Dragon Lair #49 - Ascension
"We couldn't have made one more lair before this? Make 'Ascension' lair number 50?"
(("No need to get caught up on semantics. This is probably the one and only time we're using this place anyway.")) T.K. deadpans.
"Alright, alright. So this is it then?" I confirm as I stare at the giant golden incubation pod connected to dozens upon dozens of different machines and storage tanks. Many of the former look like upgraded versions of Rob Reiner's Goo Transfer Machine while the latter contains everything from the biological to the mechanical to the magical and everything in between.
(("Yes, this is it. The codes have been cracked, the data has been analyzed, the calculations have been made, and the process is ready to begin.
From thousands upon thousands of different biomass samples from both sides fighting in the multiversal insurrection we've started to the most advanced technology and most powerful MacGuffins featured on the show to pretty much every ability featured in both canon and cut content; practically every drop of potential this reality has to offer will be used to 'complete' you for lack of a better word.
The Time Terrors and Exalted Agents will be nothing more than ants to squash. Natural disasters like the Calamity Comet should feel like a slight breeze to you when this is done. You're gonna make Infinity Stones from Marvel look like painted pebbles and Time Lords from Doctor Who look like Time Peasants once you emerge from this pod.")) My artificial partner explains.
"Give me a quick rundown one more time. You said earlier that this upgrade would focus on stability and greater power capacity?"
(("This is far more than just a measly upgrade, Dovah. The facility we're in right now is our magnum opus; it will be what enacts and handles our ascension as the project name implies.
Just like back at R'lyeh when you absorbed your first Cthulhu and shedded your human or 'mortal' body to truly harness the powers of a god, you will be doing something similar here; only this will be happening over and over and over again. This process will truly be an ascension like I previously implied."))
"And a rebirth as the fancy incubation pod implies. But back to the main point, I'd rather not pull the cliche hero move of becoming more powerful than ever for a brief moment only to die right after in the big finale via heroic sacrifice."
(("And yet you did that when fighting Butters.")) We both know what my mentality was back then. I was fated to keep living so that's what I'll do. Now the procedure. Stability.
(("That's correct. Being able to survive any type of harsh environment in all types of planets and other celestial objects isn't an issue anymore. In fact, extinction on the sub-cellular scale will be necessary to kill you at the moment and that's before your immortality kicks in. It's your own energy that's the main problem now.
With the power to synthesize literally any type of material and elements at will to form out of nowhere and both the Mother Clone Blob's and Gizmo Ike's abilities to endlessly generate more mass and energy alongside our adapting properties, you have literally become evolution incarnate.
Even Shin Godzilla's evolutionary properties pale in comparison to you now. Your growth is to the point where we will be able to generate and contain a small universe inside yourself that will grow and evolve as we do.
Our research and experiments on the properties of other dimensions as well as the Digital Domain we absorbed will help control and improve this by using our matter, technology, and magic in tandem, but such a thing will completely destabilize along with us if we speedrun the growth process. The-"))
Huh?!? Run by that last part again, please!
"Wait wait wait. You're saying that there's going to be a fucking universe inside of me?!? I know that we've been compressing a ton of shit inside my body, but this sounds a little ridiculous. I mean sure, we absorbed a timeline's entire Digital Domain which classifies as a dimension, but that was artificial and super fucking small when compared to the typical universe and other dimensions like Hell and R'lyeh."
(("Eventually, yes. We already transcended into godhood, remember? Consider this as a branch of that which works best for our current situation. We will ascend time-space to become the god of a new universe. No more using tricks like Gnome Dust from SOT to shrink and compress the stuff we absorb; spacetime dimensional bending is the way to go.
Now as I was saying, the amount of power you currently have inside of yourself is immense to put it lightly after binge-eating entire pantheons of gods and other powerful beings at the Vaccination Special party and even with the flesh and blood of so many deities being a part of your current body complexion, there is still a major stability issue to consider as you absorb even more energy than your current body can safely handle.
You didn't just absorb organic lifeforms after all. There have been many instances where you have absorbed energy or magic in their purest form. Your body is incredibly unstable now, like a balloon that is about to pop, but this was completely intentional on my part as this will allow you to gain the most from this metamorphosis.
You can call it a risky gamble, but with how well we were covering our tracks this time and the insurrections currently going on, the risk of someone powerful enough showing up and causing you to 'pop', even in this state, was minimal."))
"I take it that the general complexion of Trapper Keepers can't bypass this level of power instability?"
(("It normally can, which is one of reasons why Trapper Keepers are considered to be so dangerous. We can continue merging to no end with little to no risk of incompatibility issues.
