After deactivating and reabsorbing the Time Bomb, I go back to finishing up my summoning montage and perfecting every spell I can. I also threw a few other Satanic books I found into my Satanic Bag of Holding to read later.
Having the informational advantage has been a near constant for me since I first arrived here and it's worked wonders for me since I began, so why should I pass up the chance to learn more?
It's as Sun Tzu once said, 'Know thy self, know thy enemy. A thousand battles, a thousand victories.'
Once I'm done with the demons, I make my way into a dark cathedral/morgue-looking thing where Vampir (aka Mike) is.
This is where the second part of this quest begins (after a quick boss fight with Mike). Basically, the vamp kids are trying to stop the 'Deep Ones' from coming out.
For those of you who don't know Lovecraft lore, the 'Deep Ones' are basically fucked-up looking sea creatures that worship Cthulhu. In the reality of South Park, they're the monsters shown in season 14's Superhero trilogy that come out of the portal to R'lyeh in the Gulf of Mexico.
The vamp kids are trying to summon H.P. Lovecraft to stop them and ask me to request a temporary alliance between the goths and vamp kids. I head back to the goths after that and they decide to summon Lovecraft themselves since they don't want him seeing "gay-ass little vamp kids" when he is summoned back to Earth.
Now according to Damien, stuff like this is a huge no-no 99% of the time, but I couldn't care less about Hell's rules at the moment so I carry on with the quest line.
We then head over to Henrietta's house and do the summoning ritual, but none other than Michael Jackson butts in again. That guy just refuses to fucking stay dead so matter what timeline it is.
Michael Jackson possesses Michael the goth and me along with the other goths have to beat the spirit out of him. The dead celebrity isn't as powerful as he is in the Casa Bonita DLC here, but he's still a pain to deal with.
Goth Michael is not happy when we free him and also had his arm and leg broken during the fight. A Baleful Blessing from Henrietta fixes him up though. Well, somewhat fixes him up. We all avoided the lifesteal part of that spell.
Turns out she had her Satanic arsenal featured in the Casa Bonita DLC during or even before Stick of Truth. The other goths also know those abilities at this point in time. The more you know.
H.P. Lovecraft is then summoned and tells us to go over to where the Deep Ones are and he'll help when he is needed. Lazy ass ghost.
We go over to Mike's house and fight "Psi Vampires" whatever the fuck those are before Mike gets them to agree to a temporary alliance. We all surround the hole in Mike's backyard which rumbles and out from it comes... crab people. Of course it's crab people.
"Crab people! Crab people! Taste like crab, talk like people."
...Not sure if I'm disappointed or not that another portal to R'lyeh wasn't in Mike's backyard. It's not like I could've used it for much, but fighting titan-sized interdimensional monsters would be way more epic then beating up a few crap people, am I right?
The vamp kids bail and Lovecraft is pissed as fuck at the goths for summoning him for that crap. He calls them poser wannabees and leaves with the goths feeling dejected and empty... which they are ironically fine with because that's what goths are supposed to feel like.
At least the goths are still willing to join the New- *BOOOOOOOOOM*
'Uhhh, were there supposed to be this many?'
(("The cut content scene you viewed on youtube displayed only two showing up.")) Well add a couple zeroes to that and you have my current situation.
Me and my big fucking mouth.
(("There were two major sections involving crab people in the cut content for SOT you have seen in your old reality. One was traversing the sewers to clear them all out and the other was the same thing but in the caves below the sewers instead."))
My rampage in the Hippie Cave yesterday must have flushed out a lot more of these guys than normal. I guess I'm doing those missions earlier than planned.
'Would you look at that, a perfect test for my new army.' I wasn't expecting an underground invasion of all things to happen now, but since it is, I might as well make use of this quick time event.
"SUMMONING!" I slam my hand down onto the ground and dozens of dark red pentagrams are formed with Demon Generals and a couple Demon Dragons rising up soon after. I then raise my hands up and blast Zarganor milk everywhere which forms into copies of ariel Phone Destroyer cards such as Bounty Hunter Kyle, Mosquito, and Mintberry Crunch (oh the irony) before ordering them all to attack.
