TRIGGER WARINING FOR THIS CHAPTER!!!
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On the way home I stroll a bit. I think of Jisung and his two friends, Seungmin and Hyunjin. They were really nice and it would definitely be great to make new friends again, but I can't let anyone get close to me anymore. It hurts too much to lose someone and I have lost too many in my life. The first person to leave me was my grandmother. I was only four, but she was still very important to me. My grandfather died shortly afterwards. He probably missed Granny too much and couldn't live without her.
Then I lost mom. That was by far the most terrible day of my life, which had to fall on my birthday.
I still remember picking up my birthday cake with Dad. We were all happy that day. I turned seven... seven years old and the first thing I saw when I walked through the front door was the blood on the floor. It was everywhere... My dad wasn't in the house yet because he had to get the cake from the car, but I was already running around the house, looking for my mother, scared and worried. There was this blood everywhere and when I ran into the kitchen everything was a mess. The pots and knives were everywhere. At first I thought someone had broken in, but then when I ran up the stairs with tears on my face and screaming for my mother, while my father ran into the house and immediately called the police when he saw the chaos, I saw my mother in the tub full of red colored water.
It was a terrible picture before my eyes. On the floor at my feet was a kitchen knife that must have fallen out of her hand as she died in the tub. Her arm was still hanging over the edge and you could see the cuts. They were deep and bloody. Her hair was wet and her eyes were closed. If it wasn't for all the blood, she would have looked peaceful. I was too young to immediately understand that my mother had lost too much blood to be alive. I ran to her and grabbed her shoulder. She was wearing her favorite dress... A yellow summer dress with a bow on her hip. She loved this dress because yellow was my favorite color. I loved that dress on her because she looked like a princess.
I shook her shoulder and screamed for her, but she didn't move.
My father rushed in and at first he couldn't believe what he saw. But when he pulled himself together again, he pulled me out of the bathroom and locked me in my room. I screamed and banged on the door, begging my dad to let me out and save mom. I could hear the sirens of the police and paramedics, but no one took me out of my room. The cake long forgotten, I sat in my room and only had the picture of my dead mother in front of me. After that I was never the same again. Word of my mother's suicide spread quickly and everyone knew about it. They all looked at me with those pitying eyes, but no one spoke to me about it. A few expressed their condolences, but there were also those who blamed me or my father for the suicide. I tried to ignore these statements, but it wasn't very easy for me.
Any normal parent would have sent a child who saw something like this to therapy, but my father spiraled into alcoholism and took his anger out on me. It wasn't until years later that I found out that my father was to blame for my mother's death because she killed herself because of him. Dad had a few affairs alongside my mother. I found out about this because she hid a note in my things, which I didn't find until years later. However, the information was of no use to me because Olivia was already on the way and I couldn't risk putting him or her mother in danger. So I kept the information to myself and will tell him to his face what I think of him at the right moment.
After my mother's death came the death of my former best friend, who is still a mystery to me to this day. But it's precisely because of these painful memories that I can't stop letting new people into my life that I then start to love. I can't lose anyone I care about anymore. I only have Olivia and that's already one person too many. All I can worry about is her and that's why I'm very happy with being alone and don't plan on giving it up. I can manage being alone... I can do this... I'm fine.
When I finally get home, I notice that my father's car isn't there yet. I don't know if it's a good thing or not. Because on the one hand I'll get away unharmed, but when he comes home to Olivia being already home, she'll have to see what Dad does to me.
I breathe out deeply and calm myself. Having a panic attack isn't going to help me now. I put my things down and only take my cell phone and my keys with me and then make my way to Olivia. The walk is pleasant and quiet. He leads me through an alley with cherry trees and they are just starting to bloom again. That has always been my favorite time. When everything starts to bloom and looks fresh and young again.
The innocence of the season...
When I arrive at the kindergarten, I walk to Olivia's kindergarten teacher. "Oh Felix, what are you doing here?" she asks me confused, but I'm the one who's confused. I symbolize my little sister, but she seems confused. "Olivia? But your father was already here and picked her up. That was about an hour ago," she explains to me and when I hear those words fall from her mouth, my blood freezes.
I give her a mild smile through my mask and bow in thanks and then immediately run towards the exit. Why did my dad just pick her up? He doesn't care about Olivia otherwise. Is that why he's not home yet? But she said it was an hour ago. He should have been home long ago.
