Warning: smut, self hate, and self harm
Enjoy!
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Ian had heard Ben complain about the weather in Denmark enough to not question why he always wore long sleeves. So, when they started a long distance relationship and began video chatting more frequently, he didn't question it. Even when their video chats became more and more sexual he didn't question why Ben wouldn't get fully naked.
Though, now, with Ben having lived with him in America for nearly two months, he was starting to get curious. It was much warmer here, after all, and Ian saw no reason for the constant long sleeves.
One day, however, Ian got an idea. He smirked as a plan formed in his mind.
He waited for Ben to come home and pinned him against the wall of the living room. He pressed a rough kiss to his lips and slipped his tongue into the smaller's mouth.
It didn't take long for him to get Ben to the bedroom and get things going. Moments later, Ian was down to just his underwear and Ben to just underwear and his shirt. It was then that Ian reached to take the long sleeve off. Though, he was stopped by a protesting Ben.
Ian begged the younger, "Ya know, it's kinda weird that I've seen you without underwear but I've never seen your chest."
"..."
"Please? I mean, we're both dudes, it's not like it's going to be embarrassing or anything."
"..." Ben almost looked... annoyed?
"S-sorry... just wanted to make you feel more comfortable to take it off... guess it didn't work."
"...no."
"Come on, I'm your boyfriend, I don't care what you look like. I just want to see you - all of you." He smirked and pressed a kiss to Ben's forehead.
The smaller sighed, "You... have to promise not to break up with me."
"I would never."
"A-and you have to promise to stay my friend."
"Baby, nothing would make me ever stop being your best friend and boyfriend. Well... maybe one thing, but that's not important right now." Ian had added the last part with a smile.
Ben gave Ian a weird look before lightly pushing him to the side, signaling for the older to get off of him. Ian did so and Ben sat up on the bed. He played with the bottom of his shirt as he spoke, "I... No one's ever seen this so... sorry if I get too over emotional and cry or anything."
"It's okay, take your time."
Ben gave a small smile and let out a shaky breath before lifting the shirt. Soon, it had joined the rest of their clothes on the floor and Ian could finally see what he could only fantasize before.
What he saw was not what he was expecting. Scars covered the underside of his left forearm and many more were on his torso. There were clusters of them on his sides and numerous single cuts were scattered over his stomach and chest.
"What... happened...?" Ian's voice showed concern.
Ben sighed, if Ian knew about the scars he may as well know why they were there. "A kid with depression from years of bullying happened."
"Wait, these are- I'm sorry I-"
"It's fine, y-you didn't know." Silence fell over them and Ben spoke again to break it. "When I started... I was so young that I shouldn't of even know about c-cutting... I...I really didn't know what I was doing at first but... but it felt good. I... started relying on it, Ian. Th-this was the only way I dealt with all the pain and bullying." Ben took a deep, shaky breath, "I would h-hurt myself and watch the pain drip down my arm and into the sink." He paused again and tried to blink away the forming tears.
Noticing how upset the smaller was getting, Ian pulled him onto his lap and held him close. A small smile twitched at Ben's lips before falling as he continued, "Th-then it got worse." He paused again to wipe a tear off his cheek, "I started doing it when I didn't need it. I... I cut for fun. Th-that's where all these came from," he gestured to his torso, "I... hate that I did this, Ian. I hate how it looks and I hate all the memories they keep with me and I hate younger me for starting all this. I..." Ben let out a deep, shaky breath and Ian held him closer. The older rubbed circles onto the other's back and wiped away the tears that were stating to streak down his face.
Ben sniffled, "I should of just told someone. I should of just sucked it up and told someone, anyone, what was happening but... but I didn't and now I'm addicted to it." Yet another pause and a sniffle, "I... I still do it, Ian. I don't remember a time in my life when I didn't do it and that scares me, but I just can't stop. I try and I try and I try to stop but I can't. I still give in every now and then and have to cut. Th-that's where the ones on my sides come from... I only do it once every now and then, but they're still there. I...I've even done it here a couple times a-and I'm sorry but I can't help it... I really, really can't." The last word was chocked out as his crying took over, forcing him to stop spilling his feelings.
Ian wrapped his arms around Ben and let him cry on his shoulder until he was okay.
"D-do you still wanna keep the promise?" Even though the tears had stopped, Ben's voice still sounded impossibly small and fragile.
"Huh?"
"Do you still... wanna be my boyfriend?"
"Of course I do. I love you and none of this changes that. You're still the same dork I fell in love with." Ian smiled at the younger before pressing a kiss to his forehead.
Ben smiled back at him, a true genuine smile, the kind you don't see often from people.
"I love you, too" Ben almost sounded like he was about to cry again.
Ian pulled him into a kiss and calmed him back down. He gave the smaller a slight smirk as he looked at him, "How about I show you just how much I love you?"
"Wha-?" Ben cut himself off and blushed as the realization of what the words meant hit him.
"Would you like that?"
Red faced, Ben nodded.
"Good," Ian pulled him in for a passionate kiss. Ben kissed back and made a small sound of disappointment as Ian pulled away. Though, it was only far enough to take a breath and he quickly pressed their lips back together.
This time, Ian dragged his tongue across Ben's lips. It didn't take long for Ben to open his mouth and let Ian in. The older explored his lover's mouth for what certainly wasn't the first time and made sure to run his tongue over all of the most sensitive spots. Ben softly moaned into his mouth and arched his back a bit as hands ran over his bare chest.
The kiss was broke by a need for air and they both breathed hard. A moment later, they were ready for more and Ian pressed another kiss to Ben's lips. It was passionate and needy and felt amazing. Ian pulled away to press a quick kiss to the others lips before begging to trail little, passionate kisses down to Ben's neck.
