Elder God Dovah's POV:
"So... did you know that Stan is Scottish?"
(("Really, Dovah?"))
"Yup; it's confirmed in a quote from the early South Park game, 'Chef's Love Shack'. Stan has descended from the Marsh clan who ruled the Scottish Highlands with an iron fist, brutalizing all who dare challenge their bloodthirsty reign of terror. That's the exact quote from the game by the way.
I mean, you could argue that the game technically isn't canon in the main series so that family backstory isn't canon either, but that fun fact is said by the announcer when Stan is introduced; it isn't a part of the Family Feud knockoff game Chef is hosting in that game so I consider it to be canon."
(("Not that. What I meant was are you really asking me that question? I'm literally in your head and know everything that you know, Dovah."))
"Oh, right... Jesus fuck, how big is this thing? We devoured Cthulhu's entire castle in a minute yet it feels like it's been days since I came here. I'm so fucking bored!"
(("Correction: It has been 16 minutes and 42 seconds.")) Thank you T.K.
(("Godly Tr-")) Yeah, no. I'm not calling you that. Ugh, this reminds me of being locked up in that fucking cell again. I may have been unconscious for a good chunk of it thanks to those sedatives being pumped into me, but it was still driving me insane before I met up with New Kid in my subconscious.
(("It did more than you realize."))
"...Okay, you know I'm going to ask for some context there."
(("Besides the decline in sanity starting at the middle of month 2 and you constantly checking if I was still here and real at the start of month 3, there were several occurrences of nightmares and hallucinations which you requested I completely delete from your memory."))
"Shit, seriously? How bad were they?"
(("Smiling Cherub levels of bad."))
Kcabhsalf - S'havod :VOP
"Day one hundred and something of this hellhole with my co-star who takes intimate to a whole new level, T.K! How you doing, bro?... Awesome! I can feel my inhibitions loweriiiinnnggggg..."
(("Alert: those idiots decided to slip some LSD into the sedatives again and I can't cancel them without these guys catching on. You'll be fine; you're just tripping like a bitch bitch biiittccchhhhh..."))
"Oh... woah wohohooo wooo! SO MANY BEAUTIFUL COLORS!!! AND GLITCHES!!! THIS SHIT IS BUGGED! WHO THE FUCK MODDED THIS MAP?!?"
(("This is the fourth time this week. Officer Barbrady is more responsible than these idiots."))
"T.K! I NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT I CAN LEAVE THIS BETA-ASS JAIL CELL WHENEVER I WANT!"
(("Can't do kkksssssshhhhhh. I can, however, kkkssshhh you that the contraband checks here are shi-kkkkssssshhhhhhh."))
"Yiiiiiiiiip."
"What was that?"
"YIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPP YIP YIP Y̴̻̝̍͐̊Î̵͉͈͙̂̄͘Ṕ̷̡̋͝Y̴͖̍̎̽̃İ̵̢̹͈̼́Ṗ̵̣͎͔̤̾Y̸̨̨͍͐I̴̝̩̳̎̍͑̔P̸̞̟̈́̚͘!̵̢̳̰͘!̴̳̤̂̍!̴̦̭̉͆̊͋ͅ"̴̧̣͛̇̑
"Ohhhh, no! HOW THE HELL ARE YOU HERE?!?!?!?!"
Present:
"Oh. Oh, shit."
Smiling Cherub is a South Park Creepypasta where 'supposedly' (total made up bullshit), there was a South Park fan who bought a pirated DVD of an alternative version of the second part of the season 15 two parter, "You're Getting Old" and "Ass Burgers" where Stan becomes depressed as hell, sees everything as shit, and drinks to solve the problem.
In this 'alternative episode', Kenny, Kyle, and Cartman are all killed in an accident leaving Stan as the only one of the four boys still alive. He becomes severely depressed after that with nightmares and hallucinations sticking to him like glue.
Stan eventually snapped and killed himself after a few weeks. The typical fucked up Creepypasta shit like static screens, loud ringing, and horrific hallucinations are there and the video is pretty fucked up from start to finish.
