It was obvious that Bellamy was surprised by my reaction, though I understood now why he had hesitated to tell me. Honestly, the majority of the people on Earth would be happy to hear what Bellamy had done; they had all been locked up by Jaha, and many of them had lost their parents because of him as well. In fact, if Bellamy revealed his crimes to the others, he might be seen as more of a leader than he already was to him, but in turn, Clarke, Wells, and Finn might rebel against him even more.
“My turn.” Bellamy’s deep voice startled me.
“For what?”
“A question.”
I gave him a curious look, and then nodded. “Fine. Shoot.”
“Are you okay?”
My eyes slowly drifted to his, trying to understand his question. Of course I was okay, I had no cuts or bruises, no questionable fog in my lungs, no pain in my body. However, deep down I knew what he was really asking of me. And in truth, I was okay, but it was a struggle that I was battling on my own with no reinforcements.
“For now.” I said, “But I’m not sure how long I can keep up.”
“Keep up with what?”
“That’s two questions.” I said, then smiled lightly, “Keep up with the pain that is sure to come.”
Bellamy was looking at me with such an intense stare, I nearly flushed. He was not a stupid person, and I wondered what was running through his mind. Did he know that I meant the pain that he might cause me? Surely not…
“My turn.” I said.
Bellamy’s expression didn’t change.
My heart hammered in my chest as I tried to think of the best way to speak what was on my mind. It all made sense in my head, but getting it from brain to mouth was harder than I had anticipated. As if the wires were nicked and hanging loose, I felt a lump in my throat preventing me from speaking. Swallowing nervously, I forced whatever I could to spew out in a messy array of words.
“I’ve been hurt before, and… Despite acting tough, I’m really just scared of being hurt again. Whether in the same way or… or another.” My eyes flickered to Bellamy’s, then back down as looking at him made my heart beat too fast. “If you are planning to hurt me, Bellamy, get it out of the way now.”
“Hurt you?” Bellamy asked, “Wh- why would I hurt yo-“
Charlotte cried out in her sleep, twitching where she lay as if she was having a terrible nightmare. I wouldn’t blame her if she was. However, our conversation was cut short because of this, and I quickly shook her shoulder to wake her.
Bellamy looked at me once, before telling Charlotte to slay her demons and to not be afraid. It was a cute pep talk, and I hoped it would help her overcome whatever she was suffering from. Most likely trauma from losing her parents, or whatever happened. If that was the case, it wasn’t possible to fix that, but some people could overcome it.
“Can we go back to camp yet?” Charlotte asked, not going back to sleep.
It must have been a while; we exited the cave cautiously, looking around to ensure that there was no immediate danger. The smoke was gone, and the sun had risen again. The morning had come at last, and it was time to get back to camp. A nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach began to grow as the three of us walked through the forest, slightly lost. I wondered who was still alive and feared finding dead bodies of our friends.
We found the others from the hunting party, all except Atom.
However, it didn’t take us long to find him; his cries in agony echoed through the forest, and we reluctantly were drawn to the noise. His body was lying on the ground, his face almost unrecognizable, and his agony-filled cries a cry for help, or death.
“Everybody, go back to camp!” Bellamy demanded, “You too Charlotte.”
I looked down at Atom; his body scabbed and blistered as if he had been tortured and burned. The fog was the culprit, and there was nothing we could do to save him; or at least nothing we knew of. How many others had suffered this fate, I wondered. Hopefully none at all, but I couldn’t confirm just yet. Atom was so young, and I hadn’t even bothered to care enough to ask what he had done to be tied up the previous night; and now he was dying and I felt guilt pang through my body as if I had been to one to maim him like this.
“Ava,” Bellamy said, “You too.”
I shook my head, “No.”
“Kill me…” Atom’s voice was thick, raspy and strained. It showed just how much pain he was in, though I couldn’t imagine.
The presence of Clarke startled me, but she rushed down to see what had happened, crouching down beside Bellamy, who had taken out his knife and had it leveled near Atom’s neck. It was then that I knew he didn’t have the guts to kill him; he acted tough but was only tough when he needed to be. In this case, killing someone he saw as a friend or at least an acquaintance; it just wasn’t in him.
Clarke began to hum, a gentle tune that I did not recognize. Her hand moved slowly, like someone who was trying to pet a wild animal, and grabbed the knife from Bellamy’s hand, taking it firmly in her own. The blade was brought down to Atom’s neck again, and Clarke continued to hum before slowly jabbing the knife into his throat; blood poured from his neck as he gargled for breath, but he had gotten his wish, and all the life he had left drained from his body along with the blood leaving the wound at his neck.
I’d seen a man stabbed to death, I had even been the one doing the stabbing, and yet it was harder to watch this. I felt warmth on my cheeks, and realized that I was crying. Atom hadn’t deserved death no matter what he had done to piss off Bellamy before. Lowering my head and crossing my arms over my chest, I turned on the balls of my feet and crouched down, breathing heavily and trying to stop myself from sobbing or throwing up.
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