"Holy shit, dude. My dad was gonna become THIS? 'I' was gonna become THIS?" Stan caught on to the extra bit of hypnotherapy Timmy, Kenny, and I were doing to his dad just to be safe (we reeeaaalllyyy don't want anything Tegridy related to happen here) and demanded an explanation so I gave him one.
I didn't want to include anymore people in my isekai secret so instead, we came up with the excuse that we recently found an artifact in R'lyeh that let us see parts of the future and had Timmy show him my memories of Tegridy Farms from the show. Needless to say, Stan was fucking horrified.
Timmy also showed him some stuff from the Post Covid specials and that was the nail in the coffin for him. He breaks down and begs us to not let that happen and promises to help however he can.
With Mr. Hankey being exiled in the last "episode" (season 22's "The Problem with a Poo") plus him getting shot at school and kidnapped by priests, even his tough exterior to the craziness is beginning to break down, not that I could blame him.
"Don't worry dude, changing the future is our specialty. Look at what we did with the ads. We'll make sure this future never comes to pass." He hugs me and sobs while giving me quiet "thank you"s and I just do my best to get over the awkwardness and comfort him.
Shelly ends up getting grounded for a few weeks because of that picture she gave as a bribe at school which originally set up Randy's decision to become a weed farmer and Stan becomes a lot friendlier towards Kenny, Timmy, and I and has even started asking if we need Toolshed's help with any missions.
The only mission we're really doing right now is trying to track down ManBearPig but the bastard is quick and efficient with his murder sprees and even Wendy can't pinpoint his location fast enough. Stan offers to help and I purposely have him and Wendy work together in order to try and rekindle their relationship.
That and getting some extra help with the small stuff may or may not be why we came up with this half-truth for him to get him on board instead of just having Timmy wipe his memories of that or do a better job hiding what we're doing to his dad.
It's not like he'll be helping us 24/7 though so he still has plenty of time to be with his own friend group. Breaking my unspoken agreement with Cartman won't be very helpful in the long run.
Halloween soon came around and I decided to dress up as Sanitized (male) Agent 3 from Splatoon 2. Yes, I know this is the year all the 4th graders dressed up as Fortnite characters but I couldn't care less about peer pressure and Splatoon is also my favorite MMO shooter game.
Like in canon, the adults were freaking the fuck out about how much candy they would have to get to avoid the wrath of the trick or treaters but I decided to throw them a bone for once.
During lunchtime on Halloween, I went over to where the signal tower for the e-scooters was and destroyed it to prevent another Halloween apocalypse. We also used some EMPs to make sure the scooters were really the mechanical version of dead. Unlike in canon, Kenny isn't poor as hell so he would probably go along with the craze. Plus, I don't want any competition this year for trick or treating.
I already filled the rest of Craig and those guys on what I was doing and we came up with a new plan that involves replacing the scooters with Jimmy's super speed and Timmy's teleportation. Needless to say, we went to a lot more houses than we would have with the scooters but it was only us doing this so the adults weren't overwhelmed this time.
Side note, Kenny ended up dressing up as Agent 8 from Splatoon 2 instead of one of the guys in Fortnite. Female Agent 8 from Splatoon 2. Anyone who has played Octo Expansion should know what I'm getting at here. He didn't even have to worry about the cold weather since he knows how to heat himself up with Netherborn flames like I do. Really starting to regret teaching him how to do that.
Clyde thought it was the funniest shit in the world and I had to literally duct tape his mouth shut just to stop him from laughing and screaming "Agent 24" at our faces. Enough with the shipping shit, goddamnit!
Even the worst of that still beats last year's Halloween by a mile though. We tried and failed to stop the main plot of season 21 episode 6, "Sons a Witches" with Chip Duncan (one of the dumbass adults) still getting his dumbass possessed by reading some witchcraft book and turning into an actual witch during the dumbass adults' "Jack and Crack Witch Week" aka their week-long Halloween party.
Kenny, Timmy, and I were waiting to ambush them and destroy the book at the spot they went to in canon since we couldn't find the thing at Chip's house beforehand but for some fucking reason (probably butterfly effect somehow), they went to a completely different fucking spot to party at.
The asshole destroyed a fourth of the town and caused us to miss most of Dr Spooky's Pumpkin Patch Fair (the place Cartman and Heidi went during that episode) but we along with the member berries (through the government) managed to finally corner him and blast him into dust with the U.S. government's satellite laser gun like what Garrison did in canon.
