Chapter 51: The Dark Truth Of Selfies

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With Cassio taken care of, Kim rushed over to the other witches to check how everyone was doing. It was a bunch of hugs and Are you OK?s and OMG what even!s and I know right?s. Kim was overjoyed to be reunited with her friends, the women who inspired and encouraged her. Being around them was like breathing fresh oxygen after not even realizing she'd been under water. Everyone got hugs--not just hand hugs, but genuine hugs--except Willow, who was kind of hanging back, away from the crowd. Kim was trying to make her way over to talk to her when a familiar voice came yelling across the cave.

"You think you can defeat me so easily? Mua ha ha!"

It was Cassio, still alive, pulling himself up the wall and turning to face Kim defiantly.

"Oh shnikeys our celebration was premature," Kim said.

"Indeed!" Cassio yelled. "You are too late! The One True Patriarchy is legion! You cannot stop what we have begun! To me, my bros!" Cassio howled.

There was an awkward pause where Cassio stood there with his arms outstretched for a quiet moment and everyone was like What's going on, what do we do, is anything happening?

And then the men began streaming in. Dozens and dozens of angry and goateed men, running, screaming in from every tunnel that led to this room, all rushing at once to attack Kim.

Without blinking, jumped atop one of the altars, putting herself between the men and the other witches. She faced them, raised her hands, and began unloading Kimoji upon on them.

"Bloop," she said, setting up a defensive perimeter of twerking Kimojis.

Then she lobbed a series of Trash bags Kimoji into the swarm of men, trying to erode their self-confidence and disperse them into smaller groups

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Then she lobbed a series of Trash bags Kimoji into the swarm of men, trying to erode their self-confidence and disperse them into smaller groups.

Each time a Kimoji twerked it took a handful of men out, but it wasn't enough. Still more and more men came running in to join the battle. Wave after wave, dozens, hundreds of men. More men than you ever wanted to see in your life. Major sausage fest. Kim realized there were just too many of them. She and the women were never going to get out of here alive if she didn't think of something fast.

"You cannot defeat us, Kim," Cassio said. "The One True Patriarchy is too powerful. You will never escape. We will bring you down again and take your power and the Convenant of the Celebrityship will be fulfilled."

"OMG AS IF," Kim yelled back. "I am Kim of House Kardashian! Rightful Queen and Protector of KKHollywood! I routinely defeat evil across multiple realities and I will not rest until I have expended every bit of my dominion over Friendship, Money, Power, and Fame to silence you and your softboys forever. I swear on my life, by the Four Corners, and by every blessed selfie I have ever taken that I will not--

"Get her phone!" Cassio yelled at his Patriarchy, cutting Kim off. "Seize her phone in the name of the One True Patriarchy!"

"What?" Kim said. She turned and made a "Are you hearing this" face at the other women. "I was in the middle of a speech and he's stressed about my phone? What a dick!"

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