I must have really been losing it if I was seeing creepypasta-esc shit like that. If it wasn't for T.K, I probably would have gone fucking insane from all the guilt. Seeing Zenon literally blow up in my face didn't really help either. It's surprising that I'm still fucking sane even now!
(("Who says you are?")) Good point. While I doubt that becoming a god will solve the problem... I know I had something for this, but I forgot it.
(("Sure. You 'forgot' it.")) I did!
(("I'm literally in your head. No, you didn't forget it. You never had a rebuttal in the first place."))
"Shouldn't you be busy absorbing an Outer God right now?"
(("It's called multitasking."))
"̴̩͎̿D̶͉̤͍͐͐ö̶̧̹́̽͛ṋ̶̺̆͜'̸͖͓͂̊̇t̶̖̃͘ͅ ̴͚͒g̷͓͚̓ẽ̷̺̳̆͜ṭ̵̣̆͜ ̸͙̾s̶̤̈́n̷̠̣̲̽́̈́ï̵̹̲̋͠p̸̨̛̠̈́̈́p̵̯̱̅y̵̩͛̀̂ ̶͇̈́̐̒w̴̼͎̩̓̀i̷̧͎͎͐̃̕t̴̤͇̥͝h̸̡̫͐̾ͅ ̸͙̋͠͝m̸̰͂͂̓ē̸͖,̶̱͠ ̷̦͔͌̔b̸̡̹́̒͜i̶̹͕͝n̷͖̯͒d̵̥̹͘͜e̵̮͋͐͑r̸̪͓̃̕!̴͙͇̲͊́̋"̵̛͎͖̈́̅
(("If your life was a written story, your dialogue would be in Zalgo text right now.")) Oh, shut up. We still have an Outer God to devour.
(("Find better hobbies!"))
"Alright, fine! God!... I mean Freeman! Me? Uhhh..."
(("Your 'God' form honestly looks more like a Dark Super form. Or maybe a Dark Hyper form, what with the white hair and all.")) Oh, I love Sonic's Hyper Form! Several other white-haired forms like Ultra Instinct too.
(("You are such a fanboy, Dovah."))
"Well, the intel acquired from being one got me this far, didn't it? Speaking of intel, any chance can you hack on to the Time Patrol's database again? I'd say fucking with those guys is within our best interest right now."
(("I suppose so."))
?????'s POV:
I got to get to that Dovahkiin before the angelic bitch catches on. Frankly, I'm surprised she went after Clyde first.
I mean, she helped me make a tracking spell that works even if the target is in a different timeline to help me find and rescue him alongside her during the planned prison break. Does she think I'm clueless about her sweeping everything under the rug right now?
I first try to alert the other terrors in the group chat, but of course she fucking planned for that. The thing was somehow taken down and I can't contact any of the other terrors. It must have been whoever took over Leslie and her forces.
Today just keeps getting worse and worse. Fucking fine, Red. Plan B then.
I arrive in the timeline and point of time her Dovahkiin is in and see South Park while feeling a crazy surge of energy under the town's police station.
'Is that really him? I've never felt anything close to this level of power in my entire life! Not even the Exalted Agents I've seen have anywhere close to that much power! I can't let Red get that under her control!'
"Hello, Heidi. Fancy running into you here." She's behind me. Dark Angel Red is right fucking behind me with an innocent smile on her face, but her eyes show the truth; she wants me fucking dead. I didn't even notice her arrival... or was she waiting here to begin with?
"You really thought you could-" I start talking to distract her before instantly firing a Power Bind spell to keep her in place. The witch book that Chip guy used on Halloween has all sorts of cool magic spells in it, so why shouldn't I take advantage after finally freeing myself from a relationship with that fat butthole?
(A/N: Season 21 Episode 6 "Sons a Witches" is when this particular deviation from baseline or 'canon' happened.)
I fly towards the police station as fast as possible, but my view on the station is instantly replaced by a blue portal that Red kicks me into when I stop right in front of it.
I then land on a plane of grass and Red lands right behind me. Fuck.
