"Morning, girls. Are you ready to start training today?" I ask while sending today's breakfast their way with some bone hands. Today is blueberry pancakes and Karen starts digging in the second her plate reaches her.
"Mmph- Yeah!"
"Blueberry? Why not chocolate chip?"
"You need to have more fruits, Tricia. It takes more than just training hard to become strong; you also need to have a healthy diet."
"Can I just skip that part and get a Trapper Keeper to absorb healthy bad guys with instead?"
"Absolutely not."
"Awwww."
As for what happens now, my goals and master plan haven't changed after that heart to heart to heart with Karen and Tricia a few days ago. I'm demolishing this stupid system and all the dumbasses who are running it, and if Freeman and the other gods get in my way during the process, then I'll take them down too.
My ideology as of now is pretty similar to someone like Technoblade from Dream SMP. I'm opposed to all forms of government and tyranny here as they always become run by corrupt dumbasses if they aren't run by them from the get-go, so basically, I'm an anarchist. I'll show zero mercy to enemies, but I'll do everything in my power to protect the few people I care about along with any innocents I encounter (if I have the chance to).
I have no reason to be cruel to those who aren't cruel to me... but once I'm wronged? Fuck the rules, fuck morality, and fuck the fools who thought they could cross me.
(("Suggestion: Consider a less extreme libertarian role model like Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreation instead of the fucking Blood God.")) Aaaaand the mental voices are back.
(("VOICE! As in SINGULAR! No more Technoblade comparisons, Dovah!")) No promises.
Karen and Tricia are on board with my plan and made sure that they would get to help out too. Accounting for that was the only real change done, pretty much everything else in this long-term project should remain the same.
Kenny would probably be furious if he was still around (and Craig wouldn't care), but Karen wants to fight alongside me. She and Tricia are sick and tired of being on the sidelines or on the run; they want to make a difference like I'm planning to. They want to go from being the apprentices to being the masters.
Of course, speeches aren't going to help much with this. They need power and I intend to train them as best as I can using what I know... so basically what I'm doing with myself right now. I may have defeated Butters, but there's still the Time Patrol plus whatever else is out there in the multiverse.
I still need to get stronger. Much stronger.
(("No shit, host/sherlock. Your body can't keep up with the level of energy you now exert and even immortality may not save you from your recklessness if you keep this up. You saw how messed up your body got after that final beam clash with Butters.
Combining your Ultimates is like crossing the streams in the original Ghostbusters movie; you don't fucking do it without proper preparations or plot armor, neither of which you had back there. Simply put, gaining so much energy so quickly is causing an imbalance within you.
Consider this a variant of Rule 22 in the Evil Overlord Handbook: 'No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.' or in your case, countless amounts of energy from whatever the fuck you come across."))
'Still throwing that in my face, are you? I know that, T.K, and I'll be fixing that issue while getting plenty more energy in the process.
Why do you think this whole plan we made revolves around buying us time? It's the only thing I need for this to work.'
Going back to the girls, I actually considered doing another run of Tenorman's Revenge in another timeline where it happens with the two, but T.K. suggested I go and do another one of the old South Park games with the girls instead.
The game I'm talking about is none other than the first South Park game created, 'South Park' or 'South Park 64' as it's sometimes called. It was released way back in December of 1998 and it's a first person shooter style game where you play as members of Team Stan and save the town from all kinds of crazy shit.
Going into a bit more detail (since that plot is basically what happens in South Park like once a week), a comet formed by the concentrated evil and maliciousness in the universe happens to head towards South Park, causing problems to spring up like mutant turkeys, deformed clones, killer toys, aliens, etc.
It's kind of like Tenorman's Revenge where some aspects of episodes from the TV show are used and built upon. Of course, this came out waaaaay before Tenorman's Revenge so there wasn't nearly as much to work with in this game, but they still did a decent enough job with it.
