Kim was lounging in bed the following morning when she got the inevitable call from Kris.
"I know!" Kim said as she put the phone to her ear. "I'm on my way to the Hamptons!"
"Are you lying down? It sounds like you're still in bed," Kris said skeptically.
"I am literally dressed and walking out the door," Kim said. "I'll probably be there before you."
"OK good, see you there," Kris said, hanging up.
Kim dropped her phone and burrowed her face into Tiny Monkey, who'd been dozing next to her pillow. "Tiny Monkeyyyy can you kill a certain person for me please?"
Tiny Monkey lifted his head all alert and got a very serious look on his face like I'm ready are we doing this?
"No, no, I'm kidding. Kiiind of," Kim said, patting Tiny Monkey's head and settling him back down. "You go back to...whatever it is you do."
Tiny Monkey closed his eyes and pulled his tiny banana up close and snuggled back down, sighing under Kim's petting. Tiny Monkey wasn't always around every time she came home, but she generally found him sleeping in her bed when she woke up each morning. She wasn't totally sure what he did with the rest of his time. "You're the laziest ghost demon I ever met, I swear," Kim said, kissing him on the head.
"OK LET'S MOVE IT KEEKS!" Kim shouted to herself, clapping her hands and trying to psych herself up for the day.
A short while later she was dressed and riding the Metro to The Hamptons. She checked her social media, reviewing the memories and emotions from the casino opening at the Miraggio, both in her head and on her phone. Like what even had happened. She'd had this really intense connection with Willow in the hall. All this time Kim had been thinking Willow didn't remember her, or did but totally hated her, but it turned out Willow thought she was somehow protecting Kim? Or something? What was that about? All she could think about was the touch of Willow's fingers, caressing her hand, stroking her fingers. How Willow's dress had hugged her (OK, admittedly minimal) curves. How they'd been standing so close that a stray lock of Willow's blonde hair had delicately brushed against Kim's cheek, sending bursting heart emojis all through her body.
Willow had insisted that Kim stay away from her, but whatever. It was clear that Willow still had feelings for Kim, even if she was married to Cassio. Married, ugh. Kim's mind immediately circled back to Kanye. She was married too, let's not forget that. Why did she have these feelings for Willow? She loved Kanye so much, she couldn't even believe that her mind was so preoccupied with Willow. She felt so far away from him and every day away was going to make it more impossible to return. But she couldn't just leave, this world needed her. For just a little while longer. Now that she was a powerful celebrity again, everything would fall back into place. The world would get healthy again, probably any day now, and she could return back to Kanye and North.
But just that idea gave her a pang of regret, a tug in her chest about Willow. Could Kim leave Willow behind a second time? Why did she feel so stuck, like she belonged in two places and nowhere, all at once? But she couldn't help it, the feelings were not her own. Just because you're married do you suddenly stop being attracted to other people? Kim was rapidly became overwhelmed with guilt and decided to stop thinking about it altogether. Just in time because the Metro was pulling into The Hamptons.
~~~
Kim walked up to the front of the store to find...literally no one waiting for her. Maybe they got here early and went inside already?
"Hello?" Kim called, stepping through the door. "Who's here? Who we got?"
Her heels clicked through the foyer and into the open space of the store. Somehow it was even dirtier and more decrepit than it had been the last time she'd been here. The spider webs that hung from the rafters seemed to have multiplied and it was like an ancient, forgotten crypt in there now.
"You know what, Silvio?" Kim said aloud to no one. "It's customary to like, take a broom to the space before you hand over the keys."
"Oh. Hello Kim," Silvio said, from a back corner of the room, like he was fake-surprised to see her.
"AH!" Kim said. "Oh, hi, it's you. So you saw the news? I'll take those keys now I guess?"
"Yes, I saw the news. I saw you," Silvio said, his voice eerily calm and even. He was standing within a particularly dense clump of spider webs, such that it was difficult to tell where his gross ponytail ended and the webs began. "I saw you with Brandon Marlo."
Now that Kim was standing still in the room she saw that there were spiders crawling around everywhere, hundreds of them, in every corner of the room, not just in the webs but moving along the walls and floors and over and around Silvio as well.
"Right???" Kim said. "Your fav! Brandon's back on the scene, as promised. Never doubt me, Silvio. I do amazing shit all day."
"You were supposed to get him out of retirement," Silvio said.
"Uh yeah, and I did?"
"You weren't supposed to DATE him," Silvio said, vehemence rising with each word until he was practically spitting them at her.
Silvio looked, like, not good. He hadn't been even remotely attractive the last time Kim had been here, but now he looked even worse. His eyes were red and hollow, like two open wounds on his face. And his voice shook, like he had difficulty forming the words.
"I'm going to suggest that you check yourself immediately," Kim said. "One, I'm not dating Brandon. Two, it's none of your business if I am. And Three, I only do whatever I want so who cares what you think about anything."
A spider crawled out of Silvio's beard and moved across his face, vanishing somewhere beneath his greasy ponytail.
"You should care," he said. "You are mine. You can't just toss me to the side after one date. You will need to make this up to me. You must prove your devotion. We will begin with a 12-hour date during which we will kiss extensively, voraciously exploring each other's mouths. Then there will be more dates, and once we are engaged, then and only then will I grant you access to the store. It will be your dowry."
"My WHAT?!? Silvio you are off the goddamn rails here son."
"Our next date begins NOW," he hissed, glaring furiously at Kim.