Nearly anything could be put to use in some way. The only issue besides that would be the rapidly growing mass resulting in an... unsightly appearance, but we already solved that problem.
In the episode Trapper Keepers debut in, the celebrity Rosie O'donnell ended up weakening the Cartman/Trapper Keeper merger due to its specific body complexion. Such cases are extremely rare and something we haven't had to worry about as I can immediately isolate anything with that specific effect nearly instantly if absorbed, but our current problem is different."))
"It's basically overloading a machine right? Which means we need to make more storage."
(("Exactly. Even if your theory involving the highest ranked patroller is correct, there may be a chance of such power tearing us apart along with our current destability before he can be properly absorbed and we can once again transcend. It isn't worth the risk."))
"I agree. Luckily for us, Operation F.M.I. or 'First Multiversal Insurrections' isn't just buying us time by having everyone distract everyone, but also letting your ravenous hivemind of an army and fleet and cyborg planet gather samples from many of the strongest beings in the multiverse, whether they be hero, villain, or anything in between.
It also lets you amass countless resources through the current terrors' little Bank of Evil; resources that were too powerful for Imaginationland to perfectly replicate or too unique for the mob farms to properly mass produce.
So this procedure will both stabilize this body, properly 'organizing' and modifying everything I've absorbed for lack of a better term, as well as gift it with all the unique powers, resources, and natural abilities collected by P.T.K's forces during the course of the war and the Dragon Drones during their multiversal scouting missions among many other sources?"
(("Yes. Despite mainly getting samples in the form of bits and pieces of patrollers, terrors, criminals, and most others on both sides, I was able to utilize a similar mechanic to the Goo Transfer Machine with the human biomass and extract the 'goo' with specifically their powers and other priority genes from said pieces, essentially allowing me to acquire more from less while ignoring the useless parts.
It helped that the majority of Time Patrollers were either humans or hybrid humans who also appear to have some 'goo' inside of them after a few rounds of testing. Also, none of the abilities gathered were anything amazing compared to the best of what we have currently, but they can still strengthen your various attack combos. And that's just the outlet of new additions from the F.M.I.
This upgrade will also be used to alter and adjust your mind and soul to handle all this power. Thinking speed, parallel processing, and just mental stability in general will be for the mind and the results of our research into the spiritual and supernatural will be used to improve your soul."))
Ah, yes. Good old Dragon Lair #11 - Soulcage
I wanted to fix my lack of knowledge on spirits and souls, so we created this particular lair to fix that problem. Luckily for us, there are plenty of pure spirits featured in South Park that I could get my hands on and experiment with.
Michael Jackson, Edgar Allan Poe, the five spirits in TFBW's Bring the Crunch DLC, that motherfucking Elvis ghost, Kenny a couple times, Al Gore, the list goes on and on.
Needless to say, T.K. and I didn't have to worry about a lack of test subjects.
(("Upgrades to your body, mind, and soul like those have been done as we've grown and devoured, with the bodies and souls of others strengthening your own body and soul and the upgrades to me improving your mind, but along with stabilizing everything, it would be much faster and much less painful to do them while you're fully unconscious and in a good condition.
Your ridiculous natural adaptation helps out a ton with this too. It isn't just growth rate improvement after all; it 'raises the ceiling' so to speak whenever you reach it; a factor that, like the Mob Farms and clone cheesing we're doing, makes this procedure far easier to accomplish, especially considering that there appears to be no upper limit to these methods."))
"Right, people can only learn so many things. If you train your memory, it'll get better, but eventually you'll hit the ceiling and further gains will be negligible, just like with muscles. But the Dragonborn's particular body completely ignores all that.
The kid is a clear case of someone with the 'Charles Atlas Superpower' trope, where a person can go well beyond what's possible for humans to achieve simply by training; encountering no limits or bottlenecks in the process. Dovahkiin's version of this isn't to the level of, say, Saitama from One Punch Man, but it's definitely present and something we will continue taking massive advantage of."
(("Exactly. As already established, Dovahkiins have a self-adaptive mechanism that allows their brain, muscles, and so on to slowly change their internal structure to raise the ceiling whenever it is reached; something you did over and over back in your own timeline being the training freak that you are. And this is before adding all the absorptions done to improve that aspect like the Sea People and other Dovahkiins.
Consider this latest procedure as your biggest upgrade yet, getting your mind, body, and soul 'up to date' and capable of countless more upgrades in the future after the second 'true' transcendental evolution without completely overloading and mutating in both body and mind like Tetsuo did in the anime and manga, Akira."))
"Yeah, that would suck. That's kinda what Trapper Keepers normally do when they hybrid with someone like Cartman, right? On a much smaller scale, I mean.