At least we got a really good Satanic version of a Bag of Holding out of it (the sack Chip used to keep the kids he kidnapped in).
As for the book, we got rid of it since none of us felt like getting possessed in exchange for learning a few more spells. I want as much power as possible but shit like that isn't the way to go. I dealt with enough possession bullshit already, thank you very much.
Back to the current Halloween, we went speeding from house to house to house to house and had to make several stops at my place to drop all our candy off. We spent nearly the entire night looking around for places with candy and got so much in the end that we could literally swim in it. It was more candy than Wendy won in season 1's "Pinkeye" to give you long time fans of the show a perspective. She won a whole two fucking tons of candy that episode for anyone who doesn't know.
The only issue was we lost track of who's candy was where in the giant pile and got into a massive brawl over who got what candy. We ended up settling things through several Mario Kart tournaments and I got nearly every bag of M&Ms in the pile which is what I was gunning for.
After a bunch of races and a 20 minute argument on whether or not using telepathy to control your own Xbox controller is considered cheating, we all got our candy and went our separate ways except for Kenny, Timmy, and I. The three of us headed over to Stark's Pond to watch the sunrise since it's about to happen and we felt like it.
We don't bother flying or teleporting or using a portal gun Imagined from another dimension. Right now, we're just three best friends walking down to a pond. Yes, I know Timmy technically isn't walking but you get the point.
Despite having busy schedules even when we don't have an upcoming season to prepare for, we always find time to just hang out and have some fun with each other without worrying about any work or responsibilities. Take the aftermath of the Bring the Crunch DLC for example. I already mentioned a few times back then how we planned to stay for multiple days instead of the one night the DLC takes place during and we did.
When the next day came around, Timmy, Kenny, and I went and did all the badges together while Butters, Jimmy, and Wendy did their own things.
We all made s'mores (Baking Badge), cleaned up the camp (Disability Assistance Badge), caught a Tardicaca Freshwater Shark and a worse-for-wear looking Nathan (Marine Life Badge), got supplies for and made dream catchers (Native Heritage Badge), and tracked down the remaining spirits before getting what they needed to fade away in peace (Paranormal Investigation Badge).
The last one was a bit of a pain since a few more spirits came here to annoy us which I'm 90% sure was Cupid Cartman's fault. The spirits in question were the trio of animal spirits: Frog King, Sparrow Prince, and Catatafish from season 6's "The Death Camp of Tolerance", season 15's "Bass to Mouth" and the end of SOT (when New Kid had to traverse Mr. Slaves insides 'Bowser's Inside Story' style).
I did get to see the gerbil Lemmiwinks which was cool but the fucking spirits and background orchesta would not stop fucking narrating every 5 goddamn seconds of our journey.
Flashback - Dovah's POV:
"The miner has yet to move on, Dovahkiin. You must cross to the other side of this old mine to retrieve what belongs to him!"
"You must cross the mine to retrieve the bird caaaaaaaage."
"I know!"
"The platform you must cross looks unstable. Perhaps you can use that minecart over there to ensure you can make it across the pool."
"Use the minecart to properly cross the poooooooool."
"I FUCKING KNOW!!!"
Present:
Even Timmy looked ready to send them on a one-way trip to hell after a solid hour of this and he is almost as good as Craig when it comes to looking calm and indifferent to things.
Those guys annoying me too is what also convinced me to bribe Damien into finally getting rid of Cupid Cartman for good. I'm absolutely done with these fucking spirits and if the animal trio comes back one more time, I'm getting rid of them for good myself.
Although that was unbelievably annoying, having my best friends with me throughout it made it a lot better. Same goes for pretty much every other crazy situation I find myself in. Having my friends by my side always makes things better no matter how crappy the situation is.
"Heh, this brings back memories, right Dovah? Well for you, not for me since I was dead at the time."
"Huh? Oh, you mean the end of Stick of Truth? Yeah, I guess so."
(("Don't forget you and Leslie confessed to each other here.")) Thank you, Timmy.
(("You're welcome.")) Kenny ends up breaking the awkward silence that follows.
"This pond may just be, well, a pond. I don't even know who the fuck Stark is, but it tends to be where pretty good memories are made, right?"
(("Yes, and it's a great place to go ice-skating. Doing so in a wheelchair is a bit tricky but I'm working on it.")) Timmy adds.
"I can't really imagine that here. I'd have to go to Imaginationland to do that."
(("I bet you can.")) The telepath sends me another message.