I'm gonna have Karen and Tricia play while I do some behind the scenes investigating with the comet and a few other things that may be useful for me if absorbed. I'll be tagging along with the girls too and giving them pointers here and there while altering the game to make it challenging enough for them.
I won't be half-assing their training; they deserve the best and will be given such.
Kenny and I already taught them the basics such as how to brace for a punch, how to roll to cushion a fall, how to close their fists to make a proper punch, how to go for the face and behind the knees, and so on.
Cthulhu (after Kenny, Timmy, and I lost) taught those two the ins and outs about their Netherborn powers. Kenny and I helped with that as well before Butters went crazy, but who could be a better teacher for that branch of magic then the fucking progenitor of it.
Speaking of the blond bastard, Butters (unintentionally) taught them basic survival tactics as well as how to play dirty.
With all those lessons covered already, I'll be focusing on other topics with them as well as introducing them to other paths to power. As for Team Stan, I can just have them take Chef's advice and stay home via mind control. That power is so convenient, isn't it? No wonder Timmy abused it so much.
Now as for how I'm going to power the girls up, I want them to become strong, but I don't want them to become fucking abominations like I am.
(("Hey, I take offense to that!")) So I won't be giving them Trapper Keepers, but there are plenty of other powers I can give them instead.
Those two already have the Netherborn class, but I can give them my evolved version as well as showing them how to use the basic life energy or chi everyone has which can be used for the Martial Artist class. I should also be able to give them access to holy energy and the abilities that use them through a similar ritual as well once I get a better grasp on it myself.
Using it myself is difficult since my soul is apparently super dark or something, but one of T.K's many current projects is finding a loophole around that limitation so I shouldn't have to worry about that issue for too long.
"So are we gonna go kick some ass now, bro? This break was nice and all, but you promised us that we could get back in action now, remember?" Tricia asks me and I nod.
"We'll be doing that after you and Karen finish breakfast. T.K. already found a timeline where one of the games I told you about happens. The first one."
"The one with the evil green comet?"
"That's the one."
After we finish eating, I have T.K. make us a time portal to our latest destination. T.K. has improved by leaps and bounds after we became a deity and knows how to cover our time traveling tracks from the patrollers easily enough, so we don't need to worry about any showing up on this trip.
(("It's not as easy as you'd like to think; especially when a certain someone decided to make himself the most wanted person in the multiverse."))
Even if we didn't, they're probably occupied with the hell my doppelganger, the Dark Angel, and Wendy are raining down upon them. Operation F.M.I. has already begun and the results are... acceptable so far.
(("The terrors are, in fact, occupied with that.")) Thank you, T.K. I'm not even being sarcastic here; thanks for the update.
'You're still hiding away in the Time Patrol's network right?'
(("Correct, and their current situation is... quite humorous while their preparations for the current situation were... even more quite humorous."))
Exalted Agent ?????'s POV:
"YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT A FUCKING MULTIVERSAL WAR IS ABOUT TO START LITERALLY A DAY BEFORE IT FUCKING STARTS AND ONLY BECAUSE YOU NEED ME AS ONE OF YOUR BODYGUARDS FOR THE OPENING EVENT?!"
"Kenny-"
"WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? I'M A FUCKING TOP AGENT IN YOUR COMPANY; I SHOULD'VE BEEN TOLD WEEKS AGO THAT SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET THIS FUCKING WILD SO I CAN FUCKING PREPARE!
I'LL BARELY HAVE THE FUCKING TIME TO READ THE FILES WE HAVE ON ENEMIES TO PREPARE SOME FUCKING COUNTERPLANS THANKS TO YOU!"
"Kenny, you-"
"AND ONLY BECAUSE YOU LOST MOST OF SAID FILES TO MOTHERFUCKING PACMAN SO THERE'S BARELY ANYTHING TO READ IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE!!!"
I finish screaming at my boss over the phone and several seconds of silence follow my complete and utter meltdown.
