Kennedy Onika "Nicki" Maraj.
I threw my Chanel bag over my shoulder as I locked the doors to my all white 2015 CLA45 AMG Coupe.
It wasn't my first car, but it was the one that I was most proud of at the moment. I set out a goal to get it, and I got it.
I walked fast toward the doors of Texas de Brazil being that I was already late, and I knew the girls were here. When I got to the door, an older white man held the door open for me as I walked in.
I gave him a slight smile, "Thank you sir".
"You're welcome beautiful".
I usually received compliments over the most simple things. I'll admit that I was a very beautiful woman, and my body was definitely right. had a 34D bra size, thanks to my mother. A coke bottle shape was probably the most comparable thing to compare my lower assets to. I earned stares in public all the time, and the flirting attempts were unbelievable.
I walked into the building, and spotted them in our usual section. I saw that they had already started on drinks, but I made up my mind that I was sticking with the sober life tonight.
"Look who finally decided to show up, finally made it here after our twenty minute wait".
I playfully rolled my eyes at Candy's comment, and took my seat. "I'm sorry guys, I was having a rough day. Took me a while to make it out of the house".
"So.. are you going to tell us what happened?"
I nodded my head, "Let's order first, then I'll break everything down".
While the girls ordered their usual, I settled on Filet Mignon wrapped in bacon with Garlic Mashed Potatoes, and I decided on a simple glass of water.
"We ordered now tell us bitch, I've been waiting all day" Candy demanded.
I cleared my throat, trying the get my mind together. Replaying the story in my head actually hurt more than experiencing it.
"We got into a huge argument this time and we both agreed that we were done. I took off the engagement ring and actually threw it. We both started to feel unappreciated by eachother, and old shit came into the argument. We were basically throwing death shots at eachother, trying to hit below the belt. It hurt worst knowing that he knew how I'd been hurt by men before. I saw a different side of Safaree that I'd never seen before, and I knew we had out grown eachother".
I tried to finish the story but tears suddenly fell from my face. I couldn't hold it in anymore, it all hurt like hell.
Tete reached over and wiped some of my tears with a napkin, but the water works continued.
"I was so angry and upset, I thought we were going to fix what was broken. I slapped the shit out of him in his for the things that he was saying, but I knew it was true. I knew I was neglecting him, but he had also did some fucked up shit. I screamed at him, punched him, kicked him, and slapped him. It was just so much to take in at once".
"After yelling and screaming, I threw his phone down the stairs. We fought..well mostly me. He attempted to restrain me, but I was fed up with the whole situation. I blacked out, and you know I can't control what happens when I black out".
I replayed the previous events in my mind. "I somehow ended up outside busting out his windows, every last one of them. I even tried to cut his fucking break line, but he caught me before that came about. One of my neighbors most likely called 911, because they showed up".
I felt more tears coming, but it was something that I couldn't help.
"After they removed him from my property and towed his car, I just went in the house and cried. I stayed in my room for 48 hours crying, unless I had to use the bathroom. My pillows were full of tears, but today I woke up with a changed my mindset. I hadn't been to work, and I barely knew how the hell my shop was functioning".
Candy looked at me, and I could tell that she was mad. Candy was always so over protective of us, especially me. Whenever I was hurt, Candy was angry. Tete was the one to cry with me, she was so sensitive.
"You sure you don't want me to kill him, I don't have a problem catching a body for you" Candy said.
I shook my head, and wiped my remaining tears. It was quite funny, but I knew she was half way serious.
"It was a decision that needed to be made. I honestly can't blame everything on him, but we knew our relationship was taking a turn for the worst. He wanted kids and marriage, but I made him wait for years and years. Lies and other things were created from that, but what happened can't be changed".
"I just don't understand, everyone thought you guys were the most perfect couple. You two were eachother's equal, and he was truly a brother to me. How can yall just let that all go".
I shrugged my shoulders, I was surely confused too. I didn't understand where we went wrong. I thought we were on the same page, and I thought I was making the right decisions by focusing on work and building my name.
No matter how many men tried to get with me, I could never let them. Safaree was the only one that felt important in my eyes. No one could compare or compete, but it obviously wasn't mutual on both ends.
"You're one of the most beautiful women I know Nicki. You can't sit around and blame yourself for the whole situation".
I nodded my head, "I know, I know.. It's just so hard to let go of 10 years. I don't even know what another man touching me would feel like, I don't know how to love anyone else except Safaree. He's done so much for me, and the love I have for him just won't go away".
Tete placed her hand on top of mines, "No one said that you have to stop loving him, but you can't keep accepting an open invitation for a heart break".
We spoke and ate for a few more hours, and I could truly say that they made the whole situation a lot better.
I let them know about the dinner that my mother was having tomorrow night, and of course they would be there. My mother was like a second mother to them, being that we had been friends for damn near twenty years.
It was just a simple dinner that my mother had every two weeks, that was her attempt to bring all of us together and hang out. It was always fun to help her cook and enjoy her talks.
My mother was a very wise woman, and I knew she would share some of her wisdom with me tomorrow night.
After leaving the restaurant, I headed straight to my condo. I stripped out my clothes and heels, deciding to clean up my mess from the previous altercation.
I decided that I was going to head into the shop in the morning, and make sure everything was in place like usual. I knew that my brother worked there, and I knew that he would make sure everything was in place. He was like a co-owner, he had the second pair of keys to the shop and he usually opened and closed it.
I decided to set my alarm alarm for 6:00 am, and made a mental note to get to the shop my 9:00am.
I'd usually take about a hour and a half to get ready for the day, but tomorrow I wanted to take donuts and coffee to make up for absences.
I didn't like when my personal life interfered with my business, but it was difficult to divide the two when they were so mashed together.
Without Safaree I probably wouldn't have had the shop right now, it was his money that helped me. He never threw it back in my face, he never made me feel like I was privileged to have him.
When I became successful, he never expected anything back. He made me feel like like I did it on my own, but we did it together. Everyone would cheer me on, but no one realized that he was the one that made it all possible. I didn't do anything, WE did it.
He was my back bone, and I don't know how I'm going to go through life without him. I had a lot of figuring out to do, but I couldn't let his actions stop me.
I know that I sometimes overreacted, and could've came off as unappreciative but I loved him. I really did appreciate everything he did for me.
I knew I could come off quite abusive and be a bitch towards him, but that was my way of letting out my anger.
I just wanted to tell him how much I loved him, kiss his lips, and lay my head on his chest but I realized that I had to stop.
He had officially became a past chapter in my life, and that chapter needed to be closed.
No matter how bad I wanted to go back to ten years ago when everything was great. When I knew he wasn't going anywhere, and I knew that he was going to be my husband one day.
No matter how bad I wanted it, I knew that I had to let it go.