"Did you seriously think that would work, Heidi? You're little magic tricks are nothing! Why do you think you're the weakest of the terrors?"
She's one to fucking talk. Her only good magic spell involves getting others to do shit for her!
"That's according to the Time Patrol and we both know how shitty they are at info gathering. But you don't need to worry about them; the other terrors will dogpile you and tear you apart before the patrol can even start planning their own revenge!"
"Woah, Heidi, look at that!" The bitch makes a show of looking shocked and pointing over my shoulder. A quick glance reveals nothing of particular interest, and when I turned back to her in confusion, I was met with a vicious grin. "It's all the fucks I don't give!"
"I don't care what you think about us and I never did. It doesn't matter if you see me as your greatest threat or just another pawn, I'm not letting you get away with this!"
"Are you seriously going to do some stupid heroic speech right now? You're a Time Terror! The bad guy! I've seen you torture and kill hundreds for your little magic experiments!"
"Better than billions."
The bitch begins to laugh as she spreads her arms out.
"Why are we even bothering with this dick measuring contest?"
"We're chicks for starters and-"
"My point is that They. Don't. Matter. We've long stopped caring about the countless peons throughout the multiverse! Hell, the few that do catch even the tiniest bit of our attention should consider themselves grateful for it! Just look at my shadows!"
"No, I'd rather not..."
"Huh?"
Spell Cancellation. A little trick I learned from a Youth Pastor Craig and my trump card to use if I were ever cornered by an Exalted or a Terror who wields magic.
It prevents the person affected from using any and all spells for the next 30 seconds. Such a trick is useless for someone like the terror Leslie or the Exalted Toolshed who don't use spells at all, but for someone like the Dark Angel who only uses spells, it's a 30 second long nightmare.
And that's only if they live that long.
Transmogrify! Cock Magic!
"Tch!" The dark angel sends about half of her feathers to block the onslaught of spells I launch at her during the next second and every defending feather turns into either a rat or a rooster. I then chug a mana potion while she cuts the rats and roosters to pieces with some of the feathers she has left.
She seems to realize at that moment that the spells were never meant to hit her, only deplete her of her feathers, her last method of offense, which she can't regrow without any healing or dark magic. The volley of spells I just launched took a ton of my mana, but that doesn't matter when I made plenty of mana potions for a rainy day.
Even one of those takes a while and tons of resources to make, but that doesn't matter. This is my one chance to stop her and I'm holding nothing back!
Mind Control! Freeze Ray!
The former won't stop her for long. Even without magic, she's had plenty of experience dealing with telepaths and other forms of brainwashing.
All the current terrors (before the dark angel started backstabbing us) have at least a decade of experience under our belts, if not much more. None of us would have lasted this long if we didn't have a few tricks under our sleeves.
Even the Clyde among us relied on more than just his power and army to get by. He could be pretty clever when he wanted to be.
Back to the task at hand, the Freeze Ray spell (who's function should be pretty self explanatory), is meant to ensure she stays stuck for at least a bit longer.
The spells from that witch book were far from the only ones I learned. Like all the others, I've had plenty of time to explore various timelines and learn plenty about what they had to offer.
I built up my arsenal and unintentionally made a name for myself out there as the Time Patrol doesn't like it when people time travel without ass-kissing them in the process.
At this point, I've mastered every spell card in the game Phone Destroyer that South Parkers in various timelines have played. I needed to carry around cards with them imprinted on at first, but now I only need enough mana to fire them off.
Fireball! Lightning Bolt! Poison! Unholy Combustion! And just to save time, Hyperdrive to boost my casting speed!
"Urgh, you really thought a basic mind-control could hol- What the... nononoNONONONONO!"
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
Step 1: cut off her magic to prevent her from summoning/using her shadows
Step 2: deplete her of her feathers, the only remaining weapon she has
Step 3: keep her in place long enough for step 4
Step 4: hit her with everything I fucking have
I have a contingency plan ready for most of the other terrors in case they backstabbed me, as I'm sure they did as well. Luckily for me, this was a very bad matchup for her. I would be completely screwed against someone like Leslie, or god forbid C.C. I could only pray on the slight chance I would have at escaping them.
