"Timmy's A.I, play the song 'Undefeatable' please." That would be the brilliant name Timmy came up with for the A.I. that's now running our secret base.
[Be more specific, Dovah] Unfortunately for the rest of us, he gave the thing his snarky attitude for Freeman knows why.
"The one from Sonic Frontiers. That game hasn't come out here yet but you should have a bunch of songs added to various playlists on your database through some Imaginationland exploiting Timmy and I did a while back."
[Playing "Undefeatable" performed by Kellin Quinn] Artificial ass. Can't have a good training session without kickass hype music.
"I'm hanging on to the other side. I won't give up till the end of me!"
The song starts as I dual wield my scepter and Soul Slash scythe and get into a battle stance. Almighty King Douchebag, Zarganor, Bradley, and Damien then all charge at me.
I immediately summoned around a dozen bone hands with Soul Slash, Dark Whisper, and Power Bind attached to slow them down and split them up with the king getting to me first after tearing through a few of the hands with his weapons. I duck under his Royal Fisting attack and punch him right in the gut with an energy coated fist before blasting that energy right at him.
Damien then appears behind me with a lifesteal spell about to activate but I use a Time Glitch to undo that attack and kick him in the face. Nobody ever suspects it the first time around and those who do know it almost never bother using long, giant attacks when facing me. Time Farts are so broken.
"It's time to face your fear, 'cause when your time has come and gone, I'll be the one to carry on!"
Bradley and Zarganor launch a combined milk and berry blast at me, but I stop time with Time Pause and switch our spots so they get hit with their own attack.
"And you can throw me to the wolves, 'cause I am undefeatable!"
The king comes back in for round two with his Hammer of Heavenly Reign and I use my scepter to clash with it. The shockwave sends us both flying back as I stop myself by summoning bone hands on the back of my shirt and use them like Doc Ock's extra arms from Spiderman.
I summon more bone hands to fire blasts as Damien who is charging back in and go back in for another clash with the king. While some attacks like Baleful Blessing (lifesteal) are useless against these clones considering they aren't living beings, I still have plenty of other options to take them down.
The king backs off after a few more heavy clashes and summons his scepter to throw dozens of green meteors at me with Pyroclasm. I use my own scepter to channel the Woodland Critters' version of that attack (Wall of Hellfire) and buff it several times over with dozens of red and green meteors clashing in the air.
A Power Bind from Damien suddenly surrounds me with the giant green meteor from the king's attack closing in but I'm not worried. I use my scepter to cut the chains, freeing myself and stop the meteor with my bare hands.
"And when the story ends, it becomes a part of me. I give it what it takes. I'll find another way..."
It pushes me back a bunch but I eventually stop it and throw it at the way too real looking hologram of Damien.
"I used to never know, but now, it's crystal clear! This feeling's just a ghost! It's time to face your fear!"
A barrage of milk blasts are thrown at me from the milk spawn minions Zarganor is currently mass producing but the bone hands sprouting from my back block them all.
[Wall of Hellfire x Soul Slash x Pentakill plus Satanic Seal, Baleful Blessing, and Dire Shroud]
One of the new 'Ultimates' I came up with: Hellscape!
I raze the army of milk spawn to the ground with a massive wave of fire and meteors while channeling a Dark Whisper and Power Bind in my scepter. I launch my weapon at Damien but have it intentionally miss by about 20 feet which seems to confuse the A.I. but mist and chains suddenly wrap around him from behind and pull him towards the wall.
That should hold him for a bit. Looks like they didn't get the memo that I can store up and remotely launch attacks from my scepter too.
I then focus on the king who is summoning more meteors and using his giant golden hammer like a baseball bat to slam them towards me and imbue them with more energy in the process.
I have to give Timmy credit for the extra intelligence of these fakes. They're coming up with attacks and strategies I would never expect. They serve as good training now and good ideas later.
The purely instrumental part of the song starts as I use my bone hands to block and slash as every meteor I can but they're like comets with the king's energy boost added on. I start getting hit and pushed back more and more with these green rocks hurting like hell when they're slammed into me.
The bone hands soon break from the accumulated damage and the giant meteor finally comes careening towards me and while it looks like I'm done for, the smile never leaves my face.
'Seems like he hasn't noticed his buddy yet.'
I disappear from the meteor's path using a Time Pause and the giant green meteor slams into a still tied up Damien who was right behind me. A massive explosion is created with the king not even noticing me behind him as he was blinded by the light.