As I'm walking out the exit, I run into a wide person. “Oh sorry, that was my mistake,” the person says, lifting me by my shoulders. Of course, I immediately flinch at the physical contact and take a step back. I look at the person. He has blonde curls and dimples as he smiles at me. I just keep looking at him until suddenly I hear a loud person screaming behind him. "Hey Channie Hyung, where are you staying for so long. Get Lucas and then come on. We have to- Oh Felix, what are you doing here?" the person asks me, who turns out to be Seungmin. Of course I don't say anything and just look at them both.
"Oh, so you're Felix. Jisung has already told us a lot about you. He was also a little hurt when you rejected him like that," says this Channie Boy and to be honest, I'm now a little sorry for how I was with Jisung, but it was the best for both of us.
"Ah , that's right, you don't talk. I'm Chan or Christopher," he introduces himself. "Or old man. That's what we call him," Seungmin says with a smile and I can see the annoyed look on Chan's face, but he seems to understand that it's just a joke. "Do you have a sibling here too?" Chan asks and I'm honestly unsure whether I should answer him or not, since I barely know him and don't feel the need to get to know him, but I nod anyway. "And where is it?" Seungmin asks, but he quickly realizes that I can't answer him. "Ah, that's right... But it's none of my business. Come now hyung. The others are already waiting. Get Lucas and then we can go," says Seungmin annoyed and shoos the older man away. "Yeah, yeah, alright. It was nice to meet you Felix. I hope we see each other again soon," says Chan and then goes to kindergarten.
"You look like you have to go, so I don't want to keep you long. But I also want to tell you that Jisung was serious about his offer of friendship and if he's serious, unfortunately there's no turning back. It was for me like that too... Unfortunately, I ended up in the group... just kidding, I like them. They're all funny... in their own way. But they're cool and I know you'll like them too. So please think about it again," says Seungmin and then disappears into kindergarten too. I can only watch him. I don't know whether to take his statement as a threat or as a promise, but I don't like either. But right now I have other problems. I have to find my sister. So I run home as fast as I can and storm into the house.
But as I thought, no one is home. I run into my sister's room and see someone was rummaging through her closet. Oh no, one of her suitcases is missing. Then I run to Dad's room, which I was never allowed to enter again after Mum died, but he's not here right now and I don't care anymore. When I open the door, tears immediately come to my eyes. There are clothes and empty beer bottles everywhere. Broken pictures of Mum and her clothes are also on the floor. some of their clothes are torn and ripped into little pieces. It looks like a slaughterhouse, but as I suspected... Dad's clothes and a suitcase are also missing.
Just as I thought... he ran off with Olivia.
I fall to the floor with tears in my eyes. The only important person in my life has just been ripped out of my life and I can't even do anything about it. He just took her and left me here alone.
I'm looking all over the house for clues as to where he might have run off to. I'm looking in his room... nothing. In the office... nothing. In Olivia's room... nothing, even in the bathroom, but of course there's nothing there either. So all that's left is the kitchen. And I actually find a note stuck to the fridge when I enter the kitchen. With shaky but quick legs, I walk towards the piece of paper and tear it off the fridge. Then I take it in my equally shaky hands and try to read it through my tear-filled eyes.
Hey Felix,
I don't know how to start this note, but I think you've already noticed that me and Olivia are gone.
I just had too many problems at work and with some guys from town. Unfortunately, they knew where I was and I had no choice but to escape.
I took Olivia with me because I'm going back to her mom's.
I've talked to her and she's ready to raise Olivia, but she doesn't want you. I want to be a family with her and you're... well... not part of her family. Don't worry about Olivia, she's fine. She has me and her mum and her grandparents. She's still young and won't remember much about you when she gets older. You know I would never hurt her and it will stay that way. I just can't live in this house with you in it anymore. This all reminds me too much of Jessica.
I'm sorry Felix, really. But from here on everything will turn out well, I am convinced of that.
I leave the house and everything in it to you. I will always transfer enough money to your account so that you can survive.
Don't look for Olivia. She'll be fine.
your father
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Here you go the next chapter.
I swear I hate Felix' Dad...
I hope you liked it and will leave a nice comment and a vote.
See you on friday. Thank you.
~chichi