Chapter 45: Protection From Whatever

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Kim woke up snuggling Brandon Marlo and drooling onto his dead, lifeless face.

She had one arm and one leg thrown over his soft, cushiony body, and her face was just inches from his. She startled and froze, watching him, thinking omg what is happening, waiting for some reaction from him, but he only stared at the ceiling with his cold, unblinking eyes, a horrifying smile frozen across his smooshed, cottony face.

Kim screamed and sat back, pushing him away, and when her push sent him flipping up into the air and across the bed she realized that it was not Brandon Marlo at all, actually, it was a Brandon Marlo body pillow that she had fallen asleep on.

She felt slightly relieved and then extremely grossed out. She wasn't even sure which was the worse thing to wake up next to.

Kim scuttled away to the far side of the bed, trying to put more distance between herself and the very stained and well-used body pillow. She quickly came up against the wall, because it was a very small bed and a very small room. She immediately felt exhausted from this little bit of activity, not just tired but like completely spent.

A wave of despair came over her as she remembered where she was and why. Kris & Khloé and Kourtney had tricked her and then drained her magic in order to begin their zombie war. And then they had locked her in this room while she recharged, so they could get more magic out of her later.

The room was small enough that Kim could just lean over from where she sat and try the door handle. It was locked. With her phone it'd be no problem at all. Even if she just had more energy she could probably find a way to break it down, but she was soooo tired. Or maybe she was just extremely depressed. OK she was both very tired and very depressed, let's face it.

To call this room a bedroom was incredibly generous. Yes, she was on top of a bed, a twin size bed with sheets that looked like they hadn't been changed in forever. Kim tried not to get too sick thinking about it but then it was all she could think about. There were no windows, and no other furniture. The only decorations were the Brandon Marlo body pillow and a poster for the movie Dark Streets. This pretty clearly must have been Silvio Carbone's bedroom, where he lived when he had owned this store, before Kim had bought it from him. It was officially the most depressing place on earth or KKHollywood or wherever. There was one lightbulb hanging overhead, bare and over-bright and casting shadows everywhere. God forbid anyone ever wanted to take a decent selfie in here, it'd be a nightmare.

Kim sat back against the wall and closed her eyes and tried to silence the pounding in her head. It wasn't even just in her head. It was like the entire room was shaking. Actually, she realized, the entire room was shaking. She heard fighting overhead. Apparently the plaid bros and the zombies were going at it. Presumably there were battles like this happening all over KKHollywood now, and she was missing it. What was happening to her world? Zombies and dudes fighting over magical plaid? Like what even was this garbage world at this point? Why was it even worth fighting over, or saving?

Kim just wanted to get out of here but it would be hours before she had the strength to do anything. And by then the battle would probably have spilled down the stairs and into the basement. She was a sitting duck, totally trapped in this dead-end room with no exits and zero ability to defend herself. Life was incredibly sucky at the moment.

She wished she could call someone for help and then realized: Oh wait, who would I even call? What "friends"? She had no one left she could turn to in this world. Literally every person she had ever trusted or liked and even the ones she had only kind of trusted and liked had either turned against her or revealed themselves to have never truly been with her.

It was hopeless. She would have paced nervously around the room if she had enough space and energy, so instead she just fell back into the gross mattress and stared at the ceiling while absentmindedly toying with her necklace and listening to the sounds of the zombies screaming their horrible screams and the men shouting "Defend the plaid!"

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