He kissed Ben's neck a couple times before moving to nip at the sensitive skin. Ben gasped and Ian smiled as he did it again. He did it once more before biting onto his lover's neck and gently sucking. Feeling like he had made a good enough mark and satisfied with Ben's moan, he let go and smiled at the small spot. He bit next to it and made a bigger hickey. Ben moaned as each new mark was made and gasped as he felt Ian bite an extra sensitive spot.
He moaned as the spot was sucked on and arched his back. Ian smirked into Ben's neck and sucked harder. A louder moan escaped the smaller and it didn't take long for many more to leave him as Ian gave him more and more hickeys across his shoulders and collarbone.
Soon Ben had hickeys all over him and was moaning at any contact. Ian removed their last bit of clothing and gently stroked Ben before smiling at his loud moan. Ian moved his hands to Ben's hips and slowly moved them under him. He slightly lifted the smaller up ran his fingers over his entry. Ben gasped and shuddered at the feeling.
Small smile mixed with a look of confusion of how such a small action had such a big reaction, Ian asked, "Has anyone ever... done this to you before?"
Ben shook his head.
"Have you ever... done anything to yourself?"
Ben hesitated, "A-a little bit... a long time ago."
The older smiled, "That's okay, I'll be gentle."
Ian laid Ben back down and grabbed something from the nightstand drawer. He brought the tube back over to the bed and got back in his spot. He lifted Ben's legs up and hooked them over his shoulders. He squeezed some of the contents of the tube onto his hand and covered his fingers before speaking again, "Ready?"
"Y-Yeah."
"Okay." He pressed one finger against Ben and smiled at the loud moan. His smiled widened into a smirk as he pressed his finger into Ben and heard the shuddering gasp from his lover. "You like this?"
"Y-Yeah." The word was said fast.
"Want more?"
"M'hmm."
Ian pressed a second finger in and Ben moaned more. Ian slowly began to move his fingers apart and back together over and over, slowly going further and faster. Feeling that Ben was stretched enough to get to the real fun, he gently pulled his fingers out. Ben whimpered at the emptiness and Ian smirked; he wouldn't feel that way for long.
Ian grabbed the tube again and lubed himself before positioning himself above Ben's entrance. "I love you."
"I... love you, too."
Ian smiled at Ben and watched his face as he pressed against him. Ben's eyes rolled up a bit and his mouth opened wide as a loud shuddering gasp escaped him.
Ian half smirked half smiled as he pressed his tip into his lover and blushed at Ben's moans - loud enough to be screams.
Ian paused for a bit to let Ben calm down and catch his breath a bit. Then, he pushed more of himself in and slowly pulled out before repeating the slow action over and over. Ben making constant low moans, Ian sped up a bit. Ben gasped and moaned louder.
"This feel better?"
"Uh huh!"
"Just tell me what you want and I'll do it," Ian leaned down and kissed Ben's open mouth, getting a louder moan in response. He pressed a few kiss to Ben's neck and made sure to nip at his sweet spot before pulling away and focusing on thrusting in and out of him.
He started going a bit faster and Ben moaned louder, "F-faster! Faster, faster!"
Ian smirked, "Someone likes it rough." Teasing done, he did as he was told and thrust as fast as he could.
Ben was moaning quite loud now and it was a good thing they had the whole two story house to themselves.
Ian knew something that would make him even louder though and hoped their neighbors wouldn't be able to hear it. He slightly started changing his angle until he heard Ben make a loud gasp and felt him quickly arch his back. Smirking, Ian spoke, "That feel good?"
Ben nodded fast.
"Want me to do it again?"
More furious nodding.
Ian thrust into the spot again and Ben let out one of his scream-like moans. He was breathing heavily now and Ian knew it wouldn't take too much longer for him.
Ian resisted the urge to kiss his lover and spoke, "Want more of that?"
Nodding.
"Use your words." Ian said in a joking tone
"I... want more... feels g-good!"
Ian smirked, "How much more?"
"A l-lot more! P-please!"
Satisfied by the unexpected 'please', Ian stopped the teasing, "Then I'll give you a lot more." His smirk showed in his voice and, as soon as he was done talking, he slammed into the spot again and Ben screamed a moan only to be cut off by another hit to start a new moan.
Ben had never felt anything like this before, wave after wave of intense pleasure going through his body and building up the tight, warm feeling in his stomach. Again and again Ian hit the spot and moan after moan was screamed out of him. Ian wasn't stopping and hitting only that one place at such a fast speed just felt so good. A few more hits and Ben knew he couldn't hold the feeling back for much longer. His back was now arched high and his nails were digging in the sheets. His eyes were squeezed shut tight and his mouth was open wide and he couldn't keep still to save his life. Ian hit the spot once more and his body arched and trembled with a need for release. One more hit and Ben screamed as his climax hit. Powerful waves of the most intense pleasure Ben had ever felt surged through him. His whole body felt it and reacted on its own. He felt warm liquid on his stomach and moaned again as he felt it drip down his side.
Ian smiled at Ben's reaction to the strong orgasm and didn't take long to reach his own. He unrhythmically thrust in and out as he felt it building up and went in deep as it hit. He came hard, pumping lots of warm liquid into his lover before finishing and slowing pulling out.
Ben whimpered at the feeling, either from dislike of the emptiness or from oversensitivity, Ian didn't know.
The older saw the white already leaking and dripping from Ben and knew he must of filled him up good. Not caring about the bedding, he moved Ben legs back to the bed and crawled over him. "I love you," he whispered with a heavy breath before leaning down and kissing Ben.
The smaller moaned at the action and spoke when the kiss broke, "I... love you... too... Ian..."
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2420 words! Woo... Depressing backstory and smut, my specialties.
Hope you enjoyed!
Requests always open!!
~Angel ^-^