Harry walked into the room the next afternoon. They had been off doing promo and press in Dubai, and the girls had stayed back to pack. They were heading to LA immediately after the show tonight. At least, he and Niall were. They were going to bring their families to LA for a few days. They wanted to go back with the girls so this was the easiest fix. Louis and Liam were stopping back in the UK first to see their families and then coming to LA to get working on writing their next album. He walked up behind Julie who was staring at the ball gown she had worn the night before. "I'm so glad you can keep that. Getting you out of it before bed last night was my favorite part." He laughed as he kissed the side of her neck.
"Funny, honey." Julie said leaning her head as he kissed her neck. "I'm trying to figure out how to pack it. Thing is huge and there's no way to stuff it in my suitcase. I have no idea how I even wore it."
"Oh, you wore it perfectly. And then getting you out of it...." Harry laughed as he was elbowed in the ribs. "What?"
"Yes, dear, I get you enjoyed that part. Now, be helpful and figure out how I'm getting this home." Julie said turning towards him.
"I will talk to wardrobe. I'm sure they can get it back to LA for us." He said kissing her nose.
"I don't want to bother them with this. They have a lot of stuff going on." Julie said wrinkling her nose as he kissed it.
"Of course, you wouldn't. Babe, you have to realize that it's ok, and there are things others can help you with. Even if it's small." He kissed her lips. "Is that all you have left to pack?"
"Yes, everything else is done. I gave the tiara and the jewelry back, and everything else is the bag. I didn't bring much, remember. I seem to be going home with quite a bit more than I came with." She said watching him walk to the fridge to get them each a bottle of water.
"Well, deal with that too." He walked back to her and handed her the water. "I'm so glad to be getting back to LA with you. Coming 'home' to you every night."
"You mean me coming home to you every morning since I still work nights? It's still going to be kind of difficult." She said taking her water.
Harry went to the door and let Amanda and Niall in when they knocked. "Not difficult, there will be time. Writing sessions seem to go late, so we will still make it work."
"What are we worrying about now?" Amanda asked taking JJ's water bottle and taking a drink.
"Well, right this second why you're drinking my water." Julie said snatching it back from Amanda.
Amanda laughed as a bit spilled on her as JJ snatched it from her as she was drinking. "I'm thirsty." She said wiping her chin and the front of her shirt.
"Get your own." Julie said putting the cap on her bottle.
"Sharing is caring, JJ. Sharing is caring." Amanda laughed and sat on the stool at the counter. "Now seriously, what are we worrying about?"
"Nothing really. Harry just seems to think we're going to be a nice little happy family back in LA. Wake up to each other every morning, eat dinner, and fall asleep together every night. I was just reminding him that we worked nights, and it still wouldn't be a completely open schedule." Julie said in her matter-of-fact way.
Harry laughed. "That's not exactly how I said it. Here we go with this black and white brain thing."
"What?" Amanda asked. "Black and white what?"
"The other night she said she didn't know how her black and white brain got a colorful creative boyfriend. So, it's just the way we see things. Little does she know I crave some routine too; so, it will work out just fine." Harry said sitting down on the stool next to Amanda and pulling Julie between his legs.
"Yeah, yeah. You will see. It's going to be a lot busier than you realize, at least the nights we work." Julie said leaning back against him.
"Such a pessimist." Niall said handing Amanda a bottle of water.
"I wasn't really thirsty, Niall. I just wanted to take JJ's, but thanks." Amanda said laughing at JJ when JJ stuck her tongue out at her. "But yeah JJ, we are gonna have the boys in LA with us for basically two months. You can't convince me it's not going to be better than them being out on tour."
"Well of course it is, that's not what I said. You people drive me insane sometimes." Julie said shaking her head and walking into the bedroom.
Amanda looked at Harry. "Um?"
"She's ok, no really," Harry said when Amanda gave him a look. "She's ok. I think she's a bit out of her routine. She's dealt really well with that. She's also been able to forget a lot of things while she's been here and now that we're going back, it's going to go back to that too. So even though she's craving her routine, she's enjoyed being far away from the main issue."
Amanda stared at Harry. "You, how, well, by god. You know her pretty well, don't you? From one little comment she made, you got all that?"
"Well, I've noticed it a bit on and off for the past couple of days. I think that's why she's wanted to keep to ourselves the past few days. I know you've noticed that." Harry said.
"Yeah, I did notice that." Amanda said standing up. "I think I'm going to go talk to her." She walked towards the bedroom.
Niall looked at Harry when Harry got up to go into the bedroom. "Hey, give them a few minutes, would you? Amanda's having a bit of a hard time with JJ no longer coming to her or talking to her much since we've been here. I'm happy you two seem to be doing really well, but she misses her friend."
"Yeah, ok. I don't think anything was done purposely, and they did spend all day together yesterday." Harry said sitting back down.
"Yeah, with a dozen other women." Niall laughed. "Not the same, especially to girls."
Amanda knocked on the door before she walked in. "JJ? Can I come in?"
"Of course." Julie said.