"I'm hanging on to the other side! I won't give up till the end of me!"
I grab him by the head and slam him into the ground before dragging him along it for a bit while charging a new attack on my free hand. I then toss him towards the badly damaged Damien and call my scepter back to boost my final attack even more.
"I'm what you get when the stars collide! Now face it, you're just an enemy!"
'Soul Slash and Pentakill plus Unholy Combustion mixed with Ghastly Grasp and Power Bind. Then Grim Fate, Satanic Seal, Dire Shroud, and Baleful Blessing along with my scepter's power-up. Attack boost times 3, defense boost times 2, and some lifesteal. Vampiric Dragon's Maw!'
I prepare one of my new 'ultimates' as the image of a purple dragon briefly appears around my scepter with flames erupting from its mouth and puts down my last two opponents in this round of the Danger Deck. I wonder who's next?
Kenny's POV:
Ever since we decided to show Karen our base, she's been constantly asking me to go there. We've been watching Dovah doing one of his training sessions right now and she thinks it's the coolest thing ever even though I could do 10 times better if he would stop hogging it already.
As for Timmy, he's currently having alien organs surgically implanted into himself. No, I'm not kidding. He's been studying Zarganor's remains and was especially interested in the organ that supplied the guy with telepathic powers.
He's been running tests for weeks and found a way to make his body compatible with the alien shit. He then spent several more weeks creating an automatic surgery for his A.I to do on him because apparently, he doesn't trust us.
Flashback- Kenny's POV:
"Why the hell not?"
(("It's not that I don't trust you two. It's just that I don't trust you two to do successful experimental surgery on me or surgery in general."))
"We could pull it off. As a victim of a few surgeries myself, I know quite a bit about the process."
(("Having your heart replaced with a baked potato does not make you qualified to insert alien organs into me, Kenny."))
(A/N: South Park Movie "Bigger, Longer, and Uncut")
"But I was there to help Jimmy back at that summer camp!"
(("No, you reenacted the "YO! HOLY SHIT, HE DEAD!" meme after Jimmy got his legs torn off by Bootay. Dovah helped him recover but even then, he reversed time instead of doing any actual surgery."))
"It's the thought that counts!"
Present:
Come on Timmy, where's the trust? I get that you think I'm an, and I quote, "IQ point away from being mentally incapacitated", but I can be pretty smart when I want to be! But seriously, it's gonna be funny as hell seeing Timmy wander around with a big, green, diamond-like organ sticking out of the center of his forehead.
What won't be funny is the soon to be more tortuous than ever "mental training" Timmy puts Dovah and I through. He basically uses his telepathy to either invade, control, or rape our minds or maybe even all 3 at once while we do everything we can to resist it.
It's meant to help us learn to resist all forms of mind control and increase our focus in strenuous situations but I wouldn't be surprised if the real reason was payback for all the times we've ever annoyed him.
"Wow! Can you teach me how to do that, Kenny?" He just tied a copy of Damien up with Dark Whisper and Power Bind and is blocking green meteors from his royal counterpart with multiple bone hands sticking out of his back.
"Uh, Dovah's power is a bit... different from other Netherborns."
"I know, he told me it was a mutated version. Can I maybe get that too?"
"Sorry Karen, but he got that power from getting impaled by a devil's trident and breaking down an attack/curse that was meant to slowly burn his soul out of existence. In other words, he had to get stabbed by the devil and was in pain for months before finally having his power forcefully mutate when on the brink of death so no."
I guess Craig and Dovah were right about bluntness. Sometimes, it is the easiest way to get your point across whatever it might be. Karen has a disappointed look on her face but another explosion coming from the Danger Deck snaps her out of it.
Dovah just baited his king clone into launching a giant ass meteor at Damien and is now literally wiping the floor with King Douchebag. So much for being almighty, king.
I'm still pretty angry at the guy for posting the video of me at my Imaginationland Maid Cafe since the view count is even higher than the video of Craig's mom's bush right now and it's been a looooot harder to score some good times with the opposite sex since then.
Also, having your six year old sister asking you what a Maid Cafe is isn't as good as it sounds and it doesn't sound very good to begin with.
Karen's been wanting to try out being a superhero and I have to keep turning her down because there is no way in hell I'm letting her risk her life like that. I'm immortal and Dovah and Timmy can more than hold their own but not her. Not my little sister. I'm supposed to be protecting her from danger, not throwing her in the middle of it.
