Trigger Warning: Self Harm not involved just talked about
Dan thought about Phil's question. What would change about your past if you could? He squeezed his arms through his sleeves. He thought about the lines of scars that ran up and down his skin. He looked into Phil's blue eyes. What would he change about his past?
"I wish I could've met you sooner," Dan shrugged. If he met Phil sooner, so much would've been different. He don't think he would've felt nearly as bad as he did about himself as he did when he was in his twenties. The years Phil came in, he stopped hurting himself and actually felt good about himself. If Phil has been there from the beginning...
"Yeah," Phil smiled at him. He stared at Dan's fingers- they were clenching his wrists and arms. Phil followed where his train of thought was going. "Me, too."
That night was different. They both went to sleep in their beds but they couldn't stop thinking about the conversation. What if they had been friends earlier? Things what be drastically different. Not only for Dan, but for Phil, too. As if that night wasn't weird enough, they woke up together. Not at the same time- that wouldn't be weird- they woke up in the same bed. They were also next to each other. Like right next to each other. It scared Dan so much he woke Phil up trying to unscramble their legs.
"What the hell?" Dan frowned. Phil confusedly shook his head back. "Where are we?" Dan suddenly noticed the change in scenery. There were Muse, Panic! at the disco, and Fall Out Boy posters everywhere. They were laying on a bed with plain navy blue bed sheets. There was a dresser in the room that looked nothing like either of their dressers and there were clothes everywhere. The room was smaller than either of their's and there was a window viewing out.
"Am I dreaming?" Dan sat up rubbing his eyes. This couldn't be right could it? He pinched himself but nothing happened.
"I'm pretty sure no," Phil got up, too. "Where are we?" Phil asked, Dan had a look on his face like he knew exactly where they were.
"This looks like my bedroom from when I was like sixteen," Dan explained. He got up and walked to the door. Phil followed close behind. There was a hallway leading to two other doorways and stairs. "Oh my god, this was the exact hallway, too," Dan muttered. "Phil, are you sure we're not dreaming?"
Phil poked him hard on the side, earning a hard yelp and a glare from Dan. "Either way, why would we both be dreaming of this?" Phil frowned, Dan shrugged and kept walking. He got downstairs and found an empty house, the exact same set up as his old house.
"Phil, this is weird. If this isn't a dream how are we in my old house. Like this isn't even similar, it's identical." Dan looked back at Phil who looked just as confused as he was.
"Maybe we're in a coma?" Phil's eyes widened.
"'Cause that made more than a dream." Dan rolled his eyes. "Let's go see if we can find anyone to figure out what the fuck is going on," Dan suggested.
Phil nodded and they walked downstairs. The first person they found was Dan's mum. She looked about ten years younger and seemed to be writing something on the table.
"Mum?" Dan asked walking closer. He expected her to look up, but nothing happened. He waved his hand in front of her face but still- nothing. "This has to be a dream," Dan muttered. But it felt so real. It didn't feel anything like a dream. He could remember everything from when he woke up, and he didn't think he could do that in a dream.
Their questions were soon answered when Dan walked through the front door. Not just regular Dan Howell, but Dan Howell as a sixteen year old. He had long straight hair and had earbuds in. He walked into the room, said hi to his mum and walked upstairs. He didn't even notice the two guys standing in his living room.
"Was that..." Phil was the first to speak. They sat there for a few minutes arguing about how that couldn't be a sixteen year old Dan and this had to be some sort of weird dream.
They slowly walked up the stairs and noticed that Dan's door was now closed. "Am I supposed to knock?" Dan asked, Phil just shrugged. Dan figured it was himself anyway, so why not. He opened it.
He figured sixteen year old Dan would barely notice him, but it was the opposite. The second they walked through Dan looked up from his computer and screamed. Dan's mum shouted something downstairs about him being okay and he just shouted back, "Nothing!" He stared at Dan and Phil with wide eyes. "I'm going to work!" She shouted. "Ok, mum!" Dan remembered when his mum always had to work night shifts. Nights were always the hardest for Dan.
"What the hell?" He asked. Dan wanted to laugh at him, his voice was so squeaky it's like he hadn't even gonna through puberty yet. Phil elbowed Dan who decided to be the first one to say something.
"Uh... hi?" He said awkwardly. Sixteen year old Dan's face scrunched up. "I'm... you."
"You're... me?" He asked, disbelief written all over his face. Dan and Phil didn't even know what to say. It all felt so real... so what were they supposed to say?
"I... don't know," Dan whispered. "I... um... I think I am. Well... I am... but I think I'm..." Was he really gonna say he was from the future?
"We think we've somehow gotten transported back in time," Phil threw in. Dan widened his eyes at him but he just shrugged back. "What else was I supposed to say?"
"You're me?" Past Dan frowned. "What's with the curls? And the colorful clothes?" He asked judgmentally. Dan couldn't help the smile on his face.
"That would be because of him." Dan tilted his head towards Phil. "He changes a lot about you, actually." Dan looked down at his shoes not even noticing Phil's blush and bright smile after the comment.
"And who is he?" Past Dan asked.
