The first thing I do after restraining Cupid Cartman is send a mass text to the Goths, Woodland Critters, and Damien.
Satanic Bros, Hoes, and Critters:
Dovah: Do any of you know how to do an exorcism?
Pete: We do summoning ritual shit poser not exorcisms
Beary: Have you tried giving the person an abortion?
Dovah: How the fuck would that help?
Chickadee-y: You could always just rip the body open and force the spirit out that way
Dovah: Let me rephrase my question: Do any of you know how to do an exorcism that leaves the victim alive and in one piece? I don't care what happens to the spirit.
Deery: Awww
Mousey: Awww
Skunky: Awwww
Firkle: You could do what the Chickadee said and cut the body open while leaving it in one piece
Chickadee-y: I like this kid. How do you feel about blood orgies?
Firkle: I enjoy the murder parts
Damien: You're all idiots
Dovah: Have anything else to add?
Damien: You're all BIG idiots
Dovah: I meant a solution you ass
Damien: I don't fucking know. Ask a priest or some shit
Dovah: I'm trying to get help not trying to get raped
Beary: How about you pee in their eye socket and then give them an abortion?
['Dovah' has left the group chat]
Well, that didn't help at all.
"I got one, Dii!" That's not helpful either.
"Did you want to make some smoothies with me? They're good but I can give you something sweeter right now." Shit, uhhh, I look around to see if there's any way to get out of this but all I see is a tied up overweight fairy laughing at me, a drugged up sentient towel that's supposed to be in the middle of rehab, and the old farmer cleaning the same glass he always fucking cleans.
If any monsters or Bootay or aliens or Mimsy wanted to come out and ruin the moment, now would be the time. Hell, I'd even take Cartman popping up again with his 2D 'CartmanBrah' screen just to annoy the girl.
Kenny's POV:
I wear my baking badge with pride as I strut over towards the entrance of the camp. The s'mores I made were delicious according to Jimmy but most of the ingredients here were crap and I'm pretty sure the gas station next to the entrance was selling some cookie dough or something and- oh wow, that is Dovah and Wendy making out and is the latter holding a blender?
She's got him pushed against a tree and she is really going at it. Good for you, man. Stan's gonna be pissed as hell though. I pass them by and give Dovah a thumbs up as he muffles something along the line of "help!" while getting slobbered on.
Now I can choose to interpret that one of two ways. Either A: He's between a rock in the form of a cute psycho girl and a hard place in the form of a tree and wants out or B: He wants me to join in and really get the party started.
Making the wrong choice here would be detrimental to my bro so naturally, I head over to the gas station, buy some potato chips, and eat them while savoring the taste as I watch and think about my choices. Being in poverty for so long makes you learn to appreciate the little things in life like this 2 dollar bag of potato chips from a gas station.
Now am I still a little angry at Dovah for what he did during last April Fools? Maybe, but I don't want that bias to impact my decision. That's why I will make sure to take my time while thinking about what to do in order to ensure that my decision is the correct one.
Dovah's POV:
This perverted mother fucker is standing 10 feet away, munching on potato chips while I'm being sexually assaulted by a literal possessive yandere. The entire planet will see the video of you in your little self-made Maid Cafe if it's the LAST THING I DO, MCWHOREDICK!!!
Timmy's POV:
Looking back, I probably should have had Dovah here to undo the deaths of these counselors. The guy in the shower still shot himself in the head and the guy near the burial ground died because the reviving effects of the Indian soil were only a combat mechanic in game. The Old Farmer confirmed that just now.
"Are you sure he's dead?"
(("Yes, he's super dead. I poked him with a stick."))
"Damnit! We'll just have to try and save the n-n-next one."
At least this DLC doesn't have a water level like the last one. You can imagine how difficult such a level would be for someone confined to a wheelchair.
I suddenly get a message from Kenny and it's a video of Wendy forcefully making out with Dovah. There appears to be a spirit possessing Wendy from what I can sense in that area. My telepathic powers are also telling me that Wendy herself doesn't seem to be in distress at all so she likely still has at least some control over herself.
I warned him this would happen. His heroics and popularity powers are a recipe for disaster. Well, for him anyway. I can imagine quite a few people who would be more than happy to be in his shoes right now starting with the guy who is currently buying his third bag of potato chips and getting some free weed from a sentient towel.
I'll let Kenny and Dovah handle that mess as my telepathic powers aren't very effective on spirits. Besides, Zarganor is my opponent here.
We head back over to camp where I listen in on Nathan and Mimsy's conversation (the same one they have in 'canon' at this point). He seems to be in much more of a hurry this time around as he knows how dangerous Dovah and Kenny would be if they got involved as well.
