Ship: Hyunjin x Seungmin
Little: Hyunjin
Caregiver: Seungmin
Plot: Hyunjin is having bad thoughts again and Seungmin helps him to calm down.
TW: suicidal thoughts (not more)
One emoji from Hyunjin was enough for Seungmin to drop everything. When he saw that the olders sent him the emoji of a dove, he grabbed all of his belongings and excused himself from the vocal training.
Even if he just started his practice he ran out of the building.
If Hyunjin ever sent him this emoji he was asking Seungmin for help. They didn't have to talk and it was mostly there so Hyunjin couldn't harm himself like he did in the past.
When Seungmin had found out what was going on inside of Hyunjin's head a few months ago, he had calmly talked with the older and made sure that Hyunjin was okay with telling his deepest secrets to him.
Without any problems, Seungmin became Hyunjin's caregiver and they agreed on multiple words, gestures, or emojis that would help each other to communicate, even if Hyunjin felt completely drained.
But the emoji of the dove had a completely different meaning for Seungmin. This had happened only one time, when Seungmin didn't knew how much impact the thoughts and voices had on Hyunjin.
If he would've been there a few minutes to late Hyunjin would've taken the sleeping pills that were already laying on his hand.
This time, Seungmin wanted to be there as fast as possible. Luckily there wasn't too much traffic and Seungmin was at their dorms a few minutes later.
He hurried to open the door and ran through the entire dorm to find Hyunjin curled up into a ball on his bed.
His hands clasped around his body and his hair was falling into his face. The phone was laying next to him and it looked like he had tried to type another message but couldn't send it.
"Hyunjinnie, it's Minnie." Seungmin spoke loudly, making his presence clear to Hyunjin so he wouldn't make him panicked more.
Hyunjin shortly calmed down before another wave of bad thought floated trough his brain, making him cry even harder.
Seungmin came closer and kneeled on the bed.
"Hyunjin, can I touch you?" Hyunjin tried to nod, which he failed to, but Seungmin still understood. He gently took one of Hyunjin's hand in his and began to squeeze it.
After a short while he also took the other hand.
Seungmin always glance at Hyunjin's expression and could see that the older was getting distracted and calming down a bit but it still wasn't enough.
When he could see that Hyunjin was finding comfort in his touch, Seungmin scooted over and carefully placed Hyunjin's head on his chest and massaged his scalp.
"Can you hear me jinnie?" Seungmin whispered. Hyunjin gave a short nod as reply and held onto Seungmin's body.
"Can you talk?" Hyunjin shook his head and burried his head deeper in Seungiin's chest. Thoughts and voices, mean people had said to him, were running trough his head and he couldn't do anything but agree with him.
Who could even think that he was more than a visual? Absolutely no one!
Who would like him if he wasn't beautiful? He wouldn't have debuted with the other boys probably.
"Hyunjin? Can you please look at me?" Hyunjin slowly lifted his head and looked at Seungmin with teary eyes.
"Hi, can you try to talk?" Hyunjin blinked and tried to clear his throat but it hurt him. Tears whelped up in his eyes again.
The thoughts were running trough his head and he couldn't do anything against them. He knew that he was useless. To the group and Seungmin.
"Shhh, it's okay Hyunne. You don't have too. You can just listen to me." Seungmin said and continued to massage the olders scalp.
"Focus on my heartbeat and try to calm your breath." Hyunjin lowered his head on Seungmin's chest again and tried to focus on his heartbeat.
The bad thoughts were doing their best to distract him but Seungmin's gently touch on one of his hands and his head were grounding him and not letting him fall in the dark hole of bad thoughts.
After a long time Hyunjin could finally focus on Seungmin's heartbeat and had also calmed himself down.
The sweet words that Seungmin whispered into his ear were helping him to calm down and to blend out most of the thoughts.
Every few minutes a wave of thoughts and voices hit him again but Seungmin handled it well and gave Hyunjin all of the time he needed to calm down.