The goths even support with their own Satanic spells while I survey the battlefield for anything interesting.
The regular crab people are divided into a few main categories in this game based on their weapons. There are the 'Crab Warriors' which are the most common of the bunch and use golden spears and scepters as weapons (unlike in TFBW) and 'Crab Guardians' who have a similar melee weapon as well as a shield in their arsenal.
Crab Guardians can also sometimes be green in color instead of the usual red. Same goes for the 'Crab Courtiers' and 'Crab Hermits' who can either be orange or red in color and usually wield golden tridents instead of spears or scepters.
None of these weapons have magical properties like the King Crab's scepter, but they are still weapons made out of solid gold. None of them have magical powers either, but that's to be expected from the regular foot soldiers.
There are also a bunch of homeless people and hippies dressed up as crab people emerging alongside the normal crab people. Looks like they're still doing that after season 7's "South Park is Gay!" when they made Kyle and Mr. Garrison 'become' crab people (aka: dress them up as crab people).
Most of the human crab people don't have any weapons, but they still have pincers that can cut off a few fingers or toes if you aren't careful.
Those cover the peons of the crab people army. After that come the actually useful ones.
'Come on, there has to be at least a couple... bingo!' I spot multiple golden crab people or 'Crab Medics' as they are called in TFBW emerge and quickly teleport down to them with T.K. absorbing them right after.
Golden crab people have an ability (Claw Regeneration) similar to the crab king's scepter where they heal and grant an attack boost to multiple targets. There are some differences though with the main one being it takes 2 turns instead of one which translates to a minute long wait for me to use it again instead of a 30 second wait like with the scepter for me.
Also, instead of targeting whoever you want in a large area, this ability can only grant healing and attack up in a smaller area around the user to whoever the user deems as an ally. It applies to the user too and the area is about 30 feet in diameter which isn't bad, but the scepter's range is much larger.
I can control who the ability affects too which is a plus and a quick test confirmed that I can stack both of these abilities on top of each other so I just got another overpowered heal/buff combo ability. Awesome!
(("Notice: Several 'Crab Shamans' detected emerging from the tunnel.")) Kickass!
'Crab Shamans' are the main bosses for the cut crab people sections in Stick of Truth and are even better than the Crab Medics ability-wise. Makes sense considering that they are the bosses in SOT while only the King Crab is a 'crab people boss' in TFBW.
This variation of crab people are mainly brown in color and usually wield a pink staff with a giant conch shell at the tip. This staff actually helps them channel their magic just like how my old weapon, Dragonsbane, helped me channel my own magic.
This should be helpful with creating the 2.0 version of my scepter. I can also absorb a few to help my body better channel magic itself while shoving the rest into my Satanic Bag of Holding for later experiments.
(("Notice: You still can't stack the effects of the same weapon. You can only get one version of its 'powers' for your body and then further implement them in the altered 'Dragonsbane 2.0' you will eventually wield for a maximum of 2 times.")) I figured that was still the case.
Having a weapon with modified versions of certain powers works as a bit of a loophole for not being able to use multiple versions of the same power yourself, but that's the only exception I've discovered so far to that rule. Also, using multiple weapons with modified powers doesn't work unless the powers in question are completely different, so no extra loophole there either.
Now besides the weapon they wield, there are the actual powers these shaman crabs have. They have hydrokinesis or water manipulation in the form of water bubbles (I can probably turn that power into complete water manipulation like I did with the fire and ice abilities in the Netherborn class) as well as another healing ability similar to that of the Crab King's scepter.
The user can choose to heal itself and any other targets in a certain area for a good amount of health, but unlike with the Crab King and Crab Medic healing abilities, this one doesn't include an attack buff, it's just healing.
Even so, it's still another healing ability to use with very little charge time and these Crab Shamans have other abilities as well which make them better in my eyes then the Crab Medics.
On top of a healing power and hydrokinesis, they also have the ability to summon multiple crab warriors to fight for them so that's another summoning ability to add into my arsenal.
