The 'Super Adventure Club'. It was featured in the first episode of season 10 and is an adventuring organization who's members explore the world and fucking molest children from all over it with the goal of becoming immortal by doing that. Their logic behind that isn't even worth mentioning as it's total bullshit.
A fan favorite character who once served as a mentor to the boys, Chef, was brainwashed into joining this club and Team Stan spent the episode trying to snap him out of it.
They ultimately failed to bring him back to South Park for good (though they did get him back to his senses for a little while with some help from Spontaneous Bootay) and Chef was almost killed before being put into a bootleg Darth Vader suit and embraced the club's ethics or lack-there-of.
This club is also Nahkriin's next target.
The organization's current leader/head adventurer, William P. Connelly, is enjoying a cup of tea with several other members as they recount their recent trip into the jungles of Peru when he gets a few texts that ruin his day.
S.A.C. Travel Log:
Henry: NAHKRIIN IS ATTACKING HEADQUARTERS
Henry: RIGHT NOW!!!
Edward: Oh bollocks!
(Head) William: Are you sure, ol' chap? Why they should be halfway across the globe right now considering the last location of ours they attacked.
Henry: GET EVERYONE OUT!!!
Henry: RUN!!!
The upper layer of their headquarters then explodes with thousands of guerrilla warriors and Chaos Minions storming in from all over the place seconds later.
Karen's POV:
"-We believe this to be the 12th hideout of the 'Super Adventure Club' Nahkriin has attacked in the last 2 days and the radical group's members only seem to be growing as does support with the cause of this no doubt being the online influencer, Dovahkiin, who-"
"Fucking hell, he's not stopping until every antagonist that was featured on our show is dead, is he?" Tricia comments as we watch the news.
"Not every antagonist. Dovah is working with Cartman, the one guy who's as big of, if not a greater schemer then Timmy and also has way fewer morals then Timmy."
"You think Cartman is manipulating him? Or is Dovah manipulating Cartman?"
"I don't think it's either. Both are absolutely furious to put it lightly. They put aside their differences for the ads 3 years ago, but this is different. Both have lost people extremely important to them and are extremely pissed off because of it. They won't stop until there's nothing left to destroy which will definitely be the case if we don't do something.
Cartman has experience leading radical movements. He's done it several times before. Dovah can use his social media powers to gain the support of billions so numbers won't be much of an issue either. In fact, their army will only continue growing as time passes if this keeps up.
It's like when Cartman tried taking over the United States as a confederate general (Season 3's "The Red Badge of Gayness") or tried to restart the Nazi regime using a warped version of Mel Gibson's message in that religious movie he made (Season 8's "The Passion of the Jew")."
"So we have Cartman as the commander, Dovah as the very definition of an unstoppable force, and a growing army of random ass people who are somehow getting both the supplies and training needed to fight a war."
"That would probably be Dovah using Imaginationland."
"But we have the portal right here!"
"Knowing Dovah, he probably has like 5 different portal guns that can directly take people there as backup. He must be taking quick trips into the place and just imagining enough supplies for his army before throwing them out to his awaiting followers." That place is so fucking overpowered it's not even funny.
"Well, I guess that also explains how the army is traveling so fast all over the world, he's basically using portal guns to have his army warp from place to place and wreck shit."
"Pretty much, yeah. Wait, is that Chef?" I turn back to the TV to double check and sure enough, Chef in a Darth Vader costume is cutting down soldiers left and right with a glowing red spatula lightsaber before Butters stops him with the 'Hammer of Chaos' that Timmy made him a bit over a year ago.
"Oh, right! The S.A.C. recovered his body at the end of that episode and turned him into a Darth Vader knockoff!"
"Wait, so then what the hell was the corpse Clyde turned into a Nazi Zombie back in Stick of Truth?" Tricia asks.
"I... have absolutely no idea. Maybe one was a clone or something? Or maybe just a fake? Or is the Darth Vader one a fake?" Dovah rains fire down on what remains of their base with support from over a dozen tanks and missile launchers while Butters dukes it out with Darth Chef.
"Ok, we're not going to accomplish anything by gawking at Dovah or debating plot holes in the cartoon show based on our lives. If you have any ideas on what to do, then fucking tell me already!" Tricia barks at me.
"Alright, jeez. So finding Kenny and the other captured South Parkers is going to be tricky considering we have no idea where they are. There is also a good chance of the member berries brainwashing them like they did to Garrison and Caitlyn back during the last election.
The two of us stand no chance against Kenny and trying to track down Dovah would be almost impossible since he's warping all over the place so we'll have to get a bit creative."
"So basically, you have no plan."