"...You done? Or do you want to do another spit take with some more of your latest ChiChi? Yes, I know where you are and what you've been up to, or rather, lack thereof. If you don't like the late notice, then don't go off the fucking grid next time."
"I WAS SEARCHING FOR THE FALLEN-"
"No you weren't. Don't bullshit me, Kenny. Not every South Park adult in the multiverse is a complete retard. Now pull your perverted self together and get your ass back to headquarters or I'm locking you up in the Panderverse for the next month."
"SIR, YES SIR! JUST FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, KEEP ME AWAY FROM THAT FUCKING HELLHOLE!"
Thanks a fucking lot for not killing that guy, Stan. Now everything's going tits up and I have to head back early.
But I won't grill him for that fuckup too much. He's gotten enough shit for that already and already looks to be falling apart on both the outside and inside.
The general stress of being a Top Agent during times of utter shit-stirring chaos isn't helping either, although considering his recent 'private activities' with his timeline's Wendy, I suppose this Stan is more like a Bottom Agent now. Heh.
Dovah's POV:
T.K. has both the changeling's F.T.K. and Wendy's P.T.K. under its control. Those guys are also using our home base and robot armies so monitoring their process is as easy as it sounds (and it sounds really fucking easy, doesn't it?). Same with nudging them into whatever direction T.K. and I deem to be best. Their Trapper Keepers are meant to advise their hosts after all; why wouldn't the terrors listen to them?
Side note, the Dark Angel seems to have found out about the swap quickly and is reluctantly working with her counterpart while trying to find a way to bring me back. Good to see where her loyalty currently lies (excluding all the shit she did to get me to be loyal back).
As for dealing with Wendy, the dark angel gave the changeling some tips on how to blend in more and Wendy is too caught up in getting power and payback to notice. Her mental condition isn't exactly the best right now as she seems to be going batshit insane with power like Butters did so I should probably deal with that when I get back.
(("You think? She's basically become Tomura Shigaraki in the early seasons of MHA with her psychoticness and gaming lingo.")) No, I don't think; I should and I will.
That's the other reason why I'm not just immediately giving Karen and Tricia immense amounts of power. With what happened to Wendy when she merged with P.T.K and the Butters back in my timeline, I now know better than to just turn people into gods with their potential depending on how much more they murder.
This wasn't really my fault though as T.K. was the one doing the planning that time for the former and I didn't have a clue about the latter until it was too late.
(("To get you out of prison. Desperate times call for desperate measures.")) ...Fair enough.
Anyway, I don't want the girls who are basically my little sisters in everything but blood to become mad with power so I'll be taking it slow, but not too slow as threats far worse than Butters *cough* retarded taco store owner *cough* could come after me at any moment and the girls need to be ready to defend themselves if they want to stick with me.
And that's before they rise up into the heroes they wish to become.
This isn't like their impromptu mission during the Nahkriin war in our timeline; we have to deal with far worse opponents now.
P.I.T: December 21, 1998 (Start of South Park 64 Video Game)
We arrive at this unique anomaly of a timeline the day the game it's centered around is supposed to start which just so happens to be the day the game was released in North America in my old world.
"So what do we do now?" Tricia inquires.
"Well step one is replacing the game's main characters." I may have had no problems with Team Stan helping during Tenorman's Revenge, but I have different goals this time around.
One dose of Zarganor hypnosis coming right up. Thanks again for the powers, you nipple-headed prick.
After locating the four boys and 'convining' them to head home and fuck off for the entire game, I have T.K. scan the town for any sign of in-game enemies. Sure enough, the first few waves or 'levels' of enemies are already in position, ready to be murdered.
"Okay, the first type of enemy this game has should be taking up half the town by now; you two will clear them out while we head over to Chef's house for some obligatory exposition.
Be careful, you two. They may not be very threatening to you themselves, but I'll be giving them some extra help to make this fight a bit more fair. Remember what you've learned so far and use all your skills together." I instruct them.
