She was my scientific error.
Everything that had been planned all along the course of my life, she screwed it all splendid. She made me feel love. I never wanted it but damn she did it anyway. I lost faith in love a long time ago but this woman made all the effort of forgetting futile and I think I'm letting it to be just that. I love her alright. I love her. Damn I love her. And it isn't butterflies anymore but the whole forest turned into rapture everytime I see her and talk to her and be close and smell that menacing scent.
But there is always this fear of rejection. Rejection is the bane of courage. I'm afraid of confessing. Confession is a bitch. It breaks all the realities that you keep within you. Realities will change, mostly for the worse. I don't want such changes.
But each day that passes and this love grows almost rapidly. It makes me sick. It makes me want to think of her more. It makes me think of her all the time. I don't know, man. I can't say all these to her. She'll be shocked. She will feel really awkward and will start spacing herself away from me. I don't want that. I want her near. I want the idea that she is just there and I can be there.
It is hard, really. Why do I keep on falling in love with the people that will scarcely love me back? Maybe the problem is that I want them to love me back? But isn't it just normal to feel that way? To feel requited. To feel loved. It is. I don't know. I really don't know.