"Are you ok?" Amanda said walking over and sitting next to JJ on the bed. When JJ laid her head on Amanda's shoulder, Amanda smiled and kissed her head.
"Yeah, I'm ok. Things have been pretty nonstop since we've been here. Good and bad. Now we're going back home. Weird as it sounds, being away sometimes seems nicer than being at home. Yet, I miss home. I miss having a schedule of where I need to be and why. Here, the boys have their schedules and their commitments, and we're kind of just following along. A bit chaotic for me. I'm tired too." Julie said closing her eyes.
"You and Harry? You're ok?" Amanda said wrapping an arm around JJ's shoulders.
"Yeah, we're good. He's amazing. And he actually sees me. I don't mean just the good parts. He sees the bad, the tough, the confused. And he just accepts it. He loves it. And it took me a long time to realize that, but I do realize it now. I never believed that someone else could complete you. But he seems to be that missing piece to me figuring things out. I've shared with him things I have barely admitted to myself." Julie said. "And as amazing as that is. it's sort of exhausting too." She picked her head up and looked at her. "Can I tell you something? Something you can't even talk to Niall about?"
"Well, that's serious." Amanda said looking directly at JJ's face. "What's going on?"
"It's not, ok, well, maybe it is." Julie said taking a deep breath and looking at her hands clasped in her lap. "I feel like I'm starting to depend on him too much. Like, I don't know how to explain it."
"Try, please." Amanda put her hands over JJ's. She sensed JJ was a little quiet yesterday, but she thought it was because of the new situation. Maybe it was part that, part this?
"It's hard. Because I love him, so much, and I can see he loves me. I actually see it now. And feel it. It's so intense. And he told me that every decision he makes comes back to me, like he thinks about how it would affect me, and us, before he makes it. And I found myself wondering if I did the same thing."
"And do you?" Amanda asked her.
"No, because I find I don't make any decisions." Julie said. "I find I defer to him." She sighed again. "I never realized it before."
"What do you mean you defer to him?" Amanda said. She was a bit concerned.
"Ok, so this is probably the simplest of situations, but the other night. When everyone went out, and we didn't. He never asked. He just assumed I wouldn't go. And I mean, it's ok, because I was ok with not going, but he texted Niall before he even said anything to me. And I found myself ok with him making the decision for me. Same with what we do, when we do it." Julie started fidgeting. "Like I made it ok, because we're here, and I convinced myself that's how it should be. That he should be making the decisions and determining what we should do and when. And, I'm out of my element. And like, I would even be able to begin to figure out what we can do a world away from home, and he's so busy. But I'm not sure if that's all it is. Or if I'm just relieved that someone else has taken control from me. That I no longer have to worry about things."
"JJ." Amanda started. She didn't know what to say at first. She was caught off guard. She'd never looked at it that way. But now that JJ had mentioned it, she sort of saw it. "I mean, I get it. But are you sure that's what it is?"
Julie got up and started pacing the room a little. "Yes, maybe, I don't know. Just seems like I just don't make any decisions. Like I'm so comfortable not making them that I just don't. Like even when I'm not with him. I just don't make decisions. I either wait to talk to him, or let you make them. Like I'm fooling myself and everyone with how I'm actually doing, because I'm not actually doing anything."
Amanda got up and stopped JJ from pacing. "JJ, come on now." She pulled her into a hug. "You're doing great. I think you expect yourself to just go from point A to point B and not have any travel time in between."
Julie let out a breath and wrapped her arms around Amanda. "Just seems like all I've been doing is traveling. Running, or whatever, and I just never get anywhere."
Amanda took a step back and put her hands-on JJ's shoulders. "There's the girl who is way too hard on herself. It's been a few months, JJ. You went through things for years, what was it? Three years with him and two years after you left? And you really think things are going to be perfect in a few months? Talk to Harry. I'm sure he would be just fine in letting you make a decision. Start making them. Even the small ones. Just please stop being so hard on yourself. You're going to learn what works for you and what doesn't. I don't think you HAVE to rely on Harry or me. I think you would do just fine on your own. But we're helping right now. We're helping with the simple decisions, the simple things, while you work through the tough and the complex. We're not trying to run your life. We're trying to be there with you through it."
"I know." Julie said. "It's just so damn confusing." She fought back the tears. "Ahhhh...I hate this. I'm so damn emotional. And part of me just wants to let him. I just want to give up and let him just do everything. I'm so tired, and this exhausts me so much, and I just....I'm just tired."
"I'm going to get Niall and Harry." Amanda nodded when Julie started to protest. "Yes, babe. This is when you need us the most. And before you say anything, it's no trouble. You're not causing problems." Amanda opened the door and went out to Niall and Harry. "Hey, I think she needs all of us. Think y'all could come in, maybe a group session is in order."
Harry stood up. "What's wrong?"
"She's feeling a bit overwhelmed. She thinks she's lost control of her life and that she's just letting everyone take control from her. She's letting everyone make all her decisions for her. And I think she's having the hardest time with the fact that she is ok with that." Amanda smiled a bit. "She basically admitted, not in exact words of course, that she feels weak, like she's got everyone fooled with her strength."
