Ben woke up in a panic. His heart pounded in his chest as he quickly sat up, his clothes and hair sticking to him with a layer of sweat. He protectively wrapped his arms around the small bump of his stomach as he took deep breaths to try to calm himself.
He had only been pregnant for a few weeks and had already had so many nightmares about abusing his baby that he'd almost grown used to waking up this way. Almost.
So, as the Dane felt his heart rate slow, he ran a hand back through his hair to push the damp curls away and looked to the side. He let out a soft sigh as a small smile twitched at his lips at the sight of his husband, sleeping peacefully in his place next to him.
He let himself lay back down and cuddled to Ian's side, pressing a kiss to his cheek and giggling at the groan it caused. Being so close to his lover was always comforting and getting his mind off the horrible nightmares was usually the best, if not only, way he'd be able to get back to sleep.
He traced shapes and designs onto the older's bare chest and shoulders, desperately trying to will the images out of his mind. No more starving. No more hitting. No more violent words. No more locking the kid in its room for hours on end. No more repeats of things his parents did to him as a child.
About half an hour later, his traced shapes slowed to a stop and his hand came to rest on his lover's chest as his eyes drooped shut and he fell into yet another restless sleep.
The next few weeks passed quite similarly - nightmares, panic, and increasing exhaustion at how little real sleep he got. Though, as the couple got the results of the ultrasound of a routine check up, they couldn't help the shocked expressions that crossed their faces.
Twins.
Twins.
They were having twins.
The shock of a second baby quickly faded to happiness as tears streamed down Ben's face and Ian wrapped him in a hug. Smiles spread across both of their faces and they couldn't be happier.
However, that night was a different story.
Ben tossed and turned as his face contorted into all sorts of looks of fear and regret and horror. He woke up panting and screaming with tears threatening to spill down his cheeks as he sat up.
He tried to wipe them away and was shocked to feel wetness already on his cheeks - an undeniable sign that he had been crying in his sleep. He froze for a second, shocked at the realization, and was brought back to reality as he sniffled, new tears falling down his face.
His lip trembled as the images of tiny, starved babies, silent and unmoving, flashed before him. It was followed by more horrific sights - little babies floating in a bathtub as a hairdryer sunk to the bottom, babies in their cribs with necks at unnatural angles, bloody messes and hands and knives covered in red.
Ben shook and sobbed as the images flashed through his mind without end. He pulled at his hair hoping for a distraction and yanked them away as he felt the phantom sensation of blood running down his fingers and arms.
He stared as his pale, shaking hands - shining with nothing more than the sweat that covered his whole body. He glanced over at Ian and knew his usual way of calming down wouldn't be even near enough.
So, feeling gross in more ways than one, he thickly swallowed pass the lump in his throat and shakily got out of bed. He took a moment to steady himself and made his way to the connected bathroom. He turned on the shower and quickly stripped off his soaked pajamas, tossing them into the laundry basket before getting in the water.
The usual hot temperature he used felt like a million knives hitting his skin and he had to turn it all the way down to barely being warm before it felt comfortable. He took a deep breath and rinsed down his body before placing his hands on the wall and hanging his head low.
Suddenly, it was very clear how much his pounding heart had made his chest hurt. A constant ache brought a hand to his chest and he squeezed his eyes tightly shut as his lip trembled, trying to force the images that still stuck to his mind to go away.
He took another deep breath as his chest started to calm and moved his hand from resting over his heart to resting on his stomach. He hesitated a moment before rubbing the bump in a soothing way and left his hand on the underside to hold it.
He took a deep breath - they really seemed to calm him - and stared down at the floor. He watched the water drip down his body and run down the drain. He let his mind clear and found a strange comfort in the emptiness.
He jumped and felt his heart pound again as the curtain was pulled back and quickly looked over to see what had happened. He was instantly relieved to see that it was just Ian, groggy and tired from seemingly having been woken up by the noise of the shower.
"What are you doing...?" The question was yawned out as the older rubbed at an eye.
It took a moment for Ben to think of a response, "Sh-showering."
"It's three AM, Baby..."
The smaller stiffened at the word and felt his lip tremble once more as the images threatened to run through his mind again.
"S-sorry if I w-woke y-you up..." His voice wobbled and he couldn't help his stuttering. He felt the first sob escape him before he even knew he was crying and, before he knew it, arms were wrapped around him.
"Woah, calm down, Sweetie. Y-you're okay. I don't mind that you woke me up. I-it's okay." Ian stumbled out the words as he tried to comfort the seemingly random breakdown of his lover.
He pulled away just long enough to slip off his boxers, the only piece of clothing he wore to bed, and stepped into the shower. He groaned at the cold water and turned it up to a more comfortable temperature before getting in their usual position. He stood behind the smaller and wrapped his arms around him, holding him close as he pressed gentle kisses and whispered soothing words to into wet curls.
It didn't take long for Ben to calm back down with the help of his husband and soon he was nodding at the older's suggestion to sit down. He leaned back against his lover's chest and let out a content sigh as he was finally able to relax.
He let hands comfortingly rub his chest and stomach as he let out little giggles and happy noises as tickling butterfly kisses were pressed to his neck.
