I looked around the hotel room and saw the fourteen bodies that we had devoured in the two days Elijah had been staying with me. I felt more drunk than I had in a long time as Elijah and I danced around the room to the music blasting out of the speakers. He grinned at me, taking the bottle of bourbon from my hand and drinking some. "I can see why you've had so much fun the passed few months," He commented, laughing.
"I can show you just how much fun you can have," I smirked and pushed him down on to the sofa. I wrapped my legs over him and kissed him. He kissed me back, moving his hands to my hips. I kissed up his jawline until my lips were beside his ear, "Turn it off and join me," I whispered. Despite him acting like me, I knew it was all part of the game he was playing. He was trying to get me to trust him. I wasn't that naïve.
"Maybe I will," He whispered back, but we both knew that was a lie.
I climbed off of him and shook my head at him, my head swimming for a moment from the sudden movement. "What are you still doing here Elijah? I'm not coming back with you and you're not going to get me to turn my humanity back on again. I like the life I'm living now."
"I'm not asking you to, I'm just having some fun," He shrugged.
"We both know this is not Elijah Mikaleson's idea of fun," I laughed, gesturing to the slaughtered people around us.
"I thought I'd try something a bit different," He shrugged again, leaning back casually on the sofa.
"Elijah, stop acting. I know this is all part of your master plan, and I'm not falling for it," I rolled my eyes at him.
"I don't know what master plan you are talking about," He smirked as he walked over to me, his hand gently stroking my arm as he spoke again, "I just want to have a bit of fun, can't you do that with me?"
He held out the bottle of bourbon to me and I drank a deep swig before he took it back and placed it on the side. He slammed me against the wall, kissing me enthusiastically. I pulled his shirt off and threw it on the floor before he lifted me up and carried me to the bed. I felt my back hit the mattress as he crawled on top of me. I flipped us over so that I was on top and undid his trousers. I closed my eyes as his hand ran up my back. I gasped in pain as I felt a sharp prick in my back before my blood seemed to set on fire inside of my body.
"You bastard," I gasped out before falling back on to the bed into a pool of darkness.
*
To say I was getting fed up of being injected with vervain was an understatement. It was becoming a bit of a joke now. Why did he not understand that I was enjoying my non-humanity life? It was fun, something he clearly didn't have a concept of. Although, I guess this just proves that I can't trust anyone.
I groaned as I opened my eyes, expecting to find myself surrounded by dead humans in a hotel room in Washington DC. I was sorely mistake, however, as I looked around me to find myself in the Salvatore Boarding House cellar. Just great. The one place I had tried so hard to escape and forget about: Mystic Falls.
"Rise and shine, Becs," Damon's annoying voice rang through the cellar as he appeared at the door.
"You really should sack your decorator, he did a terrible job of this room," I said sarcastically, "I mean, would it be too much to ask for a window?"
"Well, considering you're underground right now, I don't think you'd be able to see much out of a window," Damon commented.
My nostrils were filled with the smell of blood and my head snapped up to the cup Damon was holding, it contained the tiniest amount of blood in it, probably only about a half an inch high. He smirked at me, seeing that he had caught my attention. "It seems I have peeked your interest, well we're not going to let you starve down here. We're just putting you on a detox, so drink up," Damon smirked and pushed the cup on to the opening on the door.
I stayed still, forcing my body not to move despite its craving for the blood. For any blood. I would not let them control me. I would starve myself if I had to.
"Don't be like that, Becs, just drink it," Damon sighed. "We don't want you to starve, we just don't want you slaughtering people everywhere you go. You've began to raise a lot of suspicion around the country, since you've not exactly been discreet."
I stayed silent and remained frozen in place. I would not break. Damon sighed, before lifting the cup and tipping its contents on to the cellar floor, "Your loss, I'll be back later in case you change your mind."
I sighed as he left and curled up into a ball. It was times like this that I was so glad I didn't have emotions or feelings, because I could only imagine the betrayal, hurt and anger I'd be feeling. Not it mention the guilt of killing all those... Innocent people...
No. Stop it. Just because they've dragged you back to Mystic Falls and you are around the people you... Love. No. You will not let them break you. When Elijah or Stefan comes to visit you, appeal to their better nature, pretend that you've changed, that you're human again. If you can manipulate them well enough, then you'll be able to escape. Then you'll get on the next plane out of here.
I don't know how long I waited for my next visitor, but it seemed like hours. I smelled the blood before I saw them appear at the door. Although, it most certainly wasn't who I was expecting. "You don't look so good, love."
"You don't look so great yourself, Niklaus," I muttered sarcastically, having no energy left in my body to think of another witty remark.
"Have some blood," He offered me the cup, with a similar amount of blood in to Damon's.
"I don't need your pathetic offering," I snapped. "You're lucky that I switched my humanity off, because I felt a whole world of hate and hurt towards you after the stunt you pulled at locking me inside that coffin. I'm surprised they're even letting you see me."
"Yes, well, I suppose I have some making up to do," He shrugged, "But you're a lot nicer when you've got your humanity on."
"Since when do you like nice?" I quirked an eyebrow at him.