That's one of the main reasons I'm tagging along with them. Most of the enemies here are absolute jokes compared to my sisters as they are now so I'm gonna be buffing them up a little (a lot) and adding in a few more enemies of my own. This trip is mainly meant to serve as training for the girls (I do plan on absorbing a few things here and there too), so I can't have this game be on easy mode for them.
We begin to make our way towards Chef's house and come across the first few groups of mutant turkeys. Game: Start.
[Grim Fate, Satanic Seal, Baleful Blessing, Dire Shroud (defense option), Dark Blessing, Claw Regeneration, multiple other healing abilities gathered from various absorptions, Mint and Berry Shield, Flavor Burst, Dragon Swagger, etc]
Divine Blessing.
I use various parts of that combo ability on various enemies to power them up. Increased attack, increased defense, increased speed, immunity to a couple attacks from the girls, tons of regeneration, and many other boosts are granted to the turkeys my sisters have to face.
(("Rule 75, host.")) I know. I also make sure that the turkeys attack the girls all at once instead of going one or two at a time like mooks so often do.
I also use Zarganor's milk powers to create milk spawn of the turkeys to make things even more difficult for them. Finally, I have the girls fight without taking on any transformations like Grim Fate since they will gain the most benefits from training when in their base forms.
As I said before, training in base is the way to go since the stronger you are in base, the stronger you are once transformed.
I no longer have any Danger Deck to rely on (T.K. will build an upgraded version of it in P.T.K. when the war is over) so I'm forced to get creative when it comes to training. Luckily for me, that's not much of an issue when I can time travel whenever I want and I know plenty of major events throughout history here for the girls to gain some experience from.
The two are much more in sync then when I left as even with all the restrictions, they are making quick work of their enemies. The milk spawn does give them some trouble considering how much power I'm giving them and all the buffs they have on top of that. I even use my magic to disguise them to look like normal turkeys and hide their energy to keep the girls constantly on guard.
"Keep track of which are weak and which are strong; make note of every action you and your enemies take. You can't always rely on sensing energy as your opponents could potentially hide it. Always be on guard when facing an opponent as you never know what tricks they may have up their sleeves; you have to be ready to adapt on the fly.
Shit always goes wrong in South Park. The trick is to know how to think on your feet when it does."
I decide to crank up the heat about halfway through and summon some buffed vultures (Satanic power from Woodland Critters) to assist the turkeys. They dive in with some having timed lifesteal spells equipped to quickly drain the girl's HP and stamina as they swoop on by before diving back in to attack.
The girls were pretty caught off guard throughout due to the sheer unexpectedness and craziness of the 'level' I altered, but they adapted pretty well to each and every new surprise I had in store.
Expect the unexpected, that's what I'm trying to hammer into them. This lesson is especially important in South Park as this town is the epicenter for all the crazy bullshit that happens in this reality.
We eventually arrive at Chef's place, and just like in the game when Team Stan arrives, he has a few other guests over. Said guests are women he just made sweet love to. Good for you, Chef.
I introduce myself (without giving away that I'm from an entirely different timeline) and ask him if he knows anything about the turkeys like the boys do in the game.
Thanks to T.K, I already know everything that happens as I saw a walkthrough of it once or twice back in my old world, something T.K. can bring up for reference just like what he did when I played through Tenorman's Revenge, but I want to try and keep what happens at least somewhat close to the game's canon and Chef's just a nice guy to be around.
He tells us that we need to get rid of the big turkeys that are making eggs that spawn in little turkeys and to go to the source of the turkeys that are spawning in the big turkeys that spawn in the little turkeys in order to stop the never-ending turkey waves for good; it sounds more complicated than it is.
The three of us then head off to do just that and we start to encounter the aforementioned big turkeys that rapidly spawn in the normal pissed off turkeys. Yes, I buff those animals as well.
