Time set: 2012
Trigger Warning: Mentions Of Insomnia, Cutting, and Health Disorders
Things used to be so, so much easier
When we were younger
I denied who I once was
Because who I once was
It wasn't me
We once fell in love but now we're just falling
Once we were falling but now we're just stalling
Sometimes, there are times in relationships when the love runs out. Sometimes your best just isn't good enough. With Dan and Phil, they never thought it would happen.
Until it did.
They thought if it did, it wouldn't be because of a glitch YouTube made, causing Phil's Valentine's video for Dan to be released.
Until it was.
When Dan and Phil first met, they fell in love the second they saw each other. This was before the drama of YouTube and the hundreds of fans shipping them uncontrollably.
But because the uncontrollable shipping truly got out of hand, because the drama of YouTube became all too much, their love was gone. Dan and Phil grew up.
I love you, but it hurts to
Speak out loud
When I'm speaking through the speakers
Talking through the filters
Everything I say comes out wrong
Dan and Phil always have and will always love each other, but when they have to discuss their love through camera after camera, it gets to be too much. The words become scrambled and heartless, they wish they can talk to each other face to face any time, they will always be best friends.
The way you had my heart when you were younger
Pretty quickly disappeared
Only looking through holes in my fingers
But my skin is healing up
I keep telling myself lies
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
But you're no longer mine
They fell in love like a wildfire spreading through a forest. Quick with nothing standing in their way. Their hearts belonged to each other's, until the push from the internet acted as a powerful hose to put out their fire.
Dan cried until he couldn't cry anymore the night he and Phil broke up. What he didn't know, Phil was doing the same thing on the other side of the wall.
Last night you slammed the door
And the wood hitting the wall broke our, our red string of fate
You're that little ray of sun that burns me and blinds me with
With all your light
My candle burns brightly but yours outshines me
Blind me with its light
It wasn't until Phil slammed his door shut after their tenth fight of the week, that all of Dan's hope vanished. It snapped.
That door closed and the bright light that Phil emitted was gone. Just like their love. Dan grew cold, missing the warmth he once had.
But just like Phil, that warmth was gone.
I love you, but it hurts to
Speak out loud
When I'm speaking through the speakers
Talking through the filters
Everything I say comes out wrong
They carried on trying their best to live normal lives. They continued to do YouTube, and trying to ignore the people that drilled them with questions that they wondered themselves.
Their hearts burned and their lungs ached. Their brains hurt and their skin was cold.
The way you had my heart when you were younger
Pretty quickly disappeared
Only looking through holes in my fingers
But my skin is healing up
I keep telling myself lies
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
But you're no longer mine
Phil lied to himself every night in bed. Telling himself he didn't need Dan and Dan didn't need him.
But on the other side of the walls the cuts on Dan's wrists increased and his insomnia got worse. His weight started to decrease and his eyes started to sink. His throat burned from his throwing up and his depression had just begun. Already getting worse.
The way you had my heart when you were younger
Pretty quickly disappeared
Only looking through holes in my fingers
But my skin is healing up
I keep telling myself lies
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
But you're no longer mine
They both wanted to go back to that train station, they wanted to pretend every thing was fine. They wanted to be young.
Young and dumb, but in love. In love and still each other's.
Little ray of sunshine do you think we're done oooh
Little ray of sunshine do you think we're done oooh
Little ray of sunshine do you think we're done oooh
Little ray of sunshine do you think we're done oooh
Little ray of sunshine do you think we're done oooh
Little ray of sunshine do you think we're done oooh
Little ray of sunshine do you think we're done aaah
Ah ah aaah
Dan has been crying so bad that night, that he didn't even think he could cry anymore. Phil had been crying just as hard on the other side. Phil thought this was his fault.
It was his fault Dan left him.
Last night you slammed the door
And the wood hitting the wall broke our, our red string of fate
You're that little ray of sun that burns me and blinds me with
With all your light
My candle burns brightly but yours outshines me
Blind me with its light
Dan wanted to be done that night. He wanted to end it all. His hope for his relationship with Phil was gone. He was cold because he lost his sun. He thought that this cold world without the sun wasn't worth living. He had the razor in hand. A few more strokes and it'd be over.
He dropped the razor with shaking hands. He felt numb and cold in the dark room. He walked to Phil's room and immediately warmed up. This was the first time he'd been in here for months, other than for the Phil Is Not On Fire Video.
He was surprised when Phil wasn't peacefully sleeping. Instead, he was bawling his eyes out in the corner. He looked up once he realized who was in his room.
"Hey Dan," He immediately stood up and wiped away his tears. A mix of rage and sorrow stirred in both of their chests.
That was until they fell to the floor in a hug that lasted as long as the night went on.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Phil cried.
"Me too, me too," Dan cried back.
With that that little hope in Dan's chest came back. There wasn't promises, this relationship wasn't for sure, but there was hope. Something more important than promise.
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Thank you Axellnicorn for this prompt!