He laughed, draining the cup of blood before tossing it aside, "I suppose, despite not wanting to admit it, I did like you... I'd go as far to say I saw you almost as a sister."
"Which is why you locked me in a coffin, because that's what you do to all your siblings. I see why you did it now, kind of like a welcome to the family thing? Why didn't you just say so and none of this needed to happen?" I rolled my eyes sarcastically.
"Very funny, love, but no," His eyes narrowed at me, "It doesn't matter why I did it now, because it happened months ago. What matters is the fact that so many people love you and want you back, so why don't you quit playing the stubborn baby and flip your switch back?"
"Because I don't want to. You, out of all people, must understand how fun it is to not have a care in the world. To not have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings, or covering up a kill, or what people are going to think of you. It's thrilling living without a care in the world," I replied, "So no, Niklaus, I will not turn my humanity on again. And none of you will make me."
"We'll see about that, love," He smirked and walked away.
Letting my head fall back against the wall behind me, I closed my eyes and felt myself drift off into sleep again. There was nothing else to do in this damned place, and I probably wouldn't get another visitor soon so there really wasn't anything else to do except sleep.
Or try to. Every time I seemed to drift off I felt a panic rising in my chest for a strange reason. I would wake with a jolt in a fright. But that shouldn't be happening, after all I'm not supposed to feel anything without my humanity... Were they really getting to me already? Maybe it was just because I was weak now, since I had vervain in my system and was refusing blood. That would make sense.
"Rebecca!" A shout from the doorway snapped my attention back to reality and I looked down at my chest, gasping in pain. My hand was pushed into my chest again, holding my heart. I pulled my hand out of my chest and frowned at it. What the hell?
"You're remembering the coffin again, aren't you?" Elijah whispered softly from behind the door.
"Why did you bring me back here? I don't want to be here," I groaned, I felt so weak... Almost like I was inside the coffin again. I hated the idea of being trapped in here.
"I didn't have a choice, Rebecca, you are out of control. I tried to do it my way, by trying to convince you without resorting to this... But it wasn't getting through to you," Elijah looked broken, as my eyes surveyed him.
"I don't want to see you anymore, just go away and let me desiccate in peace. Next time, don't stop me ripping my heart out," I said before turning on my side so I didn't have to look at him.
Using my nail I scratched at the floor, making a small indentation to pass the time and trying not to let myself fall asleep. I heard the door open but ignored whoever had come in. I felt someone sit next to me, where my back was facing as someone else locked the door from the outside.
My head swam as blood filled the air. I craved it so much, but I would not give in. This is exactly what they wanted and I would not give them the satisfaction, I'd rather die.
"Why did you do it?" Stefan asked me.
I paused in my digging for a moment, deciding whether to answer him or not. "Turn my humanity off?" I asked.
"Yes," He replied.
I sighed and turned so my back was against the wall again, staring at the door in front of us. "Mainly because I couldn't take the torture of the coffin anymore, but also because of the bloodlust."
"But you weren't in the coffin anymore," Stefan seemed confused by my answer.
"You don't know what it was like in there, screaming and hoping that you would let me out - that anyone would let me out - but it never happening. Trapped in a tiny space for what seemed like months, not being able to get out even when I kicked, punched and clawed at it. I thought you had buried me alive, do you know how horrible the thought of being buried alive is?"
I glanced over at Stefan who was frowning as he listened to me, but shook his head slightly at my question. I didn't have the energy to fight them anymore, I wouldn't take the blood they offered, but I'd give Stefan his answers. Maybe then they'd all leave me alone. "Every minute that went by I fought to get out, and every minute I would get weaker. Every second I was in that coffin I was begging and praying to every God out there that you would get me out, that you wouldn't give up on me. Stefan will find me, or if not Stefan then Damon or Elijah, maybe even Niklaus. That's what went through my mind, that's what kept me going... Until I had barely any energy left, I couldn't even raise my fist to the top of the coffin at the end. I used all of my energy to get my hand to my chest to pull my heart out, but I didn't even have the energy to stop the pain. That was the worst part. I had to lie there knowing I couldn't move, and I was slowly going to desiccate, alone and scared.
"When I finally got out of the coffin, all I wanted was blood. I felt like I hadn't fed in hundreds of years, but none of you seemed to understand that. Every time I closed my eyes I was back in the coffin again, and the bloodlust was constant. I needed to feed, if you had of just let me feed until the hunger stopped I would have been fine. I felt like you had all turned your backs on me. You were too late in getting me out of the coffin, and then when I was released you threw me back into the cellar. Which if you haven't realised is like a larger coffin. So Stefan, I couldn't take it anymore, I needed it all to stop. The constant fear of the coffin, of being alone, of dying. The constant panic of my overwhelming hunger, that I couldn't control, all I knew is that I needed to feed. And the hurt and anger I felt towards all of you for not getting me out sooner, whether that was your fault or not. I suppose you were too busy babysitting Elena to even notice." I sighed and refused to look at Stefan anymore.
"I didn't realise how bad it was for you, I'm sorry. I should have been there, you're right, I was too busy with Elena... I let you down," Stefan said softly, taking my hand in his.