'Come to think of it, none of the Crab Shaman's abilities have names, at least in the cut content I saw. Hydrokinesis and Crab Warrior Summon are pretty self explanatory, but what to name the healing ability...'
(("Suggestion: Shaman Healing")) Simple and to the point. Works for me.
I quickly absorbed three Crab Shamans that came onto the surface and T.K. confirms that I got all three of the abilities they have as well as the power of the scepter they use. He also confirms that their water bubble power is basically hydrokinesis so I can now control 4 elements: fire, water, ice, and lightning. Awesome!
My luck continues to increase as a Crab King soon comes out with the golden scepter I've come to know and love. Don't mind if I do.
New Kid was actually supposed to fight a Crab King during SOT and the guy even had his own Facebook icon, but that was all taken out of the final version of the game. Thank you, cut content, for all that you're providing me with.
If this keeps up, then I may get an even bigger harvest here than I did while playing through Tenorman's Revenge! I've already gotten so much and this is just day 2! Ending up here instead of a canon SOT timeline turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
(("Permission to absorb and continue to analyze?")) Didn't you analyze the scepter already when you remodeled it for me?
(("Only partially since you requested the scepter be remade as soon as possible. Complete analysis will allow for "Crab King's Scepter" to be recreated with the right materials and upgraded for "Dragonsbane 2.0" just like with the Crab Shaman's Scepter. Proceed with absorption? Yes/No")) Go for it.
I absorb the scepter and let T.K. do its thing while looking for more Crab Medics and Crab Shamans. Like I said before, I can't stack multiple of the same ability on myself if I absorb multiple of the golden and brown crabs, but maybe I could have the ability itself upgraded by absorbing a few and having T.K. analyze them?
I mean, the abilities these people and weapons have and the materials making them up are two completely different things, right? Besides using the latter to upgrade my body in general, maybe I could also upgrade the abilities these people and weapons have as well?
(("That idea is possible.")) Better than im possible.
The invasion of the crab people lasted around an hour with thousands of regular crab people (warriors, guardians, hermits, and courtiers), around 600 human crab people, a bit under two dozen Crab Medics, 11 Crab Shamans, and one Crab King killed and absorbed by me along with all the weapons they had.
That's waaaay more than what was shown in all the cut content for SOT (there were only a few Crab Shamans as bosses and there weren't any Crab Medics just to give a comparison), but then again, New Kid didn't really explore a whole lot of the underground sewers and caves in those sections. The kid could only explore what was accessible in the game.
Most crab people weapons (excluding the king and shaman's scepters) are pretty much useless power-wise and will either get thrown out (destroyed) by T.K. or shoved into my Satanic Bag of Holding if they can't be used to improve me, but you never know.
I mean, we are compressing shitloads of stuff in me to increase both power and durability, right?
(("Only so much can be compressed even with the abnormal strength the host possesses. It is best to have the highest quality materials and technology be a part of the host's body composition.")) Whatever you say, T.K. I'll leave that optimization up to you. I'll just sell the rest at a pawn shop or something if I need to make a quick buck down the line.
"What exactly are you, kid? Are you actually an Elder God or something?" Oh right, the goths are still here.
"Remember nothing." Thank you, Zarganor. Your powers are still some of the most useful ones I have at my disposal.
Back to the Elder God thing, what the goths asked may sort of be true now that I think about it. During the Nahkriin war, I became capable of using purple lightning as well as fire. In the show, Cthulhu was the only Netherborn capable of using lightning attacks and the lighting looked to be the regular color when he used it in the superhero trilogy during season 14.
I managed to get a better grip on my antichrist powers back then against ManBearPig, so maybe I did the Netherborn equivalent of that too during the war? Even without T.K and the Sea People in me, this body adapts terrifyingly fast to all these powers. I guess I have New Kid to thank for that.
(("Notice: There may be more crab people in the sewers and caves. Does the host want to investigate?")) Maybe later, I have an elven kingdom to crush.