(("Don't underestimate your creativity, Dovahkiin. You are the one who came up with the majority of the plans here. You are the one who set in motion the events to get all your powers.
As Freeman said, many others like you failed because they didn't focus on what was important. Being here may be like a dream come true for some in your world but letting that distract them was their downfall in the end, unlike yourself."))
"Totally, I mean I would much rather have you be the one here then some fangirl who's head over heels for me. A long term, serious girlfriend would be nice and all but that doesn't hold a candle to what you've given me. Thank you, dude."
I begin to tear up at this and barely get out a "no problem" while holding back waterworks and Kenny hugs me with Timmy following up after.
"Thanks guys, for always being there for me. I know I said this before but there's no way in hell I would have gotten this far without you two to back me up. Hell, I probably would have lost to the ads if I decided to go solo on this isekai adventure.
It's thanks to you two that I not only got this much power, but also something to truly use it for. Power is all fine and good, but you have to actually use it for something or it's just there. When I first got here, I just wanted power for survival and power's sake, but now... now I want power so I can protect everything I've gotten here. Friends, family, secret bases, all that good stuff.
Well, that and I like power because it allows me to see more of this reality and pretty much gives me freedom to do whatever the hell I want. And now, what I want is to experience all there is to experience and fight everything there is to fight."
"So basically, you're a selfish asshole who likes fighting way too much."
"Hey! Don't forget about the first part of my speech!"
"Yeah, yeah. Now let's go kill a chimera demon and kick ass in a bike parade. Then we'll be home free!"
Several Weeks Later:
Dozens scream and run in terror as ManBearPig begins tearing through South Park. He reaches his latest victim and rips the guy's head off before roaring and squealing into the night sky as dark red flames surround him. The dark red glow then starts to turn light purple and the demon's roar halts as his eyes widen.
He starts to turn around only to see a massive purple bone hand behind him, charging a blast with a fully armored-up Dragonborn right on top of it. The skeletal hand lifts up as his head does which reveals the smirk plastered on his face.
Time for Round Goddamn 2!
Dovah's POV:
*BOOOOOOM*
He tries to block the blast but is still sent flying into a building down the street. It doesn't take long for him to recover as he growls at me and a Nazi Zombified Mysterion. We're both decked out in armor made up of tungsten, grade 5 titanium, and various alien metals whose names I forgot that Timmy designed just for fights like this and I also have my trusty scepter by my side.
My armor's color palette is mainly purple with a mix of blue and red throughout and covers everything but my face while Kenny's is like a mix between his Mysterion costume and Batman-like armor with a black and green color palette.
"This is what's sent to stop me?" ManBearPig growls. "A little knight and his squire?"
I glare right at him and Kenny has a confident smirk on his face as the chimera gets back up and mocks, "Is this all you have, Dragonborn? FINE THEN! This time, our fight won't be ending in a draw!" Well, someone's feeling talkative today.
"YOU TWO DON'T SCARE ME!" He's then cut off as a giant fist made of rubble and Zarganor milk that's all surrounded in a green energy field slams into him and sends him flying into another building.
Timmy makes himself known in his heavily upgraded Mecha-Timmy wheelchair and armor. Kenny and I wave him over as he quickly teleports to us. Several high tech drones then fly over us and surround the demon chimera.
(("I would prefer it if this time didn't end in a fight at all. I know you want retribution for the bargain you made with the elderly here and I have all the things you have given them ready to be returned at a moment's notice."))
"That deal was voided and a new deal has taken its place!" He roars before starting to turn Timmy's drones into scrap metal. A new deal? That definitely isn't canon.
(("What might this new deal be? Is there any way it could be avoided as well? I would rather not have this end with bloodshed on either side. We know you have a family to take care of back at home.")) The demon's eyes widen and he snarls at this.
"How did you find out about them? No matter, nobody will harm them on my watch, not even you. As for the new deal, I am free to do as I wish in this world with no more restrictions as long as I slay the Dragonborn." Of fucking course this happens. I've made quite a few enemies over the years after all so someone putting me on a demonic hit list isn't too surprising.
Looks like we aren't solving this the way Team Stan did in canon. There's no writing a new deal to stop the guy this time around. All we can do now is fight.
"I take it this deal won't be going away then? Fine, but at least tell me who you made this deal with. The celebrities? The priests? The member berries? The Visitors? Cartman?"
"That is none of your concern."
"It kind of is, dude. Whatever, we'll just interrogate you later. You had to run away from fighting me like a month ago, remember? Lets see how you do now against all three of the main Defenders of the Mountain!"