"Can you try to talk now?" A few hours had passed and Hyunjin was visibly more relaxed. Seungmin couldn't tell what was gain on in his mind, but he knew that the thoughts and voices were much less.
Hyunjin looked up and bit his lip.
"Minnie.." He tried. Even when his voice broke after the word Seungmin cheered for him and let Hyunjin's know that he was still proud of him.
"Jinnie slip?" Hyunjin asked and looked at Seungmin trough big eyes. Seungmin nodded. It was best for Hyunjin to slip but he didn't want to push him into little space without consent.
With a shy smile Hyunjin let his head rest on Seungmin's chest again and closed his eyes. The warm touch of his caregiver was helping him to slip into little space very quickly.
Seungmin smiled when Hyunjin lifted his head again. He could sense that Hyunjin had slipped.
"Minnie?" Hyunjin asked cutely and looked at Seungmin. The younger nodded and pushed the hair out of Hyunjin's face.
"Does jinnie want to do something?" Hyunjin shook his head and layed it down in Seungmin's chest again.
"Wanna nap, feel sleepy." Hyunjin repiled with a pout and closed his eyes again. With a sigh, Seungmin grabbed the blanket and placed it over their bodies.
Hyunjin happily snuggled closer to Seungmin, wanting to feel the comforting touch of his caregiver.
Two hours later Seungmin woke up. Hyunjin was still napping on him and didn't look like he would be awake anytime soon.
His energy was drained from before and he needed very much time to get his energy back.
Carefully, to not wake Hyunjin up, Seungmin rolled Hyunjin from himself and got up to make Hyunjin a little snack. Since he would still be in little space when he would wake up it would be good to have a snack.
"Seungmin? Since when are you here?" Chan was sitting in the living room and working on his laptop, 3rachas studio was probably occupied.
"I've been here for at least three hours. Hyunjin didn't feel well." Chan nodded. He knew that Hyunjin was suffering from different things since he sometimes heard him crying or screaming when he thought that he was alone.
But Chan didn't want to inference his privacy and Seungmin was already helping him.
"Seungmin, can you explain what's going on with him? I often heard him at night but he won't talk to me about it..." Seungmin sighed.
"I don't really know either. He isn't diagnosed and won't let himself get diagnosed since he thinks that he'll be send away.
I found out not too long ago, but he sometimes has a fit, where he hears voices in his head and has really bad thoughts. He didn't specified it, but I can tell that it's very negative and can quickly send him of the right path.
But he should tell you more if he wants. I won't and can't describe how he feels and he is the one who knows himself the best."
When Seungmin ended, he had prepared the snack and went back to Hyunjin's room, to find the little sitting on the bed and rubbing his eyes, looking a little bit lost.
"Hi, jinnie." Hyunjin looked at Seungmin and smiled before making grabby hands. And who was Seungmin to deny something?
He quickly put the plate with snacks away and lifted Hyunjin up.
"Minnie not leave Jinnie!" He pouted and hugged Seungmin, as if they hadn't seen each other for weeks.
"I'm sorry, but I prepared some snacks for my cutie." Seungmin said and showed the plate of snacks to Hyunjin. The littles face lit up and he made Seungmin let him down so he could eat a few snacks.
"Twanks!" Hyunjin said between a few bites and kissed Seungmin's cheek. Seungmin smiled at the older boy.
"How are you feeling?"
"Soooo gooood!" Hyunjin said and continued to eat the snacks.
"Minnie, do find Jinnie ugwie?" Seungmin's eyes widened and he shook his head rapidly.
"Never. You're so beautiful and no matter what big Jinnie thinks or what other people say don't listen to them. They are only jealous." The little nodded and crawled on Seungmin's lap.
"Love chu Minnie!" Hyunjin cutly giggled and played with Seungmin's hands.
"Love you too jinnie!'
Don't know what's up with me atm, but I can't write anything normal