"And what do you think?" Harry asked her.
"I think she's just as strong as she's ever been. I think she once again thinks she needs to take everything on, on her own, and doesn't realize that it's ok to delegate to those who love her to help her through. I think now that she no longer has the distraction of you and your struggle right now, she's back to focusing on hers. But she doesn't want to put it on anyone else." Amanda said taking Niall's hand when he reached out for her.
"Time for a little comforting? A few 'I hate you's'?" Niall asked.
"Yeah." Amanda laughed. "That's exactly what I think she needs."
Julie watched the three of them walk in. She sighed. "Time for my therapy session?"
"Oh, you are in rare form today, aren't you?" Niall asked her. "I came to kick your ass, make sure you get back in place."
"Niall!" Amanda laughed. She should have known that JJ would respond directly to that though. He seemed to know how to get her out of her head.
"Niall, you should know better than to think I'm scared of you." Julie said looking up at him.
"That's what I want to hear." He walked to her and hugged her. "Amanda says you're talking crazy."
"Niall!" Amanda groaned.
"God, I hate you." Julie told Niall slapping at him and stepping back.
"That's what I was going for." He kissed her cheek quickly and went back over by Amanda.
Harry reached out his hand to Julie, and it took her a minute to take it. She was in her head. He could tell. When she finally took it, he stepped towards her. "Hey, don't think you can't talk to us."
"I'm ok. Amanda just thinks I need a therapy session." Julie sighed when he just looked at her. "Ok, so I'm mostly fine. The balance is hard to find. That's all. We go back home tonight. Back to 'real life' as I call it. Back to routine and back to what I know. But it's also back to having to think about me, and my past, and what I'm doing or not doing. As much as I'm figuring out, I'm still so lost. I'm afraid to make the wrong choices, for me, or for us. Or something that affects all of you."
Harry put his hand on her cheek. "You, need to stop that. We've just talked about how I will be here for you. Through everything. And all of your choices. Through your triumphs and your failures, your happiness and sadness. Don't worry so much about whatever you think will affect us."
"Why? You just told me that every decision you make you think about me. Or us, before you make it." She said to him.
"Julie." He sighed. He should have realized when he said that it would stick in her head. "Yes, it's true. I do think about you and us. As I'm sure Niall does Amanda. But I still make my own choices, just as you will. And just like you support my choices, I will support yours. Don't expect us to agree on everything. Please stop thinking so hard about that."
"He's right." Amada walked up, took JJ's hand and walked her to the bed to sit down. "Look, you've been strong. Please don't say you haven't." Amanda continued when she saw JJ was about to protest. "You have, and you've gone through a lot. But, you've also still hidden a lot. I haven't said anything because I'm trying to give you space enough to figure it all out. But don't think I can't tell when you're not telling me the full truth. I know you're not always as good as you say you are. I've seen you miss Harry but never admit it. I've seen you struggle through loud noises, unexpected knocks on the door, odd phone calls. But you've done it. You just can't expect to be perfect and fine all the time."
"You've noticed? And you've never said anything." Julie sniffled a little. She wasn't quite as convincing as she thought she was.
"No, because you picked yourself up, and you moved on from it. I was there to make sure you were ok, but I let you do it. If I'd have known it would have been better to help you through it, I would have." Amanda took JJ's hand.
"I'm ok though." Julie said closing her eyes.
"You are." Amanda said lifting her chin. "But, you're still allowed to question things and come to us for help."
"I know." Julie sighed. "Guess when you're used to dealing with something alone, it just seems right to do it. Plus, I don't want to cause everyone trouble."
"You, my friend," Niall said sitting on the other side of JJ. "Are worth a bit of trouble." He kissed her head. "We've got you, babe."
"Ok, Sonny." Julie said to Niall shaking her head.
"You can be my Cher. Only not the dating or marrying or kid stuff." Niall said.
"Stop talking Niall." Julie said. "Ok, get out. You guys gotta finish packing and so do we."
"Love you." Amanda hugged JJ and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and then she did the same to Harry and then left with Niall.
"She's right. They're right." Harry said leaning down and kissing her.
"Aren't they always? Isn't everyone? Except me?" Julie said to him and sighed.
"Nope, I won't listen to that. No doubting yourself. Not gonna happen. I believe in you enough for both of us." Harry laughed and kissed her again. "I can't wait to get you home."
"Home?" She smiled at him. "I'd love to argue. I really would. But that actually sounds pretty good."
Harry grabbed his chest and fell to his knees like he was shocked she'd said that. "Oh, my poor heart. I was prepared for a fight." He fell to his back onto the floor and his arms went out to his sides.
"Drama queen." Julie said kicking his legs gently. "Such a drama queen." She rolled her eyes and laughed. She stepped over him, and he pulled her down to him. "Harry!"
"I'm your drama queen." He laughed and hugged and kissed her. One more show. Then back to LA for two months. Two months straight in the same city as his girlfriend. It should prove interesting at least. After a few minutes, he let her up, and they finished packing and then went off to the show.
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