Phil's breathed hitched. His heart raced. He felt weak in the knees. His mouth dropped open. It went dry. He couldn't swallow. He couldn't think clearly. Thoughts were piling on each other and zooming by so fast, Phil couldn't keep up. The question took him by surprise. Why do you care so much?
"It just doesn't make sense," Dan went on. Phil closed his mouth and swallowed. He blinked a few times and frowned. He opened his lips to speak but closed them. He looked up at Dan. Dan was confused and so was Phil. Why did he care so much?
"Why do you care if I've dated a bunch of people recently. It's not up to you who I date. I can sleep around all I'd like. I don't get mad at you when you go on dates. I don't get mad at you when you aren't dating people," Dan went on some more. He kept ranting and ranting about how Phil shouldn't care so much.
Suddenly Phil's fingers clenched in fists. His eyes narrowed. His whole face felt hot. He clenched his jaw. The more he listened to Dan, the angrier he became. Was he not allowed to care for Dan? Why shouldn't he care so much?
"Why does it matter to you how I live my life?" Dan questioned fiercely. He truly didn't understand why it bothered Phil so much. It was starting to make him mad.
"So, what? Am I lot allowed to care about you?" Phil asked incredulously. "Why do you care that I care so much?" Phil pointed his fingers at Dan for emphasis as he walked closer.
"Because it's annoying!" Dan shouted, irritated. "It's like I have a bug on my shoulder constantly question every little thing I do! So, really, what's up? I'm an adult Phil. I'm not some eighteen year old that you have to protect." Dan was getting closer now to. "I can do what I want, it's not like you own me or something," Dan scoffed.
"I know I don't own you and I know you don't need me to watch over you, but I'm going to and you don't have a choice," Phil aid sternly.
"Why?!" Dan shouted exasperatedly. "Why do you need to? Why do you care so much?!" Dan's fingers jabbed at Phil's chest with each question. Phil finally broke.
"It's because if I can't be the only that you choose to spend the rest of your life with then the person better be someone amazing. They better be someone I can get along with because if I can't see you in the future then I think I'll die. I hate that you've been with so many people lately because..." Phil suddenly realized why. His eyes widened and he thought his heart actually broke for a second.
"Because what?" Dan was trying to be mad as he pushed the answer out of Phil, but he was also concerned. Phil looked so sad all of the sudden. He looked like he was about to break out in tears.
Phil shook his head. He couldn't say it. He couldn't. Dan had been sleeping around and dating a lot of people lately, so he didn't care about Phil the way that Phil cared about him. He couldn't make Dan have feelings for him. Phil was suddenly terrified. What the hell was he supposed to do now?! It had only been a few seconds and his heart felt like it was eating away at him. Now that he knew about his feelings... watching Dan go off with other people might actually kill him. He couldn't do anything.
"Because what?" Dan repeated sternly. He was annoyed now. This was his best friend keeping a secret from him. How hard was it to share? Phil just wanted Dan to shut up. To stop asking. "You have to tell me at some point. I just want to know why-"
"It's because I'm in love with you, ok?!" Phil shouted. His eyes widened. He said it. He actually said it. Oh God. It was a relief. A weight off his shoulders. It was a thrill. His heart was racing. At the same time though, it was instantly regretted. What did he just do?
He couldn't even look Dan in the eye. He couldn't say anything. What was there to say? Sorry? He wasn't sorry.
The next thing he new Dan grabbed the neck of his sweatshirt and pulled him off balance. Once Phil stood so incredibly close to Dan, Dan got a better grasp and yanked Phil's lips to his. Dan pulled away before Phil even realized what was happening. Phil's mouth was open, he was stunned. What just happened? Dan just stared back at him, a blush crawling up his cheeks.
"Did you just...?" Phil trailed off. He couldn't help the way it came out breathless or how his gaze kept falling to Dan's lips.
Dan opened his mouth to speak but couldn't say anything. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes. His chest hurt, his throat burned. Dan's head fell to Phil's shoulder. He loosened his death grip and wrapped his arms around Phil. He nuzzled his head into Phil's neck. He nodded.
"Does that mean...?" Phil trailed off again. He hoped it meant that Dan loved him back. He hoped it wasn't just some impulse Dan gave in to. Dan let go of a breath.
"Yes," He said gently. "That's why I've been with so many people. I just..." His lips brushed against Phil's neck as he spoke. It gave him goosebumps. "Was trying to get over you."
"How long have you...?" Phil trailed off. He felt Dan shrug. Phil tightened his grip around Dan.
"Too long," His voice cracked. Phil swallowed and nodded. He didn't know why he did. It's not like Dan could see him nodding. Maybe he just did it to reassure himself that this was real.
"We're in love with each other?" Phil asked. He started to giggle. He felt Dan nod and he started to laugh, too. They couldn't help it, it was just so funny. How could they not have realized this sooner? What were they even supposed to do? He laid his head on Dan's.
"So what are we?" Phil asked once they calmed down. He suddenly felt a little nervous. Dan was never really good with labels. He dated men and woman but never came out as bisexual because he didn't feel bisexual. He just dated who he wanted to date. If you asked if he was pansexual though he would shrug, because truthfully, Dan didn't know.
"In love," Dan whispered. Phil could hear the fear in his voice. He was probably scared that Phil needed a label because Phil seemed to always label himself. He always labeled himself as strange or weird because that's just Phil. He knew what he was. He labeled himself as bisexual because he liked both men and woman. He was able to make a shape and figure out who he was. He was himself, but himself is another label. Phil Lester is the best label you can have in Dan's opinion.
"Alright." Phil smiled. "I like it." Dan pulled his head out of where it was buried in Phil's neck. He looked into Phil's eyes. "Why are you crying?" Phil asked. He wiped the tears off of Dan's cheeks.
"You just-" Dan cleared his throat and swallowed hard. He really was trying not to start bawling his eyes out. "You make me so happy, Phil," He laughed and rested his forehead on Phil's. "Thank you." Phil connected their lips again. And again.They had years of lost time to make up for.
Dan's lips were just perfect against Phil's. Dan's lips were chapped and rough while Phil's were soft and gentle. The sharpness of Dan contrasted with the softness of Phil. It just swirled together in one amazing intoxicating movement. If they could put that feeling in a drug, they would always be high. Their tongues started to swirl making a taste of mint and chocolate and sweets and their home. If they could put the taste in a candy bar, they would never stop eating it. The way they moved together, God there was nothing more perfectly put together. It was like they were created for each other. It was like fate was pulling them together.
They pulled away breathing heavily, breaths mixing together in a cloud of love. "No, Dan," Phil breathed, "thank you."