A happy moment passed like that before Ian spoke in an unusually soft voice, "Can you tell me what happened now?"
Taking a second to calm down from the giggles, Ben took a deep breath and spoke in a quiet voice, "I... I had a nightmare."
"Nightmare, huh?" A kiss pressed to Ben's cheek, "Must of been a pretty bad one to make you cry so much."
"Yeah..." The small word was said impossibly quietly and followed by a much overdue confession. "I've had horrible nightmares since I found out I'm pregnant. Th-this one was so much worse though. K-knowing there was two of them... Th-there was twice as much..."
He couldn't quite get himself to finish the sentences, too afraid of the words to say them. Though, he didn't have to think of them long before Ian was speaking again, replacing the horrible thoughts with new ones.
"Since you fou- Benny! Why didn't you tell me?!" Ian sounded shocked and almost hurt that such a secret had been kept from him.
The smaller blushed, both in guilt and embarrassment," C-cause... cause usually I can calm myself down and go back to sleep if I... if I cuddle with you."
The older just laughed before ruffling the other's wet hair, "That's my Benny. Embarrassed about cuddles while he's pregnant." A confused look brought a small smirk to Ian's face, "Ya know, it takes a bit more than cuddles to get pregnant."
Blush darkening significantly, Ben stuttered out a single scolding, "I-Ian!"
Another chuckle and the older continued, "Anyway, what kind of nightmares are you having that you end up crying in the shower?" A moment of tense silence passed and he added, "You don't have to tell it you don't want to."
"N-no... I... want to tell. It's just..." He paused for a moment, looking for the right words, "It scares me."
Hands moved to comfortingly rub his shoulders, "It's okay. Take your time."
The smaller nodded and took a few breaths, "I... You know how I was... abused... as a kid?"
"Yeah," Ian's voice was soft and gentle, realizing just how sensitive of a subject these nightmares must of been.
"Well, I... I saw myself... doing that to our baby. I wouldn't give it food and would hit it and lock it up. I... I saw myself as my parents," tears started spilling again, "I hated it and couldn't do anything to stop it."
He let a few sobs escape before continuing, "Th-then... then tonight," another sob cut him off, "t-tonight was so much worse. I... I killed them... I killed them, Ian. Over and over." The crying took over as he lost control of his emotions, sobs increasing as the images came back.
Shock showed on the older's face and in his actions as he momentarily froze, not quite knowing how to react to what he had just been told. Though, his lover's sobs brought him back to reality as felt him shake and quickly resumed his soothing touches.
A cracking, broken voice spilled out words between sobs, desperately needing to share what had been torturing him for, maybe, an hour but felt like a lifetime. "I... I saw myself k-killing them. St-starving them... E-electrocuting them... I saw mys-self break their necks and c-cutting them... s-stabbing them... I... I saw them become nothing more than m-mangled bloody messes. I... It scared me, Ian. It r-really, really scared me."
A few shaky breaths and sobs later, Ben continued, "I... I could feel their blood on my hands. I hated what I saw myself do and what I felt and that I could even think that. I... I felt so... disgusting... I got in the shower get rid of the feeling and... and... then you called me B-baby and... a-and it all came back."
"I... I'm sorry for making you think of it again but..." Ian trailed off, almost feeling insensitive about the way he was treating his lover's feelings.
"B-But...?" A small, curious voice edged him on.
"But... you have to remember it's just a nightmare. You're a good person Benny, one of the best I've ever met." He turned the smaller's head to look at him better and gave him a smile and a kiss before continuing, "I love you and can't wait to raise a family with you."
He frowned as a disbelieving look stared back at him and continued again in a stern yet caring voice, "You're going to be a great father and you know it. You're already so good with kids and you'll be even better with ours."
"But... But what if I hurt them?" The small, fearful voice still shook as the younger voiced his doubts.
Ian let out a deep sigh before cupping the smaller's face and letting a smirk twitch at his lips as he spoke in the firm voice once more, "Benjamin Stapleton," the smirk widened as his husband blushed, still not used to the last name he had had for a little over a year now, "listen to me. You are a good person who can barely even kill a bug. You wouldn't dare say a violent word to another human being, much less do anything to hurt them."
Ben gave a small smile as the words set in along with reality. Ian was right. He was good. He couldn't hurt people, much less kill them. His fears were more than uncharacteristic and truly nothing more than nightmares.
He let out a deep sigh and felt the rest of his fear and panic leave with it. He blushed as he realized they were still sitting on the floor of the shower and felt himself shiver as he felt just how cold the water had become.
Ian quickly noticed his lover's discomfort and suggested getting out before helping the smaller up and turning off the water. A moment later, they were dried off and wearing clean pajamas as they walked back into their room and climbed into their bed.
Ian held the smaller close, letting out a content sigh as he felt the fabric of the back of his husband's shirt press against him. He wrapped one arm around Ben's chest and brought the other rest over his bulging stomach.
If cuddles were what comforted him from his nightmares, then he'd just have to cuddle him until the pregnancy was over. Until the horrors were replaced with blissful realities and they were exhausted from sleepless nights of, not traumatizing nightmares, but of caring for their beautiful children.
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2271 words!
Hope you enjoyed!
Requests closed, suggestions open
~Angel ^-^