Chapter 49: Cassio's Endless & Evil & Endlessly Evil Exposition

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Zayn Malik, Justin Bieber, Dylan O'Brien, and Tyler Oakley filed into the torchlit cave, and began climbing atop the stone altars. The rough stone must have been very cold on their skin, as they were each wearing only their Calvin Klein underwear, but if the temperature or bumpiness of the surfaces bothered them, they did not make a big thing about it.

Cassio grinned evilly and rubbed his hands together as the boys got into place. Ash moved from boy to boy, making sure they were arranged the right way and all was prepared correctly for the spell she was about to weave.

Kim's arms were bothering her from being tied up over her head and she was getting annoyed at the big show Cassio was putting on, rubbing his hands together and laughing evilly about all the pieces of his grand plan finally come together.


Cassio made a show of looking over to where the shouting was coming from and then ~noticing that Kim was there as well. Which was just so annoying because Kim knew he knew she was already there.

"Kim!" Cassio called over to her. "Welcome back to Florence." He gestured widely at the four boys. "I see you have already met my OTP."

Kim bugged her eyes out in fake surprise. "What? Jim and Pam are here???"

"My One True Patriarchy. The most handsome and talented collection of young men anywhere. A new generation of uber-celebrity boys who will lead us to victory and usher in a new age of male power."

Kim squinched her eyes shut tight as though Cassio's words were causing her physical pain. "Is this the part where you give some big expositive speech about your destiny, and you justify all the terrible things you've done, and some things that happened earlier that maybe didn't make much sense suddenly click in to place as all being part of your grand scheme? Because HARD PASS. Ash, start the spell and kill me please. ASAP. Chop chop."

Cassio ignored Kim's tirade, determined not to let her ruin his movement. He strolled over to her where she lay and casually leaned on the altar before continuing his talk. It was clear he had practiced this whole thing, probably multiple times.

"As a matter of fact, Kim, I should thank you. In a way, this whole plan was your idea."


"Why, if it wasn't for you and your relationship with Willow, I might never have learned the secret of your other world, and devised the plan that you now see unfolding before you."

"Would you please just end this speech and take over the world already? I seriously cannot with this."

"Take over the world?" Cassio had a fake hurt look on his face

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"Take over the world?" Cassio had a fake hurt look on his face. "Kim, I'm surprised an entrepreneur such as yourself would think on such small terms. My plan was never one of mere global conquest; I seek to vertically integrate my brand across multiple realities."

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