'Dovah, Timmy, and I can handle whatever shit comes to South Park, right?'
*BOOOOOOOOOOOM*
'Yeah, probably.' I sigh as Dovah finishes the remaining holograms with what looks like a new Ultimate he came up with and then swears as his body begins smoking. Looks like he overheated himself again. These flames are becoming more and more dangerous to use as we grow stronger. Good thing we have Grim Fate to cool us down.
Remember way back when we hypothesized that we could control the ice element through Grim Fate as powering up into it gives the 'Chilled' debuff to anyone around the area? Well, we've gotten a lot better at using it since then and took some inspiration from My Hero Academia's resident peppermint to help with our own fire problems.
What we do is apply the chilled debuff on ourselves to help cool our bodies down while using dangerous levels of fire to somewhat negate the overheating it causes to our bodies. While it's supposed to be a debuff for people, in this case, two negatives make a positive with chilled and overheating canceling each other out, letting us use our magic fire at a higher intensity.
It's an idea Dovah came up with a while back while we were binge watching MHA with most of Team Craig and it's worked out pretty well so far but even this will only help for so long as our literal fire power continues to grow.
Timmy's surgery is finished after a day or so and the giant green fleshy diamond I was expecting to see in the middle of his forehead isn't there.
"Uhhh, did you back out of it at the last minute or something? Where's the green fleshy thing?"
(("It's in me, Kenny. Did you really think I would have such an obvious weak point on myself? That would be like you sticking your heart on your forehead."))
"If I did that, I would die, Timmy."
(("Exactly."))
I look at him unamused but that turns to shock as his eyes glow green and I get lifted into the air.
(("So, what do you think? The procedure worked perfectly and I now have all of Zarganor's powers, greatly amplifying my own. I could probably give Tatsumaki from One Punch Man a run for her money if I went all out now!"))
"Cool bro, could you maybe let me down now?"
(("Ok.")) He brings all of me back down except for the back of my underwear, giving me one hell of a mid-air wedgie. I fire a blast at him but he stops it with a wall of milk he summoned from his hands which then turns into a copy of my ex-girlfriend, Kelly, who then kicks me in the nuts.
'Oh, so all his powers really means "all" his powers- OW! Fuck you, head!'
(("Did you seriously just call me "head"? 'MODOK Jr' I can understand, but 'head'?"))
"Well it's the only part of your body that you actually use. Also, Dovah was right. You really need to learn about privacy, Tim... don't act like you can't hear me!"
(("Sorry, can't hear yo-"))
"TimmyBurch Evil Incorporaaaaateeeeed!" The ringtone on his phone just made me more confused than angry.
"Did... did you make your ringtone a parody of the Doofenshmirtz jingle?"
(("Timmeh!"))
Whatever, at least he got a bigger mind along with a bigger asshole. We only have one last hurdle to leap over and once the demonic pig is roasted, we should be home free for the rest of the series. Let's finish the creation of a kickass future on the highest note we can play!
...that isn't an evil jingle parody.
Later that day, Dovah and I have another sparring match with me as a Nazi Zombie and him using nearly every power at his disposal.
A Nagasaki makes the ground tremble and I lose my footing as a result. Dovah, not wasting this opportunity, wraps my leg up in a Power Bind and swings me around as flames from both Soul Slash and Pentakill creep up the chain, blue and red swirling together into a light purple.
Only when my foot is practically burned off do I finish cutting the chain but I once again lose control as I'm pulled into him by the Dark Whisper ability.
"Heh. To think it would be this quick. I may not even need Grim Fate anymore." He mutters as I get closer to him.
I manage to turn around in time and both his fists are caught by me. Purple and green flames resulting from multiple of our abilities burns us as he wins the power struggle and forces me into the ground. I managed to break away at the last second though and we both split up after a couple more clashes.
"Hey Kenny, do you know why it was impossible for New Kid to use more than one power at a time? Sure, the guy could buff himself and then attack but I'm talking about using multiple attack abilities at once."
"Game mechanics?"
"That's what I thought too and you're technically right, but overtime, I discovered there was another reason for this. Simply put, using these powers together is dangerous or even lethal for the body.
You've noticed it too, right? How despite us having no problems wielding these eldritch and satanic powers when we first got them, we begin to burn ourselves when this fire grows too intense. I know you've never really paid much mind to it since you can handle the pain and death isn't something you fear but for me who's main concern is survival, well, let's just say it wasn't long before I caught on."