A massive explosion follows my final combination of spells which I barely shield myself from and when the dust clears, a heavily injured dark angel is standing there, seething with unyielding rage.
*pant*
Her black dress is nearly in tatters which means most of her currently unusable shadows are dead for good.
*pant*
One of her wings is completely destroyed while the other one only had a few singed feathers barely clinging on to her body.
"You... *pant* ... little..." She seethes in rage.
Only a few seconds left. Now get your shadowy ass over here, Rebecca.
"The moment right before victory is when one should be the most wary, Rebecca. Looks like the cost of forgetting this ironclad rule came back to bite you in the end.
You and the other two Reds were always the most cocky of the bunch. You would always surround yourself with slaves that could never even begin to rebel to boost your fucking egos!
Well guess what? Not all of us are you fucking playthings, Rebecca! You're not the strongest, you're not the smartest, you're not the best at ANYTHING! Look at the other terrors! Look at the Exalted Agents! Look at the Dovahkiin you created! Look at ME! In the end, you never attacked the light; you only hid in the darkness."
"Die." I then instantly get impaled by a giant black thorny vine that shot up from the ground.
"What was that about being the most wary right before victory?" The dark angel sneers as she limps over to me, too enraged to even heal herself despite the anti-spell restriction being lifted. She stops a few feet away from me as I'm dying and prepares an all too familiar spell.
"This rose is for you. I hope you choke on it, Heidi!"
Step 5. I don't even need a spell for this last part.
Just a few well-placed time portals.
Most people don't know this, but the majority of spells that seem to pretty much teleport from the caster to the target aren't like that at all. They simply move much faster than a basic ranged attack spell like a Pentakill or Power Bind.
It's fast and invisible to the naked eye, but a person who is as well-attuned with magic as I am can sense it happening. Even so, it's still a bitch to dodge.
But I don't need to dodge an attack if I already have a shield up. Or better yet, a portal that can reposition the attack.
One right in front of me. One right underneath the unsuspecting dark angel. Both set to go off on a timer which I lined up perfectly.
Her injuries from the previous blast fulfilled the spell's only requirement and she became the very thing she was known for creating in the end. How ironic.
I was never planning to just kill her. I wouldn't have done that speech at the end if I was. No, I have a much better idea when it comes to her fate.
The dark angel, now much more blue in color, retracts the vine immediately and kneels.
"Permission to heal you, mistress?"
"Permission granted." She does so and I smile. Among the terrors, the dark angel is definitely one of the biggest schemers with only Leslie and the redhead's counterparts being at a similar level. However, her ego and superiority complex tend to fuck her over every once in a while, especially at the end when she thinks that she won.
It's what led to her losing to Nagitana several times over the years, her fucking cockiness, but those things won't be an issue anymore.
Eric wormed his way into my head when I let my guard down before I became... this, and I vowed to never let that happen to me again when that was over.
Even now, I refuse to let my guard down and cast several mind control spells to firmly grasp my control over her. I don't know exactly how her augmented spell works and I don't want to risk a backfire.
"Now tell me, what is your new goal?" I ask the kneeling dark angel.
"To serve you, mistress." She answers almost robotically.
"Not that; I meant what were you planning to do after breaking out of the Time Patrol prison."
"To summarize, Dovah, Wendy, and I were planning to unite the other Time Terrors under us through my shadowization ability and destroy the Time Patrol once and for all before building a new multiversal empire."
Okay, I can work with this. I can use her as a puppet ruler to keep control of that monster of a Dragonborn she created and get rid of the patrollers through her attack dog in the meantime.
"May I ask you something, mistress?" My new servant then politely inquires.
"Huh? Yeah, sure. What is it?" I ask and...
And my spells all break in that instant. And an arm suddenly goes through my chest.
"Did you really think that I'm stupid enough to not have any way of defending against my OWN? FUCKING? TRADEMARK? SPELL?!?" Is the last thing I hear before everything goes black.
