It's my birthday today.
My heart bangs uncomfortably in my chest at the thought of going to school and seeing a familiar face once again. I'm already tired of his mind games.
I know that he is aware what day today is and I wouldn't be surprised if he appeared out of nowhere to scared the crap out of me, the way he's been doing for the last month.
On my trip to school, while driving my car and passing by the expensive Pretorian stores, my mind is everywhere but in the present.
The morning, when I woke up, my mother was already in the living room, drinking her coffee and reading today's newspaper. I got the chills the moment I entered the space. I didn't expect her to remember my birthday. She never has. But still that little unloved girl that lives inside of me hoped for a miracle which wouldn't happen. And it didn't.
Elisa smiled one of her usual sharp smiles, greeted me halfheartedly and continued on reading without paying me any more attention than she always does. This made me feel half sad but also half happy, as the rare moments when I have her attention for more than a few seconds, she's throwing things at me, cursing and, the latest, pointing a gun at me. How lovely of a mother Elisa Samuels is.
With a bitter expression, I prayed quietly in my mind for her to at least not drink today. I convinced myself that this would be enough of a present.
I then went to the office, where my father stood in front of his shiny computer and I smiled. He looked just like me before all of my problems. I used to be this concentrated on school projects as he is on his work. When he felt my presence, he slipped his glasses off his face and grinned brightly at me. I was preparing myself for a present, a surprise, maybe even him singing the birthday song but all I got was "Morning, honey, did you sleep well?" And an innocent stare that hid nothing. He had forgotten, as well. This one hit me way harder.
I tried to keep my cheerful expression on my face, which probably was turning into more of a grimace, but I didn't mind at that moment, knowing that the only person other than my sister who I expected to care about me, didn't. "I slept well, dad, thanks for asking."
And with that I excused myself and went back to my room to get ready for school. Jessica came soon after with a cake, that featured a lit up candle sparkling in the morning light, and with a party hat on her blonde hair.
She looked like the kid she is for the first time in a while. Because of me, she lost her innocence and had become someone she wasn't.
I've never loved anyone the way I love her.
A warning image of a pair of familiar grey eyes flashed in front of me and for a second instead of seeing Jessica at my doorway, I was seeing Leonardo.
With that same childish party hat on his messy hair and his signature smirk as he asked me to blow the candles.
"Keely? Keels? Blow the candles, come on!" Jessica repeated for the third time. "I'll drop the cake soon! It's so heavy!" She huffed and tried to blow away a strand of her hair that had fallen onto her face.
Hurriedly, I leaned over and blew the candles that were a grim reminder of me getting older.
Already eighteen, huh?
With expecting eyes, Jess proceeded to ask me what I had wished for when I blew out the candles. I only smiled mysteriously back at her, "Nothing special."
"Oh, come on." She moaned, as she was placing the cake on my night stand. I could see that she was dying of curiosity, but no wish ever comes true if I tell what it is, right?
When I step on the gaz on my way towards school, my eyes are often distracted by the piece of paper that I got from Leonardo a few days ago.
I mentally prepare myself for the thousandth time today. I don't want to meet him but I need him to come for my plan to be accomplished.
He'll remember that he's messing with Keelian and nobody has the right to do that.
I gradually continue on pressing the gaz. I'm way over the limits but I don't care. I consider the recklessness to be my birthday present.
I need this adrenaline rush or else I'll cower at the sight of Sanchez.
"Do you want to talk about the future?" Leonardo asks as I take a sip of my chocolate milkshake. We stand at our favorite secret place: the stairs at the back of the school. It's a fire exit that nobody ever uses other than me and him. We shouldn't technically be here, but none of the teacher dare to say anything to me.
"I don't like to think about the future. It kinda gives me the chills." I answer and shrug my shoulders.
Leo rests his chin on his large palm that's propped against his knee. He looks like a confused boy, with profound eyes filled with so many questions towards me that it's rendering me quite nervous. "Why is that? Honestly, I like to plan ahead. I don't like surprises."
"Thinking about it, actually..." I take another sip and my eyes unwillingly narrow while I furmulate the answer in my head. "I'm on the fence on this one, Leo. You know that I also hate surprises but if-" I take a deep breath and stare ahead of me; I don't have the courage to look at him as I speak the next words. "-If something bad were to happen, I don't want to live in fear of it happening."
Even though I can't see his expression, I can feel his annoyance clearly, as he sigh in defeat. "There's only one thing I don't understand," He begins slowly, as if he is suddenly stepping over his boundaries. "Why do you always think that something bad will happen to you, Keelian?" He grabs my hand and plays with my fingers as he talks. "I'm here for you, you know. And I have no intentions of leaving anytime soon."
With a mixture of fear and sadness, I gently run my fingers through his hair in a gesture of affection.
That's right, I think to myself, I should cherish him while I can, because I'm well aware that I always make them leave miserably eventually. Because I'm a member of that cursed family.
"You don't get it, Leonardo. I'm not scared for me as much as I'm scared of me."
This rings true even today and the irony of how real my fears turned out to be leaves a sour taste in my mouth. He used to be a cheerful boy, who wasn't always positive but who was trying his best to be the better person.
Unlike me. I never even tried to put the start of a new generation of Samuels'. I just waited for the disaster to happen and then when it did, I couldn't take it and snapped in half like a dry branch.
That innocence he had was so easy to break and I knew just how to play the cards right as mine has been gone since I was a young child. Since Jean-Jacques' death. Something pure was destroyed back then and nobody, even Leonardo, was able to repair it.
The sharp edges of my broken heart only cut at everyone who tries to help me.
I get a message and I stop abruptly in the middle of the street. Angry citizens are beeping at me from left and right, but I'm breathing way too fast to move. I don't want to lose my last life in a car crash.
Not yet.
I have people to deal with and my gut is telling me that one of them just texted me.
I grab my phone with shaking hands and open the newest message that is once again from a restricted number. My blood runs cold the way it did last time. It almost feels like he's reading my mind, as he appeared right when I was thinking about him.
Happy Birthday, my dearest sister. – J.J
In this moment, I decide that I would've preferred getting in a car crash.