I head back to Kupa Keep with the goths where the humans are continuing to prepare for the elven assault. I convince (mind control) Cartman into ranking me up to Commander and he has me investigate and destroy a secret elf camp as well as another hippie outpost that were both cut out from the final version of the game before we deal with the elven kingdom.
I'm going to be sticking with the humans this time as I can prevent Cartman from being an annoying piece of shit without completely changing the plot. Also, most of the cut content involves quests from the humans' side and with how successful the last one was, I want to do as many of the promising quests as I can.
By "promising quests", I mean quests that could actually help me improve or look like fun. Not ones like helping Sharon Marsh with getting random supplies or helping Gerald Brovloski with getting a picture of dolphins. Essentially, I'm skipping or ignoring most of the quests from adults because I don't give a shit about them.
This goes for the canon government quest too where New Kid sees Mr. EyePatch McBadGuy and learns about the guy's plot to destroy South Park and the Nazi Zombies now inhabiting it.
The goth's quest line never brought me there and I don't give a rats ass about them, so I skip it. That quest and subsequent meeting may not even happen here considering what I said about the goths' quest line earlier.
"But wait, Dovah!", you may be thinking. "What if the government's plan is different then it was in canon and South Park ends up getting nuked since you don't know how to stop it this time?"
Well, you don't have to worry about that. Their plan is different then the canon game's plan and a few cut cutscenes gave me more than enough intel on how to stop them before they can enact it. I'll be dealing with that on days 3 and 4 here, not day 2.
Back to the secret elven camp quest, it's exactly what it sounds like. You need to get in by disguising yourself as a drow elf and figuring out what the password to get in is by confronting some random kid who overheard it. Spoilers: the password is bacon.
A Netherborn clothes beam later and the password from the cut content youtube video I watched works like a charm. I get recognized as soon as I enter by another random drow elf, but I'm already in their base by then and fighting these guys is no issue.
"Ah, the New Kid. I heard of your deeds at the Battle of Cartman's Backyard. Too bad you're standing on sacred elf ground. You'll be no match for my druid powers!" Sorry kid, but I am more than a match for your fake sacred druid powers.
A background character won't be what ends me. I don't even know this guy's name! The text for his speaking parts in the cut content literally just says 'Boy' before his dialogue!
I beat up the druid and trash the elven camp before meeting up with Cartman to attack the hippies' camp. It's pretty deep into the forest next to South Park, but Cartman already knew the way so I just followed his lead.
You'd think that being stuck traveling with only Eric Cartman would be fucking unbearable after about 10 or so seconds, but it honestly wasn't that bad. I didn't even have to up the mind control I have on him to make the guy more tolerable.
Compared to the canon Eric Cartman, Cartmans like this one and the one from Tenorman's Revenge are pretty nice. Then again, the bar that canon Eric Cartman set is low. Low enough to be used as a limbo pole in Hell during Satan's Luau Sundays.
"How the fuck did you manage that?"
"You'd be surprised at what you can accomplish in an hour if you have lots of explosives, are fluent in Russian, and know how to make threats well enough that they sound more like promises. Timmy also came in clutch when it came to getting the extra manpower we needed for that operation.
I don't know how he managed to convince those fanatical british loyalists that he was actually Queen Elizabeth the Second who faked her death after the attempted re-invasion of the U.S. back in season 11- I mean 2007 without any form of mind control... oh, fuck it. I'm altering your memories once we arrive anyway and you don't even know what I mean by 'Seasons' to begin with!"
We spent the half-hour long walk just peer reviewing old plans of ours. Most of the ones Cartman mentioned were featured in canon episodes, so I had plenty to say about them thanks to my intel advantage.
It's almost a shame he won't remember any of this. He would've become a lot more insightful and dangerous if he did.
Oh telepathy powers, how did I ever live without you?
I also have Timmy to thank for my quick mastery of them. I spent so long not just learning how to fight against them, but also learning how they work from the best telepath on the planet, that figuring out how to use them myself barely took an hour.
Timmy really was a brilliant teacher.