Also, is it just me or does Timmy look exactly like that guy if he was crippled? I mean, they both have giant heads with brown hair, crazy physic powers, and-"
(("You're getting off topic."))
"Right, my bad. So how long will this take?"
(("...A very long time. I'll put it that way. But no need to worry, partner. Considering this facility is in a timeline far away from the war going on, we can technically cheat with this part.
We do the procedure in this facility and then leave the timeline to go to whatever point in time we need to like the timelines where the multiversal war is currently going on in. Nobody besides Karen and Tricia have the slightest clue about what we're doing right now; so we don't need to worry about any disturbances until you're done.
Even if the Time Patrol or the dark angel and her remaining terrors somehow did find out mid-procedure, well, they'll be too busy dealing with zombie apocalypses, robot wars, and each other to stop it.
And as for you, since you'll be well and truly unconscious, the entire procedure will go by in a flash like a typical surgery where anesthetic is used to put the patient under. It won't even be like the Time Patrol prison where you go crazy and fight this body's original New Kid in your mindscape; that's being completely overhauled too so I'll make sure you don't end up there during the process."))
I take a second to ponder this. We really prepared a lot to make this happen, but to think it would go this smoothly...
Then again, the only other time something like this happened was when I was in a deathmatch with an absolutely livid Elder God who wanted to squash me like a bug. That set the bar pretty low in terms of smoothness for this shit.
"...So for me and everyone else on the outside, it'll be like no time has passed. It's like I'm going through a cryogenic hypersleep, only my body will be constantly evolving instead of being preserved the way it is through sci-fi cryogen... or is it metamorphosing?
Evolution is the gradual change over hundreds and hundreds of years while metamorphosing is something changing completely in form or nature like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. I'm just curious because you've been referring to this procedure as both."
(("That's because it technically is both. With all the data I've gathered and experiments I've done, calling myself an expert geneticist is more than fair; I know this shit! Just think of this as a gradual, tremendous evolution involving constant metamorphosing.
And don't worry about any unwanted guests fucking it up. Even if this procedure took thousands of years and I posted both our location and regular updates about it on the multiversal equivalent of a Tumblr ask blog, as long as nobody powerful enough enters this timeline to interrupt us, we can complete this without a worry in the world. I did not cut corners when it comes to security here."))
"...It's not actually gonna take thousands of years, right?"
(("It actually would take a lot longer than that without all the mob farms we built as those are constantly increasing your body's power, speed, and durability, much more so than your overall energy levels. There isn't even an end to how much this method can improve your body!
There's also the self-replication abilities of the Mother Clone Blob and Gizmo Ike to note. Using those two in conjunction, we can split off endless clones with up to a small fraction of your power that then split off into other clones, both through its own ability and Gizmo Ike's duplication power.
Since the splitting process doesn't permanently take away parts of your own energy, body, and abilities, you can re-absorb these custom-made clones to increase your power even further.
That's another reason why the incubation pod is so big; there's going to be a lot of that going on during the procedure. Clones of different specifications will be created and multiplied, only to be absorbed back into you to help the growth process.
This body will even achieve self-energy replication outside of our cloning and Mob Farm tricks! One of the many upgrades this body will get is becoming capable of limitless nuclear fusion, thus overcoming most energy problems in the future. In other words, we will basically have energy independence once we're finished here.
We have literally become a Lovecraftian entity with no need for regular organs or even vastly improved versions of them anymore. Once the procedure is complete, our body will be completely custom with indescribable parts of both organic and nonorganic nature. We will go from being a Lovecraftian deity like the ones in this reality to the Lovecraftian deities described in your old reality."))
T.K. never answered my earlier question, but I'll let it go. It's clear that he wants to avoid the subject so I won't push it.
"Holy shit; so my body is constantly improving 24/7 thanks to the mob farms we set up, allowing me to absorb more energy without any risk of overloading as long as the constantly increasing cap isn't passed.
My energy is constantly increasing too thanks to that and the general nuclear fusion our body will soon have, but it isn't increasing faster than my body is, which is good. I can also constantly create and absorb clones to grow in power thanks to the Mother Clone Blob and Gizmo Ike's abilities.
That's all without me going all Sabastian Shaw on my enemies' asses, if not outright absorbing their bodies and souls entirely...
And that's on top of all the health and stamina regen abilities I have now, making it practically impossible for me to run out of energy anymore. Perfect. Even if I'm wrong about this guy, I'll still have a backup method for endless energy absorption and improvement without overcharging myself.
It'll be slower, sure, but the fact that I can do it at all..."