This was so bizarre Kim couldn't help but laugh. "Silvio, do you remember what I said the last time I was here?"
"That your love for me was undying and that you would honor and obey me eternally, both in this life and the ones that come after?"
"Um no, I did not say any of that. What I said is that Silvio Carbone is the literal worst. And do you know what's changed since then?"
"What."
"Nothing. Except now I also have my phone, so I don't need your permission to take possession of this store. So, bye, Silv. Can't say it's been a pleasure."
Kim began idly scrolling through her emoji, trying to decide on a just fate for sad Silvio.
"This is my domain," Silvio said. "I am the master here, and you underestimate my powers at your own peril!"
All at once, from every corner of the room, spiders began emerging from their webs and making their way towards Kim. There were hundreds, and then thousands of them, climbing down from the rafters and skittering across the walls and floor and ceiling, and even streaming out from around Silvio's body itself, a tsunami of arachnids all baring down on Kim.
"Since you will not come willingly, my minions will spin a web around you. I will keep you here and you will remain here until our date is over and I have been satisfied that you remain faithful and loyal to me and no other!" Silvio roared, spit dangling from his lips.
The spiders streamed across the room and began climbing up Kim's Giuseppe heels, clinging up her calves, her legs quickly disappearing beneath the wave of arachnids.
"Spin, my creatures, envelop Kim in a cocoon of my love!" Silvio screamed.
Kim stood perfectly still, her body now completely hidden beneath the spiders that crawled all over her, through her clothes and into her hair.
"Silvio, do you not understand who I am?" Kim asked. "I am Kim of House Kardashian, Queen of the Night, Inheritrix of the Sacred Heart of Arachne, Weaver of Souls and Spells. And these?" she said, raising a hand to indicate the spiders that swarmed in and around her fingers, "These are my babies. And they're happy to see me."
Kim's eyes went completely black just as a wave of spiders swept up over her face, enveloping her completely. The space where she'd been standing was now just a swarming mound of spiders, crawling all over each other. And then all at once the spiders swept off her and launched themselves back across the room, hurtling themselves at Silvio.
"Here is my gift to you, Silvio," Kim said, as the spiders began furiously binding Silvio in a web. "In return for this building, free and clear, I will let you live. But since you have proven that you cannot mind your tongue, I will mind it for you."
Silvio struggled against the spiders but as he brushed 100 away 1000 more rushed in to take their place. The web was up to his neck when Kim pressed the Mute Volume emoji. Silvio protests were instantly silenced- he screamed and shouted but no sounds emerged from his throat. The spiders finished wrapping him up, then began slowly lifting him up off the ground.
As the spiders worked together to carry Silvio's cocooned body out the door, a large and very hairy tarantula descended from the ceiling right next to Kim, dangling a set of keys from one of its legs.
"Hey thanks!" Kim said, gently taking the ring. "Yoink."
~~~
A few minutes and spells later, when Kris and Khloé arrived, Kim had the spiders all safely relocated and the room pretty much cleaned and cleared out.
"Oh! Wow" Kris said, obviously impressed. "The place looks great, I guess everything went smoothly getting the keys from Silvio." She held out her hand for the keys.
"Yeah, I mean, it wasn't THAT simple," Kim muttered, handing them over.
"Well let's get this place organized and ready to go," Kris said, setting to work.
A few minutes later there was a cool new So Chic sign out in front and the room was perfectly arranged and outfitted with reclaimed wood furnishings and Edison bulb fixtures.
"Amazing!" Kris said, looking around the store to admire their handiwork. "Do you see what happens when this family works together? I mean this is how a family should operate."
"Speaking of working together, where's Kourt?" Kim asked.
"Oh she's so stressed, finishing up her designs for this store. We left her at home. So!" Kris said, clasping her hands together and turning to Kim. "I need a favor from you Kim and I don't really want to hear a lot of attitude about it."
"Just the one favor?" Kim asked, rolling her eyes.
Kris ignored the comment. "I need you to go down to Miami. There's some stuff in storage at the Kardash store that we need up here. You need to get it all packed up and delivered here as soon as-"
"OK!" Kim said.
"...Really?"
"Yup!" Kim said, nodding her head. "Happy to do it. Should I go now? I should probably go now, right? Get it done as soon as possible?"
Kris and Khloé eyed each other suspiciously.
"I amazed you're so eager to help," Kris said.
"We're family! Gotta do stuff to help each other!"
"Kim, I have to say. I'm so proud of you. You seemed a little different ever since you've been back and I was worried there were side effects of the summoning spell we performed on you. It means a lot that you're so eager to help and be a part of this family."
"Uh-huh! Yup! OK well better get moving, bye!" Kim said, running out of the store, leaving Kris and Khloé staring incredulously at her wake.
Because Cassio had said Willow was going to be alone in Miami all this week, right? So yeah, like, no big deal if they both happened to be in Miami at the same time. So random. Totally no big deal. Kim smiled the whole way down to Miami, her reflection in the window on the Metro smiling back at her.
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NEXT TIME ON KKBTG: MIAMI! THE RETURN OF A CERTAIN DOG!?! KILLOW CONTINUES! WILL THERE BE KISSING? IDK! WE'LL SEE! ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN!
I'm working on another project right now which means updates may be a little spotty for the next few weeks. But please hang in there with me and I'll do everything I can to keep the chapters coming. Please vote! And please comment and let me know what you think! Thank you!
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