"I know the-"
*BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM*
"Shit! What was-"
"Don't worry, that was probably the member berries trying to bust in using their satellite laser gun again. It's what they used to kill the witch-possessed Chip back in season 21. Even those things can't leave a dent on this place.
And before you ask, no, they won't do jack to Dovah either. Even Cartman would probably be fine as Dovah more then likely has a bunch of shield spells like Dire Shroud set up on him in case any ambush happens.
Now as I was saying, I have the requirements to make a good one. I also have an idea. Timmy's A.I, can you get into contact with Damien?"
[Calling "Damien Thorn"]
We hear a few rings before we get a response.
"Beware foolish mortals, for you have reached the son of Satan's voice mail!" A super squeaky voice answers and Tricia snickers a bit.
"Repent, all ye who- hah, just kidding, man." The voice suddenly switches to a much deeper one which I remember Damien having when we had a dance battle at Casa Bonita.
"You've reached Damien Thorn's voicemail. If you're just some kid who typed a bunch of sixes into the phone, I'm gonna damn you to hell, dude. Just saying. Anyways, I'm probably busy at work or ruling the underworld or just, like, doing something way cooler than you. Hah, see ya! Leave a message at the beep." *beep*
(A/N: Yes, this is another reference to Hell Park. I absolutely love that old fanmade story/comic and felt the need to pay homage to it here as the setup was too perfect not to.)
"...DAMIEN EVERYTHING IS GOING TO SHIT OVER HERE! GET YOUR DEMONIC ASS UP HERE NOW BEFORE I SHOVEATRIDENTRIGHTUPYOURASSYOU-"
"That's enough, Tricia. Timmy's A.I, send the message please."
[Sending message.]
"Why'd you stop me?"
"Because we want to get his help, not piss him off. Ugh, I doubt he'll even help anyways. He kind of just comes and goes whenever he wants and I don't think he can even beat Dovah or Kenny in a fight now anyway. Plan B then. Follow me."
I start heading to the room Plan B is at after doing a quick check on the security around the base. The member berries through the U.S. government are still trying to break in but that's never going to happen. Doesn't matter that they know some of the defenses this place has; all they're doing is losing more and more of their forces.
With all the security measures Timmy set up here, it would pretty much take everyone in both Hell and R'lyeh working together to forcefully break into this place. Yes, that includes Satan, Damien, and Cthulhu. The anti-teleportation scramblers make sure nobody could teleport in unannounced (besides Timmy and other people who were cleared to enter) as well and this place has enough firepower to wipe out an entire country.
That's on its own by the way. It becomes a lot more if there's someone around to restock on supplies using Imaginationland. If robots and artificial intelligence could imagine stuff there too (only living beings from other realms like ours or Hell can imagine stuff in Imaginationland), then this place would basically be impenetrable.
I lead Tricia into the section of the base where we keep all our dimensional portals. As of now, we just have a portal to Imaginationland and a portal to R'lyeh but a new project of Dovah's was creating a permanent portal to Hell as well.
Unfortunately, the dead aren't allowed to return back to life so even if we did open up a portal and get Timmy, we would then have to deal with a very angry Satan and Damien which probably wouldn't end well for us. As nice as this place is, I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life hiding out here.
"So Plan B is imagining an army of our own?"
"No, the things we can imagine in there have a limit to how much power they come with and numbers mean nothing against Dovah or Kenny at this point.
Last time the former went on a vengeance-fueled rampage, 90% of all advertising agencies in the United States and their employees were destroyed in a bit over a month. Dovah is not only far stronger now but he also has help from an ever-increasing army led by Eric Cartman.
The latter is also basically unstoppable as a Nazi Zombie without the former there to fart on his balls so doing that would be a giant waste of time and effort."
"So what's the plan then?"
"Simple. We use our other dimensional portal and get the only guy I know that can probably still beat Dovah and Kenny in a fight if summoned correctly: The Elder God, Cthulhu."
"CTHULHU?!?" Tricia screams in disbelief. "Didn't that guy help Eric Cartman almost take over the world like a decade ago? Didn't he also help Dovah out during these last few years?"
"He did both of those things but he isn't friends with Cartman anymore and I'm sure he'll stop Dovah if we offer something good in exchange."
"What could we possibly offer him to have him do this? Eternal servitude? No fucking thanks!"
"How about control over the United States of America?"
"...You're joking, right?"
"Think about it, Trish. The member berries control the U.S. government now. We help Cthulhu and his followers launch a coup d'etat in the shadows which deals with those fucking fruits and then have the god stop Dovah and Cartman in their tracks too. It's a win-win."
While the member berries have had years to literally plant their seeds throughout the United States government, I seriously doubt that they managed to infect everyone that's a part of it.