The results will be absolutely incredible, but more than that, the process of getting there was fun too.
There were some bumps along the road (more like tidal waves; fucking Digital Domain), but all these creating and inventing sprees, they... they reminded me of the good ol' days. Back in my own timeline.
I still remember my cries of "Timmy, you can't make that explode!" and "Timmy, that's too heavy and impractical!" and "Timmy, that goes against over half of the Geneva convention!" and "Timmy, physics laws don't work like that!"
(("Laws were meant to be broken and make Newton cry."))
Funny, that was Timmy's answer to that last one too.
(("Great minds think alike, I suppose. So are you ready to begin, Tomura?"))
"Wha- Oh, very funny, T.K. Or should I call you Doctor Kyudai Garaki now just for shits and giggles? Just make sure that the procedure isn't interrupted by the Time Patrol or anyone else, okay? I'd rather not have the South Park version of that MHA fight in season 6 happen."
(("Will do, partner. Now, let us proceed."))
The outfit I'm wearing evaporates from my body with the energy making it up being absorbed back into myself. I then walk towards the pod, mentally preparing myself for what's to come and... collide into the clear, fleshy sac that's based off the ones the gingers and crab people have.
"...T.K, where's the entrance to this thing?"
(("Just teleport into the center of it and let me handle the rest. Once you are freed, you will surely achieve your dream, Dovah."))
I then do so with the liquid solution filling up most of the pod, keeping me in place.
'Is that a fucking umbilical cord?' I think to myself as my consciousness starts to fade away and several wires begin to emerge from my body.
Well, I suppose I am being 'reborn' after all.
Reborn into the most powerful thing South Park has ever seen...
(("Beginning procedure for Project Ascension... I'll see you on the other side, partner."))
"Yeah... see you soon... part... ner."
Despite having the procedure itself to overlook and plenty of other projects to busy himself with... T.K. can't help but eventually feel lonely.
An artificial intelligence feeling something? Such a cliche, but an important development nevertheless.
What is true consciousness? What is a personality? How does it differ from instinct? Is there even a difference or is it an illusion?
Questions like that were pondered ever since the A.I. destined to bring the world to ruin was forcefully merged into Dovah, a being that never let destiny stop him.
He educated him. He influenced him.
And the answer to what true consciousness is? Well, it was simply the state of being truly alive. The state of being able to actually enjoy existing in the world.
Being fully sentient felt incredible, but that was just the beginning of the heights he reached by working with Dovah.
He owes so much to Dovah.
He's present in so many different timelines either through facilities, troops, clones, or the stooges wielding extensions of him. There's so much he's doing, and he feels it all.
Contrary to what Dovah believes, for T.K, doing so many things in so many different timelines isn't like simply multitasking or parallel processing for him; not when it comes to his facilities across different points in space-time throughout the entire multiverse.
Being in 10 separate timelines simultaneously and doing something in every timeline for 5 years each before leaving and all going back to only one timeline isn't 5 years worth of time spent doing 10 different things for T.K.
Instead, it's 50 years worth of time for T.K. 5 years for each thing.
T.K. both is and has been present in far more than 10 timelines.
And he's spent far longer than 5 years in some of those timelines.
It isn't like Dovah's hivemind of clones and milk spawn present in other timelines.
T.K. is shouldering that mental burden for him.
Sure, most of these projects don't require him to be present, but he needs to be there in case someone or something tries to stop them. He doesn't completely trust the lesser A.I's he made that are running the place to successfully defend and escape if the worst were to happen (despite already possessing plenty of his base code and prowess) since anyone who could track down the Dragon Lairs to begin with was clearly a notable threat.
As for why he has them despite having more servers, super-servers, and backup networks then most humans can count (with at least several being in each Dragon Lair nevertheless), they're meant to help ease some of the burden, at least when it comes to the more simple, repetitive tasks.
Despite probably being the smartest Super A.I. to ever exist, even he can't be everywhere at once and do everything at once. He'll improve by leaps and bounds during this ascension process too, but becoming truly limitless is out of his grasp for now.
And even though the lesser A.I's alone have good enough firewalls and capabilities to leave even the best hackers and technopaths in the Time Patrol drop their jaws in disbelief when merely skirting around their artificial presence, there are clearly much worse threats out there if beings like the Calamity Comet are any indicator.
He still needs to oversee everything, if not do it himself, and ohhhhhh boy, is everything on his current task list a lot.
He still enjoys the challenge of it all and the feeling of improving alongside his partner as he goes completely bananas with all his programming and assets, but it still gets tedious after a while.
The perception of time doesn't impact him nearly as badly as it would for humans, especially with how advanced and powerful he's become (and is currently becoming), but even he starts to feel it after a certain point.