I inform Jimmy who scowls and is ready to get payback on Nathan again. Unlike in 'canon' he never entirely forgave the guy after what happened with the ads and the water bear incident didn't help our relationship with him too much either.
Flashback- Timmy's POV:
"You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot in, and you shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around..."
"... You gotta be $#%(&% kidding me." Nathan and Mimsy just tried and failed to sabotage our project like in canon. Season 21 episode 8's "Moss Piglets" is just the latest example of the crippled version of Rocky and Mugsy from Looney Tunes trying to fuck with Jimmy and I.
The special olympics, various years at summer camp, Handicar, the ads, and now this? And those are just a few examples featured on the show; there were other plans attempted outside of it as well over the years. Someone needs to be put in his place and it's not Mimsy for once.
I don't plan on letting Nathan or the NFL get their grubby little hands on my experiment this time around. I can't really think of a way DOTM can use the water bears at the moment but it's a matter of principle more than anything.
At the very least, Heidi isn't an issue here since she never got together with Eric and became a female version of him.
When Nathan tries to speak up and take the credit, a quick mind control from me makes him congratulate us instead and do the Hokey Pokey himself with Mimsy joining in for fun after a couple seconds.
With the member berries at our disposal, having the U.S. government get the NFL off our backs only takes a single call and the science fair proceeds like how it was supposed to go with Jimmy and I getting in first place.
We know what you're up to, you handicapable asshole! Great, now I'm subconsciously using Dovah's unoriginal insults. Oh, how the intellectually mighty have fallen.
Present:
Nathan is extra determined to stop the camp and get payback on Jimmy and I but we're far more determined to win ourselves then he will ever be.
There's also the fact that I've never met anyone who's plans backfire more than his does. And I've met the actual Dick Dastardly during my time in the Wacky Races.
As for the rest of season 21, not much happened. Stan and his crew minus Kenny got involved in the hummel trade like they did in the canon episode and went looking for Ike with most of Craig and those guys when Mr. Garrison returned to town like in the season finale.
PC Principal being gone and "Heiman" (Heidi and Cartman) never becoming a thing prevented most of the second half of the 21st season from happening. While Dovah had an awful start in season 19, he has improved tremendously when it comes to preventing these problems from occurring over the years.
His current situation shows that he still isn't perfect however. Not every problem we face can be dealt with using money, influence, or an overpowered combo attack. Girls and Dovah's fans in general hounding him is one such example. Blowing Cupid Cartman to kingdom come won't solve that issue, the New Kid's very DNA is responsible for the guy's popularity and Dovah inherited that when he was transmigrated into that body.
Jimmy, Bradley, and I eventually arrive on the half-destroyed dock and confront Nathan and Mimsy like New Kid does in 'canon'. We see Butters fishing and singing to himself and I choose to just leave him be for now as this isn't his fight.
"God dammit, Jimmy! Why do you always have to get in my way?"
"I don't know. W-W-Why are you such an a-asshole? From Handicar to the ads to the science fair to now, you're the o-o-one doing this shit for your own selfish reasons!"
"I WILL NOT BE RAPED BY THAT FUCKING SHARK AGAIN!"
(("You shot the shark seven times in the face earlier tonight, Nathan."))
"THERE'S MORE THEN ONE SHARK IN THAT LAKE, TIMMY! YOU DON'T- what's happening to me right now?"
Nathan stops yelling as I telepathically lift him into the air.
(("Remember back when I first started up Handicar, Nathan? When you sent those taxi drivers to break my legs? "))
"Yeah, those fucking dumbasses apparently don't know jack about hurting crippled kids considering they broke your legs instead of literally any other part of your body. Why?"
(("Well, you know the saying, 'an eye for an eye'? Consider what happens next a modified version of that."))
"...Mimsygetmedownfromhererightnowi'mserioushe'sgonnabreakmyfuckinglegsmimsyi-AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"
Payback has been served. Jimmy blitzes the remaining fake monsters and gives Mimsy some smores as a peace offering which he happily accepts. Bootay on the other hand doesn't accept them and stares down menacingly at a scared shitless Jimmy.
I free the last counselor and Bootay menacingly approaches Jimmy only for a green comet to descend upon us from the stars and it isn't Nazi Zombie Kenny this time.
I was wondering when he would come. With Bradley hanging around here, we're basically holding up a giant sign that says "Invade us, please!". I don't even need to know the plot of this DLC to realize something that obvious.
'It's about time you showed up. Let's see who dominates who this time around, you bastard.'