I actually confirmed that to be the case a bit later on by checking the data the base has on them in its network since Timmy was the one controlling most of their governmental operations and takeovers to begin with.
The United States Armed Forces alone is made up around 15 million people and while the U.S. president (aka an infected Garrison) is the commander-in-chief of these armed forces and can easily get into contact with all the higher-ups whenever he wishes, infecting them and having those guys infect their branches should take a ton of time to do.
(A/N: I'm going with the assumption that the military strength of the U.S. Government (and all other ones for that fact) in the reality of South Park is similar to the military strength of the U.S. Government in our own reality because the reality of South Park is by all means a mirror reality to our own.)
If Timmy can free people from the member berries' influence, then I refuse to believe that Cthulhu can't do it too.
He also probably has a bunch of Netherborn cultists on his side as well since some of his cultists were able to turn Kenny and I into Netherborns through rituals and stuff before we were born. That's not even considering the special ability that Netherborns have which can grant others the powers of Netherborns like what Kenny did with Dovah so Cthulhu's followers should have the strength to get to those higher-ups in the first place.
Basically, the member berries are a pain in the ass to deal with but Cthulhu and his forces can deal with them for us (and have the strength needed to do so) if we play our cards right.
"It also ends with Cthulhu controlling the United States of America and possibly the world."
"From what I heard from Timmy, the god is pretty chill. He was kind of just wandering around aimlessly the last time he was summoned before Cartman got to him. I'm sure we can make a deal with him that will help solve all our problems. The only issue now is figuring out how to get him here at full strength."
"What do you mean full strength?"
"Well the last time Cthulhu was brought to Earth, he was accidentally summoned by the D.P. oil company when they started drilling on the Moon. He only came to Earth with a small fraction of his power due to the crappy accidental summoning. That's why Bradley was able to kick his ass back then.
Guys like Satan and Damien have the same issue. Depending on the method used, they only get access to part of their strength when brought to Earth."
"So what you're saying is we need to figure out the right way to summon him so he comes with all of his power instead of just a part of it?"
"Bingo. Now I figured the best option for this would be to just have him cross through this portal but besides the issue of him smashing through the base as soon as he gets here like what happened back when Kenny attempted to bring a Star Destroyer over, there's also the fact that this may not be the right way either."
"Sooo..."
"So, I figured maybe we should just hop in ourselves and ask him. Only problem with that is there is an army of interdimensional nightmares all throughout R'lyeh that will try to kill us, eat us, rape us, or all three at the same time.
And before you ask, herding those things through the portal into our own dimension to fight the member berries and military for us would just make things worse since those guys can and will murder anything that moves, civilians included."
"Well, fuck. Any chance the Netherborn powers you gave me will be enough to not die?"
"It would probably take a training montage that would last a few months to get you up to a level where you can safely defend yourself and we don't have that kind of time with Nahkriin rampaging around the globe as we speak. I would have to go in alone but I'm not sure if I can make it."
"Oh, hell fucking no. You are not taking that risk, Karen."
"WELL WHAT OTHER CHOICE DO WE HAVE?!?" I snapped at her. "TIMMY IS DEAD, KENNY IS BEING TORTURED, BRAINWASHED, OR BOTH, AND DOVAH LOST HIS FUCKING MIND! WE'RE ALL THAT'S LEFT, TRICIA!!!"
The stunned silence on her face after my outburst says more than words ever could.
"...Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you like that."
"No, it's ok. That was really badass of you just now and you're right. Everything is going to shit and we don't really have any more options unless we can somehow figure it out without Cthulhu."
"I know. It's just... ugh! Dovah never rushes head first into things unless he's 100% confident he can win. It's why he's being so reckless right now. But I'm nowhere near as strong as him!"
"Well he didn't start out strong, right? Look at what happened with the ads. He worked in the shadows with Kenny, Timmy, and the others to turn the odds in his favor. He used what he knew of the show's plot to his advantage whenever he made a decision."
"I know that! But I don't know anyone else featured in the show and games besides the god himself that would know how to summon... wait. That's it! His followers! We can just ask them!"
"Do we even know where they are?"
"There was a Cult of Cthulhu in South Park back when the guy was summoned to Earth during South Park's "Superhero Trilogy" in season 14 as Dovah calls it. Even if they aren't around anymore, I at least know a few people who might be able to help."
"Who?"
"The goths. They were a part of the meetings too during those episodes and even have a Necronomicon that should tell us how to summon him. It should be at Henrietta's house. Let's go!"
I really hope this works because Plan C is leaking to the Japanese Government that the American Government (member berries) is keeping 'Princess Kenny' prisoner and I'd rather not be responsible for starting World War 3, especially when there's already a war going on around the world.