"I'm, Phil," He smiled. "I'm... what's the date today? Like the full date?" Phil asked.
"December 9th, 2007," Past Dan said after thinking for a moment. Dan's eyes widened. He knew that date. How did he know that date?
"Oh my god... um... hold on for a second," Dan said. He dragged Phil out of the room
"What?" Phil asked. Dan suddenly looked extremely nervous and anxious.
"It's the ninth, do you realize what day it is?" Dan asked urgently, Phil shook his head. "It's the day after that giant party happened. It was at Cornelia's remember?" Dan whacked Phil on the arm. Phil suddenly realized what that meant. A lot happened at Cornelia's party. Cornelia grew up in the same town as Dan which meant that past Phil happened to be in town. Dan had a girlfriend at the time who new Cornelia. She happened to cheat on him at the party. This was the night when...
"Oh my god, this is it," Phil said holding Dan's arms gently. "What if that's why we're here? To stop it all?" Phil asked hopefully. He remembered Cornelia's part vividly. He remembered hanging out in the corner waiting for his brother to leave. He didn't have any friends other then a few at uni... maybe he could help Dan out?
"Go," Dan said suddenly. "Go find past Phil and get him here," Dan urges. Phil nodded and walked out the door at the same time Dan walked into the room.
"Get off the laptop," Dan said to... himself. "I know what you're doing." He sat down and took the laptop from him. Suddenly Dan realized he had the best leverage in the book. He knew everything about himself. He knew what he needed at that moment. He remembered the feeling of not being wanted. Of losing all hope. "It's not worth it."
"What's not worth it?" Past Dan's eyes narrowed. Dan rolled his eyes.
"Don't play dumb, I know what you're about to do. It's not worth it."
"Why does it matter anyway?" Past Dan narrowed his eyes. "Nobody cares about me anymore," He muttered. Dan knew exactly what to say.
"Yes they do. When mum finds out she cries so hard. She feels awful and she feels so bad she couldn't do anything for you when in reality we both know it's not her fault. And that girl that cheated on you is awful. She's in jail right now. She's hell to get over and is a major stepping stone of these." Dan pulled up his sleeves and showed off his scars. "But that's it. It's all she is. I know things suck right now, but they get better. I promise they get better," Dan whispered. "So don't go pick up that razor."
Meanwhile, Phil finally tracked down past Phil. It took a lot of convincing and a lot of confusion, but he convinced him to meet Dan. "What am I supposed to say to him?" Past Phil asked as they walked back to Dan's old house.
"You'll know," Phil answered. "You'll just speak your mind and it'll be everything to Dan. He needs you. It doesn't seem like it because you don't know him but he's the best things that ever happens to you. If you don't help him with this now it'll be worse later on. Trust me, if I could've gotten there sooner..." Phil sighed. That had always been one of his biggest wishes. If he could've gotten there sooner.
They knock on the door and Dan immediately lets them in. Past Phil noticeably looked him up and down. "So this is our future boyfriend?" Past Phil asked and nodded to himself. "He's cute, well done." He smiled at Dan who blushed.
"We aren't dating," Phil narrowed his eyes at himself. Past him rolled his eyes.
"Wow, future me is a baby," Phil snorted. "It's obvious you like him just ask him out," He smirked. Phil hated his little smirk. Dan wanted to laugh at how flirty Past Phil was. "Now, where's Dan?" They walked up the stairs, past Phil in the lead.
"He seems fun," Dan smirked at Phil.
"I hate him," Phil muttered. That made Dan laugh. They walked through the door. Phil was nervous that he wouldn't know what to say. Past Phil made a perfect symbol on his fingers back at Phil. He shook his head at him he hoped he wasn't going to stay flirting.
"You must be Dan," Past Phil tilted his head at the boy on the bed. He rolled his eyes and nodded, probably embarrassed. "You annoyed by them, too?" He glanced back at the two guys who now wore offended looks. That made Past Dan smile. "We're pretty good friends in the future I guess," Phil started. "But looking at you I think I understand why they want me to meet you so bad."
"Why?" Dan's quiet voice rang throughout the room. Phil scooted closer.
"If I had to watch someone as... beautiful as you through what they say you go through... I would try to stop it, too. So, come on, you don't need scars, let's go do something else instead, we'll have a talk." Phil got up and got Dan up with him. He winked at the future Dan and Phil and walked out of the room with his new best friend. He already wanted to protect him at all costs. He hoped that he was going to be a radon that boy would smile.
Suddenly, Dan and Phil both woke up. Dan looked down at him arms, for some reason they had an ache to them. "I just had the weirdest dream," He whispered to his husband. Phil sat up and grabbed Dan, pulling him back to bed. "We went back in time."
"Yeah, me too," Phil whispered against Dan's curls. "We must be soulmates or something," He giggled.
"What do you mean by that?" Dan rolled his eyes.
"C'mon, same dream? That's gotta mean something." Dan laughed.
"Shut up Phil," He cuddled in closer, but agreed, he wouldn't want anyone else.
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Thank you fairly_local_alyssa for the idea of this chapter!