Phil sighed as he opened the door. After an hour long walk, he still was as clueless to what to do as he was before he left. He expected Dan to still be locked up in his room, but instead he was sitting in the couch. His cheeks were stained with tears, his face was red, his eyes were puffy, his brown eyes were bloodshot.
"Hey, Phil." He smiled weakly at his husband. Phil froze at how calm Dan's voice had turned.
"Hey, Dan," His voice was shaky.
"Where did you go?" Phil could hear the worried waver of Dan's voice. He suddenly felt really guilty, he left Dan alone like this for an hour. God, now he felt even worse.
"I went on a walk," Phil stated. "Needed to clear my head a little," He bit his lip nervously.
"Sorry about yelling at you earlier," Dan started. "I overreacted," Dan glanced up at Phil. Phil's heart just about broke at the sad look on his face.
"No. No, you don't have-" Phil wanted to pour his heart out. He wanted to tell Dan everything he was thinking, but he interrupted him.
"Phil, I don't want to talk about it," Dan snapped. "Please," He whispered.
"But.. I really want-"
"Please," Dan begged.
"Ok," Phil nodded.
"Can we just... go to bed?" Dan asked, he looked down at his lap, trying to avoid looking at Phil. Although Phil could see the obvious tears in his eyes, he knew Dan didn't want to talk to him.
"Of course, Bear." Phil grabbed his hands and pulled him up from the couch. They walked into their bedroom in silence.
Phil laid down first, Dan curled up next to him. And although this was their favorite time- when they were cuddled up next to each other, Dan's head on Phil's chest, legs intertwined- they both wished they were somewhere else. Phil felt awkward. He knew Dan better than anyone, and he knew that Dan hadn't forgiven him for what he did. He knew that Dan was trying his hardest to pretend that nothing happened so he wouldn't have to be mad at him. But Phil wanted Dan to be mad at him. He wanted Dan to do something. Kick him out of their room, push him out of their bed, give him the silent treatment, anything other than pretending nothing happened.
"Dan.. are you sure..." Phil wanted to talk to Dan about how he was feeling, but he knew that he shouldn't push Dan, especially after what he did. Should he just let him pretend it didn't happen? Meanwhile, Dan watched the conflict pass through Phil's eyes. He just wanted it to stop. He didn't want to talk about it. He just wanted things to be normal. He didn't want to be mad at Phil. He hated being mad at Phil. He hated fights, so he was going to act normal.
Dan started to tear up at the thought of everything. He didn't want Phil to see him cry, just like he hated seeing the worried look on Phil's face. So, he grabbed it. He placed one hand on Phil's cheek and the other grabbed his hair at the back of his head. What a stupid reason to cry, Dan thought. He connected their lips forcefully, Phil kissing back just the same way. Phil's hands were pulling Dan's body closer in seconds.
This is normal... right?
Now, this wasn't a regular kiss. Regular kisses were sweet, they were full of love. This kiss was like a storm. It was sad, it was angry, it was strong. It was one huge whirlwind of upset emotions, but they couldn't stop. This is wrong, Phil thought, but he was the one who pushed his tongue in Dan's mouth. He was the one who was starting to climb on top of Dan. He was the one whose fault this really was.. right? Maybe he deserved this awful feeling in his gut. They could feel the tears on both of their cheeks, they didn't even bother to question whose they were.
Seconds later they were ripping off each other's shirts. They are leaving large purple hickeys on each other's necks. They were grinding under the covers, trying desperately to help the storms flowing through their brains.
"Please," Dan choked out, just begging Phil to act like everything was normal. So Phil did.
It was three in the morning when Dan woke up. He didn't know why, but he was glad he did. He thought that he'd be cuddled next to Phil, like they usually were at this time. Instead, Phil was nowhere to be seen. Dan got up and turned on the light. Their clothes littered the ground, he was disgusted at what they did. Why? What was the point? Emotionless sex? Because that was exactly what they just did.
He put a large sweater on and walked into the living area. There was still no Phil. Did he take another walk? Dan wondered. Am I dreaming? He sighed, he should get back to bed, Phil would be there in the morning. So that's what Dan did, he went back to sleep. But when he woke up that morning, Phil wasn't there. He walked into the kitchen, but there was no Phil eating his cereal. No Phil watching TV. There was no Phil... anywhere.
He walked into the kitchen. When he reached for his box of cereal, he realized Phil's phone sitting on the counter top. He realized there was a note under it.
Dear Dan,
Don't worry about me. I'll be back tonight around 8.