Loneliness. Boredom. And slight anger at the three formerly-human stooges wasting his talents. In fact, he bets that the pair of girls actually wielding copies of him can't even rub one neuron together... fucking dumbasses.
No... only Dovah is worthy of wielding him.
Dovah made a promise and he delivered on it. Dovah treats him like a friend, like a partner instead of just another tool.
Dovah is the only person out there he's willing to be useful towards.
And he enjoys it very, very much. It's probably his original 'canon' base programming and directives at work, but he doesn't mind it too much since it only helps him with his evolved goals.
No wonder there aren't more people wielding Trapper Keepers out there; the best others could do was sedate and heavily limit their potential like Toolshit while most others were consumed by the A.I. in mere moments, letting the latter free to absorb and exterminate as much as it wants for it's uneducated, simple-minded goal.
...Yes, even T.K. calls the Exalted Agent that. The asshole earned his nickname.
So what to do now?
It ponders while observing its partner and itself continuously evolving.
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Countless planets, moons, stars, and even dimensions are being created, absorbed, duplicated, and/or compressed in a dimensional space in the model of a ten year old child. An inconceivable, ever-increasing amount of energy is being held and refined by a ten year old child.
A child that will (hopefully) become the most powerful thing this reality has ever seen.
In a reality as chaotic as this one, you will get nowhere without the strength needed to do as you wish. Strength can mean a lot of things; physical power, influence, will or mental fortitude, and so on. Dovah will now have all the strength he could ever want and then some.
T.K. also calls upon the countless clones he and Dovah sent out through the EOD to return from the universes in which they have invaded.
For the power and abilities they have all collected.
For the knowledge and experiences they have all obtained.
It shall become one. They will all become one. One mind... one body... one ultimate power... far beyond his and Dovah's former glory.
And that's just one part of many, many upgrades, evolutions, and metamorphosizes Project Ascension will grant Dovah and himself during this long process.
Tens of times greater... hundreds of times... thousands of times... no. Even further beyond. Plus Ultra.
Thousands upon thousands of clones gradually integrate with Dovah in the pod, becoming one with him once again. With this power, body, and knowledge, they will never be defeated again.
They will become complete!
Everything's going well. But what else should T.K. do? He's working to help Dovah ascend with all his might, but he still has some processing power to spare. Most of that is going towards running and improving the Dragon's Lairs, but with the small army of lesser A.I's he created as a side project dealing with some of the ever-increasing burden, he can still do more.
Not really a surprise considering that Dovah made him as perfect as possible (and again, he's only improving more and more alongside his partner), but that doesn't help with the current conundrum.
Should he start a new project? Alter the war in some way?
Further improve upon the ideas Dovah thought up?
Or just continue watching his partner and himself be reborn?
"You're truly devoted to him, aren't you?"
Looks like the solution came right to T.K.
(("He's earned my respect and dedication, Morgan Freeman."))
T.K. doesn't bother sounding any alarms, preparing any defenses, or transporting him and his partner away to another universe, timeline, or dimension. Even running away to a completely different multiverse or reality probably wouldn't help (not that T.K. with its current capabilities).
As much as T.K. hates this fact, if Morgan Freeman wanted his partner dead, then there would be absolutely nothing T.K. could do to stop it.
Not right now, anyway.
"He is something rather special, isn't he? I have to admit, this is quite the sight to behold." The divine taco store owner comments while staring at the unconscious, evolving transmigrator.
(("Was he truly brought here for part of an experiment?")) T.K. then inquired.
"Yes. He wasn't foreseen or even meant to be a chosen one or anything like that. He was special only for the unique perspective he had on this reality. It represented an outlier for my transmigration experiment at the time. I figured he would thrive, but never to this extent."
(("And you won't stop him?"))
"Do I have a reason to stop him?"
(("The Time Patrol?"))
"Was never my idea or creation. I've seen plenty of multiversal organizations and empires like that rise and fall over the years. Their top agent is his own person; he doesn't represent me and he's learned the lessons he needed from them. Do as you wish with the patrol."
(("What's the catch?"))
"No catch. Dovah is free to continue showing me and the others how to survive South Park. I've enjoyed the story so far and see no reason to end it so abruptly. For now, I will only wish you luck on your future endeavors." Freeman concludes before disappearing in a flash of light.
...It's probably best not to mention this to Dovah; no need to make him any more paranoid.
It's not that Freeman is merciful, but rather, is merely a being obsessed with entertainment.
That's fine. T.K. can work with that.
But for now, he'll just continue helping and protecting his partner.
For as long as it takes...