*Trigger Warning: Panic Attack*
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
Dan's eyes were red and puffy from crying. He was sick of this fight. Everyone had been telling him that they were waiting too long. They had been living together and dating for years, why didn't they just get married already?
Dan was sick of this pressure. He wasn't ready to be married, he still had commitment issues. His parents always fought, he didn't want that to happen to Phil and him. He wanted everything to stay as it was with Phil. He didn't want their relationship to change. Why couldn't people just understand that?
He hadn't talked with Phil about any of this. He was scared they would get in argument, or worse, what if he thought it was because he didn't love him?
What Dan didn't realize was that the more he thought about his, the more he was freaking out. He started to hyperventilate over the thought of Phil and him breaking up over this.
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
"Phil!" Dan gasped out. He didn't want Phil to see him cry, but he knew that Phil would help him calm down. Plus, Phil would be very upset if he didn't know about this. "Phil!" Dan cried out, Phil came rushing into their room.
"Oh Dan," Phil knelt down and wrapped Dan in a hug. "Shh, it's ok," Phil whispered. He sat down and Dan immediately fell onto his lap.
"I'm-I'm so-so-sorry Phil," Dan gasped.
"Hey, there's nothing to be sorry about. Stop talking, we'll talk when you calm down a little, okay?" Phil ask, Dan nodded.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Phil helped Dan up and brought his shaky body to the bed. Dan curled up in the blankets and tried to stop his crying. Phil got up.
"Phil?" Dan asked. "A-are you-you leaving?" Dan gasped for air.
"Of course not, Bear. I'm just changing into comfy clothes," Phil smiled, Dan wanted to smile back, but he just couldn't right now.
Phil was back to cuddling Dan within seconds. It took a while, but eventually, Dan had calmed down a little. He still had to gasp for air every once and a while, but he was glad Phil was there, reminding him to breath.
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
"So, what's this all about?" Phil brought Dan closer, lighting kissing his head of curls.
"U-us," Dan whispered.
"What do you mean?" Phil really hoped that Dan didn't want to break up, that would make him have a panic attack.
"Everyone is-is pressuring us," Dan gasped for air again, he really didn't want to started crying again. He felt bad Phil had to sit here. It was barely the afternoon, there was so much of the day left and he was sad Phil had to waste it with him.
"What do you mean?" Phil played with Dan's curls, he knew it calmed him, Dan swallowed hard. It was hard for him to speak.
"Everyone's keeps saying that we should get married.. and that-that we're w-wasting our time," Dan was hyperventilating again.
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
"Hey hey hey, calm down, you're freaking out again," Phil whispered, what had Dan so upset? He hated seeing him like this. "Deep breaths."
"I love you, Phil, I do! But I don't want to get married. Not yet, I'm not ready," Dan started to cry again. "Please still-still love me!" Phil finally understood what was going on.
"I know you love me, you wouldn't be this upset if you didn't. And of course I'll still love you, how could I not? We don't have to get married any time soon. We don't have to get married at all if you really don't want to," Phil started to trace figures on Dan's skin.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
There was silence for a few minutes. Dan stopped crying, but Phil didn't leave. He could hear Dan's breath shake each time he breathed. Phil wasn't going anywhere until Dan was completely fine. He knew that for certain.
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
"You don't think we're wasting our time?" Dan was the first one to speak, his voice was as shaky as his breath.
"Of course not. Who cares if people think we should get married. We'll get married when we want to get married," Phil reassured him.
"I feel like I'm holding you back. Don't you want to be with someone who wants the same thing as you?" Dan whispered, Phil frowned.
"Dan, I don't know if this occurred to you, but the thing I want isn't marriage, it's you. I don't want to get married at all if it's not with you. I'll just wait for that day to come, I don't mind. And if it doesn't, that's fine, too."
"Really?" Dan whispered, he grabbed Phil's hand and started to play with his fingers.
"Really."
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
It was a half an hour later and they were still laying there, Phil just didn't want to move. Dan still felt like he was in Phil's way, blocking his plans for the day. In reality, Phil had nothing to do today. If he had made a checklist it would have simply said, spend time with Dan. He was more than happy than to sit there with his boyfriend.
"Are you sure you don't want to get up, 'cause I'm fine now," Dan looked up at Phil.
"Nothing could be better than this," Phil pecked him on the lips.
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
Dan smiled at Phil's words. Dan didn't know if Phil knew how happy he made Dan. It was like he knew what Dan was thinking. It was like he knew Dan felt like a nuisance, and he knew exactly what to say to deny the thought.
"I don't want to be with anyone else but you either, Phil," Dan whispered, cuddling closer. Phil smiled, feeling the same feelings Dan did.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
An hour later and they were in the same spots. They had a video to film, and another one to edit, but neither of them cared. They were so happy sitting here, they didn't care about YouTube at the moment.
They could've gotten five million more subscribers in their channels and it still wouldn't make them as happy as they were right now. Truthfully, right now, they didn't care about anything other than this moment.
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Someone could've walked into their room right now and told them to get married and the only words that would come to Dan's mouth would be, fuck off. Dan didn't know how many more times he could say I love you to Phil to express how much he loved this man.
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
"Phil?" Dan backed up and looked into Phil's blue eyes. The same eyes that he fell in love with the day they met his brown ones. The same eyes that fell in love with his brown ones the day they met.
"Mm?" Phil smiled at Dan.
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
"I'm not ready to get married now, but I think that next year, I will be," Dan felt happy as he let the words out.
"Yeah?" Phil asked.
"I think so."
"I'll be sure to ask, I've had your ring picked out for a few years now," Phil smiled, Dan did too.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Dan may have commitment issues, but that didn't matter to Phil. Phil wanted one thing from Dan. He didn't want marriage, or money, or sex (although it was a plus), or children. The only thing Phil wanted from Dan was love.
He realized, as Dan nuzzled closer to his chest, he already had what he seeded right in front of him. Love.
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Thank you moonlight-luna for the idea of this chapter!!