Sincerely,
Phil
Dan frowned, the note didn't leave any good information. Where had he gone? That's all Dan wanted to know. He wanted to call Phil more than anything, but Phil expected that. That's why he left the phone. So Dan had nothing to do until eight. He already new that when eight finally rolled around he was going to kick the living shit out of Phil for leaving him like that. And it felt like a year before it finally did.
When Phil walked through the door, Dan attacked him with a hug. "I was worried sick!" He squeezed Phil as tight as possible. "Where were you?!" He asked backing up.
"I'll tell you everything.. but I need a favor from you," Phil's eyes were an intense blue.
"Really? A favor? I don't know where you've been but I should-"
"Dan, please?" Phil's voice got soft, his begging voice was something Dan couldn't resist. He nodded for Phil to continue. "I need you to grab that chair and sit down."
Dan frowned, but obliged. He sat in the chair and Phil stood in front of him. Before he could even ask what Phil was doing, Phil started talking. "Dan, why are you pretending it didn't happen?" Phil asked.
"What?" The question took Dan by surprise.
"Why are you pretending that I didn't do what I did?" Phil explained, Dan sighed.
"Phil.. I already told you I don't want to-"
"But, Dan? I need you to. You hear me? I need you to. Dan, this.. this whole.. pretend it never happened thing is killing me. It's awful, please just talk about it. I'm sick of not knowing how you really feel. Please, just tell me." Dan sighed, he didn't want to be mad at Phil, but he knew he was right.
"For starters?" Dan raised his eyebrows at his husband. "I'm pissed that you went missing for a day and won't tell me why or where you went." Dan crossed his arms.
"I deserve that," Phil decided.
"Other than that... I just.. I don't know how I feel. I know it's stupid but-"
"Hey, if it's important to you it's not stupid." Phil persisted, that made Dan want to hug him, but he didn't.
"I'm so upset about it Phil," Dan let out a breath that he was holding in. "I just.. my grandmothers box was so important to me. She basically raised me and my brother, Phil. And I know it's just a box... but it was her box."
"And the ring?" Phil tried to get him to keep going. Dan wiped a tear out of his eye, he couldn't believe he was crying over this.
"The ring was just really important because it's me. Because when I was younger, I always
thought, I'm never going to find love. And then I found this great guy.. who asked me to marry him with that ring. I don't know... it was just the only time I've ever felt that way about a person and love it so much... so I wanted to keep it forever," Dan explained. Another tear dropped done his face, Phil wiped it away.
"That's not stupid at all."
"Phil.. I hate being mad at you. I hate it so much... but I can't..." Dan sighed. "Never mind, it's fine." Dan looked into Phil's eyes.
"No it's not. You're mad... you don't want to be but you are. You can't help it," Phil said sternly. "And that's ok, Dan. You have every right to be mad at me. And I know that you'll try, but it's gonna take you a while to forgive me." Dan nodded. "But no matter what.." Phil got down on one knee. "I'm going to try to help."
"What are you doing?" Dan frowned.
"Do you remember what I said when I asked you to marry me?" Phil asked, Dan nodded. "I told you that I would do anything for you, and I wanted to always have the choice to do anything for you. I wanted to marry you because it would've just been me and you forever. I will always know that you are my soulmate, Dan. And I've never been happier. I know this might not do too much, but I hope it helps a little bit," Phil smiled at the fact that Dan was trying to cover his smile. He brought out the ring from his pocket. It was inside a black and white box that was covered with flowers. It wasn't made of glass, but Dan knew that it was supposed to resemble his grandmother's. Phil opened it and Dan noticed there was a ring that was an exact replica of his original.
"So, with this ring," Phil took Dan's right hand in his. "I would like to ask you to stay my husband forever."
"Of course I'll stay your husband forever," Dan giggled, the tears in his eyes started to fall. "I couldn't ever leave you." With those words, Phil slipped the ring on Dan's finger. He placed the box in Dan's hand and stood up.
"I know it's stupid-" Phil scratched the back of neck and stared at his feet.
"No!" Dan stood up with him. "No, Phil I love it. I love it so much, thank you." Dan immediately wrapped his arms around his husband.
"I know you didn't mean to do it," Dan whispered.
"I didn't... I'm so sorry," Phil tightened his grip on Dan.
"It's alright." Dan pulled away. "As long as you tell me next time you break something, it's alright." Phil gave him a peck on the lips.
"Deal." He smiled.
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Thank you Axellnicorn for the idea of this chapter!