"That's why we're trying to master all these powers, right? To get rid of the backlash?" I clarified.
"Not necessarily. Mastering these abilities doesn't get rid of the backlash to us, you're thinking about this the wrong way. If anything, the side effects only get worse as we grow stronger. Remember how we managed to bypass this lethality? What makes spamming these deadly combos possible?"
"...Healing abilities, right?"
"Bingo. After learning how to use various healing powers such as Dire Shroud, Baleful Blessing, Satanic Seal, and so on, not only could I utilize these powers more efficiently, but strengthen my body more in the process.
Remember how tearing and then healing muscle fibers results in them growing stronger? It's how normal bodybuilders get so strong, but unlike them, we have magic that lets us go far beyond what humans are capable of along with healing abilities that reduce the wait time from weeks or even months to mere seconds."
Shit, I think I see where he's going with this.
"After seeing you utilizing multiple powers at once at the end of Stick of Truth, I trained my body to handle the strain of doing the same without resorting to becoming an undead like you did. The ones I had to launch from close range were painful as hell but I got it down after a while.
I realized that by using multiple close range abilities together for short bursts to break my body down and then heal right after, time after time, not only have I minimized the drawbacks altogether, I also exploit a human's natural ability to power up from this process through adapting to this unnatural state. A stronger body means I can handle more magic power so I don't turn into a glass cannon as well as just becoming stronger overall.
Do you realize what I'm saying, Kenny? Since this fight began, I've been feeding off the human version of zenkai boosts. It's the same little trick I've been exploiting for years now while training. Doing this a few times will barely make a difference but doing this a few hundred times is a different story. It's how I was able to bridge the gap in power that formed between us so quickly after the ads were dealt with back then."
"Don't I get this too?"
"Yes, but you're forgetting one key factor, your deaths. When you die, your body basically resets. It's why things like scars and diseases always go away after you kick the bucket and respawn soon after. As for why your Netherborn power doesn't go away or decrease at all, that's because this power involves the soul, not the body.
Netherborn and Satanic powers are mainly spiritual attacks, not physical. We've discovered how to make them physical if we wanted, like how we use Soul Slash for example, but we haven't changed the very nature of these "classes" as they're called in the games they're a part of.
That's why you keep all the magic power you've accumulated between deaths. It's also why you've begun relying on your Nazi Zombie transformation more and more when fighting. It's not just to keep up with me, it's also because without it, your body just can't handle that level of power, right?"
"...You are fucking scary when you go analysis mode."
"I'm just good at observing stuff. I didn't notice it at first due to how subtle the changes, or rather, lack-there-of were. There's also the fact that your body does improve under those specific conditions like mine does but all that progress goes away after you die.
It's like hitting a reset button. That first bit had me doubting my theory for a while due to me picking up on the slow improvements you made on your durability as we spared but it would drop to a certain point at seemingly random times over the years before slowly building up again.
Considering how your deaths have been reduced to once every few months or less since I came here, it was only somewhat recently that I connected the dots and figured out that this strategy is helping you too but you have to restart every time you die.
Besides the fact that you use your Nazi-Zombie form more when going all-out, the close range combo attacks you do like [Rainbow Attack x Soul Slash x Dark Whisper] have been burning you as you prepare and launch them more and more when you aren't an undead. Basically, you're becoming like Dabi from MHA."
"Fucking hell. Avoiding death entirely is going to be a problem, especially since the whole 'farting on my balls' thing that kills me in that state is the only way to undo the Nazi Zombie transformation. I'd rather not live life as a Nazi Zombie, thank you very much."
"Yeah, you're kinda screwed in that regard and my latest observation is that at this rate, it's only a matter of time before I outpower you even without Grim Fate or any other strengthening abilities.
I would suggest trying to find a way to keep the strength your body has the same like you do with your soul whenever you respawn but then things like sickness and fatigue may be carried from body to body too which is very not good as that takes away your biggest advantage with this immortality curse you have besides not ever truly dying in general.
You would have to find a way to only take certain changes made to your body from one life to another instead of everything or nothing. Not sure how you'll do that and it sounds tricky as hell to pull off but I'm sure you'll find a way somehow."
...Thank fuck this guy is on our side. If Dovah was evil, we all would have been completely screwed before we ever realized it. Knowledge is power which means Dovah has all the power in the world at his disposal.
?????'s POV
"The deal has been made and the end has come. May you never see the light of day ever again, Dovahkiin."