Random Soldier's POV:
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
*BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
"INCOM- AUGH!!!"
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
"What the actual hell is this place made out of?!?" Carpet-bombing, missile strikes, and pretty much anything else that isn't shot down by the absurd number of SAMs and MLRSs hasn't done jack shit whenever they hit this place and we've been at this for days already!
Even goddamn space lasers haven't broken through whatever this is supposed to be! Would nuclear bombs even be enough?
*BOOM* *BANG* *BANG* *BOOOOOOOOOOOOM* *BANG* *BOOOOOM* *BOOM*
Member Fort Knox? Area 51? It's like those places had a baby and hid it away inside a random ass mountain so it could grow undisturbed into a super-fortress. The casualty counts are probably close to the 5 digit range at this point and we haven't even gotten close to actually breaching the inside of it yet!
"MEMBER WHAT YOU'RE FIGHTING FOR, SOLDIERS! THEY CAN'T KEEP THIS UP FOREVER!"
It certainly looks like they are, member?
*BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM*
"More drones and missiles incoming!"
"I member!"
"More 4-D holograms too! Oh god, what kind of crazy-ass superpowers do these ones have? Those last few holographic kids in homemade costumes wiped out 4 entire squadrons by themselves, member?!"
And that's another dozen or so artillery rounds that just popped up out of nowhere. Well, fuck.
*BOOOOOOOOM* *BOOOOOOOOM* *BOOOOOOOOM* *BOOOOOOOOM* *BOOOOOOOOM* *BOOOOOOOOM* *BOOOOOOOOM* *BOOOOOOOOM* *BOOOOOOOOM* *BOOOOOOOOM* *BOOOOOOOOM* *BOOOOOOOOM*
Dovah's POV:
A bit after I sliced the SAC leader's head off with an energy scythe, Cartman approached me with a new plan.
"You said you wanted to deal with the priests next, right?"
"Yeah, I figured we might as well deal with all the child molester groups first, keep a bit of a theme going." At least the NAMBLA group here has already been dealt with.
(A/N: They all get arrested in Season 4's "Cartman Joins NAMBLA")
"Well, tracking them all down is going to take for-fucking-ever so I'm thinking we gather them all up, or rather, have them gather themselves up for us."
"And how in sam hell are we going to make that happen?"
"Simple, but some context is needed. I figured out the traitors among us." The stupid chime from the 'Among Us' game plays and Kyle mutters an apology before turning the volume on his laptop down.
"And these traitors are priests in disguise or something?"
"Nope, it's a couple of the altar boys that the priests 'tamed' according to our counterintelligence." The scenes with the priests and random boys in season 10's "Hell on Earth 2006" come to mind and I shiver at the thought of what they were subjected to (and still probably are subjected to).
Being in your birthday suit with a fucking dog collar leash or harness strapped onto you that's being held by a perverted priest and walking around IN FUCKING PUBLIC like that sounds like absolute hell. We really should have annihilated these guys sooner but better late than never, I suppose.
"We'll feed them false info on our next plan of attack to report back to their masters with said info including that they are not our next target but a potential one in the future. Their masters then meet up at the Vatican to discuss it and how to use this intel to their advantage, and we crash their little brainstorming session.
We don't even need them to agree to anything, we just need them to meet up and talk about it. The fuckers won't be expecting nearly our entire army to show up at their doorstep, especially considering where this particular doorstep is located."
For all of Cartman's many many faults, he's one hell of a gifted strategist. How else would he have nearly taken over the United States and even the entire world multiple times without unfair amounts of pure power like I have?
Cartman is one of the only people in South Park (excluding myself) that will usually capitalize on all the sheer insanity that happens in this world and the sheer idiocy that most of this world's inhabitants have. He may rarely succeed in the end but the amount of times he's gotten close to accomplishing his goals is definitely something that deserves respect.
How could I not see him as the greatest threat to myself when I first came to this world?
But things have changed.
And there's no going back.
Even my time farts can only do so much at the end of the day... ManBearPig proved that.
"We should just surround the entire city while we're at it. I can have my Chaos Minions do what they're best at and prevent anyone from escaping while they're doing their thing. I can also assign a legion or two to deal with the traitors if you want once they deliver the false intel." Butters suggests.
"Like I'd let any get away to begin with. Anyway, we'll have you and your legions start to finish off the remaining SAC hideouts before launching a joint ambush on the priests. That should make the false intel their spies report back more believable to them. We'll round the fuckers up like cattle and strike before they even know what hit them."
"Works for me." Kyle comments.
"It's like a game!" Butters cheers.
"Yeeeaaahhh, it sort of is." I agree as my face morphs into a malicious grin. "Now go out and play."