My chest felt tight, but I forced the emotions to stay down. I would not turn it back on. "You're too late now Stefan, you're all too late. I don't want to feel anything anymore... I don't want to go back to all that hurt and fear."
"But I'll help you, we'll get through it together. Niklaus did something awful by trapping you in that coffin, and none of us expected the outcome and the affect it had on you. So let me help you, because your my little sister Becs, and I love you... I'll never let you down again, I promise," Stefan whispered, forcing me to look at him as his hand gently rested on my cheek.
I felt a lump rise in my chest and tears well in my eyes. I wanted my brother back. I wanted both of them. "I won't let you down again either Becs. I love you, sister. Just please come back to us," Damon whispered, opening the door and crouching down in front of me.
I felt a surge of emotions roll through me like a tidal wave, almost knocking me flat on my back. Until I saw Niklaus standing in the doorway smirking. I forced my face to go blank, as I blinked back the tears. "Well, I'm not coming back. It's too late for your pathetic promises."
They looked shocked; I used this to my advantage. I needed to get out of here. In a second, I snapped both of their necks and ran to the door. Niklaus blocked my way, causing me to glare at him, "Move out of my way."
I was about to break, I could feel it. I couldn't hold it off anymore. I needed to leave. Now. Niklaus stared at me for a moment before stepping out of my way with a smirk on his face, I didn't hesitate for a second before I ran out of the Salvatore Boarding House. I made it to the street before I almost collapsed under the emotion that was flowing through my body now. It was going to crush me. Hurt. Hate. Pain. Fear. Love. Happiness. Guilt. It all flowed through me and more.
I pushed myself forward, needing to get away from the Salvatore Boarding House. I was hungry, so hungry. But more than anything I felt guilty. All of those innocent people I killed... They had meant nothing to me, but they had meant everything to someone else. They were fathers, mothers, sons and daughters, lovers, friends, enemies; but more importantly they were innocent. They had done nothing wrong and I had slaughtered them without a care in the world. Were their families and friends grieving for them now? Did they even realise that they were missing? How many families had a ruined in my madness?
And Elijah. Poor Elijah. What I must have put him through, how I treated him... It was awful. I was more than awful towards him, when all he ever did was try to help me. Sorry wouldn't even be enough after what I'd done to him.
Why did I turn it off? Why did I have to do that? I could never make it up to people now. I just needed to get out of here.
"Becs?" A familiar voice sounded shocked behind me.
I turned around and saw Tyler. I felt a wave of something wash over me... Happiness? Love? I staggered at the overwhelming emotion that I hadn't felt in months. Tears sprung to my eyes. "Tyler?" I cried, "Oh God, I'm so... happy to see you."
"You're humanity's back on," He whispered as I pulled him into a hug.
"I don't know why I'm crying, I'm sorry," I laughed as I pulled out of the hug. He looked at me closely before wiping his thumb under my eyes, removing the tears.
"You're going to be okay, you know?" He smiled softly at me.
I nodded before another wave of guilt washed over me, filling my body from head to toe. "I killed so many people, Ty, so many innocent people."
"I know," He sighed, "Where's Damon and Stefan? Or Elijah?"
"They locked me in the cellar, I couldn't take it in there. It reminded me so much of the coffin. I can't go back in there, if they find me they'll make me go back in there," I shook my head as panic surrounded me like a bubble. "Please don't make me go back in there. Niklaus is there as well... He put me in the coffin in the first place, I can't go back there. He'll make me go back there. Please, Ty."
"Hey, I'm not going to make you go back there," Tyler said, holding my hands in his. "Why don't you come back to my house? They won't look for you there."
I nodded and he wrapped his arm around me, leading me back towards his house. When we got there he showed me to one of the spare rooms and sat on the bed with me. He gave me some blood bags to help me stop the hunger biting at the back of the throat. "You're going to have to see them eventually, you know? Elijah won't stop until he finds you," He said after I had devoured the blood he brought me.
"I know, but when I see them again I want to be back to normal, I want to be okay again. So that they don't have to worry anymore," I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I felt so tired, but I couldn't bring myself to go to sleep because I was scared I'd find myself back in the coffin. I was scared of wake up with my hand in my chest, attempting to rip my own heart out.
"You can go to sleep, Becs, it's okay. I won't let anyone take you back there," Tyler smiled at me and gave him a tired smile back before shaking my head.
"I can't, every time I go to sleep I have nightmares of being back in the coffin and wake up with my hand in my chest, trying to pull my heart out to end it all," I sighed again, I didn't want to even think about it.
"Come on, lie down and go to sleep. I'll watch over you and make sure you don't wake up with your hand in your chest," Tyler smiled kindly at me and lifted up the duvet. I gratefully crawled under the duvet and curled up beside him.
"Get under here, we're close enough to be able to lie together in bed without it meaning anything," I laughed and he joined in before getting under the duvet as well.
He took my hand in his and rested it on his stomach, "That way I'll know if your trying to rip your heart out."
I let my eyes close, hoping they'd open again in the morning and I wouldn't have the coffin dream again and try to rip my heart out. I smiled sleepily at Tyler lying beside me, "Thanks Ty."