Dark Angel Red's POV:
Well whaddya fucking know, she does have a spine! Either that or she has one hell of a bone dislocation and the thing my hand is currently grabbing inside of her is a rib or something.
I use my shadowization spell on the shell-shocked witch bitch and turn myself back to normal as Heidi is reborn as my shadow.
Oh man, was that satisfying! I obviously made sure that I was immune to my own modified spell when I made it! I'd be a total retard if I didn't! That wasn't even the first time I had my spell reflected back on me via time portal, you bootleg magical girl!
Nagitana even tried that shit on me during one of our battles in the past, but unlike Heidi, she didn't even bother risking it and went straight for the kill despite me claiming to be under her control. It's a shame that plan didn't work out, but no use crying over spilled milk.
All I had to do was copy a few aspects of the original spell dark angels have into my modified version to make sure it wouldn't backfire on the caster. As for her other spells, I actually did get caught off guard there, but I had a feeling she would try and control me after seeing Dovah.
She wouldn't want to risk angering him now as having the Time Patrol after her is annoying enough for her already without an absolutely livid Dovah hunting her down too. It was only natural that the coward would go the extra mile and attempt to control me, especially with that anti-spell trump card of hers.
In case you're curious, no, I didn't let her sense Dovah on purpose; the fact that she did before I caught on to what she was trying to pull was merely a coincidence. I'm an evil mastermind and a damn good one at that, but I can't plan that far ahead.
Even if I could, I wouldn't risk her getting so close to Dovah to begin with. I can't have her placing any doubts in his mind. Even if he doesn't believe her, the idea would still be left to fester in his head.
Heidi was always the most cautious (cowardly) of the terrors, acting far more like a rat instead of a wolf. It took much longer to convince her to go along with this plan then it took for Clyde, but I knew her advantage against magic would be extremely helpful against the majority of the patrollers.
Heidi is the one kneeling this time and I breathe a sigh of relief. Dark Lord Clyde, Witch Bitch Heidi, and the few lesser time criminals I've employed for the original breakout are my loyal shadows now.
Finally, all the loose ends have been tied and Dovah is exactly as I want him to be. Mission complete. Who says the bad guys always have to lose in the end?
"The monster you agreed to help me create is now more powerful than the gods themselves, and I got some of that power for myself after I broke out with him! There's no need for time patrollers or time terrors anymore, only me and my king! I've won, Heidi!" I cry out with unhinged laughter following my little monologue.
I use my phone to put on the Disney Song, "I'm The Bad Guy", and start to sing and dance along to the tune. Don't judge me, it's catchy.
I then summon most of my remaining shadows (leaving enough to act as my outfit) as the song begins and bless them with my enchanted voice once again after I'm fully healed and my lovely black wings are back on full display.
"I'm not the damsel in distress. I'm not your girlfriend or the frightened princess. I'm not a little bird who needs your help to flyyyyyy. Nope... I'm the bad guy."
Did the little side character who's a humanized Clifford the cowardly dog seriously think she was going to stop me? I may be a bit cocky now and then, but I'm not an idiot. How else would I have gotten this far?
And yeah, I lost a good chunk of the shadowized peons to the witch bitch, but the new ones I'll be getting soon will be far superior to them.
"All these former villains that you seeeee, Each of them, with shaking knees, has knelt be-fore me. So I'm not your teammate or your partner in criiiime. What am I, boys?"
"She's the bad guy." Several dozen human voices and one dopey dragon voice respond.
Dovah and I guess Wendy are the only exceptions I'm willing to make, and even the latter will be nothing more than an attack mutt for Dovah and I in the end. Everyone else is literally going under my foot; sinking into my pit of shadows on the ground if they aren't a part of my dress or accessories.
"Oh, it's magic... to watch a planet... shrivel up and die. *bum* *bum* *bum* Oh, it's thrillin'... to be a villain. I destroy their homes and I watch them cry." I laugh maniacally as my eyes glow purple.
"'Cause I'm the bad guy!"