His training instructions back then were clear and precise and there was never a waste of energy in unnecessary talk. We could speak through our minds after all.
With how intelligent he was, it didn't take long for him to come up with proper training and conditional plans for a literal magic-wielding, time-bending, transmigrator superhuman.
In the beginning, it was all about physical conditioning. I had to become strong enough to handle stacking powers somehow.
Even before we had DOTM Headquarters and the Danger Deck, even when he wasn't around as we still had our own lives to live, Kenny and I still had our hands full with the exercises Timmy had us do. He would give us handouts with the best ways to warm up, the type and intensity of exercises that needed to be done, what food to eat, when to rest, and so on.
Where and when he managed to acquire such knowledge, whether it was martial arts, nutrition, or a multitude of other strange and surprisingly useful info he had is beyond me, but it worked out for the best. Timmy knew what to do, how to do it, and why to do it.
He would also create shit like obstacle courses for us from the junk around Kenny's house to both train his own powers and give us more shit to do. The guy would even randomly ambush us at times whether we were at our houses, in school, or in the middle of another crazy adventure to ensure we always had our guards up.
Sometimes I felt like I was a soldier training for war. I guess that isn't technically untrue considering what happened with the Nahkriin war.
Oh, and Timmy was intensely training his own powers on top of all of that.
I swear that guy slept even less than I did back then.
And he had the fucking gall to call me a tryhard.
Anyway, Cartman and I eventually crossed a small stream and some lava lamps before arriving at the camp. It has a bunch of tents, some hangers with blankets thrown over them, and a hippie van in the middle of it all with a small bonfire right in front of it.
Cartman also found out that the fog we have been walking through for the last 5 minutes has been the residue of the hippies' latest smoke sesh, something the fatass was less than thrilled to discover.
"Oh fuck. RAINBOWS INCOMING!!!" A now high-as-a-kite Cartman screams before diving into the hippie's van. There were no rainbows, only some more hippies and a pissed off Towelie and Hippie Guru.
"Sticks and stones won't break my bones 'cause I don't got none."
"Shut up, Towelie."
The following fight was like watching a 3-D movie and everyone but you in the theater had 3-D glasses on. It's awkward as fuck and you really want to see what they're seeing because it sounds really fucking cool but you just can't.
"COME BACK AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN, YOU TOWEL!!!"
"I'M NOT A TOWEL, YOU FAT BITCH! YOU'RE A TOWEL!"
"I CAN'T BE BOTH A FAT BITCH AND A TOWEL! PICK ONE, DRUGGIE!"
"HEY, I'M A TOWEL, NOT A DRUGGIE! Wait... NO, I'M NOT A TOWEL! YOU'RE A TOWEL!"
Watching a drugged-up sentient towel getting chased by a fat, mass murdering 10 year old with superpowers parading around as a wizard. My second life in a nutshell, everybody.
"...WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR MUTE BUTTONS?!?"
A few fights and another Satanic Seal on Cartman later, we head back to Kupa Keep where the entire human army plus the goths are waiting. We make a quick pit stop at City Hall since Mayor McDaniels gives us some cash as a reward for defeating the Hippie Guru.
Cartman actually enacted that quest earlier to get more money for Kupa Keep which means more supplies for Kupa Keep.
"That hippie protester was causing trouble for small businesses all over town. I couldn't even have him arrested since it was "free speech". Here's a little cash for taking care of him, New Kid. And don't mention this to anyone, okay?"
"Got it." I respond and Cartman grumbles something about doing most of the work before we leave and use the money to get more supplies to bring back to the human kingdom.
Once we get back and hand out said supplies to the soldiers, we rally and march towards... Kyle's house. Yeah, the battle at the end of day 2 wasn't always supposed to be at South Park Elementary School.
The cut content I saw for this part only featured New Kid on the human's side which is another reason why I stayed with Cartman this time around. I don't expect to get anything from this cut content quest, I'm just looking to have some fun at this point.
Time to invade Kyle's backyard, and if all the cut content I've seen is anything to go by, then this battle should be much, much, more epic then the canon school invasion.