Now a quick crash course on how most enemies of this game work. South Park 64 has two basic tiers of enemies. There are the regular enemies (the normal-sized turkeys in this case) which are nothing special and the tank enemies that have way more health and constantly spawn in regular enemies.
Those two characteristics (along with them having similar speed to the regular enemies) make the tanks a real pain in the ass to deal with and you could just skip them, but unfortunately, the game developers thought of that possibility too.
Their solution to that problem was adding in an extra stage after every level where you have to take down any tank enemies you skipped over before they destroy the town (so basically, you have a timer to take them all out).
Fail to destroy the remaining tank enemies in time and you lose which means restarting the entire level. So yeah, you want to explore every level and take down those tanks or at least the majority of them before completing that section.
Now back to my own playthrough of this game, I absorb several turkey tanks myself, adding another ability to Divine Summon and gaining a surprising amount of energy from them. It must be the evil comet supercharging these guys; good to know.
[Demon Summoning (various ranks), Milk Spawn, Dimensional Summoning (various ranks), Crab People (various ranks), Mutant Turkey Summon]
The girls bust out some of their "Dragon Maneuvers" in response, combo attacks that seem to be a reference towards me and my creative attacking style. I'm really proud to see how far they've come all by themselves, but I wish I could've come back and stopped Butters right after I originally left like I planned to.
I don't know how he managed to get a chronoton blocker that was powerful enough to stop T.K. in its tracks as even with alien tech and Imaginationland at his disposal, he shouldn't have been able to get technology that powerful and advanced.
He's dead now though and what's done is done, so I need to stop focusing on the past and start looking towards the future.
Karen's POV:
"You think Dovah will give us extra credit if we take down the local government when we're done?"
"...Maybe? I doubt it would be very challenging without the member berries interfering. There's also the lack of technological advancements to consider since we're currently in the year 1998.
Why are you so interested in that all of a sudden? I know what Dovah's views are now, but last I checked, you still wanted to create a multidimensional empire at the very least once Butters was dealt with." Tricia asks me, reminding me of my goals after Nahkriin (thanks, Memberboss, for getting me so obsessed with that idea in the first place).
"I did, but Butters kinda ruined that for me and Dovah convinced me that anarchy is more fun. There's way less boring politics involved with it." I answer while blasting at some mutant turkeys.
"That there is. So are we Mad Maxing this shit or what? Dovah will probably deal with both the Dark Angel and the Time Patrol himself which leaves us to do our own thing afterwards." Tricia clarifies while swatting away vultures. One got in a lifesteal though and I beat it to a pulp right after to get that anger out.
"Well... for starters, I want to help our big brother take them down. It should be fun and give us plenty of experience dismantling massive organizations while we do that. Once that's done, we'll see what else is out there."
"Whatever you sa- VULTURES INCOMING!"
"NOT AGAIN!"
Random Time Patroller's POV:
"I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS SHIT!!!"
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
Despite my head spinning, I've never thought more clearly since I joined this stupid patrol; a decision I now regret immensely.
Explosions detonate all around me, shadowized monstrosities are turning my coworkers into chunks of meat, and now fucking drones are zipping around, collecting said chunks of meat while I'm forced to step over literal piles of corpses and debris.
Apparently there's no goddamn respect for the dead anymore. Figures.
I get that we're in 'Total War' mode right now, but this is just fucked up beyond belief, and is... is that a camera?!
WHAT KIND OF SADISTIC RETARD WATCHES THIS CRAP?!?
Dovah's POV:
"Hey, T.K? Do you know if I can use my Eldritch creation powers to make some extra salty popcorn now? Asking for a friend here."
Time Patrol CEO's POV:
"Love this show."
Morgan Freeman's POV:
...You have five seconds to switch POVs before Morgan Freeman goes Mel Gibson on your ass.
Random Time Patroller's POV:
Is it too late to hand in a resignation?
*ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRR*
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
Thought so.