Twilight...not mine (sigh).
Chapter 155
BPOV
Over the next few days, Edward and I truly got to know each other. He told me about his college experiences, funny stories from the bureau and his early days staying with Carlisle and Esme. Plus, he shaved the beard off his face. I had missed his angular lines of his jaw. However, the beard masked the tremendous weight loss Edward endured. He looked gaunt and sick. I was tempted to tell him to grow it back. He was eating more, but I knew he was still worried over us. He was worried about me, too. The trepidation in his gaze was a clear indication of that. We were making strides in our relationship, rebuilding the friendship and slowly reestablishing trust. Each day was better, but there was something that I couldn't put my finger on that I felt I couldn't trust Edward completely yet.
The fact that you're trying to get over five days of hell...that would be why, del Cigno.
We were still waiting for the judge to grant my dad his months' worth of freedom, but the judge was lollygagging. The morning of the fourth day since Edward told me everything, he called his professor, Dr. Battles, to light a fire under the judge's ass in Sheridan.
Once the judge heard that he was in defiance of a federal mandate and that he could be sanctioned, the judge signed the paperwork immediately, allowing my father to be released. He was supposed to be at the hospital tomorrow, hopefully.
I started my counseling with a kindly woman at the hospital, Dr. Cope. I had a difficult time sleeping. Firstly, due to the amount of pain I was in. The morphine helped, but I didn't want to become dependent on it. When the doctor told me the extent of my injuries, I was shocked that I hadn't died on that godforsaken table. I was littered with scars, open wounds and burn marks from my ordeal. In addition to that, I had surgery scars from an exploratory abdominal surgery to reduce internal bleeding and for the titanium rods holding my leg together. I felt horrifically ugly but Edward still told me that I was beautiful. I gave him shit that I hit him too hard on the head.
He shrugged, reading his law text book and jotting down copious amounts of notes.
My quiet, non-confrontational boyfriend-type person had a snarky side. I never knew.
Edward Masen was lethally quiet, respectful and played dumb.
Edward Cullen was a smart-ass, still respectful and was a freaking genius.
I liked the smart-ass. He kept me on my toes. He also didn't treat me like a freak that I was or with kid-gloves. He knew that I was fucked up but didn't make a big deal about it. Emmett was afraid of upsetting me. Angie wouldn't come see me because she was terrified of the state I was in. Jessica sent flowers. Eleazar and Carmen came, but were on edge. Edward just talked with me like he normally did. He was also the one I begged for when I had a panic attack. Something about Edward made me feel safe and warm.
I loved him for it but hated it, too.
I wanted to be better without having to rely on someone. Especially someone who I thought was one person but is really another.
God, this is making my head hurt...
Back to my counseling and my lack of sleep. Yes, I was in a lot of pain but my brain was painfully aware of everything that happened to me. Each blow, each memory of the knives, brass knuckles and cigarettes, each opportunity where James and Riley masturbated on me, even the mind-fuck from Sulpulcia, it all reemerged when I was asleep. I couldn't rest for more than twenty minutes at a time before I woke up screaming. I had to be moved to a corner of the hospital, in a private room, because of my night terrors.
Oh, and let's not forget about Aro's reveal about my paternity.
Each time I thought about that, I threw up. It's sickening. I really want a retest.
"Bella, are you going to tell Edward or Emmett about what Aro shared with you?" asked my counselor from the hospital, Dr. Cope. She was nice enough, but I knew working with her would be temporary. Once I was able to travel, I'd go to a counselor in Seattle.
"I need to tell my father first," I said, putting my hand over my belly and trying to not puke. Part of me realized that Edward knew about my paternity. He'd read the report about my abduction. "I'm worried if he's going to think of me differently."
"Charlie raised you as his own. You are, for all intents and purposes, his daughter. You said yourself that it's not about the blood that flows through your veins but who you associate yourself with," Dr. Cope said. "Do you consider yourself Charlie's daughter? A del Cigno?"
"Yeah," I replied. "But, I'm not. I'm confused and hurt and angry and...so many other emotions that I can't even put a name to them." I know I was getting close to throwing up. Dr. Cope handed me a bucket. "Thanks."
"Let's move onto something a bit more pleasant. We won't revisit the Charlie issue until after you've spoken with him," she said kindly. "How are things going with Edward?"
"Good, I guess," I shrugged.
"Bella, you need to work with me," Dr. Cope sighed. "In order to begin healing, you need to come to grips with what happened to you..."
"No shit," I spat. I covered my mouth. "Sorry."
"Don't be. That was the first time you didn't hold back," she smirked. "How are things going with Edward? Be honest..."
"He's amazing," I whispered. "He treats me like me and doesn't sugarcoat things. He's also so freaking smart and hysterical. I always knew prior to our blowout that he was hiding something. Little did I know it was a brain and a snarky, smart-ass sense of humor."
"Do you trust him?" she pressed.
"Not quite, but I'm getting there. He's explained it to me over and over about how he couldn't compromise his cover. He has been super patient with me with my need for reassurances and aware that I need him just to keep me safe, not to mention sane," I snorted.
"Now, the money question," she smiled softly. "Do you love him?"
A/N: Grins like the Cheshire Cat. Leave me some! ;-) We're on the upswing.
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